By Shane McKinley, Torch specialist

-Jim Ross is one of the best wrestling announcers ever, but if Smackdown is going to be called by Striker and Grisham, I can dig that. I'm still hoping that Ross comes back. I like Striker because he goes out of his way to make sure you pay attention to his interesting tidbits. Sadly, Striker couldn't save this Smackdown stinker. I feel like I should receive a medal in just getting through the show.

-It's asking a lot of a typical WWE fan to not only accept this "Smackdown vs. Raw" bull that they keep hyping up (the Bragging Rights PPV reportedly did extremely poor in terms of early PPV buys), they also have to accept Big Show, a Raw superstar, fighting for the Smackdown championship. Out of nowhere? Sure. The opening was by the numbers and unimpressive, even with Jericho throwing out the "germ incubators" line. Main event? Not a bit sexy.

-Before their match, John Morrison quipped that Dolph Ziggler had "premature moments" with Maria. Them fighting words, partner. Nobody, and I mean nobody, makes fun of Dolph's performance in the bed. WWE figured that Morrison could withstand a lost, so Dolph "Dan Marino" Ziggler picked up a count-out victory.

-Vince McMahon, with a voice and posture like he was announcing Andre the Giant vs. Hulk Hogan for WrestleMania 3, announced later tonight it would be Ref Scott Armstrong vs. C.M. Punk. I remember TNA's ref Shane Sewell vs. Booker T. And yes, they actually had a PPV match.

-Right now it appears that Punk is in limbo. Will he be inserted into the main event at Scummy Series? Does he go back to the mid-card? Will he start fighting...Matt Hardy? Hopefully we'll find out next week where Punk stands.

I would like to go ahead and nominate C.M. Punk as the WWE star of 2009. He is given bad bits yet still somehow making them work with his performance.

I would also like to say that Punk nowadays is reminding me a hell of a lot of Edge.

-Disappointed that the "Raw vs. Smackdown" trophy won't get destroyed. And that Teddy Long has been on probation longer than convicted felons.

-Beth Phoenix has the same problem as Awesome Kong: I don't like to see female jobbers get beat up. Yes, we all get it that Beth is a big, bad, bright blue bombsell badass.

-Scott Stapp from Creed looks an awful lot like Randy Orton with his new buzzcut.

-I'm pretty sure that they picked Eric Escobar from the bus stop and paired her with Vickie. Like to see Vickie back, but Vickie isn't the one wrestling. Matt Hardy's inner thoughts after his victory over Mr. Candybar: "Yes! Management likes me once again! I'm on my way back, baby!"

-Where would today's wrestlers be without sunglasses? How could I know when they are serious if they don't take off their shades? I kept waiting to see if Dave could resist taking off his sunglasses, but darn it, he did.

So Rey Mysterio and Batista had a "heart to heart." Basically, this is how it went down:

-- Mysterio: "I'm not moving, dog. Come on, man. Dog, listen to me, man. Dog. Man."
-- Dave: "I have no idea what you just said. Doesn't matter. I'm heel. Everybody, boo me."

Dave gave off a lot of paranoid and self-absorbed thoughts, but this skit didn't quite reach its full mark. I didn't believe either of the two. Doesn't matter anyways. The following Smackdowns are sure to have more of Batty going evil. Lately, Smack's been having a lot of filler bits.

Backstage, Matt Hardy gives a impassioned speech out of the blue to big bad Dave about how you shouldn't beat up your own family. (I was waiting for Ray to say the classic line from New Jack City: "Am I...my brother's... keeper?") You shouldn't try to run his car off the road or burn down his trailer. That's just wrong. Dave gives him a weird look and walks off.

Matt then pulls out his phone to text to the Matt Army of how great a job his performance was. "Man Awesome Work by me, Matt Hardy! Epic!" Dave comes back and rams his head into a placed fence. Matt is lying on the crowd. He's in pain. And in his head, he's thinking, "Best. Performance. Ever!"

-Drew McIntyre does this "whirlwind" move during his introduction. It's goofy. He then beats up that crooked Finlay. What a depressing show.

-C.M. Punk looks to be rocking the '90s HBK chest hair a bit nowadays.

-Your main event ended with a bad editing cut. Don't know why WWE loves the "wrestler x falling into Jericho's codebreaker," as it looks ugly.

To recap, this is how Smackdown went down:

1. Set up main event.
2. Give Dolph a count-out victory.
3. Show a video package of Batista killing bunny rabbits.
4. Give Vince-o-mac his airtime.
5. Make Beth look stronger after being a ghost for the past few months to feud with the devil.
6. Show a video package of Batista laughing at Halloween trick and treaters.
7. Give Matt Hardy a win so Batista doesn't beat up a chump.
8. Show a video package of Batista winning the noble peace prize.
9. "You're my dog, man. Dogs stick together. Eddie's dead. Dog. Man. Dog."
10. Give into Matt's demands that he showcase his acting skills.
11. Have Drew blindside Finlay, who's apparently a rookie.
12. Have a Diva dance-off to urge people to see "This Is It."
13. Have C.M. Punk beat up a ref. (Apparently they told Vince that Scott Armstrong "is the biggest Hulk Hogan fan ever.")
14. Have Chris Jericho gain entry into a triple threat that not a lot of people want to see at Survivor Series.
15. End show.

Email is mckinley.torch@gmail.com

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