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KELLER'S WWE SMACKDOWN REPORT
APRIL 17, 2003
TAPED TUESDAY IN NORFOLK, VA.

-The show opened with a music video highlighting the no. 1 contender's tournament thus far. The extra effort to create a good music video made the tournament seem much more important while also recapping what had happened thus far. Logically, Cena was featured more than anyone in the video.

-The Smackdown opening montage aired, then Michael Cole and Tazz introduced the program.

1 -- REY MYSTERIO & TAJIRI vs. A-TRAIN & BIG SHOW

Rey outwitted A-Train early, then Rey tagged in Tajiri. Train powered both of them to the mat, but they both nipped up and dropkicked him. They followed with a double clothesline attempt, but Train busted right through it and then came off the ropes with his own. Good stuff early. One of these days A-Train is going to earn respect of the fans for his hard work and solid fundamentals, fundamentals that are subtle but also key to drawing fans emotionally into a match (which Sean O'Haire, for instance, and even John Cena, are not as polished with; obviously they have the charisma to make up for it, though). Big Show tagged in at 2:00 and jumped onto Rey's stomach. Train tagged back in at 3:00 and put Rey in a cool partial reverse full nelson and torture rack. He scored a two count, stopped when Rey's draped his foot on the bottom rope. Tajiri got a hot tag at 4:30 and sidestepped Train and nailed him with a roundhouse kick off the ropes at the end of a rapid-fire sequence. He flattened Train with a great sidekick and then his big roundhouse kick to Train's head. Show made the save. Rey charged in to offset Show's presence. Show pressed him above his head with one arm. Awesome site. He then dropped him. Train gave Tajiri his big boot as Show held him leading to the pin.

RESULT: A-Train & Big Show at 6:09.

STAR RATING: **1/2 -- Really good TV tag match. I've made it clear I'm philosophically opposed to putting such big wrestlers in against much more marketable smaller wrestlers because it just accentuates the weakness of the assets they have in Rey and Tajiri. That said, though, they booked the match in a way that allowed Rey and Tajiri to keep their dignity. They even gave Rey the last laugh by knocking Show onto his ass at ringside after the match. Show got up all embarrassed, fuming and blushing at once.

[commercial break]

-Big Show threw a fit backstage at A-Train, saying he was humiliated and he wanted to talk Stephanie into giving him a singles match against Rey.

-Cole interviewed Brock Lesnar in the ring. They replayed the shooting star press from WrestleMania. He said it hurt, but he would do it all over again. Brock has taken on a totally new persona beginning with this interview where he is showing a ton of enthusiasm, he's smiling, and he's playing to the crowd more. It works for him, because he doesn't seem like a big dumb bully, but actually seems as intelligent and personable as he does during his regular appearances on a Minnesota radio morning show. Cena walked out to his music and demanded respect. His retro jacket of the week was for the Denver Nuggets. Awesome touch for his character. He mockingly talked about Brock's shooting star press and how he claimed he got a concussion. "I watched the footage like 400 times, dog. There's no way you got a concussion, you need a brain. Chill!" He said to Brock he must seem like a Vanilla Ice wannabe. He says there's a new one hit wonder in town, Brock Lesnar, "because at Backlash, you're going to find out John Cena is bigger than Brock Lesnar. You're going to find out John Cena is bigger than these people. You're gonna find out John Cena is bigger than that WWE Title." That's a money interview Cena delivered, showing he can do more than clever raps, he can also sell a match and himself and a title all at once. He was interrupted by Chris Benoit, who walked out to his music. Benoit told Cena his problem is that he ignores the obvious. Benoit said nobody is bigger than the title. He told Cena to respect the championship even if you don't respect the man wearing it. Lesnar interrupted and asked, "Hey, Benoit, are you saying you don't respect me." Benoit asked Lesnar if he heard him say he doesn't respect him, "unless you're saying you don't respect me." Cena couldn't stand not being the center of attention for that long, so he interrupted and said, "What about respect for me!" Lesnar said it's time for them to wrestle to earn respect. Lesnar shook hands with both Cena and Benoit, but as he shook hands with Benoit, Cena took a cheapshot at him.

[commercial break]

2 -- EDDIE GUERRERO (w/Chavo) vs. JAMIE NOBLE (w/Nidia)

Team Angle came out before the match and mocked Guerrero's accent and then said his mother is the best housekeeper money can guy. Noble then attacked Guerrero from behind to take early advantage. Team Angle watched the match from the stage. At 2:45 Guerrero went to the top rope. Nidia tried to throw him off, but he fended her off and hit his frog splash for the win.

WINNER: Eddie Guerrero at 2:52.

STAR RATING: * -- Short, but fine.

-After the match the Guerreros talked back at Team Angle. Chavo said from what they hear they give new meaning to the words "you suck." Team Angle charged the ring and the two teams brawled. The Guerreros got the better of Team Angle, sending them scurrying to the back.

[commercial break]

-They showed a highlight video of FBI's recent antics. Then they went to footage from backstage earlier in the day with Nathan Jones lifted Nunzio by the throat and yelling at him for setting him up last week, then asked him to give him one reason to let him go. Nunzio couldn't breath. Chuck Palumbo and Johnny Stambolli attempted to make the save, but he flattened them, too, then walked away.

-Sable made another pass at Torrie. She asked her to help her lower his zipper, then she lowered her zipper herself, revealing cleavage, then she turned her back to the camera and went topless. Torrie walked away. Sable asked, "Is it something I said?"

[commercial break]

-Piper's Pit: Sean O'Haire came out and talked about what happened last week. Highlights aired of the Rikishi incident. Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka then came out, surprising Piper. "There is a problem here!" shouted Piper. Fans chanted "Su-per-fly! Su-per-fly!" Piper told O'Haire he's got Piper covered, so he can step aside. O'Haire left the ring. Piper said he has a problem with Snuka. He said he doesn't need food, water, air, or people. "I am the greatest professional wrestler of all time!" he said. The crowd booed. "I will be the first one to raise my hand because I'm the bigger man, extend my hand to you in friendship and in kindness that we bury the coconut or the hatchet." Snuka's eye bulged out. Snuka chopped Piper to the mat. O'Haire then attacked Snuka. Rikishi ran to the ring and beat up O'Haire. Piper then grabbed a chair, but Rikishi turned around. O'Haire then kicked Rikishi from behind. O'Haire and Piper left the ring and laughed. Rikishi tended to Snuka and grabbed the house mic and told O'Haire that "at Backlash, your ass is mine." Piper was again on this week. When disciplined with a script to follow, he's surprisingly effective and convincing. I say "surprisingly" only because in WCW and TNA he was so bad. I guess he respects Vince McMahon enough to be willing to follow his guidelines, whereas left to his own devises he rambles incoherently.

[commercial break]

-Footage aired of Torrie signing autographs of her Playboy. She said it was scary to do it, but she did it for her fans. She said they get to see another side of her and then giggled.

3 -- NIDIA (w/Jamie Noble) vs. TORRIE WILSON

Sable then walked out to the ring to be special referee. Torrie leaped off the top rope onto Nidia with a bodyblock. Torrie followed with a DDT off the second rope. Sable kicked Noble as he attempted to interfere, then counted Nidia down for three.

WINNER: Torrie at 2:05.

STAR RATING: 1/2* -- Fine for what it was. It forwarded the ongoing storyline with Sable and Torrie effectively. Torrie looked baffled by Sable's help. (Pssst: Uh, Torrie, she wants to sleep with you. That's why she's helping you.)

[commercial break]

4 -- MATT HARDY (w/Shannon Moore) vs. BRIAN KENDRICK

Matt Hardy talked about his favorite seafood in his Matt Fact of the Week. Kendrick came to the ring with his usual high energy and enthusiasm. He has really good entrance music because it sets him apart. He ducked an early Hardy clothesline and then dove through the ropes onto Moore below. He dove off the top rope, but Hardy moved, and Kendrick flopped onto his back. Cole complimented the "veteran move" from Hardy. It seems like just yesterday Hardy was one of the young guns, and now he's portrayed as a grizzled veteran. Kendrick hit a nice top rope elbow at 2:30 for a near fall, but Hardy came back with the Twist of Fate shortly thereafter thanks to Shannon Moore's distraction and scored the win.

WINNER: Matt Hardy at 3:08.

STAR RATING: *1/4 -- Good energy for a short, nonstop match full of reversals.

-Backstage, the FBI discussed their match.

[commercial break]

-They showed APA visiting with the troops, same segment that aired on Raw. It would be more touching if it didn't come across as a set-up for APA to feud with the French-Canadians. That said, WWE does a lot of charity appearances that they don't hype or publicize, so I guess if they're going to use this as a set up for a feud, it's a small offense. Considering that we know Bradshaw feels passionately about his pro-U.S. patriotic beliefs, it's also more acceptable if that's where they're going with this.

5 -- NATHAN JONES vs. NUNZIO

Jones beat up Nunzio before the bell, then lifted him into the air by the throat in mid-ring and then threw him down. Stambolli and Palumbo then interfered for the DQ. The FBI triple-teamed Jones after the match. Stambolli rammed Jones with the stairs afterward. Jones needed to be helped up and was favoring his left knee.

WINNER: Jones via DQ at 0:31.

STAR RATING: n/a -- They've found a way to keep Jones as an ongoing and admittedly intriguing hothead character on Smackdown while doing their best to protect his weakness, which is the minor detail that he can't wrestle.

[commercial break]

6 -- JOHN CENA vs. CHRIS BENOIT

Cole said EMTs were tending to Jones backstage and his ankle might be broken. In the ring, Cena and Benoit began by exchanging armlocks and headlocks in the opening minute. Benoit threw the first strike with two elbows and a hard chop. Cena mulekicked Benoit to gain the advantage at 1:40. He followed up with a chinlock. At 3:30 they cut to a commercial break. The match wasn't exactly electric with its pacing in the middle, but picked up at 10:00. Cole gave one of those totally heartless and phony sounding, "One-two-Cena's going to Backlash-No!" proclamations during near falls which Vince McMahon loves so dearly. At 12:30 Benoit went for the top rope headbutt, but Cena moved out of his path. Cena then rolled up Benoit for a near fall. Benoit then dropped Cena into a Crippler Crossface, but Cena ten seconds later reached the bottom rope to force a break. Benoit went for a German suplex, but Cena held the ropes. Cena then blocked a Benoit Crossface attempt and dropped his knees onto Benoit's shoulders and scored the pin.

WINNER: Cena at 13:50.

STAR RATING: **1/2 -- Good, above-average match, but not a show-stealer that's going to help elevate Cena's credibility as a top tier in-ring player who is a threat to Lesnar.

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