By Sean Radican, Torch Team Prayer Consultant

WWE Smackdown Review
November 27, 2003
Taped on 11/25/03 in Boise, Id
Aired on UPN
By Sean Radican, Torch Team Anonymous Member

Will Smackdown achieve the standard this week?

*** In house notes: I want to take this time to wish everyone a happy Thanksgiving. I’m going to be just running down the show this week. It will be a somewhat briefer Thanksgiving version of Radican’s Smackdown review. I would like to strongly recommend that you pick up a copy of Chokehold by Jim Wilson. I’ve only read some of the book and it’s difficult to put down. I’m going to do a full-length review of the book at some point. I think everyone who is interested in looking at wrestling from all angles should read this book. I think this is about as real of an account of wrestling as you will get in a book compared to all the ghost written and uninteresting crap flooding the market at this point. Also, I’m going to be invading the Lounge very soon. I’ve rented some space to share with you a harrowing “Tales from the Torch.” It may be the funniest thing you ever read or the least interesting thing you ever read, but I hope everyone out there gives me a chance and starts reading my review after they get a taste of my style. I’ve gotten very little feedback as of late and I’m a bit distressed. I know most people flock on over to the talented Derek Burgan’s review and with good reason. Derek writes what I consider to be the most entertaining review of Smackdown on the net. I’m also hoping to reach a wider audience that I’m sure the incredible Mike Sempervive enjoys. So if you’ve been with me up to this point I thank you and appreciate your response. If you’re new to this review, give it a shot and I hope (know) you will find something you enjoy. I hope you will let me know in the future if you try any of the books, DVD’s, or videogames that I recommend. I also hope to make this review more interactive. Let me know if you agree or disagree with my review. Also, I would like to know what you enjoy or dislike about Smackdown. So without further adieu, on to the show.

Let’s take it to Tazz and Cole at ringside!

1st Quarter Hour

The beautiful Paul Heyman is in the ring surrounded by all the superstars of Smackdown. Paul informs us that there will be a twenty-man over the top rope battle royal with the winner receiving a title shot against Brock Lesnar in celebration of opportunity. Brock comes out and talks about how he is the greatest champion of all time. The fans respond with a “You tapped out” chant. Brock says he fears no one. He says that he will make the man who wins the battle royal tap out. He’s not exactly The Rock on the mic. Brock whispers some sweet nothing into Heyman’s ear. Paul informs us that John Cena and Chris Benoit will have to earn their way into the battle royal by winning singles matches. Cena will face the A-Train and Benoit will square off against Matt Morgan. I wish they would somehow work it out so that John Heidenreich was traded to Smackdown so he could fight Nathan Jones and Matt Morgan. Imagine the possibilities.

(Commercial break)

2nd Quarter Hour

(1) Chris Benoit defeated Matt Morgan via submission to advance to the battle royal. Benoit attacked Morgan as he came down the aisle to begin the match. Morgan pounded Benoit in the corner and laid into him with some chops. It would be nice to see the big men work varying styles this plodding offense is boring. Suplex, punch, chop, suplex and repeat. Benoit went up to the top rope, but missed the diving headbutt. Morgan went for a powerbomb, but Benoit reversed it into the Crossface for the win.

Grade: 1(Below standard). Not even Benoit could save this match. He sold for Morgan for the majority of the match. I really think it would do the big men (Jones, Morgan, Show etc…) in the WWE some good if they could vary their offense and not all perform the same moves.

Jamie Noble was backstage with Nidia asking her if she was really blind. Nidia denied his accusations. Noble talked about regaining the WWE Cruiserweight title. Noble said he didn’t want her out there during his match tonight. Nidia said she would come out and sit with Cole and Tazz, so Noble agreed. Would you want your blind girlfriend sitting around you during an important match?

(Commercial Break)

3rd Quarter Hour

(2) Akio w/ Tajiri defeated Jamie Noble w/ Nidia via pinfall. Nidia says Tajiri ruined her life. Nidia says her eyesight will come back. Noble hit a nice looking dive through the second rope on Akio, but chased Tajiri and ran right into a kick from Akio. Akio and Noble did the old pinfall exchange routine, which was cool about three years ago, but now that everyone has done it to death it sucks. Noble took control with a neck breaker for a two count. Tajiri went over to the announcer’s table as Noble hit a superplex on Akio. Tajiri stood over Nidia who felt up his leg and then whacked him in the balls. For some reason, Tajiri getting hit in the junk distracted Noble, which allowed Akio to roll him up for the pin.

Grade: 2 (Nearing the standard). This was pretty good only because Tajiri and Nidia have some personality. I’m shocked that it is allowed to shine through given the way WWE pushes wrestlers. Akio is a really nice addition to the cruiserweight division. Now if only they can get X from TNA…

Paul was backstage telling Shannon Moore AKA “The new job boy of Smackdown” that he was proud of him for facing Matt Morgan last week. Paul tells him that he will face an opponent even bigger than Matt Morgan. Shannon’s opponent is Nathan Jones. I’d rather have a shoot fight with Nathan Jones than a worked match. That guy works stiffer than Ron Jeremy does

(Commercial break)

(3) Nathan Jones defeated Shannon Moore via pinfall. Words can’t do justice to this mat classic, but I’ll give it a shot. Jones tossed Moore from the top rope to the outside. He then did the standard big man offensive deal that we just saw from Morgan. Moore went to the top rope, but Jones met him and threw him all the way across the win. Moore is the next Spike Dudley. Jones tossed Moore all the way over the top rope via the biel. Jones finally gave Moore an incredibly painful looking gut-wrench suplex for the pin.

Grade: 2(Nearing the standard). This was great because Moore is definitely looking to find the road to a wheel chair sooner than later.

4th Quarter Hour

The WWE Superstars were having their Thanksgiving dinner backstage when Cena recited a very unholy grade. I’m sure Father Gibrink would concur. Axe and Smash must be pissed at the Bashams for stealing their gimmick. Spanky was dressed up as a Turkey, which was hilarious.

Bonus: 1 point.

(Commercial break)

Eddie and Chavo were backstage discussing Eddie’s match against Haas. Chavo will bless Eddie with his presence during the match.

(4) Eddie Guerrero w/ Chavo defeated Charlie Haas w/ Shelton Benjamin Eddie Guerrero began the match by working over Haas’ knee. Haas gained the advantaged and worked over Eddie’s back. Guerrero gave Haas a huge tope rope hurricanrana and hit a series of vertical suplexes on Haas. Eddie went to the top and rolled through his frogsplash attempt and hit Benjamin, who was on the apron. Benjamin got up and continued to distract the ref. Eddie went and grabbed the crutch away from Chavo and hit Haas with it in the ribs and rolled him up for the pin. That was really funny. Chavo looked seriously pissed the Eddie took his crutch. I love how Eddie used Benjamin’s distraction of the ref to his own advantage.

Grade: 2(Nearing the standard). This was another really short match, but it was great while it lasted. I love how Eddie always cheats to win. It never gets old. I’m not a big fan of his pairing with Chavo. Let Eddie be a superstar damnit! (Vince voice).

After the match, Benjamin attacked Chavo and Eddie cleared him of the ring with a shot to the back with Chavo’s crutch. Chavo did take a shot to his knee and was mad at Eddie. He claimed Eddie was celebrating instead of helping him.

(Commercial break)

5th Quarter Hour

(5) John Cena defeated the A-Train via pinfall to advance to the battle royal. A-Train attacked Cena before he could bust out some Thuganomics. Train continued to have the advantage, including nailing Cena with his pump kick, which put down the mighty Bradshaw last week. Train continued to pound on Cena including putting him in the amazing abdominal stretch! Train threw Cena to the outside and then threw him back in. There was a ref bump (shocking), so Cena gave Train a low blow and went on the offensive. Cena hit a nice dropkick and the knuckle shuffle, but A-Train magically recovered and nailed Cena with a backbreaker. Cena gained the advantage back with a belly to back suplex. Cena went for the FU, but A-Train countered with the Baldo-bomb. Cena kicked out so Train threw some chairs into the ring. Train charged Cena with a chair, but Cena kicked him in the gut and gave him the FU for the win.

Grade: 3 (Achieved the standard). Shockingly this was a good match. Cena hit some nice dropkicks and perhaps A-Train is a good hand in the ring because he didn’t use that plodding big man offense, but instead was somewhat entertaining. Heck, Cena even debuted the knuckle shuffle, which will certainly rival the people’s elbow in its might and majesty some day soon.

(Commercial break)

6th Quarter Hour

Hardcore Holly was live via satellite! He promised that when he came back he would break Lesnar’s neck. Oh my! I for one am looking forward to that. I did not know it was legal to threaten someone on national television.

The Cat came out and danced and told someone to call his mama. Boy, I’m really looking forward to seeing the Crap, I mean the Cat on Smackdown. He had on a leather jump suit that he borrowed from Doug Basham. The Cat improved things by having Torrie Wilson come out and dance with him. In fact I’m going to give this segment a 1-point bonus just for seeing Wilson pull a sucker out of her cleavage and share it with the cat. Billy Kidman is a lucky bastard.

Bonus: 1 point

(Commercial break)

7th Quarter Hour

Questions for the next half-hour!

Will Scotty too Hotty land the devastating worm?

Who will eliminate the really big fat guy? (A Battle Royal Favorite!)

Do you too doubt there will be a title match tonight?

John Cena and Chris Benoit both landed on the floor at the same time for a tie in the 20 Man Over the Top Rope Battle Royal. I’m just going to give you the highlights of this match. Show eliminated a bunch of people and then everyone tried to gang up on him and put him over the top rope. In a really cool visual, Show managed to push them all away. They all ganged up on Show again and eliminated him.

(Commercial break)

8th Quarter Hour

The final four contestants are Eddie Guerrero, Shelton Benjamin, John Cena, and Chris Benoit. The surprise here is Benjamin, but good for him! Benjamin thought he had eliminated Benoit, who powered back up and threw him over by using his legs. Eddie charged Benoit, who flipped him over the top rope. Only Cena and Benoit remain now. The finish saw Cena try to FU Benoit, but both men ended up landing on the floor at the same time.

Grade: 3 (Achieved the standard) This was a nice surprise for a thanksgiving show. They did just enough in the battle royal to avoid pissing off the audience by not delivering the title match.

After the match, two referees argued over which man won the match.

(Commercial break)

After the break, Heyman asked each ref whose feet hit first. Both refs maintained their stances. One ref said Benoit’s feet hit first and the other said Cena’s feet hit first. In a really funny moment Cena called Heyman a fat tub of donkey crap. Heyman says he knows we would like to see a triple threat match, but we won’t be seeing that tonight. Heyman announces that Cena will face Benoit next week to determine who will face Lesnar. After that, all hell broke loose. Team Lesnar came in and destroyed Cena and Benoit. They stood over Benoit and Cena as Lesnar chanted, “I’m the champ” in response to the crowd chanting “You tapped out.” Brock wished Cena and Benoit a happy Thanksgiving to close the show.

Radican’s reaction: I really enjoyed this show at certain points, especially the development of John Cena. If you missed this show, you missed a rising star in action. Where was Vince? I was looking forward to his talk of the higher power and the like, but Vince took a well-deserved break from television. All in all, this was a nice edition of Smackdown.

Drum roll please…

Since it’s Thanksgiving I’m going to go with a feeling. That feeling is telling me this show deserves no less than a solid B, perhaps it’s influenced by my pain of watching TNA on Wednesday. I’m sure I won’t make the ‘Rash report with that comment.

Sean Radican is in Torch Anonymous recovery with Father Gibrink. He’s looking forward to unleashing his “Tales from the Torch” on you at some point soon. He wants to send a shout out to Mike Sempervive for letting him rent some space in The Lounge. In fact, the thought of being in the Lounge makes Sean laugh maniacally and speak in tongues, but he digresses. He encourages (begs) you to send any kind of feedback, hate mail, love, or criticism to s_radican@yahoo.com. Sean will be back with a fully loaded! edition of his Smackdown review next week.

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