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KELLER'S WWE RAW REPORT
OCTOBER 12, 2009
LIVE FROM INDIANAPOLIS, IND.
AIRED ON USA NETWORK

[Q1]

-The show opened cold with Chris Jericho standing in front of a monitor with the logo. He said if you don't know him, his name is Chris Jericho and he is the best at what he does. He said there will be a seven on seven tag match at Bragging Rights pitting Raw vs. Smackdown. He said he is on Raw and Smackdown because he is the Unified Tag Team Champion, but he is a proud Smackdown member. He said because he's the leader of the brand, he is team captain and his goal is assemble a team that can destroy the Raw team. Nancy O'Dell interrupted and said with all due respect, they don't want to start Raw with him, but rather DX. He sneered.

-The high-energy DX ring intro started and out walked Triple H without Shawn Michaels. Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler introduced the show. Lawler said they don't need the team captain for Smackdown kicking off Raw. A guy ran into the ring and acted like Michaels as a stand-in. Triple H said Michaels couldn't make it. The crowd groaned. Triple H said he felt the same way because Michaels was going to be named the captain of Team Raw at Bragging Rights. Triple H said he could have just accepted his friend had something come up, but instead he's going to call him and badger him. So he called Michaels. His answering machine picked up and featured Michaels singing his own entrance song. Michaels then picked up the phone and asked if they heard his machine message. Triple H sarcastically said, "No, we didn't hear you singing your own theme song." Michaels said his daughter was sick so he had to stay home. He said he cleaned puke out of his hair, read her a story, and put her to bed. Triple H asked if he read her the new DX book and went into his wryly ironic plug for his own merchandise. Michaels said he'd never read something so raunchy to his kids. Triple H said good bye.

The Big Show and Chris Jericho walked out to their music. Triple H asked if they'd hold up his DX book and smile into the camera. Jericho grabbed it and threw it to the mat. Then he said he's the Team Captain of Smackdown, a show that just celebrated it's tenth anniversary, a show with more episodes than "Cheers" and "Seinfeld," and a show that's better because he's on it. (He's on Raw, too, but that's just at technicality.) Triple H said Smackdown is a good show, "a very good show with a spineless general manager that does whatever Vince says, a really good show that features grumpy little troll that runs his mouth all the time, it's also a show that features great, great wrestling like the type of stuff done by The Great Khali. It's spectacular, a great show, nowhere near the league of Monday Night Raw." Jericho said they'll find out at Bragging Rights. He said since the show is led by him and not a pair of delinquents like he and Michaels. He said he wants his partner, who is technically part of the Raw roster, on his team at Bragging Rights.

Triple H asked Show if he's the boss of him. Show stepped in and said that's not the way he said it. Triple H said, "He says jump, you say how high?" Triple H made a joke that Jericho is "on top, pitching the ideas, which makes him the pitcher and you the catcher." (That's Triple H's obligatory hilarious gay joke.) Show muttered that he considers himself the captain of the team because he carries the team. Jericho asked what he said. Show said he heard him, and he's not the one who got pinned last week. Jericho said, "I'm not the one who was the laughing stock of SportsCenter after being humiliated by Shaquielle O'Neal." Show said at least Shaq is seven foot tall as opposed to an old fossil like Bob Barker. Jericho replied, hilariously, "I told you that I will fight Bob Barker anytime, anyplace, anywhere." He then took credit for rejuvenating his career rather than the guy who got knocked out at WrestleMania 24 by Floyd Mayweather. They argued off-mic for a few seconds. Show then turned to Hunter and said he changed his mind and doesn't want to be on Team Smackdown at Bragging Rights. He walked over and stood next to Triple H. He said he wants to be on Team Raw after all.

[Q2]

Triple H said that was great news, except they don't have any spaces open. He said he talked to their guest hosts and arranged for him to earn a spot onto the Raw team. He said he just has to win his match tonight. Show told him to name any opponent. Triple H said it's Chris Jericho and it starts now. DX's music played as Show and Jericho soaked up the news. [c]

1 -- CHRIS JERICHO vs. THE BIG SHOW

The match began after the break with a handshake. Jericho stood up against Show's chest. Show smiled. They shook hands again. Show overpowered Jericho into the corner. A minute later Jericho chopped Jericho's chest. Show looked irritated. He no-sold it, threw Jericho into the corner, and then slapped his chest. Jericho sold it. Cole said the big tag match at Bragging Rights is about which show is better. When Jericho walked to ringside, Show picked him up by his head. Show told Jericho to calm down and not make him mad. Jericho slapped and showed Show a couple times. Show grabbed Jericho by the throat, yelled at him, and shoved him hard into the corner. Jericho came out and went for a quick Code Breaker. Show caught him mid-air, set him on the turnbuckle, and slapped him to the ground. Jericho sold a knee injury. Show checked on him and seemed very concerned. The ref began to count to ten. Jericho tricked Show by running into the ring to try to beat the count. Show caught his leg, yanked him to the floor, and then slid into the ring himself. Jericho was counted out. Show shook his head in disgust.

WINNER: Big Show via countout in 5:00.

STAR RATING: *1/4 -- Not a serious match, but it accomplished what it set out to do well, which was tell a story without Show and Jericho having a full-fledged fight.

-They went to Lawler and Cole at ringside. Lawler wore a t-shirt that said, "Lawler for Mayer" and then his website, "lawlerformayor.com" obscured by the "WWE" logo in the lower left of the screen. Cole threw to the host of "Access Hollywood," Maria Menunos.

-Menunos interviewed Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase backstage. She asked if they believe they deserve to be part of Team Raw. DiBiase said they both do. She said that won't be possible. Cody asked what she means. She said DX is in charge of the qualifying matches and Triple H set up a three-way match featuring Cody, Ted, and a third opponent, and only the winner will become part of Team Raw. DiBiase asked who the third opponent is, and she revealed it was John Cena. [c]

[Q3]

2 -- MICKIE JAMES vs. JILLIAN HALL -- Divas Title match

Jillian pinned Mickie with her feet on the ropes for leverage.

WINNER: Jillian Hall in 2:00 to capture the Diva's Title. Ridiculously short, totally undercutting and cred the belt can have when it's booked to be so short.

-Jillian had a hilarious celebration. She told everyone to grab their cameras and take a picture of her, "your new Divas Champion." She said the only thing that would make the moment better is if she could sing her own favorite song by Lady Gaga, "Paparazzi." After signing a few bars, out walked Nancy O'Dell. She interrupted her own introduction as she walked onto the stage. She told Jillian to stop singing because it's hurting her ears. She said she called other G.M.'s over the weekend and made a major Divas trade. She said the good news is she is still on Raw, but the bad news is she has to defend her newly won title against Raw's latest acquisition right now. Jillian protested as O'Dell introduced Melina.

3 -- MELINA vs. JILLIAN HALL -- Divas Title match

Jillian did not want to let go of the Divas Title belt as the match began. She yelled, "It's mine!" Melina scored a near fall in the opening seconds, and then followed up with her finisher for a quick win. Cole said Jillian has the shortest Divas Title reign ever and one of the shortest title reigns ever.

WINNER: Melina in 1:00 to capture the Divas Title. This match being short was more acceptable because Jillian is a presented as a farcical wrestler and she had already wrestled once and she was caught off guard.

-Cole plugged the Cena vs. DiBiase vs. Rhodes qualifying match. [c]

[Q4]

-WWE Fact: WWEClassics.com is the only place you can watch the first 100 episodes of Monday Night Raw. (Not counting my house, apparently.)

-Cole and Lawler announced that next week's Raw guest host is Snoop Dogg.

-Triple H was shown talking strategy with Michaels via speakerphone with a cardboard cutout of Michaels in the room. Michaels's ring entrance music played. Michaels wondered why. Hornswoggle walked into the room dressed as Michaels. Michaels said he had to move to a room with the TV on. Triple H told Hornswoggle he's guilty of gimmick infringement and insisted he leave before Michaels see it. Michaels saw it and freaked out on speakerphone. Hornswoggle instead attacked the Michaels cutout. Triple H made the save and tackled Hornswoggle. Hornswoggle did a bunch of crotch chops. Lawler said Hornswoggle just delivered "some sweet knee music." Cole said full details of the Divas trade will be made available immediately after Raw on WWE.com.

-Santino approached the "Access Hollywood" hosts backstage. He auditioned to be a new male anchor. Beth Phoenix walked up to them and said the rumor is she was traded to Smackdown. They confirmed it was true. She was upset and insisted that they call Teddy Long and have her traded back to Raw or she'll make sure they regret their decision. She asked if she made herself clear. Menunos said it's clear everyone is happy to see her go. Phoenix shoved Menunos against the wall. Santino walked in and said Maria's "not scared for you." He said she'd like to make her wrestling debut tonight. O'Dell said that's not a good idea. Santino said, "Well, then, it's official!"

-Cole and Lawler plugged the Cena vs. Randy Orton main event for Bragging Rights. Cole called it the final confrontation between them. He threw to a video package on last week's developments with those two. [c]

-WrestleMania 26 tickets go on sale in 26 days.

-Ring intros took place for the next match.

[Q5]

4 -- TED DIBIASE vs. CODY RHODES vs. JOHN CENA -- Bragging Rights Qualifier

Cena at first took a two-on-one beating from the heels, but then at 2:00 made a brief comeback. He tried to throw Rhodes out of the ring, but he held onto the ropes and the heels hit Cena with a high-low. DiBiase almost broke up a pin attempt by Cena. Cole said there's a dilemma for Legacy because they have a chance to soften up Cena for Orton rather than go for a quick win. At 7:00 they cut to a break as DiBiase went for a pin on Cena with Rhodes KO'd at ringside. Cena kicked out. DiBiase threw him to the floor. [c] Cody broke up a pin attempt DiBiase made on Cena, although he seemed conflicted. They showed that during the break there was a lot of fighting at ringside including Cena whipping Rhodes into the ringside steps. Back live, Cena dumped Rhodes over the top rope. DiBiase hjit Cena with a high dropkick leading to a near fall at 10:00. Cena hit Rhodes with a fisherman's suplex. DiBiase broke up the pin. The heels doubled Cena again with a suplex attempt, but Cena reversed it and hit his own suplex. He rallied against DiBiase, then dispatched of Rhodes. He turned back to DiBiase and applied an STF mid-ring. Orton ran out and distracted Cena. Rhodes then rolled up DiBiase from behind for the win. DiBiase protested. Orton also got in Rhodes's face. The rules were such where it wasn't a bad move because had Cena won, neither could have made it into the match.

WINNER: Rhodes in 14:00.

-O'Dell patronizingly whistled from the big screen and told them to calm down. She announced that DiBiase and Rhodes might not be getting along right now, but she's booking them against Cena and Orton later. Cole said, "This is a lose-lose for everybody." Things are getting a little too convoluted around here.

-The Smackdown preview aired hyping Batista vs. Rey Mysterio.

[Q5] [c]

-They showed Indianapolis Colts players in the front row. They showed a few Indiana Pacers players earlier.

5 -- JACK SWAGGER vs. MVP -- Bragging Rights Qualifier

Cole recapped the backstory between MVP and Swagger. MVP dominated early and set up his finishing routine. He took so long playing the crowd that Swagger had the resources to easily kick out of after his elbow and then surprise him with a DDT. Swagger then finished MVP clean with a gut-wrench powerbomb.

WINNER: Swagger in 3:00. Boy does MVP look foolish when he does his Ballin' routine and it backfires because it gives his opponent a chance to recover.

-Lawler showed that Team Raw so far is Swagger, Big Show, Rhodes, and DX, with two more to go.

-DiBiase and Rhodes were in the midst of a heated argument backstage when Orton intervened. He said tonight he will not team with Cena and will not let O'Dell mess with him. He said he's not going to tag in and he'll leave Cena for those two to rip apart. He asked if that was understood. DiBiase said what Rhodes is thinking about is pinning Orton in addition to him in one night. Rhodes said DiBiase should redeem himself with a win. Orton said if either of them are really thinking those things, "well, you ought to keep on thinking." Good line.

-Ring intros for Kofi Kingston and Cody Rhodes took place. [c]

[Q7]

6 -- KOFI KINGSTON vs. EVAN BOURNE -- Bragging Rights Qualifier

Joined in progress after the break, Kingston had Bourne in a headlock. They showed that during the break Bourne barely avoided a spinning kick by Kingston. Cole announced that the seventh and final spot on Team Raw will feature Mark Henry vs. Chris Masters. Cole said it would "be a fun match to call on Superstars." At 3:00 Kofi threw Bourne into the air and caught him with an uppercut. Cool spot. He followed with the S.O.S. finisher for a near fall, a cool flip powerbomb into a schoolboy. Bourne surprised Kofi with a jumping knee to the jaw and then climbed to the top rope. As Bourne leaped off the ropes, Kingston caught him with the Trouble in Paradise kick for the win.

WINNER: Kingston in 4:00.

STAR RATING: *1/2 -- What aired was good, as you'd expect with these two.

-Back to Triple H talking to Michaels on speakerphone. Michaels asked if he could put the phone down yet. The female hosts walked into the room. Triple H plugged their book again. Triple H said Menunos is ready because he taught her well. She said, "You taught me two kicks and had me put you a head scissors for 15 minutes." Chavo Guerrero walked into the room and asked Triple H what's up with Hornswoggle dressing up like DX. Triple H said he doesn't like him any more than he does. He said he's upset with the gimmick infringement. Chavo asked why he wasn't given a chance to compete on Team Raw. He asked why he's so special he gets to pick Team Raw. He said he's way more talented than Big Show, can fly higher than Kofi, and is better looking than Rhodes. He said he's a Guerrero. Triple H called for Menunos to kick Chavo. She did, right between the legs. Michaels then said, "If you're not down with that, we've got two words for you." The crowd said, "Suck it!" [c]

-WWE Fact: More people watched ECW last Tuesday night than any program on A&E, ABC Family, TLC, and ESPN. (The networks get a bit more fringe for ECW bragging than Raw or Smackdown bragging.)

-Cole and Lawler again plugged more info on the Diva trade on WWE.com after Raw.

7 -- GAIL KIM & KELLY KELLY & MARIA MENUNOS vs. BETH PHOENIX & ALICIA FOX & ROSA MENDEZ

I'm surprised they didn't make Maria Menunos change her name to Dean or William to avoid confusion with the one-and-only Maria. During her ring intro, a clip aired of the "Serial Buddies" movie. Maria tagged in and tried not to live down to the example set by Jenna from Survivor on TNA. Maria got the better of Fox in some rocky exchanges, then Beth tagged in. She got Maria's face. Maria kicked her in the knee, slapped her, and then tagged out to Kelly. Kelly hit a springboard elbow in the corner on Rosa. Maria yanked Rosa's throat over the top rope, then Kelly legdropped her and scored the pin. O'Dell raised the arms of the winning team including her co-host.

WINNERS: Kelly & Gail & Menunos in 3:00.

[Q8] [c]

-The Miz walked out onto the stage with his U.S. Title. He asked the fans to show him some respect. He told them in two weeks at Bragging Rights, he'll face the Intercontinental Champion from Smackdown, his former partner John Morrison. He said they were the greatest tag team of the 21st Century. He said he was "the talent" of that tag team, ripped on Morrison for being all looks and no substance, and said he'll rule Raw long after Morrison is hanging out with 400 pound women.

-Cole and Lawler hyped the Bragging Rights line-up. Then Orton's ring intro began. [c]

-Cole plugged Snoop Dogg would guest host next week. Orton said he just got off the phone with Snoop Dogg (apparently he has him on speed dial) and assured him that next week would be Cena's last on Raw after what he does to him the subsequent Sunday at Bragging Rights. He said next week's Cena will "compete in one of the biggest matches of his career." (Will it be in a six-sided ring!?) Cole said they'll be informed who Cena's opponent will be next week immediately after this match. Good hook to keep viewers tuned in.

[Q9]

8 -- JOHN CENA & RANDY ORTON vs. TED DIBIASE & CODY RHOES

Cole reset the show at the top of the hour. At 4:00 after breaking free from a surprisngly long chinlock by Rhodes for live TV, Cena blind-tagged Orton into the match. Cena jumped to the floor as Cole said Orton must face Rhodes now, prompting the question: Why didn't Orton just leave once the match began? Cena stepped onto the ring apron and laughed. DiBiase tagged in and went for a schoolboy on Orton twice. Orton popped up and slapped Cena in the chest, tagging him back in. They had a staredown as they switched places. Cena then went after DiBiase and set up the You Can't See Me bit. Orton though, blind-tagged himself in and surprised Cena with a kick to the gut during his Attitude Adjustment set-up. He kicked him in the corner repeatedly. DiBiase then rolled up Orton from behind for the win. Afterward, Cena gave Orton an Attitude Adjustment.

WINNER: DiBiase & Rhodes in 6:00.

STAR RATING: *1/2 -- Not a lot to it.

-Cole then announced that Cena will face Triple H next week on Raw one-on-one.

FINAL THOUGHTS (4.0): They accomplished a lot in terms of setting up Bragging Rights, but it felt like an off-week for the show. They even seemed to realize it with the teaser of the Cena opponent announcement at the end of the main event. The stuff with Legacy pinning each other was more confusing than compelling. The guest hosts didn't add to the show. Maria wrestling was disrespectful to the craft and training that Divas go through in WWE. O'Dell was sometimes okay, other times patronizing. The speakerphone bit with Michaels was kind of amusing and so was Jillian's win and quick loss. A good Miz promo and some good in-ring action with Bourne vs. Kingston and MVP vs. Swagger kept this from being below mediocre, but it still doesn't amount to more than a 4.0.

QUOTEBOOK

Jerry Lawler: "Big Show was Chris Jericho's size once. When he was two."

Santino Marella to Beth Phoenix: "Just so you know, Beth, every time we were intimate in the past, I faked every organism."

The Miz: "John Morrison was nothing more than a hair-do with abs. So congratulations, John, you're the new Richard Simmons and in ten years time, when you're still wearing bedazzled tank tops and hanging out with 400 pound women, I will be the face of the number one show in sports entertainment, Raw. Because I'm The Miz, and I'm awesome."

[Mickie James art credit Grant Gould (c) PWTorch]

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