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ABSURDITY OF IT ALL - WWE Raw: Shawn Michaels Retiring Just Feels Right, Sheamus Gets A Weapon, Demon Cast Out Of Randy Orton, Jack "Kurt" Swagger

Mar 30, 2010 - 12:20:42 PM
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By Shane McKinley, Torch specialist

hbk.jpg
So Shawn Michaels has retired. And you know something? It feels right. Sure, I find myself sad. But HBK retiring just feels...right.

Not many wrestlers or pro athletes can go out on their own terms. Take a look at Ric Flair, currently shucking it up in the burning house known as TNA. Take a look at Philadelphia Eagles QB Donovan McNabb, whose ten years of classy dedication and service to the football team left him nowadays with a ticket to...the Oakland Raiders. (Nice way to repay a guy back, Philly. He was only the best QB your franchise ever had).

Monday night, Shawn left on his own terms. The Ric Flair sendoff was bombastic, with Fuel's "Leave The Memories Alone" ringing in our ears. The HBK sendoff, by contrast, was simple, honest, and damn real.

In a business where nearly everything is pre-packaged, pre-scripted, and pre-worked, HBK's final farewell speech was a reminder of the "realness" in wrestling. Say what you want, there's nothing like a connection between wrestlers and wrestling fans. Wrestlers have over-the-top characters that do over-the-top things, but behind the character lies a human being that just like the rest of us. It was special to see a wrestler humble and thank other people "for making them look like a star."

Perhaps it was Bret Hart returning to WWE that sealed the deal for Michaels to retire. And perhaps Michaels's letting Bret down back in the '90s really did bother Michaels, to what extent, we may never know.

The HBK retirement feels right. And like millions of others, I want to thank Shawn. Shawn's speech would be one of the things I show non-wrestling fans why I follow wrestling.

-Okay, so now that we've all cried our whittle eyes out...Raw last night was a special show, because it felt genuine. The show felt like a passing of the guard, with old stars saying goodbye and new stars staking their claim.

-It's official: this is some of Batista's finest work. Nice touch with him getting mad with the spotlight guy for messing up. Also kudos to the fan who gave Dave the double finger salute. Fans love to tease wrestlers who "tapped out."

-The opening of the show, which featured a championship re-match tease, Jack Swagger fake cashing in MITB, and the legends surrounding the Christian vs. Ted DiBiase was pretty much WWE driving their boot into TNA's face.

-I'm thinking of creating a Facebook group page with the title "When watching Raw, I fast-forward through when a celebrity guest host is talking." Are Raw guest hosts even a factor in the ratings? I guess if it ain't broke, don't fix it. That's fine. But don't expect me to stick around.

-I originally thought that Ted DiBiase was going to get a victory over mid-card gatekeeper Christian to make an impact. It turns out that WWE loves Christian after all. It seems.

***image1**-Trips delivered a nice heartfelt speech. It is refreshing to get heartfelt promos every once in a while to balance out all of the vulgar death threats wresters do. Sheamus got his moment by clubbing Trips in the back with a bar. You figured that Sheamus would get his own trademark weapon, like a gigantic comb. He'll comb his hair and then he'll kill ya!

-WWE NXT expects me to watch because Darren Young (the Internet has been saying that Young is John Cena in disguise) might join C.M. Punk's group. Yawn. Is this season over yet?

-WWE Women's Division. Poor gals. What's the answer to this joke division that can't even be trusted to get two seconds of actual match time? Perhaps a new free agent signing. (Awesome Kong! Get on it!)

owenbret.jpg
-Bret Hart showing off his t-shirt featuring him and his late brother Owen Hart while the crowd was chanting "Owen" was a great moment.

-Here comes the big Bret Hart rub for the Hart Dynasty we were clamoring for. It's not surprising that John Morrison and R-Truth are better suited for singles action. I'm enjoying the "teacher-student" relationship between Show and The Miz. The match itself felt realistic. Too often TV matches just blatantly scream, "We're only here so that you don't change the channel."

-Randy Orton...as face? Hell, Michael Cole said the phrase "amazing Randy Orton." It's like the demon that had been festering inside Orton's soul suddenly got released. Orton might be more active in the ring (and he's one in the best in the business when it comes to facial and body gestures), but he's still got that vacant thousand-yard stare. It looks like Orton is going to be in a feud with Batista. I like that, Holmes. And much like with Edge-Jericho, perhaps WWE will paint Orton as face by just pairing him up with evil Batista.

-I wonder how many Kurt Angle comparisons Jack Swagger is going to get in the following weeks. Too bad nobody sweats The Swag. Hopefully WWE convinces fans that they should fear the man with a goofy outfit and a goofy lisp.

-Meanwhile in TNA Impact...I thought that TNA was going to trim the fat regarding their storylines and characters. Eh eh! Wrong! They're adding to their tire fire every week. Nasty Boys got canned though, for apparently having a Nasty Boys farting session when meeting with the big wigs. (Sags: "Nah Nah! We're the Nasty Boys! We're the greatest tag team ever!") Plus, it looks like the Wolfpack is hitting the trail soon.

I understand that Hulk...or Eric Bischoff...or Dixie...or Abyss...or a squeaky dog toy signed these lug heads because they were "rating draws," but you kinda figured that they would just drive locker room morale down (yes, it does count) with them getting pushed even though they could hardly walk.

That's it for me. Thanks for reading. See y'all later.

(credit to gawdalmighty.com, poptower.com, and onlineworldofwrestling.com for pics)

Email is mckinley.torch@gmail.com


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