By Shane McKinley, Torch specialist

"But that's just how the story unfolds
You get another hand soon after you fold
And when your plans unravel in the sand
What would you wish for if you had one chance?
So we're playin' airplane, sorry I'm late
I'm on my way so don't close that gate
If I don't make that then I'll switch my flight
And I'll be right back at it by the end of the night"
-"Airplanes" by B.O.B.

Life is sometimes about lucky breaks. You keep plugging away and hoping that you can catch a break. Sometimes it's a tax refund, a free car wash, or a volcano exploding over in Europe that stranded the WWE Raw cast. So, did TNA somehow sabotage that volcano to strand the Raw cast? Maybe all that praying to the volcano god Kahumma paid off. Maybe somebody dropped a "hilarious" Raw script into the volcano and it pissed off Mother Earth. Or, perhaps it was a inside job by...Shane McMahon? We may never know.

If you're TNA, you're dancing in the streets because you followed up a very respectable PPV (with a Match of the Year candidate) with a tremendous Impact showing. Meanwhile WWE fans were treated to the WSOTY (Worst Show Of The Year) candidate. Triple H half-asleep? Long skits featuring MacGruber? Cheap New Jersey jokes? And I'm supposed to buy Extreme Rules this Sunday because...there might be more MacGruber jokes? NXT Rookies nervously talking about flowers and diapers was better than this tripe.

-The show starts out with Triple H and C.M. Punk killing time with Jersey jokes, hamming it up with a crowd, and hey, everybody, here's "horseface" (Triple H term) Lillian "horsing" (trips again) around!

Shawn Michaels said that one of the key things in doing mic work is just to relax and be yourself. But I think that can only go so far. Watching Triple H tonight cliche up his street fight with Sheamus was sad. Trips looked bored with the prospect of facing the pale dude. So am I. And fans know that Trips isn't going to do a moonsault of death off the top of a friggin cage, like Kurt Angle. A sledgehammer shot by Sheamus, end match, thanks for coming, see ya in seven months when I come back. Maybe I'll be awake then yadda yadda yadda.

-Drew McIntyre and Matt Hardy wrestled each other like they swallowed a gallon of Nyquil. These poor dudes have been through traveling hell and now they're asked to put together a match. The result was a sloppy match with two tired Smackdown stars. Highlight of the match was them colliding heads. Oof. After the match, they crawled under the ring and snoozed.

-Why did R-Truth have to die?

-After the commercial...here's some more MacGruber. Apparently he's wearing Kane's pee-pee pants. Kane smells dookie. And we all laugh and throw our beer bottles at the TV screen. Seriously, murder by explosion jokes and pee-pee jokes. Ha ha?

-The Swag vs. The Dead Man was a sluggish affair designed to stretch for time, but I thought Jacko performed well in his match with Taker. I wish Jacky would powerbomb those writers who believe that viewers just love to see talking segment after talking segment. Ugh.

-For the hell of it, here's C.M. Punk with a cute towel wrapped around his hair. And, as an added bonus, here's Chris Jericho singing "Jeri-cho" to fellow star MacGruber. I thought Jericho killed his Y2J character. So why is he hamming it up with this douche? Groan. This Raw was so counter-productive that one could argue that it would be better if this show never aired at all.

-Here's Great Khali as "Khaluber" or whatever. Damn volcano. About this time I switched over to "Pawn Stars." I cared not one iota of the main event or that annoying MacGruber movie.

-Meanwhile, how about TNA? Did you see that awesome Angle vs. Anderson match? And how about Rob Van Dam becoming the new TNA World Heavyweight Champion? Joe coming back and kicking ass? Hell, I'm just happy Lockdown didn't end with somebody falling comically into a hole. Like with most things in TNA, who knows about where TNA is going to go with RVD as champion, but compared to the stinkburger of Raw, TNA suddenly has a new shine to it. I'm digging the heart that their product is showing off.

I'm predicting at least an Impact 1.0 rating. I'm surprised Raw didn't have a camera crew film the inside of the janitor's closet to kill time.

That's it for me. See y'all on NXT, when the rookies get shocked with an...on-air drug test! How will they react? Can they perform under pressure? Will they wear Kane's pee-pee pants? Plus,
they'll take questions like "there's a rumor that Linda McMahon eats third-world babies. Is that true?" and "why should people watch your meaningless matches?"

All together now in one breath: "MacGruber he was a sucky host I hate Raw guest
hosts MacGruber please end this nonsense do they even pop the rating MacGruber give me Hornswoggle comedy or Vince's ass I'm tired of this crap MacGruber!"

Email is mckinley.torch@gmail.com

We suggest these recent related articles...

10/5 WWE Raw Hits & Misses: Natalya vs. Paige, Owens vs. Cara, Stephanie McMahon, Sasha Banks, Xavier Woods

COLLECTIBLES COLUMN: The History of Foam Hands in Pro Wrestling

9/28 WWE Raw Hits & Misses: Kane's Split Personality, Divas Revolution, Heyman & Big Show, Reigns vs. Wyatt