By Shane McKinley, PWTorch Specialist

The Good Line Of The Year Award

WINNER: Vickie's "Excuse Me!"

2008 was not a good year for fans of catchphrases. While TNA had "spastic colon" during dating skits with Kurt Angle and Team 3D (if you didn't see them, you are better for it), Santino came up with "the scrotonmous region." Christy Hemme maybe perhaps had the TNA statement in mind when she said this: "We don't know where we're going or what we're doing, but baby, we are living the gimmick!" How true. Slight nod to Jericho's "ask him!" catchphrase that he is apt to say while doing submission holds. However, nothing received as much heat and was used to full effect time after time again like Vickie's "Excuse Me!" line.

The Worst Line Of The Year Award

WINNER: "WWE Universe"

John Cena was apt to talk about Sally Raphael and the Brooklyn Brawler during his promos, but he surely showed his genius when the word "poop" became his new catchphrase. Kip James was truly remarkable, as he had "That's right, Brian, I am a tiger" and "Rhino, you stuck your horn in our business too many times." Lawler and Cole now continue a trend of throwing out lame lines like "popping up like a pimple on prom night." Zing! When Kane was facing off with Rey Mysterio, Kane described Rey as "a fungus that grows in the marshes of your psyche." Uh huh. Matt Morgan was overbearing when he talked about how he "beat up a 1,000 pound bear with my own bare hands."

For a while, Sting dropped "Ric Flair" like it was his new favorite catchphrase. Mick Foley, during his announcing duties in WWE, dropped the line that "19 years ago a hooker put me in a stranglehold." He was also fascinated about Hornswoggle's rear end. And then there's Mike Adamle.

But the absolute worst line of the year was "WWE Universe." It's not the phrase itself; it's how it is used. The whole friggin universe, WWE? "Every time Kane tortures Mysterio, Kane believes he is torturing the WWE Universe" is one prime example. It shows up much WWE has their head up their own asses in such a bombastic quote.

The Worst Promo Of The Year Award

WINNER: Brother Ray's "It doesn't matter if you lose" promo

At the start of the year, people in TNA would get promo time just to be shown. Thus, the Rock 'n Roll Infection, along with The Super League of Dummies, would speak yet nobody could understand what the hell they were talking about. Joe, Rhino, and Matt Morgan often did promos as if they were trying to be louder than a 747 airplane. Scott Steiner (along with TNA) not only described Petey William's background before meeting him filled with "mediocrity," but also railed against the World champion Samoa Joe in his truly epic "Hamburger" promo. Way to convey the notion that you employ only the best of the best.

For a while, Booker T had a fake accent, and there was a period of time when TNA would show nearly the same exact "Booker locker room" interview on every Impact. Booker would talk about killing elephants or chickens or whatever in a messed up accent for really no good damn reason. Booker also had a promo that put down independent wrestlers. Not to ignore the females, Roxxi truly made her own mark when she said this: "I do not give a s--t about Spike TV. I have lost tons of matches. I have barely won any of them." Yeah! Now go beat up Kong in her locker room!

On Raw, Triple H would usually have great interactions with Orton and Cena. Then he moved to Smackdown. While Trips did have the great "Brass Ring" promo with Jeff, there was a period when he was atrocious on the mic. His "Promo" promo ("I'm going to be champion for a century considering my dumb competition!"), "Chunkyvania" jokes, staring at Eve's breasts... it goes on and on. I don't know why Jericho is the only one who bothers to bring in outside current information like Wall Street and Lebron James. Trips and Cena are all too comfortable talking about stuff that appeals to only them. They could become a vaudeville act and quip about "Smokey and The Bandit" and "The Lone Ranger."

Trips's best friend, Vinnie Mac, sure left WWE's fans feeling glum as he announced that for the next month he would give away money by forcing people to bark like a dog over the phone. Also, hearing Vince yell, "Dammnit, I'm your father! Now kiss it!" to Hornswoggle felt a bit creepy and sick.

But the worst promo of the year was Brother Ray's "It doesn't matter if you lose" promo to Joe. It's one thing if a promo is delivered badly or is largely a waste of time, but it's quite another thing to be so counter-productive that fans are amazed that this sort of crap made it on air. Fans were starting to get the sense that TNA was getting back on track with Frontline vs. MEM...and then Ray says that losing matches doesn't matter. Okay. Then why should fans watch? WWE throws up some mumbo jumbo about "confidence," "payback," or "momentum." It might as well been TNA saying, "Guess what? We're still mind numbingly stupid, and we're mighty proud of it! Cross the line!"

The Absurdly Bad Things WWE Did This Year Awards

-- Cena hype overload
-- The drama of arm-wrestling
-- Vince's Money Mania
-- Cena's "No Roids" video package (dropped after Washington lost interest)
-- Carlito beats up a pigeon
-- How they handled Jim Ross moving to Smackdown (neglecting to tell him)
-- Hornswoggle has "brain hemorrhaging" after JBL attacked him
-- 3-hour Raw shows
-- Jeff "Injury Fake News Report" Hardy
-- Johnny Knoxville and "still relevant" Jackass bit
-- Braden Walker's time on ECW
-- Mike Adamle becomes ECW announcer
-- Mike Adamle becomes RAW GM
-- Mike Adamle in general
-- ECW's episode applauding itself (video package of brutal RVD vs. Hardcore Holly, then next up is Kofi Kingston vs. Matt Striker)
-- Yes, Ricky Ortiz did beat up the weaken JoMizzy during one particular ECW
-- While Jericho vs. Michaels was the feud of the year, the rest of Raw was often garbage months after WrestleMania
-- If it isn't Melina vs. Beth, women's division isn't really worth watching

The Absurdly Bad Things TNA Did This Year Awards

-- Shark Boy in a coma
-- Still talking about WCW, ECW, WWE, and Papa Vince
-- Evil Team 3D promoting A.J. Styles' trading card in a promo
-- TNA plays up its man-on-woman violence ("Gore The Whore!")
-- Eric Young goes off to look for Elvis
-- Superleague of Dimwits
-- Booker's Briefcase of Mystery
-- Booker's "Legends" Championship. Did Booker complain about not having gold around his waist or something?
-- Booker himself
-- Why are there even championship belts in TNA?
-- Ahh! NASCAR invades TNA!
-- Bashir vs. Shane Sewell is indeed bigger than the X Division
-- Bashir's original in-bad-taste music
-- How Styles and Tomko got their tag team belts taken off them. You see, Eric Young and Super Eric were two different people! Get it? Yeah.
-- Khan with Kong? Cute Kip is paid more than Gail Kim? Beautiful People skits? Can't you just leave the Knockout Division alone?
-- Texting Poll tag team match (during first HD show)
-- Sarah Palin still?
-- The dumb-as-hell SoCal Val-Jay Lethal-Sonjay Dutt feud
-- Shane Sewell: Ref takes flop. Gets up by the rope. Channels his inner HBK. Creates a hole in the fabric of space due to his ref rage
-- Steiner's "initiation" of Petey Williams with Mike Tenay saying I should check out TNA Today on their website so I can see Petey get electrocuted or have his fingernails ripped out.
-- The "Disaster Down In Houston" PPV finish involving Booker and Joe
-- Too much poorly done ref incompetence/lazy booking
-- James Storm being afraid of heights in a ladder match, has Jackie win the match for him
-- The announcers urging people to "re-buy" the PPV, to be thankful for the free Joe vs. Angle, and all around annoying to listen to

Nauseating WWE Moment Of The Year Award

WINNER: Jeff Hardy Injury News Report

The runner up to this award goes to Beth and Knoxville. Beth Phoenix pretty much did the worst slam on Johnny Knoxville. Nearly the whole Universe groaned. But this one is clear cut: it's the Jeff Injury news report, which was handled with all of the grace and subtlety of a punch to the face. I need some more product plugs to wash away the grime of it all.

Nauseating TNA Moment Of The Year Award

WINNER: Kurt Angle Mentions Jeff Jarrett's Dead Wife

The runner-up to this award was the NASCAR driver giving a weak chair shot to a wrestler. NASCAR was not very kind to TNA this year. Not only is having a NASCAR announcer talk about nothing else but NASCAR during a match bad enough, but one of the drivers landed a weak chair shot on a wrestler. There were a lot of bad moments for this year in TNA, but I will probably have to go with Kurt Angle bringing up Jeff Jarrett's dead wife during a promo. Fans are used to wrestlers bringing up dead wrestlers to get heat, but this one felt too personal.

Best WWE Moment Of The Year Award

WINNER: Ric Flair Sendoff

Six-man tag team matches on ECW and RAW were matches that WWE did real well. WWE was also very good in building good will, having wrestlers sell injuries, and basically doing the little things. Kudos also to Finlay's "Irish Jig," in where he and his little buddy would dance with little kids. Nice touch. Chris Jericho had an excellent year. But WWE had its finest moment in the Ric Flair sendoff. Big Show hugging Ric Flair was probably the nicest moment of the year.

Best TNA Moment Of The Year Award

WINNER: Kurt Angle vs. Joe at Lockdown

The buildup was great and one got the sense that TNA truly had their eye on the ball during this feud. TNA could still do great X Division and tag team matches, but nowadays they choose not to. The renewal vows between Kurt and Karen were also oddly sweet as well.

Worst WWE Match Of The Year Award

WINNER: Paul Burchill & Katie Lea vs. Jobber on Raw

Right off the bat, one would believe that Trips vs. Kozlov at Scummy Series would have won this prestigious award. But, to be fair, it made sense to "play it safe" and count on "the weirdo with a beardo" Edge to save the whole deal. Another runner-up to this award was Finlay vs. Mark Henry in any shape or form. But on one special Raw, Burchill was in the midst of getting his push. Throw in his sister Katie and a local hometown jobber, add in way too many minutes, and you had a match that nobody cared about. This was the Raw match that made fans wonder what in the blue hell WWE was doing.

Worst TNA Match Of The Year Award

WINNER: Kip vs. B.G. James at Lockdown

Runner-ups to this award are the "Texting Tag Team Table Doohickey Match" and "Two-Minute X Division Championship Match" (both of these were shown on the first TNA HD show). There's been a whole lot of garbage matches in TNA, but this was special. For months, these guys received the benefit of the "Roughcut" segments. When it came time to square off in this blood feud, these two guys proceeded to stink up the joint. From the looks of it, this match didn't deserve any hype, as both guys dogged it.

The "Absurd But True" Award For WWE

WINNER: Mike Adamle Is Your New Raw GM

If a man is very bad at his previous job, well then obviously he should be promoted to a higher position. One that involves a lot of talking. Anyways, on this Raw Adamle hatched his evil plan of forcing Lawler and Cole into a match(?). During the final minutes of the show, Shane announced that Mr. Adamle was the new GM. Adamle came into the ring and with all of the zeal of a bored teacher announced the Summerslam blockbuster of Batista vs. John Cena. Batista look dumfounded. Cena looked stunned. Everyone in the arena looked confused. In the back, somebody was laughing.

The "Absurd But True" Award For TNA

WINNER: Scott Hall Shows Up To A TNA PPV

At a PPV last year, Scott Hall did not show up. Kevin Nash then became Joe's mentor for 10 long months, all of the while waiting for a chance to betray him. He betrayed Joe during Sting vs. Joe in a pretty dumb finish (Joe had a lot of dumb finishes in his brief championship reign). Later Nash had a promo saying that Nash no-showed the PPV because Joe "wasn't worth the rub." During the PPV that featured the pay back of Joe vs. Nash, Scott Hall (along with ICP) shows up during an X Division match.

(Credit to pics in order of appearance: greeklish.org, i257.photobucket.com, , andrewpersaud.com, wwe.com, upload.wikimedia.org, i160.photobucket.com,
img.engadget.com, i257.photobucket.com, s4.tinypic.com, z.about.com)

Thanks to all of those who contribute to pwtorch.com, and have a happy new year!

Email is mckinley.torch@gmail.com

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