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TORCH HOT NEWS: WWE Writer Wished Well in Future Endeavors, Reportedly Proposed Logical Storyline for Mr. Kennedy Firing

Jun 2, 2009 - 3:48:45 PM
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PWTorch.com obtained the following double-secret press release just released from WWE HQ in Stamford, Conn. The press release was destroyed prior to being sent to the public, but a source in WWE HQ microscopically pieced the release back together for publication.

STAMFORD (June 2, 2009) -- World Wrestling Entertainment (TM for life) announced today the dismissal of a creative team member effective immediately. WWE would like to wish him well in his future endeavors, which will include returning to Hollywood to write scripts for D-Level films from WWE Studios.

Former Creative Team Member showed a lack of respect for the hierarchy of the WWE creative process by proposing a logical solution to make money off former WWE Superstar (TM for life) Mr. Kennedy's recent release.

FCTM proposed a program built over the period of several weeks that would culminate in a Loser Leaves Town match on live worldwide WWE Pay-Per-View seen in over 8,000 countries and by 100.2 billion people. Kennedy would subsequently lose the match and be forced to leave WWE, but fulfill the terms of his WWE contract by making money for the Best Value in Entertainment.

"His planning and foresight were an obvious detriment to what we were trying to accomplish, which was avoiding planning and foresight," said a WWE executive who spoke on the condition of anonymity due to the sensitive nature of the issue.

FCTM drew the ire of WWE Chairman Vince McMahon for proposing a logical business solution to Mr. Kennedy's departure from WWE rather than simply firing him because McMahon could not stand the sight of him for one more second.

"Quite frankly, if I wasn't so mad at Enos last week, I would have fired him on live TV," McMahon said. "Quite frankly, I've been tired of that Mister stuff since Day One and couldn't wait to finally let him have it. The audacity of the creative team member to propose keeping him around. He's lucky I didn't have him arrested for impersonating a good writer."

The Hot News has been a staple of PWTorch dating back to the first edition of the Pro Wrestling Torch Newsletter in October 1987. It's a "breaking news" format that presents plausible and sometimes implausible situations under the temporary guise of actual news with a satirical bent, sometimes to just have fun and other times to illustrate an editorial point and irony.


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