By J.R. Maes, Torch Team Contributor

WWE Heat review
June 6, 2004
Taped 5/31/04 in Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Aired on Spike TV
Report by J.R.Maes, Torch Team Contributor

Good Sunday everyone and welcome to a solemn edition of Sunday Night Heat. The flag is at half-mast tonight as we mourn the loss of yet another great American legend. He gave his all for the people of this country even as he repeatedly was whipped and battered by the people he so diligently served. We as Americans must stay strong and feel a sense of pride in Smarty Jones. He did his best and that’s all we can ask. Let’s get to some Heat!

Coachman announces we are only a week away from Hell In The Cell. I cannot believe it is time for a pay-per-view I am actually ordering again. Wow, time flies.

1) Maven defeated Steven Richards Maven is in incredible shape as he smiles and bounces down the aisle. It’s good to see the former Tough Enough winner back on television. Steven gets in the ring and smiles since he thinks he is going over in this match. I bet against it. They lock up but Steven slips off of Maven. Steven complains that Maven is either oily or sweaty and demands he towel off. Maven does so and Steven attacks him. Maven quickly turns the tide with a dropkick. They both go outside the ring and Steven whips Maven in the ring barrier. Maven slides back in the ring at the count of nine. He sold his shoulder very well but almost too well. Steven slams Maven and jumps on his chest flat footed. Time for the first mathold of the night, Steven latches on an abdominal stretch. The hot Montreal crowd is totally silent for this match so far. Maven hiptosses out of the stretch and nails Steven with an atomic drop, inverted of course. Maven goes on the offensive with clotheslines and a slingshot while remembering that he has hurt his shoulder. Good job. Maven jumps on the second rope but is caught with a punch when jumping off. Steven does the sign of the cross and tries for the Stevie-T but Maven plants Steven with reverse front Russian leg sweep for the pin.

Match Satisfaction: A good return for Maven. Steven has lost to so many people lately that this win will do nothing for him but he did not blow any spots and never seemed winded in the ring. Steven is such a waste on Heat. He possesses way too much talent for this role and should be moved to Smackdown immediately. His expressions and mannerisms are just sound and he could be better utilized in a bigger role there.

Commercial Break Hey is that Dusty, Mike and Derek craving tacos over that hot chick in the Taco Bell commercial or are my eyes deceiving me?

2) The Hurricane & Rosey defeated Eric Mastrocola & Jean Fredrick Clement. Rosey starts the match with the jobber in the sleek cow print tights. He quickly tags out and the lost Los Borricuas jobber comes in and receives a kick from Hurricane. I believe the jobber in the ring is Jean so I will go with that. Hurricane clears out both jobbers and then politely rolls one back in the ring, it is Jean. Jean grabs Hurricane off the top rope and gives him a backbreaker. Impressive spot. He backs Hurricane in the corner and tags in Cowman. Cowman immediately applies the knee in the back of death torture move and then a kick in the gut. Hurricane bounces out of the corner but Cowman gives him a beautiful dropkick. Cowman goes for a sidewalk slam but Hurricane spins out and gives him the Eye of The Hurricane. Cowman tags Jean and Hurricane tags in Rosey who quickly cleans house. Cowman jumps on Rosey’s back so Rosey falls backwards. The crowd is still dead even for this match. Hurricane and Rosey give Jean the airplane spin neckbreaker combo for the victory.

Match Satisfaction: Wow the crowd is dead for Heat so far and it showed during this match. The WWE production truck did not even bother using the audio-sweetener for the contest. I liked Cowman and his sidekick Jean but they desperately need some new duds. As for Hurricane and Rosey they seriously need something new to do. Someone should come up with an idea already.

Commercial Break Yeah, Riddick is back this summer. Who’s Riddick you may ask? He is the serial murderer from the surprisingly good film Pitch Black. Problem with making a movie around this character is that he is a convicted murder of entire worlds of people. So it may be a bit of a stretch getting behind him.

Now playing: Randy Orton losing to Shelton “His kind” Benjamin So WWE throws out a PPV match on free television so that we will pay to see the match the following week on PPV? Huh? Whatever, as for the clip, they start with Batista getting ejected from ringside and the suddenly hot Montreal crowd chanting “Hey, hey, hey, goodbye.” They cut back with Shelton giving Orton a backslide but he kicks out at two. Randy bails out of the ring and walks up the ramp. Shelton follows but Randy sucker punches him and rolls him back in the ring. Out of nowhere Shelton hooks Orton and gives him his overhead powerslam for the three count.

Commercial Break June 18 there is a live event here in Spartanburg, South Carolina and yours truly is dragging the fiancée along. I have never been to a general admission wrestling event before so I am waiting with baited breath. If any Torch readers are going drop me a line maybe we can fill a section or at least a row or a few seats at the worst.

3) Rhyno defeated Rory McGregor Roy looks like the long lost cousin of Headbanger Thrasher but fatter. Al Snow immediately validates my comment by saying he looks like a long lost Headbanger. I thought and wrote it first so I take full credit. Rory is getting a decent amount of offense in the contest so far. He hooks on a reverse headlock but Rhyno hulks up and breaks the hold. Both men are down as the referee begins his count. The crowd finally comes alive as they count along. Rory is pretty much dominating Rhyno with punches until he realizes he is only making Rhyno mad. Rhyno whips him in the ropes and connects with a clothesline. Rhyno gives him a belly-to-belly suplex and then he waits in the corner. GORE! GORE! GORE!

Match Satisfaction: Rhyno gave Rory much too much offense. Rory was the jobber but he pretty much dominated until the final moments. If this is going to be a typical Rhyno match I stand against this. Rhyno is building himself up again as a monster and giving this much offense to someone who we have and will probably never see again is damaging.

Commercial Break Nothing fun to comment on in this break damnit!

Now playing: Eugene defeats Kane clean! Kane rams Eugene’s head in the turnbuckle but we all know how those people are as it has no affect on Eugene. In fact, he hulks up and runs around the ring. Kane slides a chair in the ring and the referee tries wrestling the chair away from him. Kane has none of that and launches Mike Chioda across the ring and gets himself disqualified. Kane goes nuts and beats on Eugene finishing him with a chokelsam. Only once Kane tries to chokelsam Eugene on a chair does Chris Benoit decide to intervene. I guess a beating is all right as long as it does not involve a chair. Jim Ross gushes about Chris Benoit but I ask, where was he before hand? Why wait until after he was sufficiently beaten before running down the aisle? Even then it was only after his music played.

Triple H makes a rare Sunday Night Heat appearance. Well, not the real Triple H but a video package featuring him from Raw. It is the same video from Raw and still the same with little footage of Kevin Nash and none from the Armageddon Hell In The Cell match.

Commercial Break Just out of curiosity, can someone explain why the cost of gasoline goes up when there is an “oil shortage” but not the cost of an oil change, a quart of oil, engine oil, plastics or even Tupperware. They all use the some sort of petroleum product found in the oil that our gasoline uses?

We get a video package from the Tour of Defiance. Ireland looks absolutely beautiful and is one of the top spots on my honeymoon list. I mean there was the Guinness plant in Dublin prominently featured, rolling green hills and blue skies. Does it get any better than that? Seriously, for all the residents of Ireland reading this, give me some info on your homeland!

4) Batista defeated Val Venis Batista is a friggin’ monster and all natural. If Vince says that his wrestlers only use steroids for medicinal purposes who am I to argue with that? Really, those sideways and crooked veins bulging out of his skin are completely natural. Batista backs Val in the corner in a show of strength then backs off. Val comes out of the corner and kicks away at Batista’s leg. Val catches one of his legs and pushes him down and synchs in a leg lock. Val is smartly working over a leg and keeping the physically larger man on his back. The crowd boos Val and he audibly yells at them “What the hell?” I agree, he is a fellow countryman after all plus he’s facing a heel. Batista takes control once in the ring as he basically beats on Val with a load of punches and forearms. He is very methodical, which some would call sluggish. Val runs the rope and Batista catches him with a spinebuster but he only gets a two count. So, Batista locks Val in a cobra clutch, a good version, not one that shows a ton of light and looks easily breakable. Val spins his arms in an apparent attempt at flight as Batista keeps sitting back. Before Val can slip out Batista slaps him with a forearm across the face. Val finally comes back and the crowd boos, I am confused. Val goes up top but Batista punches him and gives Val a standing superplex from the second rope. Batista immediately kips up, locks Val’s head in his crotch, poses and then gives Val the sit down powerbomb for the three count.

Match Satisfaction: I am confused. The last I knew, Val was Canadian and he was facing off with a member of the most hated Heel faction in the WWE. So why was the Canadian crowd booing him? Better yet, why were they cheering Batista? You crazy Canucks are a strange breed and I love ya!

Final Conjecture: This was a strange edition of Heat. Strange because there were four matches and only two abbreviated recap segments. Usually more time is devoted to Raw than the actual content of the show. For some reason Al Snow and Coachman actually called the matches being presented instead of talking about Raw or reverting to their own clever and witty banter. The change in commentating was a nice change and something that hopefully will continue.

J.R. Maes welcomes any comments, oversights and opinions you have to share. Drop me a line at jeremymaes@yahoo.com. He also suggests reading books and breathing, preferably at the same time. If you send me e-mail please include something in the title of the e-mail saying what you are writing about. With so many viruses and worms floating around I delete anything I do not recognize. Also, my Lounge articles are posted sometime every Wednesday. Make sure and check it out. Until this Wednesday, don’t follow my path son, don't follow my path!

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