By Wade Keller, PWTorch editor

KELLER'S TNA IMPACT REPORT
AUGUST 5, 2010
TAPED IN ORLANDO, FLA.

[Q1]

-The show opened with a video package hyping the Hardcore Justice PPV with phrases flashed on the screen such as "The Last Stand" (that's subtle) and "The Passion Endures."

-The title of the show is "There's No Place Like Home." Then the usual TNA Impact opening aired. Mike Tenay introduced the show and hyped Raven & Abyss vs. Rob Van Dam & Tommy Dreamer. Taz said he saw some familiar faces in the locker room earlier, so there are some surprises on tap tonight.

-Jeremy Borash introduced Tommy Dreamer. He snorted and seemed to be chewing gum as he strode to the ring. Dreamer said: "Raven, get out here because you've got some explaining to do right now." Raven's music immediately played. He walked onto the stage. Dreamer asked why he did it. "You know what this meant to me. You know what this means to them and to everyone. We were friends. We were enemies. The best of friends, the worst of enemies." He said he thought they were past that. He said his kids call him Uncle Scotty when he visits his house. He asked why he wants to destroy it.

Raven said they've known each other for 30 years. The fans began chanting "Uncle Scotty." Raven asked if he'll ever forgive him for taking away his girl. He said he stole her from him and married her. "Those kids, they should have been mine," he said. He said he knew sooner or later he would commit his heart and soul to something. He said he laughed at his "stupid little jokes" and listened to his "insipid little stories" and then chose the time to shatter his dreams. He said his kids shouldn't be calling him Uncle Scotty, they should be calling him "Daddy." He said when he's done, his wife will be calling him "Daddy."

Dreamer walked up and attacked Raven. Why not wait for the PPV to let Dreamer get his hands on Raven for the first time. Abyss moved in and quickly attacked Dreamer. RVD came out with a chair and hit Abyss across the back and then jabbed him in the gut. He leaped off the rampway with a kick, then bashed him in the back repeatedly with a chair. Meanwhile, Raven DDT'd Dreamer on the stage and then extended his arms. Mick Foley walked out and swung the barbed wire baseball bat into Raven. Raven went down. Foley told Raven he is looking at his special referee for his match against Dreamer. Tenay said that was a taste of Hardcore Justice, then he hyped the main event again.

-They went to Tenay and Taz on camera who hyped the fourth match in the Best of Five series between the Motor City Machine Guns and Beer Money, plus a rematch between Ric Flair and Jay Lethal. Tenay said if any member of Fortune interferes, Flair is suspended for 90 days without pay. Good to see them set the stage for the show.

-The Beautiful People came out to their music, interrupted Tenay and Taz. Borash introduced them formally. TNA still seems to prescribe to the notion that if one segment overlaps the next, and everything is spliced and edited without pauses, and each segment has as many moving parts as possible, the show is more enjoyable. It's a visual experience, I imagine, of what it's like to live with ADHD. If this worked, then so be it, but it hasn't. They cut to a break after the Beautiful People's ring entrance.

[Q2] [c]

1 -- TAYLOR WILDE & HAMADA vs. THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE (Velvet Sky & Lacey Von Erich)

Early action between Lacey and Hamada was pretty sloppy, as was a spot between Sky and Hamada against the ropes. It didn't get better during a double-team where Hamada just stood there and looked at the BPs as they tried to get their timing down to send her backwards into the corner. Really everything looked like they were dancing to music of a different beat. At 2:00 Madison Rayne stepped onto the stage as the Mystery Woman on the motorcycle rode to ringside. Taz said they've confirmed she's a woman. With the ref distracted, the mystery woman gave Lacey a chair. Wilde dropkicked the chair into Lacey and scored the pin. Taz said "history was made," but the way TNA books title changes, that's like saying someone posting on Facebook that they liked a movie they just saw is "history being made." Not a good match. It, of course, suffered from being so rushed.

WINNERS: Wilde & Hamada in 3:00 to capture the TNA Tag Team Titles. [c]

2 -- A.J. STYLES (w/Kazarian) vs. ROB TERRY

Tenay talked about the history of the TV Title dating back to the NWA in the 1970s. The ref ordered Kaz to the back before the match. No reason given. This is TNA. They just do stuff to do stuff, no logic or backstory necessary, just like TNA allowing Styles to decide to change the name of the Global Title to the TV Title. Terry clotheslined both over the top rope. Tenay said last week the ref ordered Styles to the back before the Terry-Kaz match. "I like this idea," Tenay said. Terry chased Kaz to the back, then returned to battle Styles. Tenay said this qualifies as Terry's "Global Title rematch." Styles poked Terry in the eyes in frustration, then hit the Pele kick, then landed the 450 springboard splash off the top rope for the pin.

WINNER: Styles in 3:00. Does no one in TNA get that by having two title matches in the first half hour of the show, with each going about three minutes, it's totally defines down what constitutes a wrestling match between two top contenders, which is ultimately what they're reliant on to sell their product? Why does a match like this last three minutes on TV, but if it were on PPV it'd last ten? There's just nothing about it that has any logic. How can anyone take Terry seriously when he loses in three minutes to Styles? The low-IQ logic of this promotion's mindset is the eye poke "excuses" Terry's loss.

[Q3]

-A video package aired with Kurt Angle explaining his decision to back out of the top ten's no. 2 ranking and beat everyone on the top ten list as a way to challenge himself. He said he's not read to retire and is more hungry than he's ever been. That's the type of segment that TNA needs more of, where wrestlers talk about wrestling as a sport with a straight face where winning is everything.

-Another video segment aired with Jay Lethal at catering. He talked like a normal guy as he hyped his match against Flair later.

-Tenay and Taz hyped the Ultimate X tag team match between Beer Money and the Guns later. [c]

-A commercial for Bound for Glory on 10.10.10 hyped "ten times the adrenaline, ten times the drama, ten times the action."

-A commercial aired for next Thursday's "Whole F'n Show." Talk about ill-advised confusing of the marketplace. TNA is trying to hype Hardcore Justice at the same time they're hyping "The Whole F'n Show" as "the most extreme hardcore main event TNA wrestling has ever seen." No, not this Sunday on PPV, but next Thursday for free. Who thought it made sense to try to hype both shows at once, and then headline the second show with a match that seems like it'd belong on Hardcore Justice, and market the free match as being more hardcore than anything in history, which obviously must include Sunday's PPV. It's just one of those decisions that in a typical business would either never get past the brainstorming sessions or get someone fired if it did.

-They cut backstage to a pullapart brawl with Sky and Rayne. When Lacey tried to intervene, Sky shoved her and Lacey hit her head on some storage boxes and went down. Sky called for an ambulance to help her fallen friend.

-Ring intros took place for the Ultimate X tag team match. Roode got in the face of the Guns and said in recent weeks they've redefined tag team wrestling. He said they want to be not just the best in TNA, but the best in the world. He said they must beat them to accomplish that. Sabin said they have the tag belts which means they're the best and the only way Beer Money get them is to pry them off of their cold dead fingers. Roode said, "Let's do it." Nothing fancy, but a good basic fundamental way to build up a match right before it begins.

[Q4] [c]


3 -- BEER MONEY (James Storm & Robert Roode) vs. THE MOTOR CITY MACHINE GUNS (Alex Shelley & Chris Sabin) -- Ultimate X Match and Fourth Match in Best of Five Series

They joined the match in progress after the break. Everything seemed to be in fast-forward, which is what they were going for. The pacing eventually slipped from Red Bull to Mountain Dew. Storm talked Roode into climbing up to the cables over the ring since he signaled he had been drinking. It was good for a laugh, but made a mockery of the idea that Beer Money are a team taking the Best of Five seriously. That's a lower card comedy spot, but wrong for this type of match. Roode bled from his forehead by 5:00. Tenay pushed next week's show, which is billed as "No Talk, All Action." Did I mention how jaw-dropping it is they're competing against themselves by promoting a free all-action PPV with a main event billed as the most hardcore match ever while also promoting Hardcore Justice? Okay, just checking. At 6:00 Roode got close to the "X" hanging above the ring, but Shelley pulled him down and then DDT'd him in center-ring. Sabin gave Storm a huracanrana off the top rope. Storm walked Roode toward the "X" by having him stand on his shoulders while he held the cable. The Guns broke that up at 9:00. The crowd chanted "This is awesome! This is awesome!" Tenay called this the best tag team series he's ever seen. Roode tight-rope walked the able with help from the truss. Sabin met him at the "X" and knocked Roode to the mat, who crotched himself on the way down. Sabin yanked the "X" down for the win. Taz challenged viewers to find something on TV as "exuberant and exciting as that." He said, "That was sick."

WINNERS: The Motor City Machine Guns in 10:00 to even the series 2-2.

STAR RATING: *** -- They packed so much into 10 minutes, it was both exciting and rushed, dazzling yet contrived (in the sense that there wasn't time to really sell anything, thus everything did seemed more like video game wrestling).

[Q5]

-They showed Eric Bischoff (and his post-mid-life crisis female prop that totally conflicts with a babyface authority figure commanding respect) and Hulk Hogan heading toward the entrance tunnel. [c]

-Hogan and Bischoff (and his "I'm still a man!" arm ornament that he hopes keeps his segments from totally dying in the ratings) walked out. Bischoff, even in the role of a babyface executive here, exudes his "I still love you" smarmy demeanor that I associate with watching WCW die a slow, painful, needless death. Taz wanted to know why he doesn't get an assistant like Bischoff's. Tenay said it's not in the budget. Bischoff then hyped the "PPV quality show for free thanks to our friends at Spike TV" next Thursday. He said Abyss will be facing RVD for the TNA Title in a "Stairway to Janice" match and Bischoff will be special referee. He also hyped the fifth and final match between Beer Money and the Guns. He looked like he was reading lines off a cue card like on SNL. He also announced Angle vs. Styles, Love vs. Rayne "for the TNA Knockouts Titles (sic)," Mr. Anderson vs. Matt Morgan vs. The Pope, and Jeff Hardy's open challenge to anyone. Kevin Nash interrupted. Tenay said Nash is upset that Bischoff and Hogan have been blowing off their scheduled appointments.

Nash said, "So finally I get face to face with you two." He complained that his name isn't mentioned for next Thursday's event. Hogan told Nash to open his eyes. "Maybe you haven't noticed, brother, but we've all stepped back. I've stepped back. Jarrett's stepped back. You need to step back, brother, because our time is over." He said it's time for Jay Lethal, Styles, the Guns, Beer Money. "They're the stars that are gonna take us on to the next decade, brother." He said they passed the torch and should keep helping. "There's no conning for paychecks. No more minimum efforts, maximum paychecks." He said those days are over. Nash replied: "Hulk Hogan's talking to Kevin Nash about politics?" Bischoff said his whole career has been nothing but politics and backstage maneuvering. Nash said sometimes you meet somebody you shouldn't have messed with. "That's me," he said. He shoved Bischoff into the corner. Nash turned to punch Hogan, but Hogan got the best of him. Nash stopped Hogan with a mule kick. Tenay said so soon after his back surgery Hogan shouldn't be involved in a physical situation like this.

Nash brought a chair into the ring and set up Hogan for a Jackknife, or "powerbomb time" as Tenay generically called it. Bischoff distracted Nash. Nash picked up the chair and set up a swing at Hogan's back, but Jarrett ran out for the save. Sting then showed up. Tenay said they hadn't seen him since the Dixie Carter imposed suspension. Sting bashed the chair out of Jarrett's hands and then jabbed him with the bat twice. He tossed the bat to Nash, who clotheslined Jarrett with the bat. Sting then hit Hogan in the head with the chair. Nash and Sting stood over Jarrett and Hogan's fallen bodies. There's your big tag match for Bound for Glory, I assume.

[Q6] [c]

-Christy Hemme tried to ask Sting backstage about his solidarity with Nash. Sting and Nash just walked away.

4 -- ORLANDO "LAFAYETTE" JORDAN vs. "THE POPE" D'ANGELO DINERO

Taz said his mind was still on the Hogan, Bischoff, Sting, Jarrett, Nash situation. You can see what Hogan meant when he said they've moved into the background to give The Pope the spotlight. When Jordan sucked his finger, Taz said, "This guy is having an affair with his index finger." When Tenay said Jordan's sexuality is part of his style. Taz said, "You don't want Orlando behind you, that much I know." ordan rubbed up against The Pope when he had him backed into the corner. He yelled, "If you want to wrestle, then let's wrestle." Eric Young ran out and began shoving money on the rampway down his pants. Taz said he's gone loopy. Tenay said he had a head injury. Pope won clean with his double knee driver in the corner.

WINNER: The Pope in 3:00.

-Afterward Morgan attacked Pope from behind. Then Mr. Anderson's music played and he charged to the ring with a chair. Morgan bailed out. Pope and Anderson had some heated words in the ring as they tried to decide where each other stood headedinto the match next week. Two TNA security members walked into the ring and yelled at Anderson. What is TNA's fascination with incorporating security guards into angles.

-Christy interviewed Ric Flair backstage regarding facing Lethal later. Flair said the ring and the watch is off and he's off and running. He bragged about his brand-name suit and shoes. He called Pope "my smallest black brother." What is that all about? It sounds so 19th century, first of all, to refer to a black person as "black" for no reason, and then why throw in "smallest"? I don't even get it. [c]

[Q7]

5 -- RIC FLAIR vs. JAY LETHAL -- Street Fight

Taz said Flair's pocket square costs more than Tenay's suit. Flair walked to the ring in his suit. Lethal wore jeans and white sleeveless t-shirt, known as a "wife beater" in some circles. Flair took early control with a low blow. Taz said he's never seen someone fight in a $7,000 suit before. Lethal ducked under the ring as Flair retrieved a trash can and a cane. Lethal came back out the other side and snuck up on Flair with a springboard dropkick. Lethal took off Flair's jacket and tore off his "silk undershirt." Lethal hit Flair with a kendo stick. Taz shifted to actually talking about the Hardcore Justice PPV, EV2, which has barely been mentioned all show other than some commercials. Flair bled from the forehead. Douglas Williams showed up at ringside as Lethal continued to beat on Flair. Flair did a face-first bump. Lethal tore apart his pants, stripping Flair to his colorful briefs. Taz said it looked like he got his underwear from Wal-Mart. Lethal ripped off Flair's pants and then his socks and shoes. From Orlando Jordan to this, which is "more gay"? Lethal used a trash can as a weapon. Flair poked Lethal in the eyes. Tenay called it a "spectacle." Lethal caught Flair on the top rope and superplexed him. When Lethal went for the cover, Williams yanked him out of the ring. Lethal came back in with a sunset flip, but Flair held his ground. Lethal pulled down on Flair's underwear, so they digitized the screen. As Earl Hebner pulled Flair's underwear back up, Williams KO'd Lethal with his X Title belt. Flair crawled over and made the cover.

WINNER: Flair in 5:00. That was not fun to watch. [c]

[Q8]

-Christy interviewed RVD about his rough week ahead. Christy said on Sunday he's wrestling in the main event "and we don't even know who your opponent is going to be." Isn't that ridiculous sounding? She talked about tonight's tag match, Sunday's, and Thursday's match against Abyss. RVD said when she puts it that way he doesn't want to be in his boots. RVD said he's looking forward to facing Abyss next Thursday, but he stammered when he had to give his reason why. He said his mind first is on tonight. Jerry Lynn walked into the picture and told RVD that he's looking forward to Sunday because he's his opponent. He wished him luck as RVD soaked up the news.

6 -- RAVEN & ABYSS vs. ROB VAN DAM & TOMMY DREAMER

Taz reminisced about the days way back when in South Philadelphia. Taz said Abyss could have fit in with the ECW wrestlers back in the day. Tenay then hyped that "TNA Reaction" premieres next week after Impact. "All Talk, No Action!" should be that show's motto. Raven blew his nose on a white rag and then shoved it in Dreamer's face. A crawler on the screen asked viewers to tune in to TNAwrestling.com for confirmed wrestlers for Hardcore Justice. Taz said he's heard rumors about who might be on the PPV, but he's not going to spoil that. "You gotta get the pay-per-view if you wanna see it. That's the way it goes." Uh, not really. There's quite a tradition in wrestling, in fact, of letting fans know who they're paying to see ahead of time. RVD pinned Raven with the Five-Star Frog Splash.

WINNERS: RVD & Dreamer in 4:00.

-Abyss attacked RVD and Dreamer as they celebrated. Abyss gave RVD a chokeslam. Stevie Richards ran out to go after Abyss. Abyss dropped him. Rhino ran out and got the better of Abyss and then set up a Gore. Abyss met his charge with a boot to the face. Tea 3D then ran out and charged at Abyss, knocking him down. Raven hit Brother Ray from behind with a chair. Raven and Abyss stood over the fallen bodies, and then the lights went out. When the lights came back on, Sandman stood center-ring with a cane. He hit Raven and Abyss. "Holy flashback for me!" said Taz. The crowd chanted "ECW! ECW!" (TNA should have named the faction BZDub instead of EV2. That way when fans chanted "E-C-W!" TNA could claim to WWE attorneys they were chanting "B-Z-Dub!" BZDub could stand for "Backyard Zany Dublin wrestling.")

As Sandman celebrated with the rest of the ECW wrestlers, out walked Mick Foley with Al Snow, Jerry Lynn, and Simon Diamind with a cooler of beer. They cut away after a split second, though, to a final segment hyping the PPV. "The legacy lives this Sunday at Hardcore Justice!" said Tenay.

-The final hype was essentially a mini-documentary. Taz said the hardcore deal was a work ethic and a lifestyle. Dreamer said they didn't realize the impact they'd make. "We changed the wrestling business," he said. Brother Ray said it means a lot to him, "but I think it means a lot more to certain other guys." Why would he say that? Foley said a lot of people are participating who didn't go out the way they wanted to. He said it's a chance for some to put a final stamp on their legacy. Photos were shown of the wrestlers on the Hardcore Justice line-up from back in the day including Brother Ray doing the Hansen Brother's style character. Stevie closed with: "This is Hardcore Justice and this is our Last Stand." Then they immediately went to a final brief plug for "The Whole F'n Show."

We suggest these recent related articles...

MCMAHON'S TNA IMPACT REPORT 9/30: Final hype for Bound for Glory, Ciampa also wrestles on Impact, Dollhouse vs. BP, more; Overall Reax

MCMAHON'S TNA IMPACT REPORT 9/23: ECIII defends TNA Title, #1 contender match, Hardy "quits" servanthood, two more title matches, more; Overall Reax

MCMAHON'S TNA IMPACT REPORT 9/16: Team TNA vs. Team GFW for control of TNA, new Knockouts champion, more; Overall Reax