ECW GUILTY AS CHARGED PPV
January 9, 2005
Birmingham, Ala.
Report by Wade Keller, PWTorch editor

PPV Roundtable Scores published in PWTorch Newsletter #584 available for VIP members in the 2000 back-issues of the Torch. Not a VIP Member? CLICK HERE to go VIP.

Joey Styles and Cyrus introduced the show from mid-ring. Cyrus said his headset allows him to give a blow-by-blow. Styles said, "Enough about how you got your job." Joel Gertner then came out and gave a few one-liners, including, "All the women in Alabama want to take me to court because they swallowed my stuff and now they want me to pay child support." Styles asked Gertner if he interrupted a live PPV just for that. Gertner said, "Let me see, I got myself over, said my line, got a bigger pop than this schmuck (Cyrus), already got my paycheck, got some snatch lined up at the hotel... Yeah, Joey, I think I'm done. Oh, wait a minute, no I'm not. One last thing." Then he gave Cyrus the "up yours" arm gesture. Mildly funny. When Joey screamed "Guilty as Charged," it appeared he was having a bowel movement...

(1) C.W. Anderson (w/Lou E. Dangerously, Beautiful Billy Wiles) pinned Mikey Whipwreck at 3:42. Lou E. did his Paul E. imitation before the match. Whipwreck took a nice bump off the apron and then over the ringside railing. Anderson began working over Mikey's arm in the ring Anderson-style. At 2:45 Mikey made a comeback with a Russian leg sweep for a quick two count. He followed with a top rope clothesline for a near fall. Mikey dropped Anderson with the Whippersnapper for an apparent pin, but Lou E. pulled the ref out of the ring. The camera missed the shot completely. As the ref yelled at Lou E., Billy gave Whipwreck a twisting powerslam and draped Anderson's arm over Whipwreck. Whipwreck kicked out; the crowd popped. Lou E. hit Mikey with his phone. Anderson followed up with a spinebuster for the win. Solid opener. (*3/4)

Cyrus referred to Styles as a "male rat." For some reason that legitimately cracked up Styles. Styles, for perhaps the first time ever on TV, showed genuine rather than put-on emotion. It was as natural as he has ever looked on TV. Cyrus told Styles he should hang out with Raven more often. Styles said he doesn't have the tolerance.

(2) Simon Diamond & Danny Doring & Roadkill (w/Elektra) beat Nova & Kid Kash & Jazz when Roadkill pinned Chris Chetti at 9:58. Diamond brought with him a Backstreet Boy reject, tuxedo-wearing friend named "Mitch on a Mic." He introduced Diamond, which gave us a break from regular ring announcer Steven DiAngeles's overpronunciation-nahh of the last-ahh syllable-laah of everyone's name-maaah. Diamond's partners wouldn't expose their backside to Diamond, which was pretty funny. Styles again made reference to Nova using some innovative moves that would be copied on Monday night wrestling. Hey, maybe Nova should watch Monday night wrestling and steal some psychology and context to the moves he uses. Big Dick Hertz returned to ECW by walking to ringside. Diamond jumped into his arms. Double-entendre time. Cyrus said, "He's all over his dick." When Jazz jumped on Dick, Styles said, "She's choking Dick." At 6:47 Chetti just walked out and joined the match. Styles said he wasn't cleared medically, much less contractually to be involved in the match. The fresh Chetti tagged in and beat up Doring and Roadkill. The camera zoomed way too tight when the ref was thrown onto a bunch of wrestlers at ringside. Styles thinks he's being so smart by pausing three or four seconds before calling big moves so as not to talk over the crowd pop, but it makes it seem like he's watching the matches on tape delay. Elektra then got in the ring wearing high heels. The crowd popped. Chetti piledrove her, then covered her with his face in her crotch going for the pin. In the end, Doring came back against Chetti. Roadkill then finished off Chetti, who wasn't even officially in the match. The Dupp Brothers then came out and attacked anyone in the ring. Cyrus said the Dupp Brothers have heat with all the boys in the back. Styles said they don't realize they are sports entertainers. Oh, yeah, good idea. Let's tell viewers everybody is fake except for the Dupp Brothers. The match was a highspot happy indy-style cluster mess, but watchable. (*3/4)

Judge Jeff Jones and Mike Awesome did a really good interview for 1982. It came across as just a stereotypical, forced, grunting pro wrestling interview. Okay, but dated. Spike Dudley followed up with a modern-day interview. Paul Heyman in the background told Spike to start over. Spike blew up and said he wasn't acting. Oh, I get it, most interviews are fake, but Spike's is real. Why did ECW decide to copy the worst aspect of Vince Russo's booking?

(3) Yoshihiro Tajiri (w/Steve Corino) & Super Crazy beat Jerry Lynn & Little Guido when Tajiri pinned Lynn at 12:40. Tajiri was supposed to select a partner of his choice to face Super Crazy and a partner of his choice. Tajiri's facial expressions are great. Corino looks indy, but has a great obnoxious heel presence. Cyrus predicted that Tajiri was going to pick Jerry Lynn to be his partner. When Super Crazy came out the fans began chanting for him. Corino announced that Super Crazy would be Taijiri's partner. Corino hilariously said: "Honesty is what put ECW on the map, isn't it? Honesty is what the god of professional wrestling, Paul Heyman, preaches." He seemed to want to say that line really badly, because it didn't exactly fit in the context of the storyline. Little Guido then came out on Big Sal E. Graziano's shoulders. Guido said he is the no. 1 draft pick for the tag match. Corino said that is a shame because he is the most powerful man in ECW and he calls the shots. Paul Heyman interrupted and said he calls the shots. He said Guido has a partner, and he is The New F'n Show Jerry Lynn. Cyrus and Styles joked about Victor Quinones "breaking in a few young wrestlers." Really good action from these four pros. At 11:20 Tajiri sprayed green mist into Lynn's face. Tajiri and Crazy showed good teamwork. Guido ended up turning on Lynn, giving him a windmill face-smasher. Crazy and Tajiri fought over who got to pin Lynn. Tajiri won out and gave Lynn the brainbuster for the win. Styles said, "Talk about your swervefests." The swerves didn't mean a lot since the alliances were difficult to keep track of in the first place. (***)

Corino cut a promo on Dusty Rhodes and said if he was in the arena, he would kick his ass. Dusty snuck in the ring from behind and beat up Corino. He gave a series of elbows to Corino, Jack Victory, and Crazy. Rhino entered and beat up the Dream. If they want Rhino to get over, they better not refer to him as the "Rookie Monster." The locker room cleared out and tried to restore order in the ring. The crowd chanted, "Dusty, Dusty." Heyman came to the ring to check on Rhodes's condition.

Backstage New Jack cut a promo about how no one has made him more upset than Angel. Intense, and as usual for New Jack, well delivered.

(4) Angel (w/The Baldies) pinned New Jack at 8:48. New Jack brought a can full of weapons to the ring and his music played throughout the match. New Jack leaped off the top rope onto Angel on the floor. Angel bled from the forehead. The other Baldies attacked New Jack. At 4:00 they brawled through the crowd. New Jack climbed onto the balcony and dove off with a splash through a table. Angel then attacked Jack from behind. Styles said it was the Baldies plan to get their asses kicked in order to distract Jack from attacking Angel. New Jack used the staplegun against DiVito. Angel KO'd Jack with a shovel for the pin. Typically intense, watchable garbage match. (**)

A Bill Alfonso and Rob Van Dam promo aired. Van Dam said he doesn't have any serious competition coming up. Alfonso asked, "What about Sabu?" Vam Dam said fans keep waiting for his long reign to end, but it won't anytime soon. He said he is Sheik's favorite wrestler (Sheik is Sabu's uncle). Alfonso talked up Sabu during the interview, then stepped into Sabu's locker room. Alfonso said Sabu has spent his entire life looking for someone as good as he is, and now he may have found him in Van Dam. Alfonso guaranteed Sabu would win the match or else he would "grab his bags and leave tonight" (whatever that means). It seemed to imply Sabu would leave ECW if he lost, but his exact words didn't say that. As it was, a confusing thing to say.

(5) Rob Van Dam pinned Sabu at 14:37 to retain the ECW TV Title. As Van Dam walked around the ring, they showed his wife Sonya at ringside. Van Dam acknowledged her. It was the spotfest you would expect from these two. At 9:00 they had dueling chairs, swinging at each other with the other blocking with a chair of his own. Sabu went to a camel clutch and then a series of spots with a chair. Sabu scored a visual pinfall, but the ref was down. Sabu hit another move and scored a two count. Van Dam blocked a huracanrana and then hit a split-legged moonsault for a near fall. Van Dam wanted a chair that Alfonso held, but Alfonso wouldn't give it to him. Alfonso wouldn't give it to Sabu, either. Van Dam gave Alfonso the Van Daminator. The crowd didn't pop for the significance of it. Sabu went for a triple jump splash, but Van Dam pulled the chair out from under him. Van Dam then hit the Five-Star Splash for the pin. Very good match. Styles said he wondered what Sabu would do since he vowed to "walk out" if he didn't win the title. Sabu and Van Dam shook hands afterward.They played it as Sabu's send-off, without saying so in so many words. Sabu said goodbye to Van Dam. Van Dam asked Alfonso, "What did Sabu mean by that?" (***3/4)

Styles announced that Sandman could not be there to face Raven due to a family emergency.

(6) The Impact Players (Justin Credible & Lance Storm, w/Dawn Marie) beat Raven & Tommy Dreamer when Justin pinned Raven at 9:54 to capture the ECW Tag Team Titles. They brawled to the stage. Raven and Dreamer threw Justin and Storm off the stage to the floor. At 4:40 Storm finally tagged in Justin. At 7:00 a bloody Dreamer tagged Raven, who cleared the ring of the Impact Players. Jason entered with a chair, but Raven shoved a snot rag over his face and shoved him out of the ring. Raven gave Justin a drop toe hold onto a chair. Dreamer then slidekicked a chair into Storm's face. Justin quickly reversed Raven into a tombstone. Styles said it was over, which guaranteed a two count. (Why can't Styles just say, "This could do it!" and not give away that there will be a kickout?) Dreamer backdropped Storm over the top rope through a table on the floor. Justin stiffed Dreamer with a chair. Francine low-blowed Justin. Marie entered the ring and they rolled around on the mat as Styles screamed "cat fight." The camera zoomed in on their crotches. Cyrus said, "It's like a couple of rabid beavers going at it." Raven shoved Francine out of the path of Justin's cane shot, but that allowed Justin to give him the That's Incredible for the win. Good match. (***1/2)

Steven Prazak interviewed Corino, Jack Victory, and Rhino about Dusty Rhodes.

(7) Mike Awesome pinned Spike Dudley at 14:10 to retain the ECW Hvt. Title. These two managed to put on a main event worthy match. The transitions made sense when the much smaller Spike took over offense against the much larger Awesome. Before the match Spike set up tables on all four sides of the ring and double-stacked one of them. Cyrus joked that the office is happy with the marketing prospects of Spike being the heavyweight champ. At 8:30 Awesome dove over the top rope and over the railing with a clothesline on Spike. When Awesome landed he slipped on the wet floor and hit the ground hard. A bloody Spike came back and pounded his chest, but Awesome soon took over, throwing Spike over the top rope through another table. In the end Awesome hit the Awesome Bomb off the top rope driving Spike through a table in center ring and scored the pin. (***)

[Torch art credit Cory Gould (c) PWTorch.com]

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