By Shane McKinley, PWTorch Specialist

Adamle Continues His Cringe-Worthy Role As A Malfunctioning Robot

Yes, folks. WWE is in denial. It is already too clear that live microphones and Mike Adamle do not mix. Because he tends. To repeat. And pause. And echo. And stammer. If WWE is determined to fulfill the rest of his contract, have him in backstage video skits or already recorded video bits. And WWE like idiots feel that the more they show Adamle in the show, the better chance it will be that he will actually deliver his painfully written lines with all of the grace of a malfunctioning robot. I am not the only one. Proof. Check out the dead crowd, confused into silence. If one cannot cringe during a typical Adamle promo, they probably have their head stuck up their own ass and cannot hear a thing. I can only guess that the heads of Raw choose to remain blissfully ignorant of the problem of Adamle. Adamle has shown not one iota of improvement in talking live. His job as GM consists a lot of talking live. Makes sense. Hell, I will even take more of Adamle talking backstage than talking live (Even though his acting style consists of staring blankly at a talking wrestler and then diving himself into a pre-recorded bit, devoid of any true emotion. It is like somebody hit a "go" button for this robot).

Cheer Up, Chris Jericho. My Mom Thinks You Have Cool Hair

Nice little bit with Lillian not announcing Y2J as champion, but that was probably due that the microphones down in Texas were malfunctioning pretty much of the night. Jericho has his own "respect" angle going? What makes people think that fans give a fig about how much respect a wrestler feels they have? Jericho is always good on the mic. Batista, the best dressed man in the business, comes down to jabber with him. WWE for some reason keeps cutting away from Batista whenever he does not act like one of their wrestling robots. Hey, Batista is doing a ta-da motion! Cut to camera 3. Hey, Batista is hanging out with front row fans! Cut to camera 5. WWE goodness. Sadly, I need me some overblown WWE video packages to get me interested in their feud.

Speaking about overblown, how about that gauntlet match, eh? Chris Jericho and Big Dave vs. Regal, Mark Henry, and Kane. The master of puppets? Why, Mike Adamle himself. If you asked him what his name was, he would probably flub that line as well. William Regal was treated like a punk. So long, Regal and Noble feud. Your potential ass-kicking feud has been shoved because JoMizzy needs time to do their lame raps. And because Raw does not want to build up any real mid-card feuds anymore. I wondered during the match how they would treat Mark Henry (he was treated actually pretty well in the match, getting a DQ win). Henry gets beat, and then Kane comes out. Raw decides to go to commercial.

What is exactly supposed to keep fans tuned in at this point? This "respect" bit Jericho and Batista were playing up? To see who would win? Give me a break. Heck, the Denver Broncos were losing big time to the New England Patriots, but this was bad. This stuff was pure filler.

Shark Boy And The Haas As Stone Cold Rip-offs

JBL shows up in his limo, and it is like Jerry Lawler and Michael Cole took a big gulp of laughing gas. I am not sure what is so funny. JBL has been involved with The Haas for a good month now, and I am not sure how JBL feels. Sure, JBL gets promo time, but fighting The Haas? Really? Anyways, The Haas comes out as Stone Cold. It was somewhat amusing to see some of the audience actually believe that Stone Cold was going to show up. Hear the glass break. Yeah! Stone Cold! Stone Cold! Oh wait, it is the Haas.

So now wrestling fans can debate this: Who does a better Stone Cold impression? Shark Boy or The Haas? Sharky has some lame catchphrases, but at least can do the moves well. Some points for The Haas's "watch tap" (this was something early Austin did) but flubbing your lines? Boo. So who is the winner? Why it is Matt Striker, who does a dead on impression of Stone Cold himself! Not get your ass out of here! Raw is bad comedy and badly delivered lines nowadays. Although the crowd liked Stone Cold Steve Haastin, it still reeks of lame garbage. I like humor in wrestling, but when Raw is just chock full of silly bits, it stinks.

Mike Knox On Raw (?), Snitsky Loves Bunny Rabbits

I have no answers why Raw felt the compelling need to show a video package of Mike Knox. Who is on ECW. Odd. His finisher is sort of a "hug-spinny-lame pile of trash". More on this questionable placing on the Knox video package later.

Great bit with the Snitsky interview. He talked about how he really needs a big win after losing to a joke like Santino. He then revealed his true self and talked about how his favorite website is www.cuteoverload.com. He loves fluffy rabbits and kitties. (Actually just visited that site right now. Creepy.) Actually, he talked about how much he loves pain and lost quickly to Rey Mysterio. You could not really call this a match, or an actual contest. Poor Snitsky. Way characters are handled on Raw I will not be shocked when Snitsky skips to his next match in a pretty dress.

Regis Bitch Slaps Cena, Raw Is A Flashy Mess

Also another odd video package with a bunch of celebrities talking how much Cena, who is The Incredible Hulk, is 8 years old. Do the Jonas Brothers even know who Cena is? And do I need a naked Bobby Lee from MadTV telling me about how cool Cena is (well, from those who watch MadTV regularly, Bobby Lee spends most of his time either naked or dressing like a woman). The big news about this is "Cena Returns". Perhaps Cena vs. Jericho and Batista vs. Randy Orton? And maybe perhaps Raw can stop acting like idiots and actually get back to real business after Cyber Sunday? Goodness, the last month of Raw has been trash. Should the quality of Raw go down when paired up with Monday Night Football? Cannot Raw have both quality as well as high ratings? Guess not.

Later on in the show WWE had a video package on their trip to Puerto Rico. CM Punk said that the fans over there had wrestling in their blood. So what does that make American fans? Considering the content shown on Raw nowadays, we are supposed to be overjoyed with lame humor and quick, largely pointless matches. I sure like it when wrestlers drop names of people from the 1990s. Most of this stuff goes over my head.

JoMizzy Use The Word "Geriatric", Raw Tag Teams, A PG Form Of Mud Wrestling

Not to nitpick, but when Michael Cole says that "Cena has become a good luck charm for the Tampa Bay Devil Rays" (they dropped the "Devil" at the start of this year), it is kind of hard to believe. What is also hard to believe that fans can associate John Morrison and The Miz with Michael Cole plugging The Dirt Sheet on their website.

Another cringe-worthy promo in the form of JoMizzy's raps. I am not sure who thinks this stuff is gold. Having JoMizzy do lame raps certainly tarnishes my crush on them. When they use drop lyrics such as "K-Fed" (?) and "Geriatric", I was just lost in confusion. Who writes this stuff? Raw tries to be edgy in a PG manner, and the results are not pretty. Are JoMizzy in the Raw tag team title picture? Nobody is standing out, even with the attack by DiBiase-Rhodes-Manu on Cryme Tyme (although I like Manu's finisher). The problem is that fans do not know what to make of these teams, considering the fact that they are usually involved in quick matches.

And on Cyber Sunday, the divas will be in a Halloween dress up costume match. Fans can go to wwe.com and pick the favorite costume or something. No, it is not mud wrestling or a bra and panties match like in years past. But one can understand why some people feel that WWE (and wrestling in particular) is sexist and degrades women. It is a tough line to walk. I cannot tell you that any of the $40 will be spent on Cyber Sunday to see divas dress up like Batgirls and to see Maria versus Michelle McCool for the Diva belt (which, oddly enough, did not get any attention at all. Neither did the ECW match for Cyber Sunday.)

The Main Problem With Raw Nowadays Is That There Is Too Much Promo Time

Notice the boredom in the crowd. Pretty bad Santino promo. Favorite part of the night was when a bored gentleman in the background got up and walked up to the concession stands. Meanwhile Santino was rambling on about Jason Presley (Who the hell are all these people?). Pretty embarrassing. Nothing like when you watch WWE and it has all of this fireworks and flashy stuff. The wrestlers launch themselves into a robotic match/promo that shows no sign of being genuine. You wonder if they could just stop with this long boredom (since the crowd does not care about it at all), but dammnit, they will finish their bit. It is akin to a live stand-up comic telling jokes in an empty room.

Raw's answer for this? Throw in Hacksaw Jim Duggan. Nothing wrong with this, but Raw feels too tacky lately. I understand Raw has to go up against Monday Night Football, but does a large chunk of the show have to be mic time devoted to JBL, The Haas, JoMizzy, Santino and Hacksaw? Best bit of this long-winded segment was Santino getting busted up and still have to deliver his lines about being world champion of Earth or something. Maybe just because it was something that was not planned beforehand. It is the 800th episode of Raw again in two weeks? Whatever. It is already too obvious that Raw nowadays is just filler and that the real actual content will not start until after Cyber Sunday (at least, this is what Raw fans are telling themselves).

Undertaker vs. Triple H Was Hyped Only In Two Minor Bits

I would not consider the same commercial hyping Smackdown with The Dead Man facing off with The Game twice in the show as being effective. In large part, this is dropping the ball. If anyone has a pulse on WWE fans they would know that Undertaker vs. Triple H is a pretty big deal. True, in large part their match could just be a teaser (loads of run-ins), not even happen, etc. But what made this Raw so bad is that there was loads of stuff that could have been hyped up more. One could have placed a generic video package of the Undertaker and Triple H in place on the Mike Knox video package. The time given for the Santino bit could have been cut in half to do a video bit on Cyber Sunday. How they handle the accounts, hyping up other matches, anything. Instead, the execution on Raw was lazy and unmotivated.

RAW'S FINAL VERDICT: A Huge Pile Of Stinking Absurdity (NUKE)

I give out this prestigious award to a show when there is almost nothing good worth mentioning. Even now, I am struggling to find something good about the show. CM Punk and Kofi Kingston had some nice work, even though the crowd was mostly dead. Cena video package was not so bad either. But in large part there was nothing good about the show. It felt like the show was planned in five minutes, like the writers could not be bothered to write the show. Sure, this by-the-numbers booking/writing/execution does work. And yes, it can be agreed that perhaps Raw viewers can only handle about "5 things during a show".

But when the show is chock full of lamely executed bits and the show is downright embarrassing to watch, something is wrong. When fans are either cringing or being bored out of their minds when somebody is talking, something is wrong. When Raw seems determined to throw away quality and wrestling for lame bits that might get higher ratings (Santino bit, JoMizzy rap, The Haas, The Gauntlet), something is wrong. And when there are so many other things to hype up (Undertaker vs. Triple H, Cyber Sunday, etc.) but yet instead we get an odd Mike Knox Video package and Santino taking precious minutes away from our lives, we have a real stinker. This show can be only be classified as a failure. The execution, writing, and planning of the show were all off.

LEAVING YOU WITH MY ABSURD THOUGHT

Watch TNA Impact to see what Mick Foley has to say! Be sure to check out WWE.com! Check out The Dirt Sheet! Read About Hornswoggle in the WWE Kids magazine! Hey, Edge is hyping up Slim Jim Beef Jerky during his wedding! Snap into a Slim Jim! More information about the match can be found at our website, wwwe.tnawrestling.com! Hey, Arnold Schwarzenegger is beating up Triple H in promoting his new film "End of Days"! Remember Jackass and The Great Khali? They are so relevant! Robocop in the WCW! Hollywood Hogan promoting his film "Santa with Muscles" in a promo! Hey, we are DX! Buy our gear! WWEshopzone.com! Text now! Standard rates apply! Call this number now to get what Shawn Michaels wears! (This is when a guy would sell stuff ringside and people could call a number on the screen to buy stuff like HBK's glasses or gloves or posters). Watch ECW because of John Morrison! Watch Raw for more lame comedy! Will Abyss ever sell a huge injury off a PPV? Watch TNA Impact next week to see what Mick Foley has to say!

Email is mckinley.torch@gmail.com.

We suggest these recent related articles...

10/5 WWE Raw Hits & Misses: Natalya vs. Paige, Owens vs. Cara, Stephanie McMahon, Sasha Banks, Xavier Woods

COLLECTIBLES COLUMN: The History of Foam Hands in Pro Wrestling

9/28 WWE Raw Hits & Misses: Kane's Split Personality, Divas Revolution, Heyman & Big Show, Reigns vs. Wyatt