WWF WRESTLEMANIA X-5
MARCH 28 2003
LIVE FROM PHILADELPHIA, PA.

Wade Keller, editor (6.5): Vince McMahon's WrestleMania philosophy tends to be that the main event should be a first-time match (i.e. not a rematch from the previous month's PPV), yet he rarely brings the WM main event back the next month in a rematch with added stips (i.e. no-DQ or cage) as not to take away from the memorability of WM. Did Rock vs. Austin live up to that one-time, special match feel that so many previous WM main events have had? Not really. Their 17 minute match could have just as easily been a main event on Raw. It was a very good match, but it seemed to be just another in a long series of matches in ongoing WWF storylines. It didn't resolve anything and it wasn't a step up from their usual PPV and TV performances. The same could be said for every match on the card. The positive spin on that evaluation is that the WWF wrestlers always put forth their best efforts and they don't hold back and save their energy for the bigger shows. The negative spin is that the WWF doesn't have the talent it takes to step it up a notch when needed. Wrestlemania was a good show, but the WWF's roster is most ideally geared toward a Raw-style format with short matches and interviews.

On a completely different note, now that Bart Gunn "has let everybody down," I think the WWF can still capitalize on the memorable nature of his loss. If Vince wants to really test his creative skills, he can find a way to rebuild Bart. After all, Bart is now known as the guy who got humiliated by Butterbean. Since they didn't even allude to that match on Raw the day after Wrestlemania, despite their desire to sell the replay, it indicates they want to wipe the match from the history books. In fact, they may erase it from the replay just to be safe. However, there are ways to take Bart's loss and turn it into a positive. The storyline could have Bart becoming despondent over losing and letting down his fellow wrestlers. He could end up homeless (a la the Dallas Page angle that never went anywhere in WCW) and end up getting a pep talk from another mid-level babyface friend of his who will inspire him to train harder and make a comeback.

Bart, though, probably won't be considered worth the time or effort. He wasn't seen as having "it" before the Brawl for All, and his winning of the tournament was seen as a burden by management more than an opportunity to build a star. I, though, thought he showed an understated, intangible charisma during the Brawl for All and more recently during the Wrestlemania hype that made him worthy of more of a push. His future push was based around the fame he might receive by knocking out Butterbean. He gambled and lost, and if the non-mention on Raw the day after WrestleMania is any indication don't look for Bart anytime soon.

Bruce Mitchell, columnist: The most lucrative wrestling show ever played to the WWF's considerable strengths: storyline, star power, and hard work by the top stars. Rock versus Stone Cold was very good and dramatically built to its inevitable climax. Lord knows this match should have been good, they've been practicing it in one form or another for over two years. And unlike Sabu and Taz, they're way over which makes it a lot more fun to watch even if, truth be told, we've seen it all before. And I would have loved to have been in on those referee negotiations: "I get to make the three count for Stone Cold!" "Okay, but I get to drink beer with him after his win!"

As for the rest, Undertaker's Hell in he Cell match was horrible, but without it we would have missed Michael Cole's immortal line, "You could get your finger caught in that cage" that was soon topped by, in reference to Bossman's (justifiable) hanging, Cole yelling, "Is it symbolic?" While like most TORCH readers I think Wade Keller should be beaten to death by his own thesaurus, maybe someone should tell Mike that if the guy is in the noose he is being literally hung.

Sable and Tori should have dispensed with those imitation wrestling spots and just stripped like Vince wanted. Nicole Bass, ugh. The Three-Way and Four-Way were more like No Way, which is, thank God, what Ken Shamrock told the Two Vinces. What soap opera was it where a guy screwed his sister, anyway? The turns by Hunter, Big Show, and Kane were two too many, although the reunion of Hunter and Chyna was almost touching.

And whoever would have thought the Owner's Son would win the Amateur Wrestler's Cup over such staunch competition as the Owner, Jay Leno, Eazy E, Flair's Kid, The Worm, The Mailman, and Lex Luger? Whatta world...

Chris Zavisa, columnist: The WWF has achieved an unusual kind of parity within itself. Gone are any hopes of four star bouts or matches of the year with the departure of Shawn Michaels and the injuries to Mick Foley. Also gone are the horrid worst matches of the year that made you run screaming from the room and renounce wrestling for four months. Now almost every match hovers safely between one and three stars and the show is booked carefully to send everyone home reasonably content. Not happy, just content.

I imagine that the WWF is like a manic-depressive patient who has been helped through the wonders of good prescription drugs. The highs and lows are gone from their life and all that excitement has been replaced with a brand of tedium. If that is your prescription for the biggest show of the year, it is most certainly not mine.

WrestleMania XV followed this template to perfection. The best match was the Austin title change and that barely came in at three-and-a-half stars. The rest was scaled down from there. X-Pac and Shane probably turned in the second best performance of the night with Shane showing some of the old man's work ethic. Having Jim Ross do the main event was an especially nice touch and made the bout a bit better than it was. Somebody should shoot (or at least suspend) Michael Cole for telling us to tune in later to QVC and hear from the "new champion." Problem was the title change had not yet occurred. I guess Cole's new job will be for a psychic hotline.

The Undertaker apologists who read the TORCH will be working overtime defying fact and logic to explain how both he and Bossman failed to do one single thing with the gimmick that so many thought ensured a great match. The only thing that insured those previous efforts were Undertaker's talented opponents. He and Bossman are two slugs who wasted a spot and a great format.

Triple H and Chyna are better as a duo but I am not so sure about Triple H with Vince's ass-kissing club. Triple H just does not seem to fit. We will see. Foley's knee problems and his opponent doomed his bout to just a prelim angle for the main event. Sable should stick to two or three carefully rehearsed moves and forget trying to work an actual match. Shamrock was poorly utilized and the Hardcore match seemed only partially hard. Butterbean may have the silliest name in sports and looks like a bloated Uncle Fester, but he sure kicked ass. Jarrett should be shipped to Memphis but he would probably be pronounced DOA.

An average show with a good but not great main event. On the year's biggest show, that leaves much to be desired. But with the standards slipping the way they have, this should get votes in December for Best Major Event of the Year.

Jason Powell, assistant editor: On paper, the undercard of the show looked really weak by WrestleMania standards. While they did throw in some nice turns and swerves, it turned out as weak as it seemed. While Shane vs. X-Pac was a fun match, this was a one-match-show with Rock vs. Austin. Just about every other match seemed thrown together without any real purpose other than to fill time and make sure everyone got on the card. The Hell in a Cell match was terrible. When I first heard about the match, I assumed Bossman had volunteered to take some crazy bump. Little did I know the only reason they set up this meaningless match was because Bossman's character spent a lot of time in cells during his time as a prison guard. Wow, deep storyline.

Sable really bothers me. It's obvious by the look on her face she feels she is better than everyone and has an obvious disdain for the sport and its fans. It was noticeable long before her heel turn. She is the biggest phony in wrestling. The ridiculous hip-swivel gyrations she does look so unnatural and I don't believe the woman has a sensual bone in her body. Every sexual tease she makes comes off as being forced. My bet is that she is the biggest prude in the world and that her entire sex-pot persona is the biggest stretch in wrestling. She may be an attractive woman but beauty is only silicon deep.

With Bart Gunn deciding to box it out with Butterbean, it's really not a surprise that he got his ass kicked. If Butterbean got a big head from this and is willing to compete in another Brawl for All match, the WWF should stick him in the ring with a wrestler. Just because Bart beat Doc Williams doesn't mean Doc couldn't out-wrestle Butterbean... Gillberg would've been a lot more fun as D-Lo's partner rather than the bland Test. A one-night title change would've been a fun way to start out the show... I realize they have way too much money invested in them through merchandising, but it would be nice to see DX break-up while the gimmick is still popular, unlike the NWO. Maybe a year or two down the road they could reform the group and still have it mean something... Paul Wight's storyline was reminiscent of Jesse Ventura and Sid Justice's roles as tweener refs at past SummerSlams several years back. Lesson: If there is a tweener ref in the WWF, count on him turning babyface... Ken Shamrock is the most underutilized talent on the WWF roster while Bob Holly is the most overutilized. Hardcore Holly? Come on... Jim Ross sounded just fine to me and deserves his spot on Raw back if he is physically able...

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