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UNDER THE MICROSCOPE - 7/3 WWE Smackdown: Memory lane with Kane and Rey, Punk channels Nancy Reagan, R-Truth poppin' pimples, Maria's latest beau
Jul 6, 2009 - 9:57:14 AM |
By Lee Stevens, Torch specialist
Thank you for joining me as we put Smackdown "Under The Microscope." If you are a new reader, this is not a complete recap of Friday's show. Instead, it's a closer, often random, look at the broadcast.
My kind of town
C.M. Punk kicked off the show with his continued defense of his recent actions, including video explaining that he hadn't done anything wrong. "Where I come from, the rules still matter," insisted Punk. For the record, Punk is from Chicago, Illinois, the home of classic rule-followers such as Republican mayoral candidate Fred Busse who was accused of distributing jobs, money, and coal in return for votes. Since he was trading coal, you probably guessed that this wasn't recent. He ran for Mayor in 1907.
Mayor Ed Kelly was indicted for participating in payoff, bribery, and kickback schemes while serving as chief engineer of the Metropolitan Sanitary District. The charges against him were later dropped. Although most cities have various levels of political corruption, Chicago has (fairly or unfairly) a reputation for a certain level of dishonesty and is the source of the famous quote, "Vote early and often."
Most recently, Chicagoan Rod Blagojevich was arrested on federal corruption charges for trying to sell the Senate seat vacated by now President Barack Obama. The Governor was unanimously voted out of his post by the Illinois State Senate and barred from holding public office again.
The 2000 movie "Cheaters" was based on the Academic Decathlon scandal at Steinmetz High School in the northwest side of Chicago. A student obtained the state final tests and with the help of their teacher, they defeated the powerful Whitney Young Magnet School.
I certainly don't mean to kick a city when it is down, but since they have broad shoulders, they can probably take it. Chicago is also home to one of the greatest cheating scandals in professional baseball as several members of the 1919 Chicago White Sox were banned for life after allegedly conspiring to throw the World Series. The team now known as the Chicago Black Sox allegedly lost games on purpose, giving the World Series title to the Cincinnati Reds. Eight players were banned from Major League Baseball, including likely Hall-of-Famer Joe Jackson.
The controversy was featured in the movie, "Eight Men Out." The movie starred another man who made his own rules, Charlie Sheen. Sheen was listed as one of the more frequent clients of Hollywood Madam Heidi Fleiss and he later admitted that he spent approximately $50,000 on "escorts" in the span of 14 months. For the record, Sheen is actually from New York.
This segment of "Under The Microscope" not endorsed by the Greater Chicago Chamber of Commerce.
This segment of "Under The Microscope" is endorsed by the Lee Stevens now can't go to Chicago Committee. Irwin R. Schyster, Treasurer.
Do you want my advice?
Punk went on to speak directly to Jeff Hardy. "I can see your temper about to boil over. I know how bad you want to punch me. My advice to you is very simple and it's something you should have done a long time ago. Just say no." Anyone who lived through the '80s will recognize the last three words of that quote and understand why Punk had the sly grin and Hardy had reason to be upset.
Then-First Lady Nancy Reagan developed the "Just Say No" campaign to encourage kids to refuse the urge to experiment with drugs in the early '80s. Reagan later co-hosted an episode of Good Morning America, Punky Brewster had a special episode centered around the campaign, and she even appeared as herself on Dynasty and Diff'rent Strokes. As if hanging with Punky, Willis, and Alexis wasn't weird enough, she also appeared in a music video entitled "Stop the Madness." La Toya Jackson became a spokesperson for the campaign and even recorded a song called "Just Say No."
Clearly, Punk's comment either referred to Hardy's past drug problems, or his odd fixation with Punky Brewster. Punk calling out Punky? I see why Hardy was upset.
Payday
After R-Truth made his way to the ring in his usual style of asking a very important question, Todd Grisham asked Jim Ross, what's up with him? Ross answered, "I got a new contract, so my wages are up...$8.00." Grisham countered, "up from $5.50."
Assuming that Ross would work under Connecticut laws, considering WWE's home office is in Stamford, the minimum wage for the state is $8.00. It will be raised to $8.25 effective January 1, 2010.
Zit happens
R-Truth's entrance raised concerns about money and appearance as he rapped that "most of the time you see me, I'm tryin' to keep it simple. These are the type of people to get popped like a pimple." Actually, dermatologists disagree with rapper/wrestlers as they recommend that you do not pop pimples. Pimple popping potentially risks worsening the blemish, forming a cyst, spreading infections, or scarring.
If you feel that, you can arise from a seated position and proclaim that you would like to know about current events. People over there can do the same thing.
No friend like an old friend
Kane and Rey Mysterio faced off on Friday night, which certainly isn't the first time those words have been written. Their history covers quite a bit of ground dating back to 2005. John Bradshaw Layfield handpicked Kane to fight Rey Mysterio to try to punish Mysterio during one of their feuds. At the time, Kane was haunted by voices and the date of May 19 and chokeslammed both Mysterio and Layfield. Kane would later reveal that May 19 was when his Mother and adopted family had been killed in a fire. Although Mysterio had nothing to do with it, he still felt the brunt of The Big Red Machine's anger.
The 2005 Survivor Series saw Mysterio's Smackdown team of Randy Orton, Bobby Lashley, Batista, and JBL beat the Raw team of Kane, Shawn Michaels, Big Show, Carlito, and Chris Masters. Later, Mysterio and Batista would face Kane and Big Show at Armageddon with Mysterio once again on the bad end of a chokeslam.
In 2008, Kane defeated Mysterio and Mike Knox in a triple threat match to earn a spot in the Money in the Bank match, which would later be won by C.M. Punk. Later that year Kane bragged about ending the career of Mysterio and even went as far as carrying Mysterio's mask to the ring with him and declaring that "he is dead." I believe kidnapping and torture were involved too, but all friends have disagreements. Probably the best quote from that chapter of the feud was Kane's understated description of Mysterio as a "fungus that grows in the marshes of your psyche."
It's nice to see that the two can share a workplace again. I'm glad Mysterio friended him. Thank you, Facebook.
Just wondering
One of Mysterio's most popular moves is the 619, which is named after the area code of his hometown, San Diego. If Kane would do the move, and he is truly from "parts unknown," would the move be called the 411?
Probably not.
Could you use it in a sentence?
Chris Jericho stated his case for fan-friendly wrestler of the night by calling the paying customers "obsequious, gelatinous, parasitic drones that make up this audience tonight."
Obsequious-- marked by or exhibiting a fawning attentiveness
Gelatinous-- resembling gelatin, viscous
Parasitic-- something that resembles a biological parasite in dependence on something else for existence or support without making a useful or adequate return
Drone-- one that lives on the labors of others
Dependable-- suited to be relied upon (see Jericho, Chris)
Entertaining-- anything marked by enjoyment (see Jericho, Chris)
...and he once played poker with Kevin Bacon
During the Raw Rebound, Vince McMahon stated his case for the new policy of no General Manager in lieu of new Guest Hosts. As he talked about possible changes in vague terms, we saw specific possibilities in Regis Philbin, Michael Clarke Duncan, Ashton Kutcher, Kid Rock, Willie Nelson, Tiffany Pollard from "I Love New York," Stone Cold Steve Austin, Burt Reynolds, Drew Carey, Pamela Anderson, Arnold Schwarzanegger, Method Man, Ric Flair, Jay Leno, Timbaland, Toby Keith, Billy Gibbons from ZZ Top, and Evander Holyfield.
With all of those wild suggestions, Batista and Ted DiBiase seem quite ordinary by comparison. Both options make sense, but Willie Nelson would have been very interesting, if only for the after party.
That was bad! Bad meaning good? No, just bad.
Teddy Long and John Morrison provided a trip down memory lane as they remembered Michael Jackson by dropping song titles into their conversation and adding singing and dancing to the mix.
For the record, the songs were "Remember the Time" from Dangerous, "Thriller," "Wanna Be Startin' Somethin,'" and "Beat It" from Thriller and "Bad and "Smooth Criminal" from Bad. "Remember the Time" had ties to professional wrestling before this segment as the video for the song featured Tom "Tiny" Lister among others. Lister is remembered by wresting fans as "Zeus" who face Hulk Hogan in and out of the movie "No Holds Barred."
Tag, you're it!
Edge has proclaimed many times that he is "nothing" without a championship, so he's probably a bit happier these days with his 14th trip with the tag team titles. This is his 12th time with the WWF/WWE Tag Team Championship and you could add a pair of WWE World Tag Team Belts to the mix for your total of 14.
He has held tag team gold with six different wrestler and, not surprisingly, his time with Christian provided the most success with seven different title reigns. He held the belts with Chris Benoit twice and this is his second time with Jericho. Add in single reigns with Randy Orton, Hulk Hogan, and Rey Mysterio and Edge has held good company in the last ten years.
Power To The People!
Thank you to everyone for voting in this week's Smackdown Microscope poll. Judging by the overwhelming margin of victory, I hope nobody is disappointed that I don't have more juicy details, but our big winner this week was "Maria's love life," easily outdistancing second place by nearly 40 percent. Several readers wrote in with other suggestions for the second word of that phrase, but we'll stick with "Maria's LOVE life."
If Friday night is any indication, Maria will be getting to know Dolph Ziggler a bit better during the next few weeks. If you're going to buy a house, you should know who lived there before you, so let's take a closer look at Maria's love life.
Maria entered WWE in 2004 after competing in the Diva Search. In 2005, she made her mark as the ditzy backstage reporter, but eventually moved to action inside the ring. In early 2006, the first signs of any affection came from John Cena as he kissed her to calm her nerves before a tag match against Edge and Lita later that night on Raw. Maria got the pin when Edge mistakenly speared Lita. Edge would continue to spear Lita throughout the year.
As for Maria, she would move on to a more serious on-camera relationship later that year as she began to date Santino Marella. Maria slowly began to show her Independence in the relationship as she talked about the possibility of posing in Playboy magazine. Marella protested and eventually it reached an ultimatum of "magazine or Marella." Maria chose the bunny over the boy.
The posing problem continued through WrestleMania as Maria and Ashley Massaro were defeated by Beth Phoenix and Melina at WM XXIV in a Playboy BunnyMania Lumberjack match. Despite the loss, Maria continued to show she was her own woman as she once again spurned Marella and, instead, kissed the master of ceremonies for the match, Snoop Dogg. She kizzled the dizzle, fo shizzle.
Away from the camera, she also dated C.M. Punk after they met while both were in Ohio Valley Wrestling. They broke up just about the time Punk moved on to ECW.
As for the future, it seems that Ziggler will be courting Maria for the rest of the summer. If it progresses and the two became quite familiar with each other, our readers other suggestion could become a reality. If that's the case, who calls out his name more? Her or him? How many times can a man introduce himself before it becomes poor etiquette? Is it okay that I'm still thinking about this?
Happy, happy
I hope everyone has a safe and happy 4th of July. Actually, I hope your 3rd and 5th are safe too, but they seem to be the Marty Jannetty to the 4th's Shawn Michaels.
In all seriousness, I hope you have the chance to take a second to think about the holiday. Because of sacrifices by people much braver than I am, I have the freedom to make my silly jokes every week. I am grateful and I do not take it for granted. Happy 4th...and 12th and every other day.
Lee Stevens examines Raw and Smackdown with "Under The Microscope." You can leave comments below or e-mail him at GLStevens.Torch@gmail.com
Send feedback on this article to pwtorch@gmail.com and we'll regularly publish reader feedback in the "Torch Feedback" category on the Main Listing.
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