By Wade Keller, PWTorch editor

KELLER'S WWE SMACKDOWN REPORT
DECEMBER 11, 2009
TAPED TUESDAY IN HOUSTON, TEX.
AIRED ON MY NETWORK TV

[Q1]

-Clips aired from two weeks ago of Batista attacking Undertaker with a chair while Matt Striker touted that at TLC chairs are legal followed by clips from last week of Teddy Long telling Batista that he's going to face Rey Mysterio in a street fight next week and then Batista attacking Undertaker with a chair and the World Title belt last week.

-After the Smackdown opening, Todd Grisham introduced the show and hyped Batista vs. Rey Mysterio.

-Batista then walked out as Grisham hyped the "Chairs Match" between Batista and Undertaker. Batista said he doesn't think Rey Mysterio deserves to be in the same ring with him. He said since he started his campaign to reclaim his World Hvt. Championship, it seems a lot of people aren't happy with him. The crowd booed. He said: "Exactly. It seems I'm getting booed an awful lot lately. My response to that is: I don't care! Boo me all you want. This is not about you. This is about me being who I was born to be - World Heavyweight Champion."

He said he didn't need Evolution, they needed him. He said he used them for the knowledge and information he could benefit from, then moved on. He said he never has needed Rey, Rey needed him - a big brother to watch is back. He said he certainly doesn't need any of the fans. "I didn't hear you when you cheered me and I don't hear you when you boo me," he said. He asked for a spotlight. He said he deserves to be in the spotlight. "I'm not here to make friends. I'm here to make money and I'm here to win titles. Everything about me screams World Heavyweight Champion. The way I walk, the way I talk, the way I dress, my ring dominance. Everything."

He said that brings him to the Undertaker. He said he's not the dominant force everyone makes him out to be. He said he's looked into his eyes and seen nothing but fear. He said Undertaker and all of the fans are too stubborn and stupid to realize something. He said Taker has already lost. He said beating Taker at TLC is merely a formality. He said everyone should get used to hearing this: "World Heavyweight Champion Batista."

That was one of Batista's better promos. It wasn't fancy. It didn't have insider terms or references to Internet gossip about his personal life or backstage political rivalries that viewers don't know or don't care about. He didn't yell at the top of his lungs. He declared simply and boldly that he defines himself as a World Champion and he will become champion again and he doesn't care about the fans. It was simple, declarative, and unlikable. Exactly what a pro wrestling heel promo should be - amazingly simple in concept, and in this case well executed by Batista. [c]

[Q2]

-C.M. Punk and Luke Gallows walked out. A fan held up a sign that makes no sense: "C.M. Punk Wants To Be Adam Lambert." Can anyone explain what that means? Is it just a disconnected gay joke? Punk held up the Jeff Hardy DVD. He held up a copy and said it's flying off the shelves nationwide. He said it disturbed him that there are horrible parents buying that trash as Christmas presents for their children. He said watching that DVD makes them a "washed up, good for nothing, unemployed junkie." He then stomped on the disc and Wallows broke it to pieces. Striker said he was going to be buy that for Grisham.

Out walked R-Truth and Matt Hardy. Hardy brought a big duffel bag with him and pulled out a Jeff Hardy DVD. As he began handing out copies to the fans, Punk said they're taking poison and "do not accept this DVD." He yelled at fans to sell it on eBay, don't watch it. Punk said they're basically peddling drugs and it's not right. Truth knocked Punk out of the ring with a shot to the head with his mic.

1 -- C.M. PUNK & LUKE GALLOWS vs. R-TRUTH & MATT HARDY

Truth clotheslined Punk over the top rope to the floor at 1:00, and then they cut to an early break. [c] Striker compared Punk & Gallows to the Graham brothers. At 8:00 Hardy hot-tagged in against Punk.

[Q3]

A minute later he hit a Twist of Fate, but Gallows jumped Hardy after blindly tagging in seconds earlier and pinning Hardy after his finisher.

WINNERS: Punk & Gallows in 10:00.

STAR RATING: *1/4

-Grisham plugged Drew McIntrye vs. John Morrison later. Striker pushed the Batista-Rey main event. [c]

-WWE Fact: U.S. military personnel get free WWE tickets.

-Vickie Guerrero and Eric Escobar argued backstage. He told Teddy Long that he told her in Spanish that people thought she was his mom, but his mom isn't as big as Texas. Eddie Guerrero would be so happy with how WWE treats his widow. Vickie said Escobar has to wrestle Chris Jericho. Escobar then told Vickie in Spanish that she needs a breath mint and he's ready for whatever he throws at her. He said anything is better than looking at her face. She squealed like a pig (get it?) and then told him to "Get out!" It's great that WWE teaches their young audience that non-stripper type women are to be ridiculed merely for their looks. First class all the way. Is Escobar supposed to be the babyface here? I'm sure WWE writers see him that way, but do decent human beings who live in the real world cheer for jerks who talks to a woman like that?

-Mike Knox told Kane backstage that the last time they fought, he found it a worthwhile experience. He said they're the same - both monsters nobody understands. He said he wants to fight him again. Kane said they're nothing alike, but he enjoyed fighting him and beating him, so he said they should do it again tonight. Knox said he will leave the ring a broken monster, but he won't be alone, he'll ride in the ambulance with him. Kane grabbed his throat. Knox strained to say that a lack of oxygen can cause extreme euphoria throughout one's entire body. Kane walked away. Striker said that was awkward.

-Escobar made his ring entrance. Before the match, clips aired of Vickie employing the Hart Dynasty to defeat Escobar last week.

[Q4] [c]

2 -- ERIC ESCOBAR vs. CHRIS JERICHO (& THE BIG SHOW)

During Jericho's ring intro, Striker plugged the Jericho & Big Show vs. DX match at the PPV. Escobar got the early advantage and knocked Jericho out of the ring. Then Vickie walked out and said, "Excuse me! Excuse me! Excuse me!!" She then revealed "a tiny detail" she left out - which is that Escobar has to fight both Jericho and The Big Show. The Big Show then made his ring intro. After Big Show beat up Escobar, Jericho applied the Walls of Jericho for the win. Vickie applauded from the stage.

WINNERS: Jericho & Show in 2:00.

-Jericho and Show stood in the ring afterward and hyped their match against DX. Jericho said they're going to wipe DX off the face of the planet and cure fans of what's been inflicted on them. Show said, "We are the end of DX." Grisham wondered if DX would cease to exist after Sunday night. Let's hope. For the sake of Shawn Michaels's legacy, if nothing else.

-They showed Drew McIntrye walking backstage. [c]

-McIntrye walked out. Grisham said he's on a roll. McIntrye asked why the chairman himself, Vince McMahon, endorsed him and declared him a future World Champion, yet he's not on the cover of his publication. He held up the latest WWE Magazine with John Morrison on the cover. A clip aired of McIntrye pinning Morrison last week on Smackdown after an impact DDT. McIntrye said he can't believe fans believe in Morrison. He asked if it's because Morrison is American and he's Scottish. Or because Morrison does that flip move or because he's IC Champion. He said the idea of Morrison beating him is pure fiction, just as William Wallace from "Braveheart."

[Q5]

Morrison walked out, dressed as Wallace. (He just had a feeling McIntrye was going to reference him this week.) Morrison entered the ring and, in a false Scottish accent, asked how dare him make fun of Morrison. McIntrye said he looks ridiculous "and this better be your idea of a joke." Morrison shot back that he's really William Wallace. He told him the fans don't like him because they don't understand a thing he says. He told Morrison to show him respect and take him seriously. Morrison pulled out his sword. Settle down; a real sword. He said McIntrye kisses the asses of management, but used the names of ex-wrestlers backstage so the context was probably lost on most viewers. McIntyre said he had enough. He said he was going to wait until Sunday to hurt him. He dared him to "lose that sword" right now and fight him like a real name. Morrison said since he asked nicely, he'd comply. He put the sword at ringside. He said he doesn't care about the McMahon endorsement, calling him a senile old man. He said he cares about the endorsement from the fans. He said they just authorized him to him the beating since he got to WWE. He said he didn't get all dressed up for nothing. Morrison went after McIntrye. McIntrye bailed out into the crowd. Morrison celebrated in the ring as his music played.

-Striker and Grisham were shown on camera at ringside. They threw to a video package on the Batista-Rey feud. A commercial aired for TLC focused on the John Cena title defense against Sheamus. [c]

[Q6]

3 -- MIKE KNOX vs. KANE

During Knox's ring intro, they showed clips of Kane beating Knox las week. At 2:00 Knox side-stepped a flying clothesline by Kane, then fired back with a crossbody block for a two count. Kane, seconds later out of nowhere, hit his chokeslam for the pin.

WINNER: Kane in 3:00.

-A video package aired of DX plugging their merchandise so they can get even richer while providing zany entertainment for seven to ten year olds. [c]

-WWE Fact: As Smackdown continues celebrating its 10th anniversary, did you know that Smackdown has broadcast more shows than "ER," "Law and Order," "Cheers," and "The Simpsons." Talk about a time machine. Except for "The Simpsons," those shows are long cancelled and even out of syndication. The young fans who find DX's zany plugs for their merchandise funny have never heard of at least three of those shows.

4 -- MICHELLE MCCOOL & LAYLA vs. MICKIE JAMES & MARIA

WINNERS: Mickie & Maria in 2:00 when Mickie pinned Layla with a roll-up. Hardly worth going into details when WWE continues to give them a whole two minutes of TV time in tag matches as if people want to watch ten minutes of men in the ring but only two minutes of the women for some reason.

[Q7] [c]

-The Raw Rebound aired. Then Striker and Grisham stood mid-ring and hyped the entire TLC line-up.

-Rey Mysterio's ring entrance took place. [c]

[Q8]

5 -- BATISTA vs. REY MYSTERIO

Batista scored a two count on a lazy cover after catching Rey rebounding off the ropes with an elbow block at 1:00. Rey came back a minute later by working over Batista's leges and then setting up a 619. Batista bailed out to ringside. Rey caught him with a swinging kick through the ropes. He then out-maneuvered Batista and slidekicked him hard to the mat. They cut to a break. [c] They showed that during the break Batista caught Rey with a boot to the face and whipped him into the ringside steps. Batista dropped Rey on the announce table at ringside. Batista clotheslined Mysterio hard in the ring. Grisham plugged that there's a photo gallery of hard chairshots at the WWE website, a way to sell the possible carnage at the TLC PPV on Sunday. Rey used a drop toe hold to send Batista into a chair he brought into the ring. He followed with a dropkick to set Batista up for a 619, which he hit on target. Rey then splashed Batista off the top rope and scored a two count. Rey used a chair against Batista's leg and gut and back. Striker said chairs are legal in this match. Rey lifted the chair to swing at Batista, but Batista speared him and the chair dropped to the mat. Batista slammed Rey, then signaled for the Batista Bomb by stomping the mat. Instead he picked up the chair and swung it at Rey, who brought up his forearms to absorb the blow. Batista then scored the three count.

WINNER: Batista in 11:00.

STAR RATING: **1/4 -- Solid TV main event. Limited use of the chair, but what they did they sold.

-Afterward, Batista wedged Rey's head in the chair. As he climbed to the second rope and as Grisham asked if he was trying to end Rey's career, the lights went out and Undertaker's bell sounded. The lights came on and Taker was standing where Rey was and Rey had been moved safely to ringside. Taker beat on Batista and knocked him to ringside. Good show-closing angle to give fans a taste of what Undertaker wants to do to the "arrogant bully" that Batista has become.

QUOTEBOOK

C.M. Punk on the Jeff Hardy DVD: "What disturbs me is there are parents - horrible parents - they probably shouldn't be parents at all because they're buying this trash as Christmas presents for their children. It's probably going to be a banner year at all your drug addicts' houses because this is probably going to be your number one stocking stuffer. You might as well be stuffing your children's stockings with hallucinogenic magic mushrooms because when your child watches this filth, this right here, he will hallucinate. He will suddenly think he can fly. Your child will probably think that he can do the impossible."

Eric Escobar to Teddy Long on what he told Vickie Guerrero: "I told her people thought she was my mom, but my mom is not as big as Texas."

Todd Grisham cliche watch: "When you talk about a Superstar who is on a roll, no one can light a candle or hold a candle to Drew McIntrye. He's been on fire. You know what I'm saying."

John Morrison to Drew McIntrye: "I've heard all about you. Getting coffee for Ricky 'The Dragon' Steamboat. Flex-all for Rowdy Roddy Piper. Lying in your Speedos by the pool with Arn Anderson and John Laurenaitis. Staying up late on your computer Twittering with Irwin R. Schister."

John Morrison to Drew McIntrye: "Why is it that you think you can walk around here like you own the place just because some senile crazy old man gave you an endorsement?"

Matt Striker: "What's what's disturbing and eerie about Mike Knox. Mike Knox just sits around and reads book on how to dissect and repair human anatomy."

We suggest these recent related articles...

WWE NEWS: Superstars SPOILERS - Results from Chicago Raw

WWE NETWORK: Monday, Oct. 12 Schedule - Raw pre-show, Sting DVD preview

WWE NEWS: Lana & Rusev reportedly engaged - follow the interesting 2015 timeline