PWTorch.com - CALDWELL: Welcome to the Showcase of the Mid-Carders!

CALDWELL'S TAKE
CALDWELL: Welcome to the Showcase of the Mid-Carders!

Mar 10, 2015 - 6:07:13 PM

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By James Caldwell, PWTorch assistant editor

Hello, and welcome to the Showcase of the Mid-Carders. (c) Bruce Mitchell Audio Show.

It's WrestleMania Season, which in 2015 means part-timers who don't talk or are advertised for Raw, mid-carders packed into multi-man matches with former PPV main-eventers, and free access to watch it all unfold on the Network. Wait, that was last month? Oh, $9.99 access to a previously-priced $65 PPV.

In the PPV main event is one individual who would have opened WrestleMania ten years ago. No, not John Cena at WM20. Roman Reigns, King of the Mid-Carders. A product of the system. A guy whose voice WWE has to modulate for promo video packages. No, no, no, that's the other PPV main-eventer. What do you mean "other" PPV main event? C'mon, WWE says there are multiple main-events nowadays. Everyone gets a trophy. No one is a bigger deal than anyone else. Everyone is, say it with me, a mid-carder.

Reigns, a guy who was lost in the shuffle of this week's Raw main event where not a single person raised the concern that he was unfairly put into a handicap match. Presumably by The Authority. Or, the mystery booking force behind The Authority. Or, JBL.

What's this booking you speak of? Aren't you having fun listening to R-Truth "perform" for Vince McMahon on commentary? Who cares what happens in the ring? All of these guys are over-exposed, under-utilized, and irrelevant anyways. C'mon, they're all mid-carders.

Speaking of "performing," will John Cena open WrestleMania performing circus tricks and juggling beach balls? "Stephanie's right, it is a privilege, not a right, to dance and sing for the McMahon Family."

We pause to remember Seth Rollins, who is still taking a methodical kick, stomp, repeat beat down from Randy Orton. By the way, Orton returns to Smackdown on Thursday night. We have no idea what he's going to do, but it sure will be fun!

Back to Mania. Remember when Daniel Bryan was on an epic quest for the WWE World Title one year ago? Yeah, quests. Remember when Dean Ambrose was on a quest for the IC Title after delivering perhaps the best babyface promo of the year saying why he wanted to be on the Wall of Champions? Yeah, forget about that. Hot potato with the belt! Thievery. Shenanigans. Toy belts. They're all props anyways. Buy at WWE Shop today!

Geez, why are you so mad - Daniel Bryan and Dean Ambrose both won singles matches on Raw. Of course, two babyfaces who were way over at one point and had organic connections with the audience and main-evented PPVs are now relegated to winning matches that don't matter on three-hour Raws. It's like winning the seventh-place game in the consolation bracket. Look, there's a trophy for the Andre match!

After all, this is a business, right? All we need to do is break-even on the Network and we're home free. Three million subs, here we come! No more worrying about whether the booking makes sense or whether anyone is over. After all, The Brand (and being the same building as the McMahons) is the draw! Just sit back and enjoy the ride of three hours of nonsensical programming thrown together at the last-minute.

Ignore ratings being down, down, down. A 2.85 in the middle of Mania season? Sure, the Champ Brock Lesnar might not show up if advertised in-advance, but just turn it into an angle. The guy broke The Streak for goodness sake. And, for what purpose?

Coming for the next ten years: Roman Reigns, headliner at the Showcase of the Mid-Carders. Buckle up. It's about to get ... average.