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KELLER'S WWE SMACKDOWN REPORT 5 YRS. AGO (10-16-03): Cena-Angle, Stephanie, Rhyno, Eddie, Rey Mysterio

Oct 17, 2008 - 3:32:02 PM
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By Wade Keller, PWTorch editor

KELLER'S WWE SMACKDOWN REPORT
OCTOBER 16, 2003
TAPED TUESDAY IN CINCINNATI, OHIO


-A clip aired of Stephanie McMahon talked about how this could be her last night as GM of Smackdown. Oh, how wrestling fans are so scared she'll lose. What would we all do without her as GM of Smackdown?

-Michael Cole and Tazz introduced the show.

-Kurt Angle came out dressed in a retro jersey (it was a Mark Brunell Jaguars jersey, which for all intents and purposes is a retro jersey at this point) and visor. He mocked a Cena's rap and his "obsession with the male body." After he finished his mock rap, he called out "Kurt Angle." A little person came out dressed in a red, white, and blue singlet. After Angle mocked the little Angle, the little Angle did a brief rap, saying, "Cener is a Wiener." He led the crowd in that chant. Angle, pretending to be Cena, leaped out of the ring in fright. When he re-entered, the little Angle put him in an Anglelock. Angle, imitating Cena, quickly tapped out. The real John Cena came out and went nose to nose with Angle. Cena said what will make his laugh is at No Mercy when he's begging for his life. The little Angle low-blowed Cena from behind. Angle punched away at Cena and then gave him the Angle Slam. Cena rolled out of the ring. I guess the philosophy here is humiliate the heel and outwrestle him to the point that he retreats so that the audience can't wait to pay to see more of it. Traditionally, the heel would end up with some heat on the babyface, and fans would pay to see the babyface get revenge.

[Commercial Break]

1 -- CHRIS BENOIT vs. DOUG BASHAM (w/Danny Basham)

Benoit got in some early offense, but when he dove at the Bashams at ringside, they moved and he landed with a thud on the mat. At 3:00 Benoit teased a comeback, but Basham took him down with a clothesline. Tazz stressed that Benoit's neck might be taking a beating and affect the outcome of the match. Benoit hit Basham with a released German suplex. Danny threw a chair to Doug, but Benoit kicked the chair into Doug's face. Benoit grabbed the chair. As the ref yanked the chair away from Benoit, Danny switched places with Doug. When Benoit went for the top rope headbutt, Danny moved. Danny almost pinned Benoit, but Benoit kicked out. Benoit then gave Basham three consecutive German suplexes, then applied the Crippler Crossface for the win.

WINNER: Benoit at 5:41.

STAR RATING: **1/4 -- Very good short TV match.

-After the match, A-Train attacked Benoit from behind with a clothesline. Referees separated them, but Benoit broke free and attacked A-Train again.

-A clip aired of Steph crying about her relationship with her father Vince. This is Steph's attempt to prove she's an Emmy-worth actress, or at least a local theater worthy actress. It might be time for her to try out for a part in Hollywood and see if she can pass the muster with a casting director who isn't also a blood relative.

[Commercial Break]

-The glamourous Stephanie McMahon said it is ruthless of her father to keep her off of Smackdown on what could be her final week as GM, especially since it prevents her from saying good bye to all of the WWE Smackdown fans who have been supportive of her. Cole asked, "Is the McMahon family normal?" She said it's hard to say because all she knows is her upbringing. She said her family airs its dirty family in public and may be a little more dysfunctional than average, but it's all she knows. She said she loves the business (although not enough to actually watch Sunday Night Heat). Cole asked Steph what would she do if she had to leave it all behind. She said become the no. 1 movie actress in Hollywood. She didn't actually say that. She said, "I don't know." She said if Vince lost, it's hard to imagine the wrestling industry without him. "Some people would say he is the wrestling industry." When Cole asked her to answer to critics who say she had everything handed to her. "You can't change perception. Was I spoiled? Probably. If I wanted something growing up, I could probably get it. As far as work ethic and my job being handed to me, I don't know if I agree with that because my father would tolerate nothing less than hard work and results. In the respect, I think I've earned my position." Cole asked if there was some of Mr. McMahon in Stephanie. She said: "Without question, he's my dad." She began to cry as she said she is proud of who she is, but she doesn't want to be the same as him in terms of the negative aspects. She said she doesn't want to be feared, she wants to be respected, "and that's something I have to earn." She began to lose her composure as she talked about her relationship with her father. She said she never thought in her wildest dreams that her father would ever put his hands on her. She said when he slammed her and pulled her by her hair and clotheslined her, "I just never thought he would have ever done anything like that." She said if she ever gets married again, he'll never walk her down the aisle. If she ever has a baby, he won't earn the right to see his grandchild. "I won't let my baby be around a man like that," she said. Cole said he had one final question: "Do you still love your father?" Steph paused and said, "Yes, I do. He's my dad. But do I like him? No. I love him and hate him. I'm sorry, I've got to go." She took off her mic and walked out of the room. That clocked in at 9 minutes and 48 seconds. She wasn't half bad and clearly is working very hard on her acting skills. Too bad there's the misconception, though, that America's wrestling fans are enough about this to watch her talk about it for ten minutes.

-Cole and Tazz talked solemnly about the position Vince has put Steph in. I'm sorry, but I can't pay attention to what Cole is saying because I'm distracted by the ultra-cool soul patch. I thought his tinted hair a couple years ago was a bad fit for him.

-Jamie Noble and Nidia talked about the Vince-Steph match. Noble and Nidia agreed that Smackdown would be a much better place without Vince around. Tajiri heard them, then ran to find Vince and told him what they said. Vince at first thought, because of his broken English, that Tajiri said he hoped he lost. Vince got mad, but Tajiri corrected him and said he likes him. Vince told Tajiri that he's going to book Tajiri vs. Jamie Noble and let Tajiri "do something to Jamie Noble that we've never, ever seen before." That covers a lot of ground since we've seen him in a foursome.

[Commercial Break]

2 -- TAJIRI vs. JAMIE NOBLE (w/Nidia)

I think they dropped the ball on the Nidia/Noble instant riches angle. They just haven't exploited the comedic possibilities of that enough. When Tajiri grabbed the Cruiserweight Title to use against Noble, Nidia ran into the ring and yanked on the belt. Tajiri green misted her and Nidia threw a panic fit that was awesome. Noble went to check on her and they cut to a commercial.

WINNER: No contest at 4:40.

STAR RATING: *1/2 -- Solid action. Not sure if there was an actual finish announced.

[Commercial Break]

-Backstage Nidia was still panicking and screaming, saying, "Get it off of me." Noble was yelling at two trainers to help her. I really like this angle because it gets across the green mist as a lethal weapon, not just a minor inconvenience which is how it's been treated until this angle. Green mist doesn't lead to neck injuries, shortened careers, knee injuries, or concussions, and if sold consistently by victims and announcers, it can be as effective as any devastating move.

-Noble marched to the ring and demanded Tajiri come out so they can settle their dispute like men. Tajiri didn't come out, so Noble marched to the back looking for him. Brock Lesnar attacked Noble on the stage and threw him around ringside. Cole asked what business this is of Brock's. Brock gave Noble an F5 on the floor. Vince McMahon then walked out with Sable on his left arm. He said more of the same as he's been saying for weeks about Stephanie. There really wasn't much left to say that hasn't been said, and this promo proved it. Sable then told Linda the saying is "Stand by your man, not against him." She then said she can kiss her man goodbye "just like this." Then she made out with Vince, who thought to himself, "It's good to be a filthy rich guy with a TV show." It's amazing how bad Sable once was and how solid she is now as the smarmy heel.

[Commercial Break]

-A nice series of clips aired from the European tour the Smackdown wrestlers just returned from. Brock and Cena were very likable when talking about the fans, which probably isn't the best idea since they're trying to sell themselves as heels fans want to see get their ass kicked. It's sort of like watching a movie with a villain, then just before the babyface gets revenge on the top villain, they break away for a clip of the heel actor working at a homeless shelter and being really nice. It takes some of the satisfaction away from seeing him get his ass handed to him in the climax.

3 -- EDDIE GUERRERO vs. RHYNO - U.S. Hvt. Title match

Guerrero went for a frog splash at 4:30, but Rhyno lifted his knees and caught Guerrero. They used that as a transition into the commercial.

[Commercial Break]

Rhyno had Guerrero in Sharpshooter upon returning from the break. Rhyno scored some near falls. Guerrero came back at 11:00 and took Rhyno off the top rope with a huracanrana for a near fall at 11:30. Guerrero put the ring hammer in his boot. Guerrero tossed the hammer to Rhyno. The ref caught Rhyno holding it and scolded him, then turned to put it back at ringside. Meanwhile, Guerrero nailed Rhyno with a belt for the win.

WINNER: Guerrero at 13:14 to retain the U.S. Title.

STAR RATING: **1/4 -- Another good match (with a chunk missing from TV due to the commercial). Guerrero has a fun gimmick coming up with variations each week on how to outsmart/outcheat his opponents.

-When Guerrero entered his low rider pickup after his win, Big Show shattered the driver's side window, yanked Guerrero out of it, and then bashed away at all of the lights. Show threw Guerrero onto the windshield, which broke way too easily making it obvious it was breakaway glass. Show powerbombed Guerrero onto the hood of the car. He bashed the car some more, then picked up Guerrero and put him on the roof. Cole point out that Chavo wasn't in the arena. Guerrero begged off, but Show went ahead and chokeslammed him on the roof. Guerrero was bleeding, and his blood was smeared all of his back and on the roof of the truck.

[Commercial Break]

4 -- REY MYSTERIO vs. JOHNNY THE BULL

Nice back and forth action early. They did a nice job making Rey's offense credible, except when Bull caught Rey's 619 in midstream, making his most over hold seem a bit weak. Rey, though, countered Bull quickly into West Coast Pop for the win.

WINNER: Rey Mysterio at 3:16.

STAR RATING: *1/2

-They showed Brock Lesnar watching Undertaker on a monitor backstage.

[Commercial Break]

-They plugged for Confidential on Saturday a feature on Kurt Angle on the road overseas.

-Backstage, Orlando Jordan, Funaki, Shannon Moore, and Matt Hardy looking at Guerrero's destroyed car. Hardy presented Moore with a framed photo of himself. Hardy said he was going to beat the "novelty act," Zach Gowen at No Mercy. The Steve Austin fan showed up with a demo videotape to give to Stephanie to help him get him a job. Hardy said it wouldn't do any good to give it to Steph because she wouldn't be around next week, but he'd be sure the tape got into the right hands. The guy thanked Hardy, then tossed the tape into the garbage.

-Cole and Tazz previewed No Mercy's line-up. Then they interviewed Undertaker who explained the rules of the Biker Chain match. He said the first person to get his hands on the chain hanging from the ceiling gets to use it as a weapon. He said he is more ready for all the years in wrestling than he has ever been to be the WWE Champion. He said he has dedicated himself this year to being the "World Wrestling Entertainment Champion." It's hard to take him seriously when he says he's going after a title with the word "entertainment" in it. Cole asked him about the Steph-Vince match. He said he hopes that Steph beats Vince. He said he thinks as resourceful as Steph is, Vince is that much more evil. He said thinks it's going to be a hard night for Steph. Nice idea to have someone like Undertaker talk about the Vince-Steph match, since the match outcome affects everyone in WWE. At that point, Brock attacked Taker with a chain. Great face on Taker just as he turned to see Brock headed his way with a chain wrapped around his fist.

[Commercial Break]

-Brock had dragged Undertaker to ringside and beat further with the chain. He wrapped the chain around the ringpost and tried to hang Taker with it. Who does Taker think he is, Raven? Cole pointed out that the use of the chain would all be legal in their match on Sunday. Taker made a brief comeback, which Brock stopped, then made a second comeback with a big chokeslam on Brock. Brock bailed out of the ring and Taker trash talked him about Sunday. Normally, you'd want the heel to get one-up on the face headed into the PPV, but when it's a babyface challenger against a heel champ, and the heel champ is younger and perceived as favored, it's good to establish that there is great hope for a title change, so Taker coming out ahead in the end as the show ended was a nice sales pitch for Taker fans to see more of the same and a title change on Sunday.


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