By Doron Babralat, Torch Team Contributor

WWE Velocity review
February 8, 2003
Taped February 4, 2003
Aired on Spike TV

Well, It’s Saturday, and we’re about to have what seems to be an excellent edition of Velocity, providing we get some better announcers than last week! Let’s go to the show…

1st Quarter Hour

The Velocity intro airs, looking recently updated, pyro explodes, Josh welcomes us and mentions that we’re 8 days away from No Way Out. Thank goodness, Tazz is Josh’s co-host this week!

(1) Nunzio beat Paul London. This should be great. London grabs a waist lock but Nunzio gets to the ropes. Nunzio goes to his knees and asks London to get on him. Tazz says that it is shades of Josh and Cole. Funnier than Cole was, that’s for sure. London hits a mahistral cradle for a two count and then locks in a headlock, which Nunzio counters with a leg scissors. London nips up and hits some punches. Nunzio whips London into the ropes, runs at him and gets caught with an elbow. London goes up top and jumps over a running Nunzio. London goes back up top but Nunzio runs at him and hits a dragon screw leg whip. Nunzio locks in a leg lock, but London gets to the ropes. Nunzio does some jumping jacks. Nunzio twists the ankle of London. Crowd chants, “Where’s my pizza?” London turns over and hits a snapmare. London hits a snapmare for two. Nunzio gets up and kicks London’s leg. Nunzio gets a two count. Nunzio slams London’s leg down to the mat. London gets up and hits a small package, which Tazz notes is also Josh’s nickname. Nunzio gets up and hits a snapmare. Nunzio applies another leg lock, stepping in the joint between the lower and upper part of the leg. Nunzio flips London over but London rolls backwards and kicks Nunzio in the head. Both men slowly get up and Nunzio grabs London’s leg, but London jumps forward with a kick. London gets a two count. Tazz sings the “London Calling” song by the Clash. London hits a back body drop and then a beautiful dropsault. Tazz says that he never dropped the sault, but Josh drops the soap. Tazz rules. Nunzio clips London’s leg. Nunzio goes to the second rope and hits a stiff forward dropkick, that in a note, he has used to beat both London and former WWE-star Spanky n past episodes of Velocity. Tazz complains about not getting to do a “Turning Point.” Tazz rules. Excellent match. ***1/4. Yes, I can do star ratings too!!!

Still to Come: Paul Heyman announces the #1 Contender for WrestleMania.

Up Next: Charlie Haas/Shelton Benjamin vs. Ultimo Dragon/Funaki

(Commercial)

WWE Rewind: Scotty 2 Hotty/Rikishi beat The Bashams on Smackdown to win the Tag Team Titles.

2nd Quarter Hour

(2) The World’s Greatest Tag Team over Ultimo Dragon/Funaki. Well last week Funaki pulled off a “miracle.” Let’s see if he can do it again. But considering he’s teaming with WWE jobber extraordinaire Ultimo Dragon, it doesn’t seem likely. Anyhow, this should be another great match. Tazz mentions that Josh will never be invited to his house. Tazz asks Josh if he came in a box, because he’s a tool. Josh notes that Cole made that exact same joke last year. Get away from him Tazz, he’s influencing you. Funaki and Shelton start off. Funaki hits a headscissors and Ultimo tags in. Haas tags in and hits a sunset flip for a two count. Ultimo rolls under a leapfrog and kicks Haas down. Ultimo covers but Shelton makes the save. Ultimo runs at Haas in the corner but gets caught with a shoulder. Dragon hits some kicks and goes for the Asai DDT. Shelton runs in and catches Dragon in a powerslam, and drops him across Haas’ knee. Great spot. Shelton tags in and with Haas, hit a double vertical suplex. Shelton drops a knee into Ultimo’s back. Shelton shoves Ultimo into the corner, and Haas tags in. Haas kicks away on Dragon. Ultimo hits a sunset flip out of nowhere for a two. Ultimo goes for a leg lock but Haas tags out. Shelton locks in a rear-necked choke on Dragon. Josh says the move looks like a Tazzmission, but Tazz simply says that it doesn’t. Ultimo fights to his feet but Shelton hits some more shots. Ultimo lands on his feet from a back drop attempt and nails a Lionsault on Shelton. Haas tags in and pulls Dragon away from his corner. Haas nails a double underhook overhead suplex. Shelton tags back in but gets caught with a superkick. Funaki tags in and nails some chops to Shelton. Funaki nails a back drop on Shelton and hits an enziguiri on Haas, which Josh points out is famous of Pokerface, legendary Velocity jobber. Funaki nails almost an Asai DDT on Shelton but Haas breaks up the pin. Dragon knocks Haas to the outside and hits a springboard plancha on him to the outside. Shelton nails the Dragon Whip on Funaki in the ring for the win! Wow. Great action. ***1/2. This show’s awesome.

Up Next: Rue DeBona’s announcement of who will appear in Playboy. Couldn’t they find a subtler name?

(Commercial)

Back to Smackdown, Rue announces that Sable and Torrie will appear together in Playboy. We go to some clips of the photo shoot.

A graphic hypes an exclusive interview with the girls for Smackdown.

Still To Come: Angle vs. Holly and Show vs. Gunn from Smackdown.

3rd Quarter Hour

(Commercial)

WWE Sting of The Night: Nidia throws out Jamie Noble’s money on Smackdown, and Kidman rolls up Noble to win their match.

(3) Rhyno and A-Train beat Bobby Rude and John Murray. I usually get confused with guys I don’t know, so bare with me. I believe Rude is in the red. Rude and Rhyno start off. Rhyno hits an elbow and locks a headlock. Rhyno knocks Rude down but then gets caught with a hiptoss. Rude locks in an armbar. Rhyno gets out and knocks Rude down. Rude hits a big arm drag. Murray tags in and slams Rhyno’s arm into the corner. Rhyno hits a knee to Murray’s gut. A-Train tags in and slams Murray into the corner. Murray nails some shots but gets whipped into the corner. A-Train knocks Murray down. A-Train misses a big splash attempt. Rude tags in and loosely hits a missile dropkick. Rude hits some shots. Tazz says that Eddie has no chance of beating Brock Lesnar at No Way Out. Train knocks Rude down. A-Train splashes Rude in the corner. Rhyno tags in and chokes Rude. Rhyno shoulder blocks Rude in the corner. Rhyno drops Rude out of a suplex on the ropes, and A-Train tags in with a kick to Rude’s head. A-Train covers for a two count. The new WWE Ticker comes on the bottom of the screen. A-Train hits a powerslam and goes for a splash, but Rude gets his foot up. Rude hits a drop toehold, and then nails an enziguiri. Murray and Rhyno tag in. Murray hits some clotheslines, again, shades of Pokerface. Murray dropkicks A-Train, but then gets caught with a spinebuster. Rhyno nails a huge Gore for the win. Another good match. **1/2.

Up Next: Paul Heyman names the #1 Contender for WrestleMania.

(Commercial)

WrestleMania Rewind: Andre The Giant slams Big Jon Stud at I believe WrestleMania 1.

4th Quarter Hour

We go back to Smackdown as Kurt Angle and Big Show plead with Paul Heyman about getting the spot to go to WrestleMania and face the champ. Heyman is about to book Show vs. Angle for the number one contendership when John Cena interrupts and cuts a cool rap. Heyman interrupts Cena, and says that the match at No Way Out will be Kurt Angle vs. Big Show vs. John Cena for the number one contender spot at WrestleMania. I can’t believe it, but it looks like Chris Benoit and Eddie Guerrero may both walk out of WrestleMania champs.

A graphic airs for the three way. We also see graphics for Jamie Noble vs. Nidia, Rey Mysterio vs. Chavo Guerrero, and Brock Lesnar vs. Eddie Guerrero.

(Commercial Break)

(4) Bradshaw over Johnny Stamboli. Bradshaw locks in a headlock and knocks Stamboli down. Bradshaw hits a hiptoss and then a Russian Leg Sweep. Bradshaw hits a fallaway slam for a two count. Bradshaw goes for the Clothesline from Hell but Stamboli rolls to the outside. Bradshaw chases Stamboli back into the ring and gets dropped with an elbow. Bradshaw nails a shoulder block and then an elbow drop for a two count. Stamboli gouges Bradshaw’s eyes and hits a shoulder block off the second rope. Stamboli nails a military press slam on Bradshaw. Impressive. Stamboli nails a neckbreaker for a two count. Stamboli hits a back suplex for a two count. Bradshaw nails some punches, and then gets hit with a drop toehold across the ropes. Stamboli hits a chin lock. Bradshaw flips Stamboli over to escape. Stamboli locks in a sleeper. Bradshaw escapes with a back suplex. Bradshaw hits a big boot. Bradshaw hits a neckbreaker for another two count. Bradshaw nails the Clothesline from Hell for the win. *1/2. Solid match.

Doron’s Digest: An incredible show tonight, for the second week in a row. Best match honours go to Haas/Benjamin vs. Dragon/Funaki, while the worst match would be the main event, by default. Big plus to the show was the addition of Tazz to the commentary team.

Doron Barbalat is happy to be known as the Torch’s least favourite Torch Team Contributor. Actually, he’d prefer being known as something different. He thanks you all for reading this Velocity review. He also hopes you check out his Lounge column tomorrow. He can be e-mailed at doronbarbalat@hotmail.com if you have anything to say.

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