By Hubert O'Hearn, Torch specialist

-- 8/27 TNA IMPACT HITS & MISSES

IMPACT HITS

Hernandez Push Continues - Let's face it, the World Elite are a pretty dull faction. At a moment in time when world opinion of USA! USA! is actually on the upswing, having a random group of Johnny Foreigners banding together to hate America seems almost quaintly nostalgic. But Hernandez's response showed us that he can carry an in-ring face promo and later on that Delayed Vertical Suplex on Matt Morgan was the one memorable wrestling moment in a two-hour wrestling show.

Uh Oh - Ummm... That Hernandez thing was the only unqualified Hit I could find. I enjoyed the Daffney vs. Hamada match, but it frustrated me in that it served as twin reminders that (a) Daffney is being under-used ever since Raven left and (b) why aren't these talented wrestlers in the Tag Tournament as opposed to, uh, Sharmell and Traci Brooks? Or maybe I was just in a bad mood on Thursday. Oh well. At least no animals were hurt in the filming of this episode.

IMPACT MISSES

Bobby Lashley Interview or Why the Fast Forward Button was Invented - You can't teach charisma. If you could, people would make a fortune doing just that. You can barely even define charisma. Ivan Lendl was a great tennis player with an outstanding backcourt game that won him major championships and made him the World Number One for years. He was as charismatic as a coffee table. Andre Agassi was a great tennis player with the exact same technical attributes but he dripped charisma. Bobby Lashley unfortunately is the Ivan Lendl of wrestling.

An extended sitdown interview with Bobby Lashley will only work when he has reached enough career milestones to make him a subject of curiosity that we want to know better. And then, curiously enough, he will only be an interesting interview subject in wrestling when and if he does become a legitimate MMA champion. The wrestling push has to follow the MMA push, otherwise the reaction is going to be, "Why are you pushing this really boring guy?" It's dangerously close to be there already.

The whole Dixie Carter interview was weakened by Lashley sat there like a big, muscle-y throw cushion. Which is a shame. I know I was curious to finally see and metaphorically meet Carter - to find out how and why she runs an upstart, growing wrestling promotion. But we never got that. We got some inflated stats, an announcement of the new three-year deal with Spike (and if Spike is, in Dixie's words, "a major network," then I'm Ernest Hemingway) and some chat about the expanded house show schedule. Yawn. Mike Tenay could have done all that in 30 seconds. In a sense, this was typical of the recurring flaw that continues to spring up like acne on the face of TNA. They get great moments of opportunity, set up anticipation for people, matches and events, then don't close the deal.

I need to elaborate more on this, because the error is crucial in understanding why Impact is scoring 1.2 ratings instead of 4.2 ratings. Honestly, they have the stable to do 4.2. So why don't they? Look at the Dixie Carter/Bobby Lashley interview. Without trying at all, Carter could have and should have been seen as the reverse of the Mr. McMahon character. Mr. McMahon hates the fans. Dixie hugs the fans. Mr. McMahon feuds with his wrestlers. Dixie loves her roster. Etc. Etc. But here's where TNA blew it. We need to care about the character, what makes him or her tick. If ever there was a time for a Vince Russo shoot interview, this was it and they didn't do it. Damn.

Motor City Machineguns - Speaking of missed opportunities, we come to my absolute favorite act in TNA: the MCMG. Last week we had a hilarious skit with the Guns marketing themselves on an infomercial. This week ... hoo boy. I'd like to take the ten minutes or so of the skit and the resultant match with Abyss and shop it as an instructional video in how to bollix up both comedy and wrestling. There are some subtle points here, so do take notes. This may appear on the final.

First, we have Alex Shelly and Chris Sabin moonlighting as the director and cameraman for a Lauren interview. PROBLEM NUMBER ONE: this puts them in the Kip James "been down so long it feels like up to me" loser category. We can't wrestle on the card, but we'll do anything to hang around. PROBLEM NUMBER TWO: Surprisingly, not the boobie shot. This is Spike. Whatever. No, problem number two was that Dr. Stevie was so easily able to enlist Our Heroes in his cheapskate $50,000 destroy Abyss scheme. At least is the Guns had held out for even $50,000 and a new PlayStation or something it might have been better. Otherwise, taking a heel's offer immediately places you as less than the heel, which makes you a jobber. PROBLEM NUMBER THREE: We now reinforce the jobber status by having this cool, athletic, young tag team lose in a stinking handicap match. PROBLEM NUMBER FOUR: By having the Guns lose in the handicap match it now looks as though they aren't regulars on Impact not because they're being put down by The Man for being non-conformist ... but because they kind of suck. PROBLEM NUMBER FIVE: And why have we done all this? To set up a Kevin Nash vs. Abyss match on the No Surrender pay-per-view that I couldn't care less about if I tried.

ODB vs. The Deaner - Speaking of matches that won't be selling any pay-per-view buys, we have this monstrosity which I guess is designed to make us all forget about the Sharmell vs. Jenna Morasca monstrosity. I actually like the ODB and Deaner pairing - as I've said before, wrestling and hick comedy work well together. But putting a belt on Deaner just diminishes everything accomplished for the Knockout division. Real quick, I can think of six wrestlers on the TNA roster that I'd be intrigued to see challenge ODB for the title at No Surrender. They all have one thing in common. None of them wears a cup.

That Thing Where Guys Like Fight and Stuff - The main event was kind of okay, but this was a weak show in terms of wrestling. Short, dull matches, not a one of which we'll remember in five days's time.

Hubert O'Hearn is a PWTorch Specialist covering TNA Impact with a weekly Hits & Misses column. You can read Hubert's Hits & Misses column and Chris Reed's new TNA Hits & Misses column weekly on PWTorch.com

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