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KELLER'S WWE SMACKDOWN REPORT 5 YRS. AGO (10-23-03): Undertaker vs. Big Show & Brock Lesnar, John Cena and A-Train, yes, that A-Train, team up
Oct 24, 2008 - 11:21:00 PM
WWE SMACKDOWN
OCTOBER 23, 2003
TAPED TUESDAY IN ALBANY, N.Y.
-Highlights aired of what happened at No Mercy. Michael Cole and Tazz introduced the show as Vince McMahon and Sable walked to the ring. Vince gloated about beating his daughter at No Mercy. He talked about celebrating by having sex with Sable all night after his win. He said he learned a lot of things at No Mercy, and one of them is that he gets to have sex with Sable if he signs her paycheck. He told Sable she isn't the new General Manager of Smackdown. He said the new GM of Smackdown "quite frankly tried to put me out of business." He's someone who if he's around you for any length of time, you find yourself wanting to strangle him." He said he is one of the most creative, manipulative minds in the history of the business. A slim, dapper, healthy looking Paul Heyman walked out to the ring. Cole told Tazz, "He's your boss again." Heyman shook hands with Vince, then said, "Things are going to change around here." Before he could go on, Undertaker walked out.
Heyman told Taker he could kill him if he wanted, but he shouldn't because he can give Taker what he wants, something Vince won't do for him. Heyman announced the main event of Smackdown would feature Undertaker vs. Brock Lesnar & Big Show. Heyman said if he wins the two-on-one match, he could name any match he wanted for Survivor Series with any stips against anyone. Taker said Heyman "standing in his ring is like somebody taking a huge crap in my yard." He told Heyman his little plan is going to blow up in his face. "Some way, somehow, I'm going to win, and I will get my revenge," he said. "And you or nobody else has any idea how sick and twisted and maniacal I can be." You've got no idea. He slammed the mic in Heyman's chest. Heyman reacted with an exaggerated sinister smile and laugh - a bit overacted.
-Cole and Tazz plugged the Los Guerreros vs. Haas & Benjamin tag title match.
[Commercial Break]
-John Cena came out and did a rap addressing his loss to Kurt Angle on Sunday. He said he wouldn't waste his time congratulating Angle and said he only lost because Angle made him nervous grabbing his "salami."
1 -- JOHN CENA & A-TRAIN vs. KURT ANGLE & CHRIS BENOIT
When Angle was trying to lock in an Anklelock on Cena at 3:30, A-Train interfered with a big boot. It must have missed since the camera angle switched three times within a second during the move and Cole said he didn't think Train got all of it. Benoit mistakenly hit Angle with a chair when Train moved. Angle recovered and went after Benoit with the chair. They shoved each and then exchanged punches. Angle took Benoit to the mat. Benoit slipped on a Crippler Crossface. The ref called for the bell.
WINNERS: No contest at 4:30.
STAR RATING: *3/4 -- Really good action for three minutes before the controversial finish which did a nice job adding heat between Angle and Benoit, drawing on their past problems with each other.
[Commercial Break]
-Cole and Tazz talked about Tajiri spraying Nidia with the new more lethal black mist. They said she hadn't regained her vision yet. They went to web cam footage of Jamie Noble. He said he bought Nidia the webcam with the inheritance from his aunt. He said she liked to have fun on the internet, but now stuff like money and toys don't matter as much as they used to. He said doctors are considering a number of surgeries for her. He said if she doesn't get her vision back, he'll get revenge on Tajiri. I'm not so sure about the soft-spoken, earnest Noble character. I'd prefer the obnoxious version, but his tone was appropriate for the circumstances.
-Backstage Charlie Haas talked to Shelton Benjamin about making his TV comeback tonight. They brought up Paul Heyman's return. Heyman then popped into the picture. He told them as an agent he assembled the world's greatest tag team, but then said he was going to punish them for not calling him after he was knocked out of commission by a Brock Lesnar F5. He said to get back at them, he was removing them from their tag title shot and giving it to The Bashams instead. He said they'd have a different match and he'd give them merely three minutes to prepare for it. It's good to see them acknowledging Heyman's history with Benjamin & Haas.
[Commercial Break]
2 -- RIKISHI & SCOTTY 2 HOTTY vs. SHELTON BENJAMIN & CHARLIE HAAS
WINNERS: Rikishi & Hotty at 6:12.
STAR RATING: * -- What you'd expect - a reintroduction of the signature spots by Rikishi and Scotty, including the Worm and Stinkface at Haas at the end. Cole and Tazz got into an argument after the match over whether Tazz knew about hats.
-Vince McMahon and Sable danced in their luxury box in the arena. Taker barged in and told Vince he is a pathetic, gutless coward. "Hell, if you were such a big man, you wouldn't have to pay that slut Sable to sleep with you," Taker said. He told Vince to pray that he wins his match, because if he doesn't, he's going to come back up to the luxury suite and "there won't be any talking."
[Commercial Break]
-Cole and Tazz discussed the death of Stu Hart. Cole narrated a brief video feature on Stu's life.
3 -- EDDIE & CHAVO GUERRERO vs. THE BASHAM BROTHERS (w/Shaniqua) - WWE Tag Team Title match.
The Guerreros dominated the first two minutes. Shaniqua interfered to help the Bashams gain the advantage for the body of the match. Eddie made a comeback at 5:30 and did a nice rope climb into a headscissors/armdrag takedown combo on both Bashams. Chavo hot-tagged in and took both Bashams down with dropkicks and a DDT. When the Bashams double-teamed Chavo, Eddie yanked Danny out of the ring. Chavo then scored a near fall on Doug, then tagged in Eddie. Eddie flipped into the ring and landed on Doug. Chavo knocked Danny off the ring apron as Eddie hit his three vertical suplex series. Eddie played to the crowd, then kicked Shaniqua off the ring apron when she tried to interfere. The Bashams switched places. Eddie went to the top rope and flipped onto the mat; the illegal Basham moved, then hit Eddie with a club to win the match. Somebody is listening, because finally an announcer called a match over just as the ref began counting and it actually was over! They're changing things up finally.
WINNERS: The Bashams at 7:55 to capture the titles.
STAR RATING: **1/4 -- Above-average TV tag match, but nothing particularly memorable. Nice play off of the Guerrero's gimmick of being great cheaters, but the Bashams out-cheating them.
[Commercial Break]
4 -- ZACH GOWEN vs. TAJIRI
At 2:00 Zach missed a dropkick. Tajiri followed up with a suplex attempt. Zach escaped and rolled up Tajiri for a near fall. Zach went to the top rope at 3:15, but missed a moonsault. Tajiri kicked Zach in the face and scored the pin. Tajiri's "Japanese mafia" friends came out through the crowd and entered the ring to congratulate Tajiri. Then they slammed Zach to the mat. Cole and Tazz wondered who they were. They were dressed nicely in black suits. Tazz said he knows people who dress and act that way, but they look a bit different.
WINNER: Tajiri at 3:28.
STAR RATING: *1/4 -- Tajiri did a nice job making the match as credible as possible.
-Josh Matthews interviewed Shaniqua and The Bashams on the rampway after the match. She said it was time to celebrate, implying a night of wild sex.
[Commercial Break]
-Big Show and Brock Lesnar talked backstage about their match against Taker, disagreeing over who had to be more on their game.
-A taped promo aired with Bob Holly stating that he didn't forget what Brock Lesnar did to him and he's coming back for one reason - to get revenge on Brock. On last Friday's VIP Audio Update, I mentioned that I thought Holly carried himself really well in his OVW angle with Matt Capotelli playing off of their Tough Enough 3 incident and that he'd be a good opponent for Brock upon returning to the main Smackdown roster. Someone agrees with me. Holly, if unleashed from tight scripting, is as believable as anyone in that serious tough guy with a chip on his shoulder role.
[Commercial Break]
-Cole and Tazz acknowledged the death of Mike "Hawk" Hegstrand. They had a nice series of photos and clips including back in the AWA with Paul Ellering. Cole said they revolutionized tag team wrestling and will go down in history as the only team to hold the AWA, NWA, WCW, and WWF tag team championships.
5 -- UNDERTAKER vs. BIG SHOW & BROCK LESNAR
Taker pinned Big Show at 5:22 after backdropping out of a piledriver attempt by Brock and then chokeslamming Show off the top rope. It appeared Taker had won and his music began playing, but Heyman stepped out and said he screwed up his first day on the job. He forgot to mention that it is a best of three falls match. Taker caught his breath and absorbed the news.
[Commercial Break]
At 12:00 Taker won when both Brock and Show were counted out of the ring after Taker threw then into the crowd. Heyman interrupted the music again. He said he forgot to mention it's a "no countout match." He apologized to Vince in the luxury box for screwing up. Vince was relieved. Show then nailed Taker in the back as the bell rang to start the third fall. Heyman sat back in his desk chair on the stage. The ref DQ'd Show for using the chair. Music played again at 13:00. Heyman said, "Vince, I'm sorry. It's my first day on the job. I'm used to being an agent." He said it was a no DQ match. "This match must continue," he said. Vince smiled. Taker then hit Brock and Show with a chain-wrapped first, taking advantage of the no-DQ stip just added, and then gave Brock the Last Ride and scored the pin.
WINNER: Undertaker at 14:25.
STAR RATING: **1/2 -- More of an ongoing angle than a full-fledged match, but good TV spectacle. If it's goal was to create the sense that Undertaker is the toughest act in WWE, it succeeded.
-After the match, Taker sat on his bike. Show attacked from behind and threw him back into the ring. Brock and Show kicked and stomped and choked Taker, including Show pounding him with his chain-wrapped fist. Brock lifted Taker and spun him with F5 knee-first into the ringpost. Vince told Taker to stay right there because he is going to come to ringside to personally congratulate him.
[Commercial Break]
-Vince got in Taker's face and asked if the agony he just went through was worth it just to get a title shot. He said as long as he's breathing, he'll never be the WWE Champion. "Never!" he screamed. Taker continued to roll on the ground in pain. Vince asked Taker what kind of match he wanted against Brock. Taker gasped and said, "I will have my revenge. The place is Survivor Series. The match is Buried Alive." Vince said, "Isn't that wonderful. Let me tell you something, Dead Man. At Survivor Series, Brock Lesnar is going to bury you six feet under." Taker got to his feet and grabbed the mic and said, "You got it all wrong, Vince. Brock Lesnar's not my opponent at Survivor Series, you are." Vince's jaw dropped as the reality of the Heyman offer to wrestle anyone in any match anywhere sunk in. Very well done. Send feedback on this article to pwtorch@gmail.com and we'll regularly publish reader feedback in the "Torch Feedback" category on the Main Listing.
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