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ABSURDITY OF IT ALL - TNA Impact: Kurt Angle Is Fine, Ladies And Gentlemen...and we guess Chris Sabin too, plus more Humble Hero Hulk Hogan Hogwash! Oct 30, 2009 - 10:42:32 AM
In a tag team match between the Motor City Machineguns and Team 3D, Sabin landed on his damn head by a move by Ray. I felt something drop in my stomach as I saw knocked out Sabin meekly make a tag to his partner. He then lay in the ring not moving.
TNA gave the impression that they didn't give a rat's ass about one of their own employees. They instead tried to focus the attention away by having the match go on, but anybody could tell that the audience was more concerned with Sabin. It made no sense to have the match go on, since everybody's focus was on Sabin. It's wrestling 101.
TNA fans complain a lot that matches are too short. In this match, I just wanted it to end as quickly as possible.
Fans who don't care about wrestlers probably went, "Damn, dog! Did you see that! Sabin got dropped on his head. Sucks to be him! Ha ha!" TNA played up to these morons as they replayed Sabin getting dropped on his head over and over and over. TNA looked small here. The whole
thing was garbage.
-The boy band World Elite look so adorably cute in their new matching jumpsuits. "We're badasses with matching jumpsuits." Sure.
-Wait, who is the TNA World Heavyweight champion again?
-Desmond Wolfe: "Ladies and Gentlemen. And I use that term loosely." I remember my jerk Safeway boss saying that to us once in the break room. Wolfe is like a pissed off Simon Pegg. Where's your cricket bat, sunshine?
-Awesome Kong, my second wrestling crush (#1 is Vickie Guerrero) is back destroying people! Woohoo!
-The whole Don West/Amazing Red segment was like some budget sports segment on your local cable network. Don West looked to be a proud father of his junior league baseball player who hit six home runs this season. Am I supposed to think Amazing Red is cool if he's hanging around my dad? Because I don't. You guys should really say these ideas aloud. Try it.
-Why follow a storyline with Bobby Lashley in it if Lashley is dropping hints that he's going to ditch wrestling and go back to MMA? Come on, TNA. Have Scott Steiner kidnap Krystal.
-Did you hear? Bret Hart is coming to TNA! But first, he's got to promote what's more important than TNA itself...
-I like the idea of World Elite having a "TNA Global Championship." World Elite's a good idea to keep X Division wrestlers falling into oblivion or bad storylines (unless you were really wanting another Bashir feud). Pretty soon all televised matches on Impact will be championship matches. Nothing wrong with that.
-Wait, who is the X Division champion again?
-Abyss and Foley should team up together. Call themselves "The Kind Men." Get it? I've developed a serious hatred for Dr. Stevie and the whole tasering nonsense. Did Mick Foley come to TNA for this?
-Matt Morgan looks good now. Keep it up.
-A.J. Styles has a nice view of how tall Morgan is, seeing how most of his time spent on Impact is lying on the ground. It's refreshing to know that all of the bad blood between Walmart A.J. Styles, Sears Samoa Joe, and K-Mart Christopher Daniels will be forgotten next month.
-What are the chances that Hulk Hogan's daughter Brooke Hogan shows up on Impact to be featured in TNA's latest "family" storyline? They just can't help themselves. Brooke could use the work. Did y'all catch her on the Jeff Dunham premiere?
-I'm confused. Did Hernandez ever cash in his "Feast or Fired" briefcase? If they're planning to do the "Feast or Fired" thing again this year, do you think we can get a simpler conclusion this time around? (Check that - Hernandez cashed it in ten months after-the-fact at No Surrender.)
-I bet Homicide is going to be pissed to find out that the money he took from Mr. West was nothing but monopoly money.
-Regarding Daniel Wilkenfeld's Corporate Sponsor for "TNA's Totally Real and Organic Weekly Pull-Apart Brawl," I'll go with Zeke's Roadhouse, a dive bar located in Miami Beach. According to one review, "this is definitely the bar where all the old strippers or go-go
dancers go to die." Zeke's: "This joint stinks, but we've got cheap drinks." Got an idea for a funny corporate sponsor for TNA's weekly pull-apart brawl? Hit Wilkenfeld up at dawilk316@gmail.com!
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