By Jeremy Maes, Torch Team Contributor

WWE Heat review
November 2, 2003
Taped 10/27 in Fayetteville, NC.
Report by Jeremy Maes, Torch Team Contributor

Welcome everyone! Boy is yours truly in a good mood tonight. Seeing how the men from Ann Arbor ran all over the children from Lansing, how could I not be? I do have a statement to make. As much as I have struggled with this decision I have to root against my beloved Wolverines this coming week. Why, you may ask? Well I will tell you on Wednesday. Let’s hope Sunday Night HEAT can keep my mind from my upcoming battle of the soul. On with Sunday Night HEAT!

The show opens as usual with the exact same discernable music and pyrotechnics. Would it kill the WWE production team if they changed the opening of the show? How about a cold opening or better yet setting someone either in the crowd or behind the announce booth on fire? Just make the opening a tad more interesting. Anyway, the first match is up.

(1) Maven defeated Steven Richards w/Victoria Stevie attacked Maven before the bell but quickly lost momentum when Maven roared back with a clothesline and back elbow. Maven goes on the offensive with a backdrop and then follows moments later with a missile dropkick from the top rope. Incredibly, Maven lands on his feet without blowing a knee or shattering an ankle. Maven goes for the pin, which prompts Victoria to hop on the ring apron distracting the referee. After some jostling Maven is low blowed by the diva. The referee, not seeing the low blow, tosses Victoria from ringside. Richards gives Maven three consecutive hang leg drops. Maven slumps back on the mat and Stevie stands over him slapping his chest in homage to the late Iron Sheik…oh wait, my bad, he is not dead. Back to the match, Richards picks up the youngster and gives him a reverse DDT or also known as the Curtain Call, gaining a two count. Suddenly, Stevie realizes Victoria is no longer at ringside and runs around looking for her. In the meantime, Maven climbs the top rope and waits. Steven finally gives up searching. As he crawls through the ropes Maven leaps at him and connects with his bulldog finisher. The rest is academic as Maven rolls Stevie over for the three count.

Talking Points: This was a solid match. Totally unforgettable but then this is a HEAT match and it is not meant to be memorable. Coach made mention of the 10 – 15 pounds Maven has lost recently and how he seems much better in the ring. For once I agree with Coachman. Maven has done nothing but improved in recent months and definitely seems like he belongs now. Of course it would be better if he had some sort of program but then getting new talent is not a priority these days for the WWE.

(2) Val Venis defeated Sean Evans So should I go ahead and get the Bob Evans jokes out of the way now or later? I’ll save one for later. Just a squash match that saw Val concentrate on poor Mr. Evans’ bastard son, sorry I had to get one in quick. Sean did make the match interesting with an arm ringer and back breaker. Early on Val went for his new finisher, the reverse figure four, but Evans blocked out of it. Determined, Val worked over the jobbers’ leg until finally he locked the maneuver on his helpless opponent for the victory. I would be remiss if I did not mention the commentary during this match. Al and Coachman talked about being in Val’s next movie. The two of them bickered back and forth about the title. Out of nowhere the girlfriend, sitting quietly up until this point mutters, “How about, Dude Where’s My Penis?”

Talking Points:Just a waste of a jobber match. Sean Evans looks like he eats at Bob Evans on a consistent basis as his gut hung over his waistline in a rather unflattering manner prompting the girlfriend to gag to no end. I will say this to Mr. Evans, lay off the sausage gravy and French toast battered in deep-fried breading covered with corn syrup and molasses. This will cause your nuts to ride up to your stomach whenever you put on your tights and singlet.

Recap #1:Super Shane O’McMahon beats Test and challenges Kane So Shane gets to beat up a one legged man who risked permanent injury if he lands on his foot wrong then challenges the biggest WWE monster. Of course Kane accepts and walks away without uttering a word. Shane says something about one of them is going to the hospital. This is fine and dandy but it does beg the question. Um, bear with me if I am slow on the uptake but haven’t both men gone to the hospital already during this feud? So what is the big friggin’ deal if they go back again? Now, if it was a burn ward or intensive care unit fine. But if they go simply for observations then nothing is solved and they will continue fighting for ages. Having said all of that I do not want to see another ridiculous Shane McMahon bump that can cause a permanent or even partial paralysis or worse yet death. I cannot be the only person thinking he is going to do something really stupid during this match, can I?

(3)The Dudleys defeated 2 jobbers Once again the idiot production crew failed to provide a graphic for the poor jobbers in the match. So, one of the jobbers will be named Helix due to the fact that he has the DNA Helix symbol on his tights. The other Jobber will thus be named, JISIG (Jobber I Saw In Greenville). The audio sweetener is amped for the Dudleys but the live crowd seems apathetic. Bubba Ray jumps out of the ring before the match and greets the soldiers at ringside giving them a thrill. It was a nice moment and I will not comment on the ridiculousness that faces them overseas. The match is a traditional Tag-team jobber match with a quick beginning for the champions and a small bit of offense for the jobbers. It is revealed during the match that the jobbers’ names are, and I am not making this up, Murray Happer, aka Helix and well, they never said JISIG’s name in a clear tone of voice so I still do not know. The end of the match came once D-Von made the hot tag to Bubba and he was able to fill the next 2 minutes with his patented spots. He started with the Bubba splash on both men, followed it with the crotch-grabbing elbow and finished off the sequence with his half of the 3-D.

Talking Points: It irritates me to no end that the poor jobbers rarely get as much as a small graphic containing their names. As bad as that may be it gets even worse when the two announcers have no clue until some one gets in their ear and tells them their names. Oh wait, this is recorded and the announcing is added later. Is the production staff that lazy that they could not include at least a passing mention of these schleps names? As much praise as Kevin Dunn gets he deserves a kick in the balls for doing this to these workers. Even back in the old days Iron Mike Sharpe and Barry Horowitz received some mention for their efforts. As for the match, I forgot about it already so I will just say, the Dudleys need to turn heel and cost Steve Austin’s team their match. Is there a story built behind it, not really, but at least it would spice them up a tad.

Recap #2: Jericho beats RVD/RVD beats Jericho and then Bischoff’s team bets down the faces. The highlight of this highlight was Booker T’s leap from the top of the cage on to the heels below. I hated this match while I watched it Monday night and it still goes sour on a second viewing. Having the Inter-Continental championship change hands and then moments later switching titleholders is just lazy. I guess the title is nothing more than a prop so I should not complain. I mean if the current, um, former, um, current champion does not care if he is champ then no one should really care who is the champion. The segment ends with the heels beating down the faces as Chris Jericho mugs for the camera on top of the cage. I liked the booking of the beatdown just not the title changes.

(4) Molly Holly defeated IvoryMolly comes out first as the champion always should. Ivory follows but she comes out with some new entrance music that is a bad rip-off of Pink’s “I’m Coming Up” or whatever that song is called. The women quickly get into the match with a collar and elbow. Ivory backs Molly into the corner and Molly pushes her away. They charge at each other again and Molly trips Ivory then mounts her, yeah I wrote that, and locks in an arm bar. Ivory slips out but Molly grabs onto her arm again but this time snaps her over in a nice old school maneuver. Molly works over Ivory’s arm for the next few minutes and ends the assault by throwing Ivory shoulder first into the ringpost. Ivory falls out of the ring and Molly follows. She rams Ivory’s arm on the steps and tosses her back in the ring. So far this resembles a squash match and quite frankly I am surprised. Ivory tries fighting back with some punches but Molly continues working on her arm. Molly finally gets Ivory on the mat and slaps her hard across the face. While Ivory is stunned on the mat, Molly climbs the top rope setting up for the Molly-Go-Round. Ivory gets to her feet and Molly lands right on her. Once again though, I am surprised when Ivory kicks out before the count of three. Molly is even more shocked than I as she yells and grunts in disbelief. Ivory tries rolling up Molly with a small package and back bridge but Molly kicks out on both occasions. Molly regains her composure and jumps on Ivory locking on an armbar submission this time. Trapped, Ivory taps out giving Molly the victory.

Talking Points:I enjoyed this match more so than any other on tonight. I am hoping that Molly will retain her title at Survivor Series even though the smart money is on a Lita victory. Molly is just the right fit for the championship at this time. She is portrayed as a smart, strong and credible champion who is also a good manipulator. I guess Ivory has been relegated to the same position as Jacqueline in the female jobber category.

End Points: The only memorable part of this show was Ivory kicking out of Molly’s, Molly-Go-Round. I do not remember anyone else kicking out of the maneuver before so seeing Ivory do so was quite a shock. Maven is starting to show he is ready for the next level and by that I mean he actually gets a feud with a performer on Raw for more than one week. They also did a nice sell job of “Heart Break Cracker” Shawn Michaels and Mark Henry for tomorrow night. Damn I just love the racial slur cracker. It just sounds funny, and having Teddy Long say it makes it sound even funnier. Also, I hope that Victoria’s expulsion from ringside actually leads to some sort of story that gets her away from Stevie Richards and either on her own or with a more suitable partner. Can anyone say, Matt Hardy?

Jeremy Maes would personally like to invite any and all Michigan fans to share their joy of defeating the Spartans with me. Plus, I welcome any comments, oversights and opinions you have to share. Drop me a line at jeremymaes@yahoo.com or if you are a VIP Member, as you should be by now, I can be reached at Jmaes through the messenger service! Also, my Lounge articles are posted sometime every Wednesday. Make sure and check it out. Until this Wednesday, have fun!

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