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ABSURDITY OF IT ALL - Nigel McGuinness Isn't a Wanker, Forget the Mysterious A.J. Styles Attacker, I Want To Know The Terrible Secret Of...Who's Behind TNA's Shoddy Camerawork Oct 24, 2009 - 12:27:15 PM
One snap of the finger, the floor is where you laying
The world is mine, and everything in it
Young Jeezy told me that, so I'ma go and get it
It's all a big game, watch me post pivot
And state no opinion, unless you're told to give it"
-"The World Is Mine" by Kevin Federline
"That's how easy it would be to break your neck. But I'm gonna let you think about it. And by the way, the name is Bond. James Bond. Um...Wolfe. Desmond Wolfe. Now I'm going to flip off the audience the British way." Dear Lord, Angle vs. McGuiness is the American Revolution all over again! Quick, Angle! Grab your wig and your flintlock, the Brit is coming!
Don't eff this Angle-McGuinness angle up, TNA. This is the ray of light that weary TNA fans are seeking. I don't care what anyone says, Angle vs. Wolfe is the main event for the PPV. Troubling (and maybe a sign of desperation in terms of ratings) that Angle vs. Wolfe will take place next week on Impact. Hopefully TNA doesn't give too much away to entice the PPV match-up between these two, which should happen.
-Styles vs. Joe vs. Daniels will star in the sequel to one of the greatest triple threat matches that I have ever seen. Can they re-create the magic? Father time and inept TNA booking is not on their side. Plus let's consider Joe and Daniels. Joe lost his PPV match to Bobby Lashley. (The Answer: Bobby Lashley. The Question: Which wrestler in 2009 did TNA completely become a pushover for?) And if nearly dying in the TNA ring makes you a world champion contender, look out for Chris Sabin next month (that is, if TNA doesn't cut that part out of the broadcast).
Word is that Styles is pissed that he doesn't have Krok the Evil Russian Baby-eater lined up for him. During that whole Styles-Sting feud, I kept wondering who exactly was TNA pushing. It is nice to have everybody pushed, but sometimes you've got to man up and say, "this is our guy." Hopefully Styles's championship reign doesn't become Joe's 2008 largely useless championship reign. And just who was the masked man who attacked Styles? I say that it's the TNA wrestler who constantly promotes a sugary energy drink that isn't approved by the FDA.
-What a strange year for Rhino in TNA. Faces off against Sting for the world championship. Then gets forgotten during his Jesse Neal storyline. Now he's the voice of the old guard.
-All I can remember Scott Steiner during this year was him jumping up and down on that pogo stick. Meanwhile Mike Morgan was showcased in good matches with A.J. Styles and Kurt Angle. A possible Scott Steiner vs. Bobby Lashley match is...well...let's say that I'll be rooting for Big Poppa Pump in this one. Go on, Scotty, steal his wife. I'll be on the lookout for a Steiner promo that has fake pictures of a grinning Scott and Lashley's wife, Krystal. What a moment.
-Speaking about a moment, my favorite bit of the last TNA PPV was the fake tazer in the Abyss vs. Foley match. I can handle the ref count botch up or the logic of why a low-rent garbage match that shouldn't have taken place in the big leagues was featured on TNA's biggest PPV of the year. But the taser. Man. Don't run into that brick wall, TNA. "You can't tell us what to do!" Splat. Abyss is involved in yet another soul-sucking feud that just won't die. But at least Abyss is cuddly.
-Nash and Eric Young should fight for Young's beer-drinking championship title. Or the Legends doohickey. Whatever. Young's earth-shattering announcement is next week? Will all the citizens in the world feel the shock as Young brings back Team Canada? (Loved those outfits, by the way.)
-Along with TNA management, we're now questioning TNA camerawork. Perhaps those fellas in the production truck should get more sleep. Or heck, maybe even they don't watch the broadcast. Perhaps all of the quick camera cuts during matches are controlled by a nodding drinking bird toy. Tap. Tap. Tap.
Meanwhile the fellas are playing WWE's Raw vs. Smackdown and stealing storylines written by other people on the online posts. Trust me, go with the "aborted child comes back from the dead to face me" one. Or Katie Vick: Redux, a feud so tremendously horrible that WWE is still making sly jokes about it seven years later (eight minutes of Triple H having sex with a corpse on Monday Night Raw? Yeah!)
-I have no idea why anyone in TNA thought it would be a good idea for Beer Money and British Invasion to face off inside a "baseball" cage. A small section of a cage inside a six-sided wrestling ring? You guys are not going bankrupt, are you?
(credit to farm3.static.flickr.com, todayfm.com and birdwatchersdigest.com for pics)
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