By Shane McKinley, PWTorch Specialist

JoMizzy calls HBK "Captain Highpants." Nice storyline for Survivor Series with the possibility of HBK becoming "a stepping stone" for JoMizzy. This, along with the feud between Batista and Randy Orton, should gain more PPV buys.

JoMizzy just get it in how to do promos. It was entertaining, made me laugh, and it hyped up Survivor Series in a big way. Good move here.

D.J. Gabriel looks to be the love child of Chris Masters and WCW's Alex Wright, looking like a reject from the movie "Top Gun." The shades. The coat. I am surprised WWE doesn't have a "'70s Pimp Character" or somebody dressed up as Kung Fu Panda to wrestle matches. Vince must have handpicked this guy himself, because he is buff and he gets to portray Vince's secret desire for dancing.

Vince, in his executive office in Stamford, was probably thinking about the old days when he was a young lad and said, "Dammit! Get me another Chris Masters, but his gimmick will be dancing! Now, dammit! Now!"

True, everybody needs a gimmick in order to get over, but the character of D.J. Gabriel feels so...'80s. Nothing like "WWE flashy junk" that is hard to swallow.

After his squash match, his big dance move (who cares about wrestling when we're supposed to go bananas for his dancing!) was spinning on the ground in a circle like a dog chasing after his tail. I don't know what sort of bizarre world Vince Kennedy McMahon lives in, but characters that rip off moves from The Three Stooges and Homer Simpson is just embarrassing to look at. Did D.J. go "Woo Woo Woo Woo!" while doing that? Heck, Vince could do that move. In fact, Vince probably did that in his last board meeting.




"All right! This is how we're going to gain viewers back to our product! The crowd will love it! Woo woo woo woo woo!" (Credit given to simpsoncrazy.com for the picture.)

Alica Fox is impressed by this chump's dancing skills. Later in the show Tiffany is talking to chumpier Ricky "I'm Over" Ortiz. The chump with the afro boasts about having a 6-0 record like it means something. Then Sandman came in and busted a beer can on D.J.'s forehead.

I know that we are bringing in "entertainers" in as well, but D.J. wrestled worse than any of the WWE divas. I know that hurts, D.J.

I guess long gone are the days of WWE wrestlers like Ken Shamrock, who gave the impression that they could snap somebody's arm. I know that watching WWE wrestling is supposed to appeal to "the kid in me," but crap like this make me wonder if I should start watching MMA more to get myself away from all of this... "fluff."

Tommy Dreamer had an okay extreme rules match with Colin Delaney, so let's see what the human tub of goo does with my boy Jack Swagger. I suppose they had an "amateur wrestling" match to try to cover up the fact that Swagger couldn't wrestle his way out of a wet paper bag. Unless it's with two people who have background in amateur wrestling (Kurt Angle vs. A.J. Styles), I never want to see this type of match again. I think I am picking on Swagger a lot these days because if I want to just see "entertainers," I will watch something else. People like Bam Neely whose gimmick is "big bodyguard" and quite frankly might be the ugliest man in wrestling gets applause from me because he has showed that he actually knows what to do in the ring. If the gimmick is lame to begin with, that could be forgiven if the wrestler was worth watching in the ring or had something worth tuning into to watch.

I think why some people have been talking about how "there is no brand separation" anymore because in previous years the rivalry between the shows was hyped up. This year there was first an announcement made by Vickie Guerrero and Armada Estrada about the "ECW/Smackdown talent exchange." Then, about a month ago, Raw mentioned a short blurb about having ECW and Smackdown wrestlers. Finally they just gave up and now there is no longer any sort of "brand separation." JoMizzy are now continually on Raw, while ECW champion Matt Hardy continues to wrestle nearly on every show.

"Congrats, Kofi Kingston! After winning the IC title from Jericho, you will lose it to Santino! You will lose your rematch with him. You will win the tag team championship with Punk! However, you will never defend it because quite frankly we don't know what we're doing with Team Priceless! Until then, your new title is 'The Punching Bag!'"

POSTIVES

-- JoMizzy are my heroes
-- Striker continues to shine
-- Jack Swagger on the mic

NEGATIVES

-- Jack Swagger in the ring
-- D.J. Gabriel in the ring, Three Stooges Dance
-- "Amateur wrestling" matches are bad to watch
-- Ricky Ortiz
-- ECW six-man tag team main event matches are either going to be hit or miss, and this match was just standard. If you have watched WWE wrestling long enough you find yourself knowing what will happen next due to the tried and true formula that usually goes on in these types of matches.
-- Not a whole lot of juice in this show

VERDICT: Very Absurd

Email is mckinley.torch@gmail.com.

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