By Dusty Giebink, Torch Team Contributor

WWE Smackdown review
April 22, 2004
Taped 4/20/04
Aired on UPN
Report by Dusty Giebink, Torch Team Wisconsin Dream

In a nutshell: Paul Heyman returns as fill-in General Manager.

Trivia Time! From the John Hancock building in downtown Chicago, Raw Is Trivial!

This week's stolen joke (from the Kevin Matthews website): 19 tornadoes slam towns southwest of Chicago; four killed. It is nice to know that no weather person on television predicted this during their 5 day forecasts. When these over paid weather people say 'Sunny" they really mean we could die.

Here in the area called the Windy City, things really did blow this week. Not just the severe weather passing though on Tuesday evening, but the Yankees stormed in after their disappointing showing against one pair of Sox, and took it out on another set. Seems to me our White Sox came out of the dryer one short of a pair. You know the game was bad when the groundskeepers got the biggest pop of the night in the top of the third; all they were doing was pulling the tarp over the field after an 8-2 deficit. (The game ended 11-8 after almost one hour and thirty minutes of rain delays.)

The worst part of this whole matter, at the same time in Pittsburgh, the Cubs were slamming the Pirates 9-1. God, bless the White Sox, damn the Cubs. Seriously, the worst part was Jose Valentin, my fantasy league shortstop, pulled up lame and was sent to the disabled list. And I just got Jason Schmidt off of that damn thing! Maybe I was meant to have an extra player on my team this year.

Believe it people, Tampa Bay is for real in the NHL playoffs. Don't believe me, check this photo out. Now, when have we known Hulk "Show Me A Parade So I Can Jump In Front Of It" Hogan to shy away from bandwagon-jumping? But, be forewarned, Lightning fans, 'Les Habitants' are not going away quietly. Ask the Bruins if Montreal is a push-over. (Since my team, the Senators, were eliminated, I'm pulling for a Montreal-Calgary final. I'm not one of those Cub fans who think that 'just as long as whoever beats us go all the way' logic.)

Greg Maddux will get his 300th win in 2006. Nothing like a little run support for a conquering and returning hero. But, enough of this, onto Trivial!

1. May 5th, 1991. Cinco de Mayo to those in the dark. They must celebrate it in Roanoke Virginia, as they were very generous to the WCW fans in attendance. To those who think ECW invented the "impromptu tag match", check this out. Rip Morgan was scheduled to face Junkyard Dog in a singles match. Jacko Victory kept interfering, so which wrestler came out to help the "Big Thump" and turn the match into a tag encounter?
a) Big Josh
b) Ricky Morton
c) Lord Littlebrook
d) Chris Benoit
e) Ranger Ross

2. Memphis wrestling has always been on the odd side of things. In 1976, Jerry Lawler dressed himself up as a superhero named "Super King" and got in the face of which legendary action star, who was only there to plug an upcoming car show in town, betting that he could get more autographs than him?
a) Batman
b) Superman
c) Spider-Man
d) Captain America
e) The Hurricane

3. This Week's Kevin Nash True/False Question: (Kevin Nash pulled up nursing a hamstring pull walking to the 'fridge, so this week we'll use his buddy Hulk Hogan in Nash's place.) We mentioned the "Hulkster" earlier. After embarking on a tour of Japan in 1993 (one lousy match with Muta is apparently a "tour" for Hogan), Hulk Hogan actually said that the WWF title was like a Honda, while the IWGP title was the Rolls Royce of wrestling championships. True or False?

4. Here comes Johnny B. Badd, you don’t want to make him mad. . . Marc Mero, who was actually on the upswing with his wrestling ability in 1995, was in WCW feuding with a wrestler who is currently on the Raw roster. Name that man.
a) Chris Benoit
b) Ric Flair
c) Chris Jericho
d) Triple H
e) Rob Van Dam

5. In 1989, Stampede wrestling held its little year-end awards. While shocking results like "Wrestler of the Year" went to big tubs of shit like "Trucker Norm" Makhan Singh, which wrestler was voted "Most Outstanding Wrestler" that year?
a) Dynamite Kid
b) Chris Benoit
c) Chris Jericho
d) Lance Storm
e) Owen Hart

6. Dammit, this is where I was going to ask "Quick, name the WWE World Tag Team Champions," but Chris Benoit and Shawn Michaels had to go and ruin it. Let's go a little deeper with this, then. Quick, name the United States champion. . . on this date in history. . . in 1984!

Answers at the end of the second hour! On to the show!

***Show begins with a clip from last Thursday’s show, where Kurt Angle got chokeslammed 832 feet off a ledge and onto the floor. This hurt him bad, of course. In an extremely nice touch, the announcers are then shown playing up the significance of this occurrence, saying that Angle will be out this week, selling his injuries, uh, I mean recovering from his injuries. So, who’s going to be the fill in General Manager for this week? Only the shadow knows. . .

Unrelated Thing: They should get make JBL the GM, PDQ. If they don’t, someone’s going to need to PBR me, ASAP.

(1) Booker T defeated Rob Van Dam. The finish came when Booker rolled up RVD for the pinfall.

The Beginning: Before this match started, I wondered to myself why this high profile match was put on first, when it could very well have either headlined the show, or closed out the first hour. While I was pondering this righteous ponderable, RVD (not Evil Knievel, who was cool because he would always crash; he’s my legit hero) jumped the gun and attacked Booker Man before the match. Then they rolled into the ring and the bell rang. Somebody get Booker a sandwich!

The Middle: Van Dam hit his guillotine leg drop on the outside that I like so much. Later, back on the outside, RVD hit a spinning heel kick. Van Dam dominated much of the early action. Booker got the momentum back with a kick of his own. In any event, RVD was on offense, ready to put the final nail in the coffin of the match (or something, when all of a sudden, a bunch of pyro exploded to distract. This enabled Booker T to sneak up from behind and roll him up for the pinfall.

The End: After the match, out comes Paul Heyman~!, making his triumphant return as the one-week-only fill-in General Manager. He requests that RVD stay in the ring, because after the commercial break (he didn’t say that), he will be saying something extra special to him, and him alone.

Back from break, Heyman is saying that he still doesn’t appreciate what the Smackdown locker room did to him last time around, but he doesn’t hold RVD responsible for any of that since he was on Raw at the time. Heyman digs up the ECW casket, which can lead to seven years bad luck, I hear. Says RVD has been disgracing the ECW name in recent years. Out comes the Dudleys, and one would suspect Heyman to be going through a table in short order. Heyman puts the bad mouth on the Dudleys, saying they aren’t nearly as hardcore as they used to be. The Dudleys respond by actually laying out RVD. They ask Heyman if that is good enough for him, and Heyman responds that it was a good start. A very good start.

***Moments ago, in case you are completely incompetent and somehow don’t know this, the Dudleys turned heel and laid out RVD. Everything that happened the first time, happens in the replay as well, which is funny.

(2) Rico (w/Miss Jackie) & Charlie Haas defeated Scotty 2 Hotty & Rikishi to win the tag team titles. The finish came when Haas pinned Scotty.

The Beginning: The deal before the match was that it was going to be Scotty and Keesh against Haas and a mystery partner, and not even Haas knew who his partner was going to be. Wouldn’t you want to know who your partner was going to be before the match started, so you could plan strategy together? Wouldn’t the mystery partner gimmick only work in the first place if it was you setting up the mystery gimmick for yourself, and not whoever is in control? And if Heyman was the one in storyline control of the show, but that was only announced moments ago, how could he have set up this match anyway? Turn off your mind, relax. . . Turn off your mind, relax. . .

The Middle: That said, Haas sold the “surprise” very well, and acted repulsed at having to team with this guy. Rico did a whole bunch of his stereotypical gay wrestler spots, including coming up on Rikishi from behind and giving him a “bear hug.” Keesh was going to give him a butt drop, and Rico just patted his backside to get out of it. Haas and Rico make a couple “blind tags” back and forth, with Haas quickly touching Rico and then pulling his hands back as fast as he could, which was a nice spot. Keesh was just about ready to give Haas the Stinkface, but Rico willfully took his spot for him. Jackie gave him some lip gloss, and Rico puckered up and took one for the team. Keesh hit a superkick on Haas, then Scotty tagged in and hit the bulldog. He was going for the W-O-R-M, but Rico cut him off and kissed him. Meanwhile, Jackie grabbed Rikishi’s butt to distract him. All this enabled Haas to roll up Scotty for the victory. Jackie deserves a raise for having to do that.

The End: After the match, Rico jumped all over Haas in celebration and basically tried to make out with him. Haas’ facial expressions were great here, first being repulsed by Rico, and then realizing that Jackie was now with him, and he tried to hug her and get all up on that. Haas and Rico posed with the belts and Haas was great in pouting at his fate, that he would now have to team with Rico for the foreseeable future. Good stuff.

***We are shown clips from last Thursday’s Smackdown, where Angle made Big Show take on Eddie Guerrero in a non-title match to soften him up for his upcoming match against John Layfield. Show vowed to either win the match, or quit wrestling. Guerrero won the match with a six star frog splash, and then reality struck on Show that he was done in the world of wrestling. Backstage later, he runs into Torrie Wilson, who he thought was laughing at him. Eventually, he busts up Torrie’s car.

Unrelated Thing: When Show tips Torrie’s car over, you can see Billy Kidman fall out of her trunk. Sad thing, Torrie’s baggage getting damaged like that.

In any event, we fast forward to Show threatening to toss Torrie off the ledge. He drops her and then grabs Angle. Angle calls him a “big jerk,” so Show rightfully chokeslams him off the ledge and to the concrete floor.

***Backstage, Layfield is talking with Heyman. Heyman points out that whatever happened at the airport earlier in the day is common knowledge. Turns out “Mexican Champion” El Gran Luchadore “punked him out” at the airport that day. Layfield said his hands were tied because he didn’t want to create a ruckus at an airport, post 9/11. Heyman sets up a match between Layfield and the mysterious El Gran Luchadore for next, in the show. Layfield says that if he has to wrestle on this night, so should Eddie Guerrero. So, Heyman makes a match between Guerrero and “The Dudley.” Which one? You’ll have to tune in to find out!

(3) John “Bradshaw” Layfield defeated El Gran Luchadore. The finish came when Layfield pinned Luchadore after a Clothesline From Hell.

The Beginning: Before the match, Luchadore cut this great promo in Spanish saying that he was going to beat Layfield, to defend his country. He would be going at it with Layfield, “mano y mano.” And indeed, this was set to be a singles match.

The Middle: The fans actually chanted “Mexico,” early on in the match. Layfield pretty much had his way with the 211 pound Mexican Champion. Layfield hit the Last Call fallaway slam and got a two count on it. He made it look like he pulled Luchadore’s shoulder up to prevent the three count from taking place, but you just know Luchadore really kicked out. And then. . .

He made fun of Kevin Nash~!

Yes he did, and it was in preparation for a powerbomb. Good stuff. He then laid Luchadore on top of him and let him get a two count before he gallantly kicked out. He then hit the Clothesline From Hell, which I think should be called the Wall $treet $omething, to signify his new gimmick. That got the three count. Hard fought victory for Layfield.

The End: After the match, Layfield held his fingers together very closely, so as to indicate that Luchadore was this close to getting the victory. And he’s right, no matter the circumstances. Luchadore can go home now, knowing in his heart of hearts that he got a two count on John Bradshaw Layfield. And there ain’t nothing wrong with that.

END OF HOUR ONE! Hit the back button and click on the link for hour two, why don’t you? What, like you’re happy with reading just one hour of show review? I didn’t think so.

***Dusty Giebink now does the Smackdown Express reviews each and every week for PWTorch.com. He does his for all the readers who would rather watch coherent things and then read the recap later. Bastards! He can be contacted at dustygiebink@yahoo.com if you have something to say.

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