By Dusty Giebink, Torch Team Contributor

WWE Smackdown review
September 16, 2004
Taped 9/14/04 in Spokane, Wash.
Aired on UPN
Report by Dusty Giebink, Torch Team Wisconsin Dream

In a nutshell: This was the good, more friendly hour.

Trivia Time!

1. In which of the following ladder matches was a title NOT on the line?
a) Bret Hart vs. Shawn Michaels, July 22, 1992
b) The Rock vs. Triple H, August 30, 1998
c) Dusty Rhodes vs. Tully Blanchard, July 18, 1987
d) The Sandman vs. Mikey Whipwreck, October 28, 1995

2. Chris Jericho is to the WWF/E I-C title as:
a) Ric Flair is to the WWE Raw title.
b) The Rock is to the WWE Smackdown title.
c) Christian is to the WWF/E tag titles.
d) Billy Gunn is to the WWF/E Tag titles.

3. This week's Kevin Nash True or False Question: Kevin is working on a new film (with Adam Sandler) set to open in the summer of next year. (2005 for those of you with no inkling of time.)

4. Jim Ross made a glaring error in his praise of Shawn Michaels by saying, “He is the first-ever Triple Crown winner in this company's history!” Those of you who know better better answer this question in five seconds or else this message will explode on command.

Answers at the end of the hour! On to the show!

***Show began with clips from last week’s show, where the Big Show made an unexpected early return to Smackdown by taking out all 832 guys that were acting as lumberjacks in the Eddie Guerrero vs. Kurt Angle match. And then he took out Guerrero and Angle as well, and just generally looked like the most important thing in the history of the world. Good job of putting him over and making him look killer, but I thought he was supposed to have been taking anger management classes during his down time. Somehow, I find it hard to believe those classes worked as well as they should have.

(1) John Cena defeated Booker T to tie up the series 2-2. The finish came when Cena hit the F-U for the victory.

The Beginning: Out came Torrie Wilson, who is quite possibly one of the most beautiful women in the world. She helpfully informed us that it was now time for match number four of the best of five series between Cena and Booker for the United States Title. Okay, so Wilson is in the Sunny role as the hot chick that has to ring announce because they have no idea what else to do with her. This doesn’t bode well for how well she’s going to look in, say, five to seven years, but that’s neither there nor here, to Flip Mode on you. In case you’re keeping score at home, I should note that Cena was wearing an old school Seattle Seahawks Steve Largent jersey. Man has taste.

The Middle: The match began with Booker going for an early pin, quick, according to Tazz, by getting a non-fruit rollup for a two count. Just like old times, Cole mentioned Cena’s “famed” “pound and ground” attack, which he likes to do while standing up. Cena reversed a backdrop attempt with a sunset flip for a two count, and then immediately thereafter got a couple more two counts. Booker headed to the outside to catch a breather, and the show went to commercial break, and I made a paragraph break.

Back from break, and Cena was in complete control of this, a must win situation for him. He hit a nice follow-through hip toss (unique) for a two count. Booker stemmed the tide with a big kick for a two count. Booker got another two count and then went to a longish headlock, which led to Cena getting a failed comeback attempt in. Booker got a beautiful rollup out of the corner on Cena, but Cena reversed it for a two count of his own. Booker hit a nice crescent kick, but wasted too much time before making the cover because he was too hurt, and only got a two count. Booker got what looked like a sure three count, but he had his feet on the ropes and the referee (write this down) actually saw it and stopped the count, not allowing for that to transpire. Nick Patrick is the greatest referee in the history of mankind. Cena planted Booker with a flapjack, but he couldn’t follow up on it because he was too hurt. Cena got his second wind and started making his big comeback with clotheslines and such. However, he missed a big shoulder attempt and Booker hit a spinebuster that only got two. Booker grabbed the title belt and went to nail Cena with it, but the referee was right there and snatched it out of his hands. This allowed Cena to get a rollup for a two count. I should note that Cole once again called the belt a “championship” here. Cena hit a Five Knuckle Shuffle with extra mustard, but it too got two. Cena then pumped up his shoes for that much needed extra support, but Booker thwarted the F-U attempt. Cena was pounding away on Booker in the corner until the ref tried to step between the two men. This caused for Cena to try to toss the ref off of him. With the ref twirling due to the momentum, Booker finally got his belt shot in. It only got two, much to Booker’s (and my) surprise. Booker attempted his scissors kick, but Cena followed him coming off the ropes and hit the F-U for the victory.

The End: After the match, Cena held up two fingers on each hand to signify that the series was tied up two wins apiece. They showed a replay of Booker nailing Cena with the belt, and then him bouncing off the ropes in attempt for the scissors kick. Of course, because it was a replay and the same thing happened this time as happened during live time, Cena followed him through and hit the F-U for the win. You know, a bunch of people have recently come out on the VIP Forum denouncing Cena for his poor workrate skills. I say that it’s irrelevant how good of a worker he is in the first place, and second, rather than being a poor worker, I simply think he has carved out his own little niche for what he will do in each of his matches, just as Steve Austin did during his peak.

***Backstage, Teddy Long was talking to none other than the Show of Bigness. Long was excited about how he shocked the world when he returned to Smackdown last week. He said he was impressed at how big an impact Show made last week. Long said that he had two different contracts in his hand, and later tonight, there would be a contract signing in the ring for the upcoming PPV. One contract had Eddie Guerrero vs. Show, and the other contract had Kurt Angle vs. Show. The choice would be left in Show’s hands as to which guy he wanted to face on that show. (I hope they realize that if he signs both contracts, that would technically mean he would have to wrestle two different matches, and wouldn’t automatically make it a three-way dance.)

***Back from commercial break, and Michael Cole’s creepy behind is creepily in the ring, and he announces, in creepy fashion, that he is going to be interviewing Billy Kidman, who actually doesn’t have a creepy bone in his body. We are taken through the entire Billy Kidman Trilogy, where three weeks ago he injured Chavo Guerrero with the Shooting Star Press, and then last week while he and London were taking on Kenzo Suzuki and Rene Dupree, he couldn’t execute the move on Suzuki and then walked out on the match. This caused for London to get pinned and for the team to lose the tag team titles. Cole pointed this out to Kidman and then called him a quitter. Kidman said the reason he didn’t execute the shooting star last week was not because he was afraid to do it, but rather because he was afraid of hurting people, just like he hurt Chavo. He said it was because of him that Chavo suffered a severe concussion, but through the grace of God, Chavo will eventually return and be able to provide for his family again. He wondered if the people really wanted to see him hit that move, and then wondered if they were really that blood thirsty that they would want to see someone get injured again.

This brought out a very intense looking Paul London. London said Kidman was right, he is misunderstood, because he has no idea where he is coming from these days. He wondered why Kidman even agreed to that match last week in the first place if he wasn’t ready to do the deal. Kidman walked out on him, and it was because of Kidman quitting that they lost the tag team titles. London wondered what Kidman had to say for himself. Kidman: “To you? Nothing.” London slapped the taste out of his mouth and then took his shirt off, signifying that he was ready for a fight. Instead, Kidman walked out of the ring and headed for the back. Classic Bret Hart heel move here. He stopped at the top of the ramp as the announcers ran him down, paused, and then continued walking to the back. This was very well executed, and both guys showed fire on the microphone. You know, I bet WWE didn’t even realize how good London was on the mic until this show.

(2) Rob Van Dam & Rey Mysterio defeated the Dudley Boyz (w/Spike Dudley). The finish came when Van Dam pinned D-Von.

The Beginning: You knew when Van Dam came out first that it wasn’t going to be an interview, because really, when was the last time Van Dam got any decent interview time? Seriously, I’m asking. We were taken back to last week’s show, where there was a six man tag team match. Holly hit the Alabama Slam on Spike, and then Mysterio Dropped the Dime on him to get the victory for the faces (him, Holly, RVD). Cole then announced, in his “I’m happy to be announcing this to you lucky people” voice that on next week’s show, it would be Mysterio vs. Spike for the Cruiserweight Title. Shouldn’t they, say, wait for the PPV for that match? I swear, they just pick stuff out of a hat, or walk around with blindfolds playing pin the tail on the angle in order to book this show.

The Middle: Van Dam hit an early huracanrana on D-Von, and then got a spin kick for a two count. Mysterio tagged in and springboarded himself off the ropes and came down on D-Von’s arm. Mysterio hit a springboard moonsault onto D-Von for a two count. Mysterio was running the ropes, and Spike from the outside tripped him up. Well, that spot was inevitable. This allowed for Bubba to toss Mysterio out of the ring and then distract the ref. Out of the ring, D-Von rammed Mysterio’s back into the ring apron. Back in the ring, Bubba dropped Mysterio down throat first onto the top rope. Bubba hit a nice wheelbarrow suplex and got a two count before Van Dam made the save. Bubba attempted another wheelbarrow suplex, but Mysterio countered and managed to get a hope bulldog in. Mysterio made the desert crawl over to his corner and finally got the Scarlett Johansson tag in to Van Dam. Van Dam was on 12 different kinds of fire, going to work on both Dudleys here. D-Von ran into a Van Dam boot, and then Van Dam hit a thrust kick off the top rope and then a tornado legdrop. He went to bounce off the ropes, but Bubba tripped him up. Didn’t they just do that spot? The heels had a miscommunication and almost hit each other, which allowed for Van Dam to regain control. Mysterio took out Bubba on the outside and Van Dam hit a beautiful five star frog splash three-quarters of the way across the ring onto D-Von for the victory.

The End: If I didn’t know any better, which I don’t, I would say that this victory positions Van Dam and Mysterio as next in line to hold the tag team titles, and that of course means that Spike will somehow be retaining the Cruiserweight Title against Mysterio on next week’s show, and perhaps then Van Dam and Mysterio win the tag belts on the PPV. Write that down. After the match, Spike was very upset with his brothers for losing the match. He chewed them out and then kicked D-Von right in the nards. He told Bubba Ray that he was the boss and Bubba immediately backed down. So, they completely blew any chance of having the Dudleys ever be considered legitimate tough guy heels by castrating them as biznitches for Spike. Pin the tail on the angle, I’m telling you.

***Michael Cole apologized for his actions on last week’s show, saying he went over the line, but was goaded into it by Paul Heyman. Presto changeo, they go to clips from that segment. Cole was fixin’ to go at it with Heyman, and Heyman pretended like he was going to have at it with him, but then Heidenreich came out of nowhere and Cole ran about a million miles away to get away from him. Can’t say I blame him.

***Backstage, Eddie Guerrero walked in on Big Show in his locker room. He said he was the most surprised person of them all to see Show last week. He said it was a very impressive performance by Show, and he admired it very much. The only thing he had a problem with was Show doing it to him as well. He said he’d be damned if Show tried that kind of thing again. He said Show should sign the contract that says “Eddie Guerrero” and he would find out what would happen in that instance.

***Meanwhile, in a different part of the backstage area, John “Bradshaw” Layfield was walking to ringside with Orlando Jordan. And with him as always is Orlando. Layfield said that a lot of people thought that he was afraid of the Undertaker, but of course, that’s a bunch of bunk. He said that on this very show, he would call out the Undertaker. He said he would never go down in history as the greatest champion ever if people felt he was scared of somebody. Jordan tried to talk him out of it, but Layfield insisted that that was what he was going to do, and he would do it next!

***Back from break, and as I am contractually obligated to inform you, Layfield and Jordan came out to the ring in their long white limo with the bullhorns on the front. This is where the second hour started, so I won’t even begin to transcribe the action until you finish off this section, and then click on the next. So do that, you heathens!

Answers to Trivial! I have just clicked off every working computer in the room, so you can't press forward with any more answers. Stand up and please step away from the monitors. We are going to rifle through these answers as best we can. Pay attention, those of you who failed will be relegated to watching Mary Kate Keibler work her way into a size negative-12. Bring a bucket; it's not pretty.

1. I know you didn't miss this one; it is so obvious. The correct answer is c). Big Dust and Tully went head-to-head in a barbed-wire/ladder match for. . . $100,000. For those of you who guessed a), you are no longer allowed to play along. On that specific date, Bret defended his I-C title against Shawn in a ladder match. Shawn did his infamous "crotch drop onto the ropes, then fall out of the ring" bit to lose.

2. The right answer is d). Billy Gunn still holds the record for most tag titles won by a single wrestler in the WWF/E with 10. Christian and the Dudley Boys are all tied for second place with nine, though all bets are on for Billy to be replaced at the top by the end of 2005.

3. You betta' belie'e dat! Kevin Nash will join Adam Sandler, Chris Rock, Burt Reynolds and “Stone Cold” Steve Austin (among many other former NFL players) in a remake of the 1970 classic “The Longest Yard.” Note to movie companies: Leave the classics alone, you bastards! (Next thing you know, they'll be remaking “Brian's Song.” What, they did that, too?)

4. Pedro Morales was the first to win (at the time) all the WWF titles. He first became WWWF champion (the 4th ever) in 1972, defeating Ivan Koloff. Then, he teamed with WWF champion Bob Backlund to defeat the tag champion Samoans at the infamous
“Showdown at Shea Stadium” card in 1980. (Title was given back due to “conflict of interest” with Backlund being WWF champ.) Then, in 1980, defeated Ken Patera to complete the trifecta. He was also the first wrestler to win the I-C title twice.

END OF HOUR ONE! It is now time for you to hit the back button and go to hour two.

***Dusty Giebink now does the Smackdown Express reviews each and every week for PWTorch.com. He does his for all the readers who would rather watch coherent things and then read the recap later. Bastards! He can be contacted at dusty13@gmail.com if you have something to say.

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