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The Bound For Glory Match-By-Match Absurd Verdicts
 
There is apparently one wrestling PPV to buy, and it is not WrestleMania. Let us look at the PPV card for Bound For Glory IV.
 
STEEL ASYLUM MATCH

Plan: throw in a bunch of jobbers in a birdcage. Gee, do you think Suicide will make an appearance? The Monster's Ball makes this match look like something out of grade school. The hype for this match involved the usual TNA topics of "nuclear explosion" and "demonic device from the asshole of Satan". Only an appetizer for the main course that is Monster's Ball.

VERDICT: In The Middle Of Absurdity. Usual spot fest with people nobody has heard about ("Oh yeah, you are still with TNA!").
 
KNOCKOUT BIMBO BRAWL MATCH

I guess Cute Kip and Rhino can be classified as Bimbos. If anyone told you they would be buying the PPV to see this match they would be lying. I do not buy PPVs so that I can see heel women wrestlers get gored through a table. Did people in TNA watch Kip's cage match months ago? Will Rhaka Khan wrestle in heels? Will ODB save this match? What is the over/under for how long this match will last?

VERDICT: It's So Absurd It Makes Me Want To Cry. Thrown together at the last minute with no real reason to care who wins or loses and the whole "gore the whore" crap.
 
CONSQUENCES CREED VS. BASHIR - X DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH

For the past month Bashir has been feuding with a ref, and just now TNA figures out that Bashir needs an opponent at BFG. Here comes Creed, who seems nice enough, but fans cannot shake the feeling that he is only in the match because of the "clash of characters". Fooey. The X Division is about fast paced action. And if Creed wins the title, then it would be a great example of just how out of touch the X Division really is. There is no way in hell that a guy who was basically put on TV on the last show before the PPV becomes champion. As always, X division matches have the potential to steal the show, but the storylines leading up to this can be best described as "botched."

VERDICT: Very Absurd. I do not doubt the action, but it is obvious that the things leading up to the match (and the possible things after the match) do not look very good.
 
MONSTER'S BALL - TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH

I admit that Ray did an excellent job here. And these types of matches on TNA PPVs always have that "factor" that fans will see a unique match. LAX versus Beer Money has been somewhat solid, Abyss being afraid of weapons, and the twenty time Team 3D make this in my opinion the match I would most want to see.

VERDICT: Not Absurd. This plans to be a wild and crazy match.
 
AWESOME KONG VS. ROXXI VS. TAYLOR WILDE - KNOCKOUT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH

Triple threat matches are always hard to do, but I am confident that these three wrestlers can pull it off. Although the allure of this match does not have the same appeal thanks to the match on Impact (which had all three wrestlers in it), it will be interesting to see how it plays out. The main storyline here is Roxxi. I am not looking forward to yet another hardcore match on this PPV (Monster's Ball will fit nicely here) so I would not go crazy with the chair shots and whatnot.

VERDICT: Not Absurd. Kong is Kong. Roxxi is the new face. Established champion in Wilde.
 
TRIPLE THREAT WHY EVEN BOTHER MATCH

You kidding me? Styles is portrayed as an idiot, always wanting acceptance from mentors. Booker is portrayed as an idiot with this whole briefcase madness. And way too much emphasis on Cage and what side he will choose (Booker or Styles). I would like to say that these guys can pull it off in the ring, but from the entirely lackluster performance by Styles and Booker, I do not know.

VERDICT: Very Absurd. TNA is at its worst when the focus is more on characters and their motivations instead of putting on a great match. I do not watch TNA for the ongoing mysteries of "Whose side will Cage choose" and "The Briefcase of Boredom".

KURT ANGLE VS. JEFF JARRETT WITH SPECIAL GUEST ENFORCER MICK FOLEY

Like most fans, I have a hard time connecting with this match. The plain fact that Double J has not wrestled in two years does not convince me that he will win. And if he does start to get too much offense, then there is something very wrong. It is absurd for TNA to think that fans will believe that Jarrett will kick Angle's ass for most of the match due to "emotions". I do not love Jarrett because frankly I do not know him. Angle can proclaim his love for Vince and make weak threats towards Jarrett's family all he wants; I will still be rooting for him. Although they did a good job of portraying Jarrett as a "good, honest man who was pushed too far" and Angle as a "sniveling, heelish unloyal traitor to TNA", this angle never really found its mark. You can chalk to this up to the horrible dead wife mention, newspaper article angle, and too much focus on WWE. I will applaud big time if Mick Foley turns heel, but I do not know if this is going to happen.

VERDICT: In The Middle Of Absurdity. The buildup to this match definitely had some flaws and never really clicked. Jarrett is an unknown in the ring, but the possibility of what role they have for Foley in this match (he might be used as a heel in the upcoming months, or he might simply be filler in the match) does have an appeal. If it gets too much "Rah Rah Rah Jeff and TNA", then something is up their asses. If Jeff does win, it should be done by himself and after receiving a hellacious beating from Angle.
 
STING VS. JOE - THE BATTLE FOR RESPECT AND OH YEAH, SOME BELT WITH GOLD ON IT

For the most part, people are wishing that this match would already end. I can only guess that why Joe has been shown to be this prickish hotheaded character is because it will play into this "veteran/young guy" angle. For the most part no fan never really got the sense of who was the heel and who was the face. Sting can certainly be booed for his questionable actions, but so could Joe.

VERDICT: In The Middle Of Absurdity. TNA makes a big deal out of Sting's legacy but truth be told his legacy is put in there to feed this odd "young guys vs. veterans". These guys feel more like spokespersons for their respective groups than fighting for themselves. This match should not even be for the gold, because Sting has been basically portrayed to feed Joe as champion. I hope that Sting does pull out a great match, but it cannot be stated enough that the buildup for this match pretty much was confusing and most of all hard to connect with. Angle made Joe huge in their MMA match in the year. But Joe never really took off after that. Both men need to help each out, but in large part they feel like pawns in this TNA "young guys vs. veterans" bit. It could make for a great finish. It is all in the execution, and TNA lately has not been great in executing storyline bits.
 
IMPACT'S FINAL VERDICT: In The Middle Of Absurdity
 
Two great matches with the X division and Brother Ray announcing. This Christian Cage bit looks horrible. BFG is still not quite a must, absolute buy. In large part this is because frankly TNA were seemingly caught off guard with some matches (Cage-Styles-Booker Triple Threat, Bimbo Brawl, X Division) and were okay but not great with building other matches (Angle vs. Jarrett, Sting vs. Joe).
 
LEAVING YOU WITH MY ABSURD THOUGHT: All wrestling fans understand the term "payoff", but if all they see is filler and teases, then they will stop watching. Yes, there are times when you need to piss fans off to get to the bigger payoff, but when a wrestling organization constantly puts out inferior material for their shows and PPVs, that is bad business.
 
Email is mckinley.torch@gmail.com.

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