By Bruce Mitchell, PWTorch columnist

Mojo Mitchell's Raw Stream that answers the question: Does Vince McMahon hate Jim Ross more than he loves his son-in-law?

Michael Cole says, "For the first time in WWE history, we have two legitimate WWE champions!"

Um, yeah, I guess.

Cole also says they "have a special guest tonight, Jim Ross." I told you Good Ol' JR wasn't long for this world.

Big heat for C.M. Punk. "The champ is here! The big question: why am I back?"

He tells a story.

He loves the place he works, but hates the people in charge. He spoke his mind and caused a little bit of change.

Vincent McMahon was relieved in his day-to-day duties. (Okay, no change there.)

He's going to make it fun again. (Uh-oh)

He can't change this place for the better sitting on his couch in Chicago. (That's what phony politicians say when they announce they are running for mayor of Chicago, or senator in Connecticut.)

No, he's going to be the voice of the fans, the one who creates change. Great, the ass-kissing lone wolf...

John Cena? He's no more champion than that plant in the front row with the brand new Cena shirt and ridiculously expensive toy belt.

Our new boss, Triple H is out. Why don't you tell the fans the real reason you re-signed? You may be a pipe bomb, but if a bomb blows up in the forest and no one hears it, did a tree fall down? You need the platform WWE provides to really be heard.

Punk smirks at Triple H's smirk. You're a bully who pushes people around and holds them back. I don't like bullies and I push back.

Triple H wants to slap the tats off of Punk's skinny fat ass. He can't though, because this is bigger than that. This is about the WWE fans.

Oh God, he took the job of COO for them. Punk starts talking about Triple H's wife and flipping his tie around. Are you going to beat me up, are you going to punch me in the face or do you have to ask your wife's permission first? Ooh! Ooh! No, he didn't!

Punk's smart enough to leave before he gets Pedigreed.

I think we have our Summerslam main event.

By the way, I write these Mojos for you, the fans of the Pro Wrestling Torch. Cheer me, dammit.

We have a Divas Battle Royal for a title shot at Summerslam. Cole is just obnoxiously hogging the mic, claiming that Kelly Kelly's picture in Maxim magazine was photo-shopped. Why the hell would WWE want people thinking about whether their Divas get photo-shopped or not?

Beth Phoenix wins, then kicks Kelly's ass into a barricade. "She's making a statement!" Cole predictably brays.

R-Truth tells The Miz they have a lot in common. Well, they are tag team partners tonight.

John Cena goes off on Josh Mathews. "What the hell is Triple H talking about? There aren't two WWE champions. C.M. Punk quit. He quit. Rey Mysterio won the tournament to crown the new WWE champion. You know what Rey did when Triple H gave him my rightful re-match? Remember Rey, unlike Punk, has a lot of guts. He didn't quit, he didn't take his title and go home. He fought me like a man, and now I'm the WWE champion. The only WWE champion. C.M. Punk can go piss up a rope."

Actually, Cena didn't say anything of the sort. He politely told Mathews he anxiously awaits the new COO's decision as to the disposition of the two championships. He doesn't even have the balls to challenge Punk himself to settle this issue in the ring. And they wonder why some folks think Cena is a corporate champion.

The Miz & R-Truth face Rey Mysterio & John Morrison in Mysterio's Consolation Prize match. This gets good, maybe because the fans live don't have to listen to the awful announcing. However, the Mysterio Consolation Prize goes to R-Truth when he pins Morrison. Truth whacks Morrison in the head with a water bottle while Miz holds him for good measure.

"It's called making a statement!" Seriously, the announcing is awful.

Triple H isn't bothered by C.M. Punk talking about his wife. "Get in line. Get some new material." (Look who's talking.)

Summerslam highlight: The Ultimate Warrior shocks and beats The Honky Tonk Man for the Intercontinental Title back when wrestling was, well, not very good.

Oh God, now we're going to get Cole going on and on about Vickie Guerrero being a cougar. She's out with Dolph Ziggler. Nice suit. Jerry Lawler and Jim Ross praise her appearance, too, which throws McMahon, I mean Cole off for a second, then he says she must have sworn off JR's barbecue sauce. Dolph Ziggler has the Eddie Graham swept-back blond 'do going. Ziggler is more man than anyone in the back.

Well, except maybe Alex Riley, who advises Ziggler to drop Vickie or be exposed as a bleached-blond arrogant fraud. Ziggler and Vickie leave.

Zach Ryder (and yes, he's the Internet champion) & The Italian Stallion (oh no, I got enough of him 25 years ago) face tag champs David Otunga & Michael McGillicutty. Ryder comes out last. "Let's go Ryder" chant from the fans. The Stallion, I mean Santino Marella starts, so we get "We Want Ryder!" Cole, though, buries him and anyone else who posts videos on the Internet. Otunga comes off the top to pin Ryder. So much for that.

Backstage, Punk doesn't have the balls to challenge John Cena himself. He says he was just testing Triple H and he passed with flying colors. He's just waiting around like a good boy, too. He does point out he beat John Cena for his title in a great match, so he's the real WWE champion.

Alberto Del Rio faces Evan Bourne, back on jobber duty after Money in the Bank. Bourne taps to the arm-bar.

Bright Lights, Big City – the song of the summer. No kidding.

Triple H has thought about this so much he left the E off WWE. Both John Cena and Jerry Lawler & Jim Ross don't know who John Laurinaitis is. Cole tells JR that Laurinaitis has more talent than he does. Laurinaitis introduces himself, saying he was director of talent relations before "that guy over there," pointing to Ross. The fans are understandably enthralled.

Triple H: When did this become Career Day? Okay, that was funny. Laurinaitis knows how (pause) Triple H's (pause) father-in-law (pause) would handle this situation (pause) (pause) strip John Cena of the WWE Title. Laurinaitis wasn't a good promo back in the Dynamic Dudes's day, either.

He doesn't bother to come up with a rationalization for this, he just (pauses) and waits for Cena's music.

Man of the people, John Cena, accuses Laurinaitis of kissing Vince McMahon's ass and says he's just mad Cena punched him out. Cena wants to do it again. Laurinaitis takes off.

There's our second Summerslam main event: John Cena vs. Mr. John Laurinaitis. This shaping up to be the event of the summer.

Triple H isn't an ass-kisser like Mr. Laurinaitis. He says John Cena's claim to the WWE Title is legitimate. C.M. Punk is upset. He thinks Triple H is now going to strip him of his title and everything goes back to normal and "every day I go to work and find a urinal to throw up in."

He actually said that. See that round thing behind the door? That's a toilet. Try barfing in that. Less spatter.

"Hunter," John Cena starts.

"Don't call me Hunter. I'm your boss." Great. Where's Bruiser Brody when you need him?

Triple H, the adult in the room, makes the match: John Cena vs. C.M. Punk for the Undisputed WWE Title at Summerslam. Wow, I never would have thought of that.

He leaves to avoid seeing the silly spectacle of Cena and Punk each raising his title belt in turn and the production crew playing each's music, depending on whose title belt is in the air. Where's Brian Pillman when you need him?

It's too bad Vince Russo doesn't watch wrestling. He had a lot to be proud of here.

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