By Curtis Shanks, PWTorch Specialist

Welcome to TNA Impact Under the Microscope. This is not a detailed recap of the show, but a review for those of you that saw the show but didn't actually "watch" it. We're here to point out all those little tidbits you may have missed, make some random observations, or use a little research to dig deeper into what was on the show. Cue the opening pyro.

Brit slang 101

We all know the famous British terms such as "bloody" or "wanker," but Desmond Wolfe used a less-common one this week. As he called out Kurt Angle, Wolfe did his best Chris Jericho impression and inserted a quick jab at the fans during his promo. He used the term "windowlickers" to describe the Impact Zone crowd.

The term is actually quite offensive, as it is British slang to describe someone who is mentally challenged. The slang term's name comes from the stereotypical image of a child licking the window at the back of a bus. Not a very PC insult. But if he wants to continue using Brit slang words, may I suggest "smeghead" from the brilliant cult classic Red Dwarf, a Brit sci-fi/comedy. For those who are unfamiliar with the show, think of it as the British version of the word "frak."

Goodbye personal security

This was the first Impact in a long while that didn't feature former Phi Delta Slam and Mafia security members Rocco and Sal. Didn't they disappear from television months ago you may ask? In person yes, but we have seen them each week since. Every segment that took place in Mick Foley's office had a framed photo of Rocco and Sal on a shelf in the background. We pointed it out in the Microscope months ago, but this was the first week it was not there. The photo was instead replaced by a caricature drawing of Foley and Abyss. Sorry guys, the monster wins out.

Are you down with the Brown?

Mick Foley was asking everybody for information on Hulk Hogan's arrival, including backstage agent D'Lo Brown. We haven't seen D'Lo on TNA TV since his rehiring a few months ago, but he could become a regular. D'Lo was on ROH TV only a couple of weeks ago, but he said on Internet radio show interviews that he is done with the company and in-ring competition all together. He did not appear at the last set of ROH TV tapings, so he is free to appear on TNA TV, as we may have already seen his last ROH match.

We actually just got here

As Tara sobbed about WWE and Barbie dolls in ODB's talking segment, ODB showed no remorse by mentioning how the Knockouts have been here (in TNA) for seven years trying to build the division. The actual division has only been around for a little over two years when the first champ was crowned in October 2007. TNA has 13 female wrestlers on their roster, but only two who have been with the company longer than the KO Title. Traci Brooks is the veteran, starting with TNA in April 2003. Christy Hemme is number two, beginning her TNA career in April of 2006.

That takes a lot of product

Dozens upon dozens of wrestlers have sported Mohawks during their careers. Road Warrior Animal, Viscera, Tatanka, Shannon Moore, Brother Runt, Brian Knobbs, Mr. T. We could go on forever. Now there's Jesse Neal, and his Mohawk actually bulks up his stat sheet. If you noticed the on-screen graphic during his entrance, it listed his height as 6'4" with Mohawk. Nice of them to let us know that the hair is included into the height. A quick check of Jesse's MySpace page lists him at 6' even, meaning he's gained an extra four inches in elevation due to his hair.

Vintage insults

Taz worked with Michael Cole on Smackdown for many years, but they are in different companies now. Taz still gave his former colleague a shout-out this week proclaiming "That's vintage right there. Vintage Kevin Nash." Mike Tenay chimed in with his version, "familiar offensive patterns." Now that's funny. Making fun of Cole seems like the trendy thing to do. I'm not a fan of "vintage," as it can't hold a candle to "yam bag."

I'm the king of the world!

For those of you who missed the end of the show, we saw a main event of Kurt Angle vs. Raven and Stevie Richards. Wait, did I just say Stevie Richards and main event in the same sentence? You'd be hard pressed to find many television shows where Stevie has been in the top spot. He had a main event history during his ECW days, even main-eventing the very first ECW PPV in a three-way against Terry Funk and Sabu.

Aside from that, there's not much other than some Velocity and Heat matches. Despite being last on the show, you can't really call those main events. The last main event that featured Stevie Richards before tonight was the September 11, 2007 edition of ECW on SciFi. The main event that evening saw Stevie team with C.M. Punk to defeat the team of Elijah Burke and Kevin Thorn.

Numbers crunch - You're how old?

Veterans, youngsters, main-eventers, mid-carders - title holders come in all sorts in the wrestling world. It's hard to look through a title's history and decipher just how many have been veterans and how many have been up-and-comers. But we could look at the average age of the holders of all the major titles. Here's a look at the average age for a champion on the day their reign began (age in days rounded to the closest month).

TNA X Division - 27 years, 10 months
WWE Intercontinental - 31 years, 10 months
WWE Title - 33 years, 9 months
WWE United States - 34 years, 2 months
ECW (original) Heavyweight - 34 years, 5 months
WWE World Hvt. - 35 years, 4 months
ECW (WWE) Title - 35 years, 8 months
TNA/NWA Heavyweight - 36 years, 3 months
WCW/NWA Heavyweight - 38 years, 7 months

On average, TNA's and WCW's World Titleholders are the oldest of the major titles we're looking at. If we combine the three World Titles in WWE, we get an average champion age of 34 years and four months. That gives WWE the youngest world champs on average compared to the other companies in the big four. The averages give us a general idea of the ages of titleholders, but they don't say anything about the youngest or oldest person to hold each title. Here's a look at the age records for some currently active titles on the day a title was won.

-- WWE Title - Vince McMahon (54 yrs, 22 days) and Brock Lesnar (25 yrs, 1 month, 14 days)
-- WWE World Hvt. - Undertaker (44 yrs, 6 months, 11 days) and Randy Orton (24 yrs, 4 months, 15 days)
-- WWE Intercontinental - Ric Flair (56 yrs, 6 months, 25 days) and Jeff Hardy (23 yrs, 7 months, 11 days)
-- TNA World Hvt. - Sting (49 yrs, 6 months, 23 days) and A.J. Styles (25 years, 10 days)
-- TNA X Division - Jerry Lynn (39 yrs, 4 moths, 26 days) and Amazing Red (21 years, 5 days)

Most of us remember Randy Orton (24 years old) bragging about being the youngest world champ in history...in WWE that is. The youngest holder of the WCW Title was The Big Show (23 years old). He was still bested by the youngest holder of the ECW Title - Mikey Whipwreck at 22 years old.

Curtis Shanks is a self-described wrestling nerd who, contrary to popular belief, does have a social life. Feedback is welcome as comments, suggestions and questions can be sent to Curtis at curtisshanks.torch@gmail.com.

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