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UNDER THE MICROSCOPE - WWE Smackdown 6/12: Straight Edge logic, Chris Jericho mask correction, Mutant Vampire Zombies From The Hood
Jun 14, 2009 - 11:07:42 PM |
By Lee Stevens, Torch specialist
Thank you for joining me as put Smackdown "Under The Microscope." This is not a complete recap of the show. Instead, this is a closer look at the broadcast.
A briefcase saved is a title earned
C.M. Punk started Smackdown by outlining his defense of cashing in his Money In The Bank contract against Jeff Hardy after the grueling Ladder Match at Extreme Rules. His reasoning made sense and for a dose or realism; shouldn't the MITB winner look for the most brutal title bout and then just wait patiently by the curtain for the final result? Good logic and a solid explanation from the new champion, plus it gives another boost to the inevitable MITB match for 2010.
While Punk accurately explained his rationale, former title holder Jeff Hardy naturally disagreed. "You cashed in on the wrong guy," insisted Hardy. I understand that he was trying to get across the impression that there would be harsh consequences for the use of the briefcase, but cashing in against a champion seems to be a perfect choice. Cashing in on "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan or Lillian Garcia would have been much more awkward.
But who's counting?
The third man in the mix, Edge, mocked Hardy as he reminded the world that "he has the shortest World Heavyweight Championship reign in the history of the company." Obviously, he is correct as Hardy surrendered the belt just minutes after winning it, but the Rated-R Superstar has had his moments of short-term success too. In June of 2008, Edge held the belt for 29 days and his most recent time with the title lasted just 42 days. In December of 2007, he signed out the championship and kept it for 105 days.
There goes my hero
The quote of the night goes to the former champion as he taunted Punk by insisting that he was trying to follow in his footsteps. "Who do you emulate? You wanna be me!" He went on to add, "You call this unique lifestyle you live Straight Edge. Hello! You named it after me."
During the break, he also directed his anger at U2's guitarist, a character in Final Fantasy IV and shaving cream.
Unless you count that other time
Chris Jericho proudly boasted that he "unmasked Rey Mysterio for the first time ever." I would like to offer my congratulations and my corrections. Mysterio was also unmasked after Super Brawl IX when Kevin Nash and Scott Hall beat Mysterio and Konnan in a "Hair vs. Mask" match. The hair in question actually belonged to Miss Elizabeth who was spending quality time with The Outsiders at that point.
Buy low, sell high
Jim Ross gave a complete endorsement of a young talent as he proclaimed "Somewhere along the way you're going to listen to me. You gotta buy stock in Dolph Ziggler." It's a huge boost of confidence from someone of the stature of Ross, but please don't call your broker. Although Dolph Ziggler is not being traded on the New York Stock Exchange, at one time you could have purchased stock in his initials, DZ, by way of Discovery Zone. DZ was a chain of restaurants featuring indoor play areas and mazes. After financial problems from DZ, Chuck E. Cheese purchased 500 of the locations.
Search and destroy
Layla's continued battles with Eve bring together a pair of Diva Search Winners as Todd Grisham reminded us. Eve Torres was actually the final winner of the contest which started in 2003. Jaime Koeppe was the first winner of the contest and she was the only winner to not receive a WWE contract. Her title came with a photo shoot for WWE Magazine. The following year crowned Christy Hemme as the winner and featured Carmella DeCesare as runner-up, Joy Giovanni finished third, Amy Weber was fourth, Maria Kanellis took fifth, but is still with the company. Michelle McCool has held championship belts, but not the Diva Search title as she finished seventh. Candice Michelle didn't even make the top 10 that year, but still holds a spot on the roster.
When Layla won the crown, she outlasted several contestants, include Maryse, who finished seventh. The following year's search found Eve at the top and Taryn Terrell in fourth place. She's now known as Tiffany and spending her Tuesday night's as the General Manager of ECW. Of course, the winner every year was Jerry Lawler.
I have it on cassette
R-Truth continued to get more air time and he used it to demean his opponents. "The World's Greatest Tag Team back together again. That's about like Vanilla Ice and M.C. Hammer teaming up to do a rap song. Nobody wants to hear them and nobody wants to see you."
Granted, people in Ice houses should not throw hammers, but the two have teamed up in the past. In 1998, "Back to Back Hits: MC Hammer/Vanilla Ice" was released, featuring some of their greatest hits. Yes, I said plural.
In February of this year, the two shared the stage in the hop-hop capital of Orem, Utah, because there ain't no party like a Salt Lake party. MC Hammer made his mark by sampling Rick James's "Superfreak" on his hit "Can't Touch This," while Ice borrowed from Queen & David Bowie's "Under Pressure" for his #1 smash, "Ice, Ice Baby." They also shared a role in the movie industry as Hammer contributed a song to the film "Addams Family," while Vanilla Ice was on the soundtrack of "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles."
Howdy Neighbor
Todd Grisham insisted that the tag team of John Morrison and R-Truth was like "Hollywood and the hood." It wouldn't be the first time the two words were close to each other. Among the cinematic works from Hollywood to make our list, "Robin Hood," "Hoodwinked," "Boys In The Hood," and the 2001 German film called simply "Hood."
Some other options for your viewing pleasure: "White Boyz In The Hood," "Girls In The Hood," "Clowns In The Hood," "Leprechaun In The Hood," and "Mutant Vampire Zombies From The Hood." I would have made one up, but most of the time, reality is much funnier.
Lee Stevens examines Smackdown and Raw with "Under The Microscope". Please leave comments below or e-mail him at GLStevens.Torch@gmail.com. He tries to rock a mic like a vandal, but he can't promise that he'll light up a stage and wax a chump like a candle. Waxing chumps takes time.
Send feedback on this article to pwtorch@gmail.com and we'll regularly publish reader feedback in the "Torch Feedback" category on the Main Listing.
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