By Wade Keller, PWTorch editor

KELLER'S TNA IMPACT REPORT
MAY 27, 2010
TAPED IN ORLANDO, FLA.
AIRED ON SPIKE TV

[Q1]

-The show opened with clips of Kurt Angle's return last week and Sting's actions with the bat last week.

-Show Title: "The Enigma and the A-H***"

-Mike Tenay and Taz introduced the show as pyro blasted. They plugged Jay Lethal vs. Kazarian. Tenay said Lethal is "quickly becoming a player here in TNA." They also talked about Sting attacking RVD last week and Mr. Anderson's actions toward Jeff Hardy.

-Jeff Hardy came out to his full ring intro. Taz said he is just bizarre and outlandish. Hardy called Anderson to the ring. He told Hardy maybe he does things like extending his hand to confuse people, or maybe because he's an asshole. The crowd popped and chanted, "He's an asshole." Anderson talked about Hardy's green hair and weird dance being "cool." He said an old lady would probably look at him and say he's an asshole. Hardy smiled and nodded. Anderson pointed at various members of the crowd and said, "He's an asshole, she's an asshole, we're all assholes, wouldn't you like to be an asshole, too." He spelled it out and asked the crowd to sing it letter by letter with him. Hardy stood with his arms crossed while laughing. A.J. Style's music played and he walked onto the stage, followed by Beer Money and Ric Flair.

Styles said he saw that he was scheduled to face Hardy. He said Eric Bischoff told him that he requested the match. Hardy said he didn't request a match against anyone. Styles said he wasn't talking to him. "I was talking to the butt-munch beside you." A mic dropped and he said, "I am Mr. Anderson." Tenay emphasized that Styles vs. Anderson would take place tonight on Impact. [c]

[Q2]

-Clips aired of the Team 3D-Jesse Neal storyline.

1 -- THE BAND (Kevin Nash & Scott Hall & Eric Young) vs. SHANNON MOORE & JESSE NEAL vs. TEAM 3D

At the start of the match, Young battled Moore with Hall and Nash both on the ring apron awaiting a tag. Tenay explained, such as something like this can be explained, that the first person Young tags will reveal which of Hall and Nash is wrestling versus sitting out the match. At 2:00 Ray tagged in against Neal. Devon tagged himself in by slapping Ray on the back. Ray wasn't pleased. Devon shoved Neal into his corner to tag in Moore. Taz said he was disappointed in Devon taking mercy on Neal. Ray tagged back in and brutalized Neal again. Devon still had a problem with that. Ray told him to shut up. When Ray grabbed a chair, Devon yanked it away from him. Neal surprisd Ray with a spear for a pin. Quite the payday for Hall and Nash.

WINNERS: Ink Inc. in 4:00 when Neal pinned Ray.

-Afterward Ray sounded off against Devon, then turned to Neal and challenged him at Slamiversary in a Teacher vs. Student match. Ray yelled at Devon to stay out of it.

-Christy Hemme interviewed Kaz who said he's more confident than ever and it's because of one man. In walked Ric Flair, who said how impressed he was with him. He gave him a pep talk. He said told him he doesn't think his opponent has superior conditioning, so wear him out. Styles walked in. Flair acted like he was interrupting something. Styles asked about his match later. Flair turned and said, "You're A.J. Styles and you'll be fine." Styles looked hurt and frustrated as Flair turned back to Kaz to continue his strategy session.

-RVD taped his wrists and talked about his plans to call out Sting later in the night. He said he's not going to sneak out and surprise him as Sting did last week. He said Sting got his attention last week, but he'll never get his World Title.

[Q3] [c]

2 -- JAY LETHAL vs. KAZARIAN

Flair walked out at 2:00 and distracted Lethal. Flair smiled as Kaz went on offense. Kaz smiled back, then went on the attack on Lethal. At 3:00 Lethal made a comeback and hit a flying shoulder and clothesline. Kaz kicked out of a moonsault body press pin attempt, then used a jaw-breaker to slow Lethal. Lethal followed up with a roundkick as Kaz rebounded off the ropes. Lethal smiled and looked at Flair as he signaled for the figure-four. Flair got upset as Lethal did a Flair-style dance before applying the hold center-ring. Flair stood on the ring apron and yelled at Kaz to grab the bottom rope. Kaz eventually reached the bottom rope. Lethal walked over to Flair. Flair pie-faced Lethal. Lethal fired back with an elbow or punch (whatever it was supposed to be, it showed light). Kaz then rolled up Lethal from behind for the win.

WINNER: Kazarian in 5:00.

STAR RATING: * -- Good short match that led to an angle to elevate the Lethal-Kaz feud. I'm still not sold at all on pushing Kaz as a major player as he's current cast. There's just nothing compelling about his character, but this is a decent try by mixing him with Flair. There's just nothing we know about Kaz's personality other than he's eager to get advice from Flair.

-Afterward Lethal got the better of Flair in a brawl in the ring. Flair did his face-first bump. Lethal gave Flair a big back bodydrop, then clotheslined him over the top rope to the floor. Styles ran out and attacked Lethal. As he stomped away at him, Kaz recovered enough to get up. When he went after Lethal, Styles stopped him and said he had it taken care of. Lethal dropkicked both of them out of the ring. Flair got in Styles's face over what just happened. Styles and Kaz continued to argue. Styles threw a hissy-fit.

-Tenay hyped RVD calling out Sting later. Taz hyped Styles vs. Anderson. They showed Moore knocked out on his face in the back with an Ace card lying on his back. The announcers didn't pick up on the card on his back. It's like Blue's Clues where the hosts play dumb and let the kids at home figure it out first. [c]

[Q4]

3 -- ORLANDO JORDAN vs. ABYSS (w/Chelsea)

Jordan came out in his hot-pink trunks. He kissed the camera lens while on his hands and knees. He also had some sort of paint or pasties on his nipples that looked like Abyss. Chelsea wore her "super-sad-face." Taz and Tenay wondered about the "pasties." After four minutes of back and forth action, Abyss set up a slam on Jordan at ringside. Jordan slipped free and shoved Abyss into Chelsea. As Abyss bent over to check on Chelsea, Desmond Wolfe ran out and attacked him from behind with a pipe. Jordan and Wolfe double-teamed Abyss. The ref called for the DQ.

WINNER: Abyss via DQ in 5:00.

STAR RATING: *

-Afterward, Rob Terry ran out and made the save, still favoring his injured left leg, though. He gave Jordan his Freakbuster chokeslam. Abyss went to ringside and carried a knocked out Chelsea to the back.

[Q5] [c]

-RVD made his ring entrance. This didn't start until a couple minutes into the second hour, which could hurt momentum going into the second hour. RVD said he's aware of Sting's accomplishments, but he's "accomplished many accomplishments" in his career. He said it's amazing their paths hadn't crossed previously. He called Sting out. Sting's music played, but then the music stopped and a video package aired of Sting attacking RVD last week in slow motion. Sting then appeared in the rafters. He said what he did to him then is just a small taste of what he'll get at Slammiversary. He said he'll take that World Title from him and it will be showtime. RVD looked up at the rafters. Taz said Sting is playing a head game with RVD, but he wasn't sure if it'd work.

-They went to roaming camera footage of Hulk Hogan saying now everybody hates him, "the good guys, the bad guys, the heels, the babyfaces, everybody hates you." Anderson said he's an asshole and he admits it. Hogan said he sees a big dollar sign when he looks at him, but if he keeps doing what he's doing, he won't continue to exist. Anderson said he is serious when he extended his hand to Hardy. "I'm turning over a new leaf," he said. Hogan said, "Just like that?" He said he's been doing some serious soul searching. He said he wants to watch he does with Styles later so he can prove it to him. A skeptical Hogan said he'll be watching. I'm not used to not being totally irritated by this point in Impact. There's nothing major to complain about and there's been some solid, basic storytelling. [c]

-A commercial aired for the "Half Pint Brawlers" show coming to Spike TV on June 2. It's like Tough Enough mixed with The Ultimate Fighter with a cast of little people. Then Tenay and Taz interviewed the owner of "Half Pint Brawlers," Puppet the Psycho Dwarf. He said they have "hardcore midget wrestling, Jackass stunts, girls gone wild - I mean, what else do you need for a good show?" Clips aired. Tenay said, "It's gonna be awesome." Well then, I'm there!

-Christy interviewed Roxxi, saying she scored a "stunning victory" over TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne last week. Roxxi said she's excited to be back, but five months ago she broke her ankle in two places. They showed slo-mo of the nasty looking injury. She said she's ready for whatever TNA has for her. Christy excitedly infromed her that because of her non-title victory last week, she'll be meeting Rayne at Slammiversary for the title. Roxxi was super-excited. Good to see how just getting a title shot was treated as such a big deal and a dream come true. Christy as usual overacted a bit, but overall it delivered a good message.

[Q6]

4 -- THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE (Lacey Von Erich & Velvet Sky w/Madison Rayne) vs. SARITA & TAYLOR WILDE

Puppet stuck around to provide color commentary with Tenay and Taz. As the Beautiful People made their provocative ring entrance, Taz said rumor has it they like little people. Puppet said he just grew an inch. Taz said he did. Tenay said, "Hey hey hey." Puppet and Taz continued to make a bunch of horny references and also joked about Puppet maybe being drunk. Puppet said they wrestled at a maximum security prison and these murderers were cheering for him.

WINNERS: Beautiful People in 3:00 when Lacey pinned Wilde.

-Puppet ran into the ring to "join the party" with the Beautiful People. They were excited to see him. "He's loaded, he's drunk, I'm just being straight-up," said Taz. When spanked Sky. She didn't like that. Madison then DDT'd Puppet. They beat him up as Lacey looked on concerned and stuck around to check on her condition. Puppet pulled her in for a kiss. Lacey seemed to like it and rolled around with him. The pro wrestling streak continues of men forcing kisses on women being well-received, as if the women were hoping it would happen. At least in this case Lacey showed some interest in him before the kiss.

-A short soundbite aired with Hardy saying he has no experience with the European style, but Desmond Wolfe has never met someone with his style before. "So tonight unique meets unique," he said. [c]

[Q7]

5 -- DESMOND WOLFE vs. JEFF HARDY

Kurt Angle joined Taz and Tenay at ringside. Angle said Wolfe is a fierce competitor who goes after whatever body part he wants. He predicted victory. Angle noted he's never wrestled Hardy and he'd love to. He said he wants to have dream matches every time he wrestles. Angle said taking the month off was a great break for him. He said he watched Impact every week. Angle said his shoulder is still injured from wrestling Wolfe. Wolfe dominated most of the opening few minutes. He nailed Hardy with a running uppercut in the corner. At 6:00 Hardy flipped off the top rope at Wolfe, but Wolfe moved and Hardy's boot hit the ref. Hardy hit a Twist of Fate, but the ref was down. Wolfe then pulled a black sack full of coins out of his trunks and he KO'd Hardy. The ref came to and counted to three.

WINNER: Wolfe in 6:00.

STAR RATING: *3/4 -- Nice start to a potentially good match, but it ended pretty suddenly with the foreign object. [c]

-Matt Morgan stood mid-ring and said two weeks ago "we" were jumped from behind by Samoa Joe. Then next, "we" were robbed of the tag team titles by Hall and Nash. Now "we've" been told we have to get a new partner get a tag title match. Angle asked Taz and Tenay, "Is he out of his mind? We?" Taz said, "He's got a mouse in his pocket." Morgan said "we" will turn a negative into a positive. He said "we" believe in creating new stars in TNA. "Thank me later," he said. (He meant, "Thank us later.") He asked anyone to join him in the ring and be his new partner. He looked at Angle and called him a "little bald guy." He called him to the ring. When Angle took too long, he said, "Hurry up kid, you're holding up the show."

[Q8]

Morgan asked Angle if he wants to be a star and one-half of the tag champions. He said it's a golden opportunity for him. Angle said he's not a little bald guy. He asked if the last time they were in the ring, "didn't I pin your ass?" Morgan laughed and said that's quite a sense of humor, but he might be star-struck "being in the ring with us right now." Morgan took a cheap shot at Angle. Angle fought back. Morgan ducked into the ropes. Security ran in and pulled Angle off of him. The crowd chanted Angle's name. Joe's music played. Morgan bailed out to ringside just as Joe entered the ring. Morgan said, "Obviously we are not going to get the answer we are looking for tonight, so The Blueprint is off the clock." He walked to the back. Morgan has snuck up in the last year and become one of the best heel promos in the business. He's come a long way since a year or so ago when he was talking too fast and didn't really have a sense of his character.

-Tenay and Taz hyped the line-up for Slammiversary.

-Styles began his ring entrance as they cut to a break. [c]

6 -- A.J. STYLES vs. MR. ANDERSON

They traded headlocks early, then picked up the pace in the closing minute with Anderson hitting a flying bodyblock, but Styles rolling through and wrapping his legs around the bottom rope for extra leverage while pulling on tights. Taz called it highway robbery. Anderson looked at Styles in appreciation rather than anger. Tenay said he respects that he was beat at his own game.

WINNER: Styles in 5:00.

STAR RATING: *1/4

-Afterward Anderson called for the mic and it lowered. Anderson called the lowered mic "magic." He told Styles, "You got me at my own frickin' game." Styles denied he cheated. Anderson asked his "assholes." He asked if Styles pulled his tights. The crowd chanted, "Yes you did! Yes you did!" Anderson then beat him into the corner. Beer Money ran out and attacked Anderson. Hardy's music played and he made a telegraphed save with a chair, clearing the ring instantly. Hardy held the chair up toward Anderson, but then dropped it. Hardy extended his hand and Anderson shook it.

FINAL THOUGHTS: Is this the first two hour national cable wrestling show in modern history that didn't cut away from a single match for a commercial break? That's one of the trends that I've been critical of, since it devalues the whole concept of a wrestling match to cut away from live action in the ring so often. Imagine if they did that in the NBA or MMA? There'd be huge outcries. Sure, the matches end up shorter (they don't have to, but the reality is bookers aren't going to cut back too much on overall content density otherwise to make room for uninterrupted longer matches), but they regain that sense that every minute matters. I hope TNA sticks with it even though there's no "instant gratification" that comes from doing it... This was a show without a single major gripe that comes to mind. Not a great must-see show, and the marquee matches were still too short for my taste, but overall an enjoyable two hours. It had more of a sports-like feel than a scripted vaudeville show and focused on worthwhile characters. (7.5)

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