TNA Impact CALDWELL'S TNA IMPACT RESULTS 4/12: Ongoing "virtual time" coverage of Spike TV show - Jeff Hardy vs. Roode, Team 3D vs. The Band
Apr 12, 2010 - 9:00:30 PM
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TNA Impact Report on Spike TV
April 12, 2010
Taped 4/6 in Orlando, Fla.
Report by James Caldwell, Torch assistant editor
Immediately after the new TNA Reaction show ended, TNA Impact opened with a shot of the Impact Zone and Jeff Jarrett walked to the ring. He did the old song and dance about launching TNA eight years ago, then he spelled out what TNA stands for. Jarrett said he's going to stop talking and start doing by going after Sting. Jarrett then stepped out of the ring and did a long climb through the rafters looking for Sting. "Where you at, Stinger?" he shouted. Suddenly, there was Sting trying to sneak up on Jarrett. Really ridiculous set up here. It was like two kids playing hide-and-seek. Jarrett then knocked Sting down the steps and kept shouting at Sting looking for answers.
They made their way through the rafters, down the steps, to the ringside area, and then to the entrance ramp with Jarrett shouting at Sting looking for an answer. Taz said fans and wrestlers are disappointed with Sting's actions and they want an answer. Code for: this storyline hasn't been explained yet. They eventually made it into the ring and Jarrett begged for an answer. This actually got a "Why, Sting, why?" chant. The lights then cut out and Sting had a baseball bat when the lights came back on. Sting blasted Jarrett with the bat a few times, then Jeff Hardy's music hit.
This time, Hardy charged from the backstage area and ran off Sting. No trip through the stands this week after the tourist disaster. Rob Van Dam and Abyss then provided additional back-up and Team Hogan recovered in the ring.
Backstage: Jeremy Borash was with Team Flair backstage. Flair was still in the wheelchair doing the over-the-top antics. Flair said the beating by Sting on Jarrett was just a sign of things to come tonight. Flair looked into the camera and said he hates Hulk Hogan. He said they're going to destroy Team Hogan and Hulkamania. Robert Roode then talked about James Storm blasting RVD with a beer bottle last week, so it's him vs. Jeff Hardy tonight. Roode vowed to make sure Hardy never flies again. Desmond Wolfe then talked about taking out "that flame known as Abyssmania" last week. He said Abyss is an animal that can be tamed and he will maim him as well. Cue up TNA World Hvt. champion A.J. Styles cutting a promo on The Pope and hyping a tag match later in the show. Flair started convulsing as Styles made his points with emphasis.
Announcers: Tenay and Taz broke down the line-up tonight: Angelina Love vs. Velvet Sky in Leather & Lace and Styles & Wolfe vs. Abyss & The Pope. Team 3D's music interrupted, then Brother Ray came out and took the mic. He had Brother Devon and Jesse Neal with him. Ray said they were supposed to have a tag match with The Band tonight, but he got approval from Hulk Hogan to make it a street fight. Neal was doing silly facial expressions in the camera here. Ray then charged the ring with Team 3D behind him with a full complement of weapons. Match up next.
1 -- THE BAND (KEVIN NASH & SEAN WALTMAN & SCOTT HALL) vs. TEAM 3D (BROTHER RAY & BROTHER DEVON & JESSE NEAL) -- Street Fight
They came back from break with the match already in progress with men landing weapon shots left and right. Of course, Neal with a trash can shot to the head on Waltman. They cut to a shot of Scott Hall crawling on hands and knees out of the ring on the entranceramp, then Ray landed a silly-looking Kendo Stick shot to the back with the stick bouncing off Hall's back like a rubber ball.
[Q2] Back in the ring, Ray landed more silly-looking stick shots to Waltman's back. Nash was on his back for most of this absorbing blows while not having to do much movement to conserve his body. Ray then rolled Nash out of the ring and Nash resumed his position on the floor. Ray landed a trashcan blow to the head before Devon rolled Hall into the ring. Team 3D then set up a What's Up headbutt to Hall's crotchal region and Devon connected. The announcers drew attention to The Band having zero offense thus far. A table was rolled into the ring and they randomly cut to a crowd shot before Ray landed a back drop on Waltman in the ring. Bubba the Love Sponge then jogged to the ring and pleaded with Ray to do something. Bubba just started pointing like a goof as Waltman crotched Ray and put him through the table with a facebuster. Hebner made the three count and The Band won the match.
Post-match: Waltman put his crotch in Ray's face and did some push-ups. Suddenly, Eric Young - oh yeah, that guy - hit the ring and cleared The Band with a hockey stick. Young took the mic and said he has a bone to pick with Nash. He said he wants Nash all by himself. Hall, looking like he came off the streets with an unshaven face and wild hair, did an exaggerated finger-waggle to no-sell Young's threat. Young then told Nash he wants him in a steel cage at Lockdown.
WINNERS: The Band in 6:00. Team 3D controlled and dominated the match to give them an out before Bubba helped The Band score the win. This was a classic TNA mess with laughable props, a stunt brawl that belongs in the 1990s, and Bubba still on TV. (n/a)
Backstage: Christy Hemme caught up with Hulk Hogan to get his thoughts on the build-up to Lockdown. He said theyr'e a little beat down right now, but they plan on getting things done at Lockdown. Hogan then snuck a peek at Eric Bischoff off stage talking to Ric Flair. He told Hemme to get lost for a second. Hogan sat down on a trunk, then Bischoff walked past him and Hogan wanted to know what's going on. Bischoff stammered out a response and told Hogan not to jump to conclusions. Hogan said they'll talk about it in his office.
Impact Zone: Shannon Moore came to the ring and posed before Kazarian came out. Taz reminded the audience that Kazarian is the #1 contender to the X Division Title. Tenay recapped Moore challenging Douglas Williams to a title shot last week.
2 -- SHANNON MOORE vs. KAZARIAN -- 10-minute time limit
This had a good back-story with Kazarian wanting to prove a point that he's #1 contender and he doesn't want Moore to leap frog him in the division. Tenay then plugged a three-way match for Lockdown with Moore, Kazarian, and Williams. Taz tried to make sense of having two #1 contenders. Poor guy. Tenay then passed along word that it will be Team 3D vs. Hall & Waltman at the PPV on Sunday, in addition to Nash vs. Young. They should have Bubba in a bird cage above the ring if they booked this right.
[Q3] Moore and Kazarian exchanged control with a rapid-fire pace to start things off. Kazarian then hooked the top rope and Shannon came charging at him, but Kazarian ducked and Shannon flew to the floor. Kazarian wore down Shannon before rolling him back into the ring to execute a slingshot leg drop across the throat for a two count. X Division champ Douglas Williams then walked out on stage to take a closer look at the action. Kazarian hit a Northern Lights suplex for a two count as Douglas joined the announcers. Tenay over-sold sheer agitation with this addition to the commentary position. Back to the action, Moore walked into a gutbuster across Kazarian's knee and Kaz made a cover for a two count. Taz and Doug debated the athleticism in the X Division, with Williams saying his technical wrestling got him the title. In the ring, they screwed up a wheelbarrow bulldog attempt and the crowd went, "Ooh."
Moore suddenly made a comeback knocking Kaz to the floor, then they took the fight to the floor. Moore did some stuff, then went up top and hit a turnaround splash on Kazarian. Back in the ring, Shannon went up top and kinda did a snap huracanrana for a two count. Kazarian saved him by flipping to sell the huracanrana. Kazarian then hit an electric chair drop for a two count before sending Shannon into the corner. Williams, channeling Bill Watts, knocked the use of the top rope, as the wrestlers went up top. Moore flung Kazarian to the mat before hitting a modified Whisper in the Wind for a two count. Tenay noted they were almost at the time limit as the wrestlers traded pin attempts. The bell sounded and the time limit expired.
Post-match: Williams stood on the entranceramp shaking his head. Kaz and Shannon then shook hands acknowledging the hard work. Williams asked the spot monkeys while they kissed and made up after their match. He said he's putting an end to the non-sense once-and-for-all at Lockdown. Suddenly, the crowd chanted "U-S-A." Interesting choice.
WINNER: Draw in 10:00. The match had some good moments, mainly when Kazarian was in control of the match. Kazarian should be in a centerpiece, singular feud coming out of Lockdown as the face of the division. He's marketable, a good in-ring worker, and has good charisma that the division needs. (**1/4)
Backstage: Borash brought in Velvet Sky to talk about the Leather & Lace match against Angelina Love tonight with Velvet cashing in her open contract. She said the Knockouts Title will not be on the line tonight. Alas, it will be on the line at Lockdown. If any one of the Beautiful People pin Angelina Love or Tara, that person will be the new Knockouts champion. Haven't they done that gimmick before? Angelina then hyped her match with Angelina tonight and they cut to break. Does any of this make any sense? Completely illogical to not take a singles title match and have worse odds in a tag match with the title on the line.
Backstage: Hulk Hogan told Eric Bischoff he crossed the line. He said when he went to New York, Bischoff screwed everything up. Hogan asked Bischoff what's going on. Bischoff said he's not going to apologize for him. He said he deals with things his own way. Hogan didn't want an apology, but what's up with Flair. Bischoff said they're not conniving. He said what's up with Flair is that Team Hogan is getting its ass kicked, so he's trying to gain Flair's confidence so they can get back under control. Wow, talk about the booking throwing Abyss, Hardy, and RVD under the bus. Bischoff told Hogan to believe him, then he walked off. Suddenly, Jay Lethal walked in for comedy relief. Lethal said they need to pull the plug on The Band. He told Hogan to lace up his boots again. Hogan said they'll get it together after Lockdown and he likes the idea of getting back in the ring. After a Mega-Powers finger waggle, Lethal walked off and Hogan did a deep breath to sell the effects of being in the pressure cooker.
Backstage: Borash was with KO champion Angelina Love to talk about the match with Velvet Sky tonight. Angelina said it's no shocker Angelina chose "leather & lace" as the match stip tonight. She said she's a wrestler and would have picked a wrestling match. Angelina said she didn't come to TNA to parade around like a lady of the night; she came to TNA to showcase women's wrestling. Tara then walked in upset with Angelina after what happened last week. They teased tension before the show cut to break.
Backstage: Hemme was with The Pope and not-the Abyss to hype happenings tonight and at Lockdown. Pope said Lockdown could be a defining moment for his career when he challenges for the TNA World Title. He said it's put up or shut up for Styles. Abyss interrupted to say they have Desmond and A.J. tonight. Abyss said Desmond tried to take him out last week, but it's going to take a lot more than that. He told Wolfe to bring a bazooka or a rocket launcher instead of a fire extinguisher. Abyss said Wolfe will have to kill him to take him out. He then told Hogan he will not let him down at Lockdown.
Impact Zone: KO champion Angelina Love came to the ring first for the Leather & Lace bit. Tenay then proceeded to try to explain what happened last week with the Knockout Lockbox deal. Out next was Velvet Sky. She took the mic and changed the stip. She said it's not a leather & lace anymore. She said the "perverts" don't deserve to see her goodies. Velvet said Angelina will have to be handcuffed instead. The ref suddenly had handcuffs handy and cuffed Angelina's hands behind her back as they cut to break. They spent all that time hyping the stip, then dropped it anyways. Classic.
[Q5 -- second hour]
3 -- Knockouts champion ANGELINA LOVE vs. VELVET SKY -- non-title match
They returned from break about 30 seconds before the top of the hour. They decided to press their luck with the Knockouts in a key spot on the show up against the beginning of WWE Raw. Taz covered for the dumb booking by saying Slick Johnson must have known ahead of time Velvet was going to change the stip to use handcuffs. "Either that or he's a weirdo," Taz said. Good for Taz understanding his role of trying to make sense of what doesn't make sense. After a few seconds, Velvet changed it to an I Quit match. Regarding Lockdown, Tenay added that the Knockouts tag titles will also be on the line in the multiple-things and multiple-titles-on-the-line match. Angelina wouldn't quit, so Velvet tried various methods to get her to quit.
Nothing worked, so Madison Rayne and Lacey Von Erich hit the ring to beat down Angelina. Tara's music hit, then Tara hit the ring to clear the BP from the ring. Tara magically found the key to the cuffs and freed Angelina while the BPs taunted them from the outside. They stayed with Angelina and Tara for a while seeing if they would shake hands. Tara balked on a handshake and she left the ring. Suddenly, Tenay had word on something happening backstage.
WINNER: No Result in 3:00. All of the illogical, over-done, over-explained pre-match happenings didn't amount to much more than a headache. Fine build-up for the Lockdown match, though. Just classic over-booking from TNA that drives the average viewer nuts. (n/a)
Parking garage: Christy Hemme was on the scene with Abyss flat on his stomach in the parking garage. She reported someone ran over Abyss according to eyewitness accounts. She frantically ran over to Abyss as they cut to break.
Parking garage: Hemme reported that Abyss was struck by a car, but is talking and conscious. They showed Hulk Hogan stooped over his protégé checking on him.
Backstage: TNA tag champion Matt Morgan was with Jeremy Borash to talk in the "we person" about defending the tag titles per TNA management's demands. Morgan then brought in a midget as his tag partner. Check that, it was Amazing Red. Morgan sarcastically talked up Red, with them matching up the size with the quickness. Morgan told Red to go flip-flop and fly around the ring, then set up Chris Sabin and Alex Shelley for the Carbon Footprint. Morgan held his hand up, then Red jumped up to give him a high-five.
Impact Zone: Tenay said they're going to keep tabs on the Abyss story. Up now, though, it's a tag title match. Cue up the Motor City Machineguns's music. Zero hype for a title match. Classic TNA. Matt Morgan then came out holding both tag belts and Red walked in front of him on the way to the ring. They cut to footage from three weeks ago when Morgan took out his tag champ partner Hernandez to put him out of action for "several months," according to Taz.
4 -- TNA tag champions MATT MORGAN & fill-in partner AMAZING RED vs. MOTOR CITY MACHINEGUNS (ALEX SHELLEY & CHRIS SABIN) -- TNA tag title match
Apparently this is the Machineguns cashing in their #1 contender status from winning the Ultimate X match at Destination X. The mathc started with Morgan in there with virtually both Guns at one time. Morgan toyed with the Guns before chucking Shelley over the top rope to the floor. Sabin took a spill to the floor as well. What's the point of this? Squashing the X Division? Sympathy on a heel tag team, the Guns?
[Commercial Break - Q6 mid-break]
Tenay said there was surveillance video from the backstage happenings with Abyss hit by the vehicle. Oh boy, another Bret Hart injury angle. Morgan's hubris became a problem, and the Guns took control of the match momentarily. Red then tagged in and all four men were in the ring. Red hit the Code Red on Sabin to score the pin for the win, much to Morgan's chagrin despite his team winning. Post-match, Morgan gave Red a Carboon Footprint and destroyed him ringside.
WINNERS: Morgan & Red in 6:00 to retain the tag titles. Good booking of Morgan to keep getting heat on him, while trying to draw sympathy for Red. I don't anticipate a payoff for this, meanwhile, the Guns didn't have much to write home about with their #1 contender status cashed in unsuccessfully. (*1/4)
Parking garage: Hemme was still in the parking garage as Abyss was being checked on. She plugged the surveillance footage of Abyss being run over airing after the break.
Parking garage: Hemme said Abyss is in the ambulance and on his way to the hospital. ...
Surveillance tape: They showed a white mid-sized vehicle running over Abyss. They showed a black-and-white still photo zoomed in on a side profile shot of the driver. Looked like a man wearing a mask. Just really silly and they quickly ended the bit and moved along to something else.
Impact Zone: Robert Roode came to the ring first for one of the featured matches on the show. Out next was Jeff Hardy to face Roode. Hardy did an extended ring entrance as Tenay teased a plug for the opening match for Lockdown on Sunday.
5 -- JEFF HARDY vs. ROBERT ROODE
The match started and Tenay plugged James Storm vs. RVD for Lockdown as the opening match. The winner of the match will get the numbers advantage for Team Flair vs. Team Hogan in Lethal Lockdown later in the show. Roode dominated early on and took Hardy to the floor. He then rolled him back into the ring and they went back and forth exchanging control. The fans rallied behind Hardy, who blocked a suplex and hit an odd-looking Stunner. Hardy then went to the corner, but James Storm charged ringside. Hardy shoved him away, so apparently no DQ here. Hardy then knocked Roode back to the mat and hit a Swanton Bomb. He scored a three count before Storm could yank him out of the ring.
WINNER: Hardy in 6:00. Fine, but not memorable match, especially with the post-match taking precedence over the in-ring as usual. (*1/2)
Post-match: Storm did the fireball spot on Hardy. They only showed the final attempt and not the first two botches. The crowd went quiet as Beer Money beat down RVD, who tried to make a save. Attendants hit the ring to wipe off Hardy's face as BM stood tall to close the segment. This is where Paul Heyman would cue up a babyface promo after the happenings.
Backstage: Tenay did a voice-over on Jeff Hardy being walked backstage after the fireball spot. Tenay said if you want to see the graphic violence, go to the website. They showed some "this is for real and not the hokey wrestling stuff" footage of Hardy being tended to backstage after the spot.
Announcers: Tenay and Taz broke down the Lockdown PPV before settling on Angle vs. Anderson. Roll footage hyping one of the top matches on the PPV. They included a lot of the "TNA Reaction" footage documenting the hype. Nice video.
Backstage: Borash was with The Pope to talk about the tag team main event situation. Borash said, well, I guess Abyss will be okay. Pope took off his shades to get serious that he's about to walk into a...Jay Lethal then barged in and told "Mean Gene" and "Slick" that he's got the tag situation taken care of. Lethal then walked off shouting at Hogan with his voice trailing off. Pope and Borash just looked at each other, then Pope nodded and smiled.
Impact Zone: They showed Dog the Bounty Hunter sitting ringside before The Pope came out for the main event tag match.
Backstage: Suddenly, Jay Lethal was taking a beating by Beer Money backstage. Roode landed successive right blows on Lethal before Storm landed a chair shot to the left shoulder. Lethal tried to show fire making a comeback, then Roode and Lethal battled to the interview set. Storm used the numbers advantage to crack a beer bottle over Lethal's head to KO him. So much for Lethal.
Impact Zone: A.J. Styles came out first and alone for the main event tag match. Tenay then plugged the Impact replay on Thursday night at 9:00 p.m. EST. Chelsea wheeled Ric Flair to ringside after Styles completed his ring intro, then Styles took the mic. He asked for his tag partner so they could do this handicap match. Desmond Wolfe came out, then Hulk Hogan blasted Wolfe on the stage. Hogan then set security to ringside as Pope threw Styles off the entranceramp to the floor. Tenay added a quick plug for Jeff Hardy that he is "okay" and there were no serious injuries. Meanwhile, Pope blasted Styles around ringside before rolling him into the ring. No bell yet. Styles pounded on Pope, who made a comeback and wobbled Styles. Flair was still over-selling in the wheelchair doing his comedy facial expressions. Flair suddenly got up from the wheelchair and popped Pope across the back with the belt. The ref called for the bell, even though the "match" never started. "What a joke this is," Tenay said. Indeed, Mike, indeed.
[Q9 -- over-run]
Beer Money joined Flair and Styles in a beat down on Pope. Flair took off his belt and whipped Pope before chasing off the ref. Syles then chucked Pope over the top rope to the floor. Beer Money then placed the TNA World Title belt over Styles's shoulder. Hulk Hogan then slowly walked out on stage. He did the big stare into the ring like one of his 1990s movies and Flair was ready to blow a gasket in the ring calling for Hogan. End show.
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