By Shane McKinley, Torch specialist

Bret Hart vs. Vince McMahon at WrestleMania might be one monkey-butt ugly affair. It will be a match that's heavy on nostalgia (Bret back in the pink and black!) and has a riveting storyline, but also has two guys who perhaps shouldn't be working singles matches anymore. Not a lot of people were jumping up with joy after they witnessed Hogan vs. Flair in Australia go down.

Sure, I want to see Bret vs. Vince. That's a match that will bring back wrestling fans who swore off professional 'rasslin, but I also don't want to see an embarrassing display.

At last year's WrestleMania, Chris Jericho faced off against three WWE legends. A lot of Jericho fans bemoaned that he was working with three busted up old dogs. Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat proved them wrong, even getting a Backlash PPV match with Chris Jericho. Bret vs. Vince does have such questions surrounding it (a bloodless battle with a stroke victim and an insane old man), but much like the rash of bad movies flooding your local theater, perhaps the only goal is to get eyeballs and rake in the cash. And that "WrestleMania moment" stuff.

-Speaking about Vince, I'm almost positive he's wearing adult diapers nowadays. The end of Raw featured Vince tap-dancing away while manically gurgling the line "You deserve to be screwed! Muhahaha!" Thank you Vince for the memories.

-I have shed no tears about WWE getting rid of Survivor Series. I hope that they do bring in more gimmick PPVs. Backlash should be an all-strap PPV (get it?).

Those bean counters looked at the PPVs that got a lot of buys (Hell in the Cell) and went, "Surely, people will jump at the chance to buy the PPV! Because it happens only once a year!" Too bad they probably didn't factor in the quality of the build-up or the fan reaction to the PPV itself. Case in point: WWE Hell in the Cell 2009 - wrestlers prancing around in three PG violence Hell in the Cell matches. No thanks.

-It would be a hell of a thing if the last ECW didn't even break the 1.0 rating mark. ECW is at its "good riddance" stage.

-Christian on Raw would be nice as a middle-card guy, even though his first night back...didn't go so well. WNBA jokes? Getting beaten by Sheamus? Back to the drawing board.

-Apparently Vince got the idea for WWE NXT while watching UFC's "The Ultimate Fighter." Might as well copy what the enemy is doing.

-I'll take Rock is Raw during the summer rather than McMahon's Million Dollar Mania. And hey, Rock would be a Raw guest host who is actually (gasp) capable of hosting the gig.

-With Drew McIntyre vs. Kane at the PPV, I wonder how much love WWE has for Drew. Is the love sensible? Or is it sickening, meaning they're going to push this guy to the moon? It feels like the latter at this point.

-It seems that in TNA, they are rolling out solid feuds with strong female characters. In WWE...they're still doing the "Piggie James" storyline, but now with more Vickie Guerrero apparently. Yawn. I'd rather take a WWE Attitude diva storyline where the girls are fighting
each other because they are the baby mama to Kane's love seed. I'm at the point now where I'm rooting for the skinny mean girls to beat up those ugly, overweight cretins.

-Linda McMahon wishes that her "WWE background" was thin. Instead it's a big, fat cancerous sore on her campaign. You gotta give it up for Linda, though. It's quite a skill to be efficient in avoiding talking about dead wrestlers and questionable WWE tactics. I feel I should contribute to her campaign because, gosh darn it, people keep pestering her about fake mentally challenged wrestlers and their fake brain concussions from the fake wrestling. Geez.

-Last year around this time, Shawn Michaels was heavily depressed because he was a slave to JBL, forced to do unmentionable things. Now, Shawn Michaels is heavily depressed once again because he wants to end a winning streak of a guy in a rigged profession or his legacy will be tarnished.

Thankfully, though, WWE has woken up and has served us adults a deep and complex mature storyline in this HBK-Taker deal. Big news is that it seems that John Morrison could be out of the Smackdown Elimination Chamber PPV match with some flimsy-ankle-breaking-into-three-thousand-pieces baloney. No shock here, as JoMo's stock has been dropping like a brick for awhile now.

So should HBK be in the chamber match? Eh...Although HBK could get eliminated before Taker even enters the match; it's risky to blow off the re-union of two guys who were in the "greatest WrestleMania match of all time." HBK winning the title at the PPV and getting a re-match with Taker at Mania...now I like that idea. I'm not feeling Edge vs. Chris Jericho for the World Title at WrestleMania at all. Edge vs. Chris Jericho doesn't feel big enough. HBK vs. Taker is a damn epic waiting to happen, so why not the World Title to sweeten the deal?

Or you can take Matt Hardy in the Chamber match. Sup fool? Its' Matt Hardy rolling with Krazy Khali yo.

-It's good that WWE is heavily pushing the prospect of Edge vs. Taker at Mania. When HBK vs. Taker was announced, a lot of people (including myself) weren't too keen on it. How could WWE drum up hype for a sequel of a perfect match? By (a) saying how great it was, (b) teasing that it probably won't happen, and (c) giving a new spin with HBK being "obsessed" with defeating Taker at Mania. Nice job.

-Dolph Ziggler reminds me of a 1980s Beverly Hills model with his goofy poodle hair. WWE is keeping his head above water, but I wonder when they are going to drop him.

-Jerry Springer was drinking when he accepted to guest host Raw. Chances are Jerry will be drinking while hosting the gig. Fans were convinced that Timbaland was on something wicked when he guest hosted Raw.

-I'll hire John Cena to give my co-workers a "motivational cliches" speech. When Cena starts trotting out phrases like "You suck, Moneybags" and "I'm an everyman who shops at Walmart and drinks Yoohoo like these people," my brain hurts.

-A day in the life of Ted DiBiase Sr.:

(1) Wear a vampire cape.
(2) Enter jewelry store and laugh manically.
(3) Your eyes bulge out when your glittery belt is presented to you.
(4) Laugh even more manically around confused shoppers

That's a day I would like to have.

(credit to upload.wikimedia.org, blogs.mirror.co.uk, and progressiveboink.com for pics)

Email is mckinley.torch@gmail.com. Follow me on facebook - facebook.com/ShaneMcKinley88.

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