By, J.R. Maes, Torch Team Contributor

WWE Heat review
Taped June 28, 2004 in Richmond, VA
Aired July 4, 2004 on Spike TV
Report by J.R.Maes, Torch Team Contributor

God bless America and Happy Fifth of July everyone. Sorry this is a day late but I was out there doing what every red blooded, god fearing person in the south should be doing on the fourth of July, drinking beer, standing outside in the sweltering heat and watching sh%t explode. What a great way to celebrate American independence, huh?

The show starts with another pimp video bragging about WWE winning a Promax award. As the WWE pats themselves on the back the rest of us scratch out head and mutter, “Who cares?” What the hell is a Promax award anyway? Then Heat starts and I wonder can those awards be taken back?

Todd Grisham has taken Coach’s place this week and I am excited. Grisham needs to be given a chance in the announce position and Heat is a good place to do that.

1) Garrison Cade defeated Maven Despite the criticism Cade takes, myself included, he is an impressive guy who just needs a decent gimmick and some mic time. Cade starts with a go behind but Maven drops out of the move. Maven tries a series of quick pins and Cade complains Maven was pulling his hair. When he turns around, Maven punches him in the mouth. He rolls out of the ring and slows the momentum. Cade, back in the ring, puts his head down too early and Maven kicks him in the shoulder. Maven then gives him a nice standing dropkick. In the corner, Cade gives him a back kick in the nuts that the referee allows. Cade slingshots Maven under the rope and slowly starts working over Mavens neck. Grisham is going about this commentary business all-wrong so far. He keeps asking Al Snow his opinion and what is going on in the ring instead of just calling the action. Snow is the color guy; he does not need to be set up. Maven finally fights back as he elbows Cade in the mouth. He then connects with a spinning heel kick and both men are down. They get up and start exchanging punches. Maven gains the upper hand and goes for the pin. Maven tries going outside the ropes but Cade pulls him in and gives him a bodyslam. Cade immediately climbs the top rope and drops his elbow on Maven for the victory.

Match talk Not bad. Maven looked a little lost in the closing sequence as he kept punching Cade and then deciding to go up top without giving Garrison a power move to make it seem he was in a legitimate position of distress. Cade played it smart and got up in no time and gave Maven a bodyslam before running up the ropes. He expressed an urgency Maven did not and that is something Maven needs to learn.

Commercial Break

Oh no, the WWE Diva search videos have infiltrated Heat once again. I am trying to figure out the point of these clips. Are any of these women expected to be wrestlers or are they destined for Smackdown to become eye candy? That being said, hopefully the winner is not blond and at least has some sort of ethnicity. Aren’t there enough white Divas already? Although, Sable doesn’t count since she is an alien.

2) Val Venis defeated Murray Happer Hey it’s the long lost cousin of T.L. Hopper! Maybe they can have a blood feud and Murray can end up being buried in a port o pottie? Funny thing about Val is that he got zero reaction tonight just like Spartanburg a few weeks ago here in S.C. Poor guy; he has talent and an awful gimmick, wait, redundancy alert. Todd Grisham just broke protocol and gave Murray Happer some big props by saying he was not a normal Bobaganoosh. Al is trying to make jokes but Todd cut him off and asked why he is telling jokes instead of talking about the match. Happer comes back on Val and pounds him in the corner. Val though cuts the comeback off with a clothesline and a backbody drop. Val chops him and then does his knee in the gut in the ropes move. Val apparently is a tad emotional this week as he beats on Murray instead of pinning him. Murray gives him a thumb in the eye but Val catches him with a spinebuster and Money Shot for the pin.

Match talk Val is stale so that part of the talk is out of the way. So, let’s spend a moment on Murray Happer. I am normally hard on the jobbers but Murray looked better than Mordecai, Kenzo Suzuki, and Luther and just about any of the newer wrestlers being pushed to the moon at the moment. With his baldhead and slim look he could be another Basham Brother and they could use a new component in their act. Not sure if this guy can talk but it would be worth a chance. Could he be any worse?

Commercial Break

In the recap portion of the night they go over the events of last Monday with Eugene, Regal, triple H, Bischoff and he rest of the gang. Then they go right to the awful match between regal and Triple H. After the match Triple H turns Eugene on the fans and regal. Eugene says Triple H is his friend. Triple H tells Eugene that Evolution knows how to take care of people who hurt their friends.

Commercial Break

3) Tajiri defeated Chuck Palumbo Boy a lot of the usual jobbers got the night off this week. I saw this exact same match in Spartanburg. Hopefully Chuck will refrain from calling Tajiri a slanty-eyed Jap this time around. Tajiri went straight at Chuck’s legs but he powers out and flips Tajiri over in a headlock. Tajiri punches out but is met with a shoulder block. Immediately, Chuck puts him in an abdominal stretch. So far, I have seen this exact same match already. Chuck runs face first in to a Tajiri boot. Tajiri starts kicking the crap out of Chuck and finishes off he flurry with an enziguri Chuck misses the Mafia kick and Tajiri kicks him in the head. Tajiri’s offense consists of all kicks so far and it makes sense. Tajiri is caught with snake eyes and then met the Mafia kick finally but Tajiri kicked out. Tajiri moves out of the way of the on rushing Palumbo and gives him “The Kick” for the three count.

Match talk This match played out the exact same way it did in Spartanburg, S.C a few weeks ago. In fact the houseshow match was better since Palumbo was given sometime for mic work and got the crows riled up. Palumbo looks good in his current state and could be pushed a tad better than he has been. He has a throwback authentic working mans look about him that some of the blue-collar fans could connect with. I said could, save your hate mails for something else.

Commercial Break

Oh yeah it’s baby time! Lita expresses her regrets to Stacy Kiebler before the break. So, they give us the closing moments of Chris Benoit and Kane from Raw. Lita comes down to the ring and fools no one as she seemingly sides with Kane. Kane is about to chokeslam her but realizes if he does he may kill his premature C.H.U.D. baby. Maybe he should have choke slammed her and made the baby pop out on the spot? On a side note, was that not the worst outfit Lita has ever worn? It was part gas station attendant part flight suit and all bad! Kane berates Lita and tells her to never push him again. He points at her pregnant belly the entire time. Is anyone else hoping he starts talking to the baby as a sort of second voice in Kane’s head? He is now doing the baby’s bidding?

Commercial Break

4) Victoria defeated Gail Kim So Gail Kim gets her blow off match with Victoria finally. Gail Kim is now announced from Seoul, South Korea instead of just Korea. I suppose that is a nice touch even if it is untrue. Victoria comes out and immediately strips instead of dragging things out, clearly showing us that she is not a real stripper. Victoria locks her in a headlock and flips Gail on the mat. Kim immediately turns it in to a headscissors and then in to an armbar. Victoria reverses it and punches away. Out of nowhere, Victoria does a backflip and then a sliding dropkick. Gail Kim jumps up, grabs the back of Victoria’s neck and pulls her face first in to her knees. That was a nice move! Victoria sprawls out of the ring holding her left leg, the non-knee brace leg. Back in the ring Gail slaps on a half Boston crab. Victoria crawls to the ropes and grabs the bottom rope. Gail breaks immediately, instead of waiting for the five count and kicks away at the back of Victoria’s left leg. Victoria fights back finally with an enziguri and a powerslam. Gail Kim pounces off the ropes and spins around Victoria’s body and locks on her submission finisher. Victoria gets to the ropes and breaks the hold. Victoria climbs the top rope but Molly Holly throws her off. Out comes Stevie Richards, in drag, and pulls Molly off. Victoria kicks Gail Kim in the head and gets the surprise victory.

After the match Victoria stared at the “woman” as if she did not know who it was. The “woman” backed up the ramp as the show ends. An actual angle to end Heat, who’d a thunk it?

Match talk Normally I would talk about the match but I know if I say one thing positive about Victoria, Gail Kim, Molly Holly, Bea Arthur, Nelson Mandela or Barbara Bush, I will not hear the end of it from the fiancée and nookie may be withheld., so, talk at ya next week!

J.R. Maes welcomes any comments, oversights and opinions you have to share. Drop me a line at jeremymaes@yahoo.com. If you send me e-mail please include something in the title of the e-mail saying what you are writing about. With so many viruses and worms floating around I delete anything I do not recognize. Also, my Lounge articles are posted sometime every Wednesday and my NWA-TNA Impact reviews see the light of day Friday night or Saturday mornings. Make sure and check them out. Until this Wednesday, don’t follow my path son, don't follow my path!

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