By J.R. Maes, Torch Team Contributor

WWE Heat review
Taped August 15,2004 in London, Ontario, Canada
Aired August 22, 2004 on Spike TV

Hey, It’s Sunday evening and the television is on Spike TV, this must mean it’s time for Sunday Night Heat. So let’s get to the program and listen to the witty banter and seriously professional announcing jobs of Al Snow and Jonathan Coachman.

The lights go out immediately after the opening fireworks and Rosey walks out to Hurricane‘s music, seriously disappointing the fans that do not know Gregory Helms has a busted nose. Following up on the audience’s anguish, Chuck Palumbo walks out looking like a gas station attendant.

1) Chuck Palumbo defeated Rosey Rosey starts with an arm ringer and locks it in tight. Chuck, right on cue, reverses it but Rosey clotheslines him. Suddenly, Coachman actually announces Palumbo broke Hurricanes’ nose a few weeks ago. Well that sure is a surprise. Palumbo clotheslines Rosey and immediately puts the boots to Rosey. Al Snow says the same clothesline broke Hurricane’s nose. Chuck is sucking some serious wind right now but has enough strength to give Rosey a discuss punch. Chuck does the little man heel mistake and tries a sunset flip on Rosey. But before Rosey can drip on him Chuck slides out and Rosey crashes on his fat ass. Palumbo jumps on him with a chinlock and we get a close up of Rosey’s bloody mouth. Both men are on their feet and Rosey clubs him on the back of the neck. Rosey follows with a spinning legdrop. He covers Chuck but he kicks out at two. Rosey misses a corner splash. Chuck bounces off the ropes and kicks Rosey square in the face. Chuck then covers him for the easy three count.

Match Talk: Someone tell me the deal with Chuck Palumbo winning a match over Rosey. Seriously, Rosey finally gets a new outfit, he has a built in story for revenge on Chuck and they give Chuck the victory? This better not lead to more matches between these two and certainly not another match between Chuck and Hurricane.

Commercial Break Shelton Benjamin is back ladies and gents and he wants you to vote. He says 587 people decided the vote last election. Without coming out and blaming it on the absence of the African-American vote, he tells us to get out and vote. Make our voices heard. Shelton did come off very well but the implied nature of his comments had to rub him the wrong way just a bit. Right?

Back from the advertisements, we get a small rundown of the “From Death Do Us Part” match at Summerslam. Just still photos, no actual video; you know the quicker means of explaining things. Now we join the Intercontinental championship match from Raw in progress as the referee takes the bump and Kane clotheslines Edge. Gotta love how the crowd cheers when Kane raises his arm for the chokeslam. Lita distracts Kane but he recovers in time to kick Edge in the face. Out of nowhere Matt gives Kane the Twist of Fate and runs out of the ring. Kane gets back to his feet and Edge spears him for the three count. As the final count goes down all the women cheer for Edge while the men groan and say he sucks. After the match Kane talks crap in Lita’s ear. He says he is not mad for what she did. He says he is going to enjoy their relationship and that next week on Raw they are getting hitched. The two stood in the ring for over five minutes and Matt never came back to break up his speech? Lita slaps Kane and he says, “That’s the way I like it”. This time the guys cheer and the women groan.

Commercial Break I had no idea that by simply buying a Snickers bar you could become president. I thought you had to fix election results by not counting a significant a voting region in the State where your brother just so happens to be Governor. Damn, if that commercial would have been out five years ago we may have had a different future ahead. Damn you Snickers! Damn you!

Sweet Jesus, we get another time waiting segment featuring the Diva contestants. I’ll bet any of you the only thing we will remember about this contest, unless they go nude in Playboy quick, is the fact that these Divas are as catty and backstabbing as regular women. Carmella does the 1900’s thing and says that a woman with a husband and kids should not be a Diva.

2) Maven defeated Wavell Star hey kids it the next member of Evolution. Maven start fast with a take down and some arm drags as Al Snow cuts “Dances with Wolves” jokes on Wavell Star. You know, ‘cause having fringe on his boots and an eagle symbol on his tights automatically makes him Native American. Maven has Wavell on the mat with an armlock but Wavell powers out and whips Maven in the ropes. Maven comes back with two nice dropkicks and a cover. After the two count Maven locks on the Armlock but gets hung over the top rope. Coachman and Snow hint around that Maven would do much better with some “guidance.” Wavell hits a clothesline and starts doing the Tomahawk chop at the crowd. Besides being dated the tomahawk chop is just stupid. Wavell is still in control and wrenching Maven’s neck. Maven tries escaping but gets sent in the corner. Finally Maven takes over. Maven gives him a nice snap suplex and then kips up like The Rock. Maven comes off the top with a cross body but Wavell rolls through it and gets a two count. Maven recovers and nails the Reverse Bulldog/DDT for the three count.

Match Talk: the only significant thing coming out of this match is the fact that Coach and Snow constantly harped on the point that Maven needs guidance. If in the right “environment” he could flourish. Now, Maven would be a good choice for the newest member of Evolution but it would require some resolution between he and the rest of the group. Garrison Cade on the other hand is a perfect fit. He is white after all and we all know how Evolution feels about “those” people.

Commercial Break Has anyone out there seen “Open Water?” Is it as big of a let down as I think it is or does it live up to the hype? The last small budget movie that was supposed to “Scare the hell out of you” was Cabin Fever and I found myself laughing more so than covering my eyes in fear. Don’t get me wrong I really liked “Cabin Fever” but it was just not scary.

Finally, it’s time for the recap of Randy Orton and the obvious turn of Evolution. But we start with Chris Benoit telling Randy that tonight is the night for the rematch. Forward to the match itself and Randy drops Benoit back first, over his shoulder. Randy locks on the headlock and Chris screams! Benoit comes back but gets dropped with another neckbreaker. The two get on their feet and exchange punches. Orton gives Benoit another neckbreaker and climbs the ropes, for some reason. Orton misses a high body block and Chris drops him with a face first suplex. Benoit gives the cutthroat sign and hits Randy with a top rope headbutt. He covers Randy and gets only a two count. Suddenly Coach breaks in and we go to a …

Commercial Break nevermind the commercial break here, what the hell is with going to a commercial break in the middle of a recap segment? Couldn’t this have been done in a much more effective manner such as fitting the entire segment in the eight minutes allotted. Who the hell directs this show?

Now without further interruption the remainder of the match. Chris gives Randy three German suplexes and then lock on the crossface. Orton tries escaping but Benoit rolls with each attempt and keeps it on. Here comes Ric Flair and the rest of Evolution allowing Randy to give Chris the RKO for the three count and another terrible victory for the new champion. So he has a fluke and a victory made possible by interference. Not exactly a sterling way to start a new baby face’s run at the top. A run made to seem significant. Blah!

After the match Evolution congratulate Randy and Triple H even hugs him. It is right there that if you couldn’t figure out Randy was getting the beatdown you are an idiot. Batista puts Randy on his shoulders and then Triple H gives the thumbs down symbol. Batista drops Orton backwards and Evolution beats the daylights out of him. Funny thing about this segment and even the movie “Gladiator” from which this was taken, the thumbs down gesture meant, “No, do not kill or attack.” The thumbs up gesture meant, “Go ahead and kill the opponent or enemy.” Just a quick history lesson for the kids.

Triple H bashes Orton with the belt as Batista screams “You are nothing without us.” Then the screen goes black and white so we do not see the blood covered face of the young, fluke champion. Batista then gives him the sit out powerbomb while Triple H strips. Triple H then gives him the pedigree and taunts the fans and the world by yelling, “This is Evolution.” The crowd ate up the beatdown and it was impressive but I will stand by the statement, it was obvious!

Commercial Break Why is it that every drunk driving scare campaign advertisement only feature white men? Do no other ethnic groups drink and drive and get busted? Do women not get pulled over and thrown in the slammer for the same things. Shouldn’t the same warnings go out over a broad spectrum instead of the upper white demographic?

3) Rodney Mack defeated Val Venis Jazz came down with Rodney and showed more emotion than she has during her entire run in the women’s division. Rodney looks to have a new tattoo around his neck. A large chain with a pad lock directly over his heart but it does not go all the way around his neck. Val starts the match by knocking Rodney down with a shoulder block but Rodney gets up and gives Val one of his own. Rodney goes to work on Val’s lower back with some sledgehammer like forearms. Rodney scoops Val up and drops him to the mat with a standing suplex slam. He then kicks Val straight in the gut and then locks on a bear hug. Damn he ruined it. He was looking good until he did that. Rodney rams Val in the corner while still holding the bearhug but Val fights back with some punches. Rodney bounces off the ropes and gets a knee in the gut for his trouble. Val is still selling his hurting back and Rodney tries locking in the cobra clutch. He fails so he runs the ropes and Val catches him with a spinebuster. Val climbs the ropes but Jazz grabs him. He kicks her off and then jumps right on top of Val’s knees. Rodney slaps on the cobra clutch then slams Val to the mat. From there it is easy pickings as he pins Val for the victory.

Match Talk: Yeah you read that correctly, Rodney Mack rises from the dead and defeats Val Venis. Isn’t this further proof that Val needs to get out of his contract and go back to Mexico or worse TNA for the remaining six months of their existence? There is nothing marketable about Rodney. He actually wrestled a smart match and has improved his physique but the same problem remains, he is just a generic looking person. He could be the nicest guy in the world or even the best wrestler but there is nothing on the outside to work with. He would be better suited in a tag-team role where his partner could carry the bulk of the camera time.

J.R. Maes welcomes any comments, oversights and opinions you have to share. Drop me a line at jeremymaes@yahoo.com. If you send me e-mail please include something in the title of the e-mail saying what you are writing about. My Lounge column, Frustration Nation is posted sometime every Wednesday and my NWA-TNA Impact reviews see the light of day Friday night or Saturday. Check ‘em out. Until this Wednesday, don’t follow my path son, don't follow my path!

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