By Shane McKinley, Torch specialist

"Don't take the fall
We'd hate to see
That's entertainment
Get some
Eyes on the goal
Last one to get
Is passed over looked over
Never rehearse
They've spiked the water
It's in the blood
How can I
Get some"

-"Get Some" by Chevelle

Consider this: for the Backlash 2006 PPV, Shane & Vince McMahon defeated Shawn Michaels & God. What sort of wackiness will fans see this Sunday? Is this the end of Triple's H title reign? Is this the end of the unfunny Santina comedy bits? Is this PPV worth buying before you read the reviews? Read on and find out.

C.M. Punk vs. Kane

About as vanilla as a match can get. Yes, WWE did have Punk lose the IC belt to JBL in a four minute bout...just so that JBL could lose the very same belt at Wrestlemania in a four minute bout to Rey Mysterio...and now all Rey Mysterio fans see is the Intercontinental Champion getting punked out weekly. It's funny how that works sometimes. Maybe they should give the IC title back to Santino.

Speaking about funny, I'm watching the Unforgiven 2007 PPV and a newly returning Triple H is facing Carlito. Yep. You see, Trips can't use weapons or he gets DQed... Khali is the current World Champion...Matt Hardy and MVP are the tag team champions...Oh no. World Champion Khali squashes a cantaloupe...and now a watermelon...Trips tells his buddy Dave who is the new World Champion that "it's one thing to win it. It's another thing to keep it."...Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch...This is when WWE actually had a tag team division...There's actual chemistry between the WWE announcers unlike nowadays...Video recap shows when Randy punted John Cena's father in the head...Cena has the gall to say, "He will feel vengeance in his bones."...The Coach is laying it in on Cena's father for punting Orton in the head...Good times.

Main purpose of this match is to push the straight-edge superstar as a credible guy over on Smackdown. So expect a "Punk moment." This can be done with Punk landing the Go To Sleep on Kane. I say go one better and have Punk reintroduce his "Anaconda Vise" submission move.

And don't worry about Kane to get jobbed out in this fashion. Inside sources tell me that Kane's going to be in "Katie Vick II: Back From The Dead." He's like a magnet for awful storylines (credit to toptenz.net for pic).

Why You Should Be Excited
-- If you're a Punk fan, this might be your PPV (read the Cena vs. Edge bit for more on that)

Why You Shouldn't Be Excited
-- Looks to be as boring as Rhode Island
-- Where's the beef? No beef here

VERDICT: Very Absurd

Christian vs. Jack Swagger for ECW Championship

This match just sounds right. Say it aloud: "Christian vs. Jack Swagger for the ECW championship." What's also nice about this match is that it's got the Internet crowd questioning who is going to win this one. Will WWE stick to their guns and keep the belt on arguably one of their finest young talents in recent memory? Or will they show some love to Christian? Will they keep their wits and not shove Kozlov down our throats?

I'm looking forward to this match. Swagger did have a hiccup with facing Finlay at No Way Out. Hopefully these two guys can work well with each other.

Why You Should Be Excited
-- Looking forward to watching these two guys wrestle each other
-- Match itself is significant for future of ECW

Why You Shouldn't Be Excited
-- ECW might get chumped out on a WWE PPV again, but that is unlikely
-- Potential Kozlov Krap (Please stay beating jobbers. That's fine)

VERDICT: A Little Absurd

Santina and The Great Khali Do Their Man Kiss

Yeah...Not really a factor in buying this PPV. Hey, remember when The Great Khali was World Champion? Good times. The Punjabi Playboy and Santina. Can Santina break the vise grip of Khali's lips? There's no escape when it is locked in.

Santina does his comedy, Khali lumbers to the ring, Santina tries to escape, Beth Phoenix comes in and ties Santina in the ropes, the announcers guffaw when Khali eats Santina's face off, Khali then finds out that Santina is a man, and then Big Show comes in and knocks everybody out for doing this stupid crap. Chris Tucker runs in and goes, "You just got knocked the f--- out! Ha ha! Now where's my money, Vince?" Well, that is what I would like to see.

WWE loves them some Big Show now. If you didn't catch it, Big Show punched out Undertaker's lights on Smackdown. He then said, "No one can beat me!" Yep, Big Show was a wrestler in a 1900s traveling circus. "Step right up, ladies and gentlemen. See if you can last three minutes with the Big Show!"

Can't see Big Show joining Legacy...that just sounds like a sitcom.

Big Show was just a normal guy living a normal life. Then his whole life turned upside down, when three male models became his new roommates! How will they coexist? How long before this series gets cancelled? It's "Giant Who Had Sex With Vickie and Three Moody Male Models." Only on MyNetwork TV.

Santina and Khali kissing. Yep.

Why You Should Be Excited
-- ...Could be Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler kissing instead
-- Might be hugely entertaining and very funny...yeah

Why You Shouldn't Be Excited
-- WWE "comedy" at its potential worst
-- This abomination may continue

VERDICT: It's So Absurd It Makes Me Want To Cry

Chris Jericho vs. Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat

In the time where the biggest stars who have come back to wrestling are huge, bulked up mountains of men (Batista and Bobby Lashley), here we have a WWE match with Jericho and Steamboat, two small dudes (relatively speaking). There's no foreseen outside interference, there's no silly stipulations, no special guest enforcer, no bull. Just two guys who are loved for their in-ring ability (credit to www1.pictures.gi.zimbio.com for pic).

But the past is a funny thing. Can this work? If you give me Batista vs. Steamboat, no way. Give me Edge vs. Steamboat and I would be wary. But considering how Jericho handled that WrestleMania match, he has earned a lot of fans's trust that this won't be a stinker. Same can be said for Steamboat.

So in a sense this match looks to be taking a trip back in time. It might be something special or it might just turn into a ho-hum forgettable affair.

Why You Should Be Excited
-- Jericho, Steamboat goodness
-- It's not absurd to believe that this can be a great match, despite Steamboat's limitations

Why You Shouldn't Be Excited
-- WWE has been wary of this match too, as there hasn't been a hell of a lot of buildup until the last minute
-- Might be short and easily forgettable

VERDICT: In The Middle Of Absurdity

Jeff Hardy vs. Matt Hardy in an "I Quit" Match

An "I Quit" Match where one of the dudes is considering quitting for real.

Y'all see Jeff Hardy's promo on Smackdown? Geesh. Crazy kids and their emo. Not sure when WWE decided to showcase their characters like in a Batman movie. Jeff did sure a good job of making me hate him even more.

Ok guys. Now I want the lights to be set up here. Now play some mood music. I'm going to climb on this ladder and speak my thoughts like some hack on free mic night down at the Pub. Pain. I crap broken glass! You killed my dog, man! Kill my brother! C-I-L-L! Arghhhhhh!

Sorry, emo boy, I'll root for Matt (credit to JeffHardyzGirl.deviantart.com for pic).

There hasn't been a real connection for this "brother" rivalry. WWE even had to bring in Jack the dead dog in order to drum up more heat for this feud (and you can tell how well people reacted to that).

On paper, it's heel Matt vs. face Jeff. Matt has Jeff's number and normally the face would win in this situation. But the background is intriguing.

From reports the status of Jeff's future employment in WWE is up in the air. So does WWE put their faith in Jeff and give him the win, even though Jeff may not be in the WWE months from now? Or do they further pump up Matt Hardy, a more reliable employee?

If Jeff does lose, fans wouldn't be wrong to assume that Jeff is on his way out the door.

I enjoyed their stretcher match, but it's hard to get really excited for this match. Thanks to Jeff's weird-ass emo promo, I find myself rooting for Matt in this one. Would love to see a Matt vs. MVP feud.

Seriously. MVP is defending his U.S. Championship against...Dolph Ziggler? Wha? It's funny about MVP. He was on that losing streak for the childish benefit of WWE. Now MVP's this truly credible guy. Right. The second coming of The Rock. MVP's getting down with the ladies on The View. Ballin!

Why You Should Be Excited
-- Hardcore crazy action
-- Jeff jumps off the Titantron
-- Leg Drops! Leg Drops!

Why You Shouldn't Be Excited
-- Feud is not especially strong; match has that "meh" feeling

VERDICT: In The Middle Of Absurdity

Triple H, Batista & Shane McMahon vs. Randy Orton, Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase

Big Dave has come back in just a month and already the internet crowd is whining about him. The Batista Backlash is in full effect. Poor guy.

"Batista lands the Boring Bomb. Ugh. I hate him so much."

"Batista doesn't even know how to work a match. Watching a Batista match is like eating a veggie burger. No meat."

"You missed us? We didn't miss you." And so on.

Is Orton the new man on Raw? All signs point to yes (credit to 2.bp.blogspot.com for pic).

Let's face it. This is a Raw main event down in Boise, Idaho. Only thing that elevates it to PPV caliber is the bogus stipulation of "If Team McMahon loses, Orton wins the gold." Looks like a pretty much done deal that Randy Orton will be handed the gold this Sunday. Think I've seen plenty of Trips, Shane, and Dave fight Legacy in nearly every form.

The only reason to check out this match out (and it's not Shane landing his Hulk Hogan punches) is the potential swerve that might happen.

Why You Should Be Excited
-- Possible Swerve, betrayal
-- Possible new hot feud starting (Trips-Batista)

Why You Shouldn't Be Excited
-- Shane McMahon
-- Bogus match, not especially worth checking out for in-ring action
-- Buildup hasn't really been believable, match itself is TNA wacky
-- Awful "don't get disqualified!" madness that will be pumped up
-- Shane McMahon

VERDICT: Very Absurd

John Cena vs. Edge in a Last Man Standing Match for the World Hvt. Title

Did WWE do a good job of reminding fans of the "greatest rivalry?" That's debatable. I can only remember the TLC match in Toronto. This feud has been greatly pushed by three great promos that hit the nail on the head.

They really did get into fans's minds that this will be the final payoff match (and even if it isn't, the vibe is there). Both men want to come out on top. I especially loved the line Edge said about wanting to respect Cena for his toughness, but he hates his guts too much to do so (credit to pwmania.com for pic).

I'm seeing Edge winning the title here. Cena already has beaten Edge in his hometown in his own match (which, at that point, Edge had never lost in). To cap off this feud, Edge should be the one winning this. For this to be remembered as a great feud, Cena can't be remembered as the guy who won all of the time. From internet rumors it seems like Edge might be taking some time off. Smackdown can either vacate the title or...

Punk can cash in his Money in the Bank Briefcase after the conclusion of the match. WWE doesn't let the Money in the Bank Briefcase linger like TNA's "Feast or Fired" briefcases (Hernandez and Homicide have been carrying the briefcases for nearly half a year). What better time to cash it in than after a Last Man Standing Match?

Fans already know that Punk was the one who cashed in his briefcase on Edge. WWE likes to do things like this. The witty tagline for their website would be "Two times the charm for Punk" or "Mr. Hobo makes history twice" or whatever.

If Punk were to win this fashion, Edge would have to do something really scummy in a match where all rules go out the window (or Punk would be seen as an asshole for cashing in his chance, no matter how much WWE tries to spin it). Perhaps Big Show comes in, knocks out Cena, Edge win, people boo, Punk cashes in, and we are left with a Cena-Show feud while Punk is the new man on Smackdown and has a feud with Jericho while Edge goes off to spread his Candian seeds across America.

This is all speculation, but I'm putting my money on Edge winning the title. If they go with Punk cashing in his title, that would be the cherry on top. Could a possible C.M. Punk vs. Jericho feud be in the works on Smackdown? Whatever the case may be, the world championship is coming home to Smackdown.

Why You Should Be Excited
-- Cena-Edge is a great feud
-- Great promo work

Why You Shouldn't Be Excited
-- Last Man Standing Matches are really hard to pull off, are often long-winded and boring

VERDICT: A Little Absurd

Cena vs. Edge is something I would like to see. Christian vs. Swagger just has the vibe to be a good match-up. Jericho vs. Steamboat and Jeff vs. Matt are the ones that might steal the show, but they are also the ones that might be awkward and not worth seeing. Hopefully Team Orton vs. Team McMahon has a satisfying conclusion, Punk vs. Kane is decent, and Santina-Khali doesn't take forever. And hey, no Kid Rock.

MATCHES I WOULD PAY TO SEE
-- Cena vs. Edge
-- Christian vs. Swagger

MATCHES I AM UNSURE I WOULD PAY TO SEE
-- Jericho vs. Steamboat
-- Jeff vs. Matt

MATCHES THERE IS NO WAY I WOULD PAY TO SEE
-- Team Orton vs. Team McMahon (if there's not a satisfying conclusion, then it will be a waste of money)
-- Punk vs. Kane
-- Santina-Khali Kiss

Email is mckinley.torch@gmail.com

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