TV REPORTS 9/14 WWE Heat review: Christian vs. Val, Maven, Jindrak, Cade
Sep 14, 2003 - 11:53:00 PM
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WWE Heat review
September 14, 2003
Report by Jeremy Maes, Torch Team Contributor
Well hello everyone. Ready for another senses shattering edition of the world's favorite b-team WWE television program? I thought so! Welcome to Sunday Night HEAT!
Cue the opening credits and we are off and running. Jonathan " The Coach" Coachman, along with his best buddy introduce the show in what should be another solid edition of HEAT building off of last week's surprisingly strong outing.
(1) Maven defeated Static. The match starts with a traditional collar and elbow tie up. They break and go right back into the move with both men jockeying for position. They roll along the ropes where Maven breaks the hold but Static cheapshots him. Maven comes back with a hip toss and locks on an arm bar. Static fights out and runs the ropes. Maven misses a clothesline but manages to block Static's kick to the gut by catching his leg. Static though clips Maven with an enzuigiri. Maven staggers and Static goes on the offensive that is short-lived when he misses a shoulder block, running his shoulder into the ring post. Maven charges back with elbows and punches and finally a pin attempt. Maven acts surprised when he does not score the three count. Maven and Static fight it out again with Maven again getting the upper hand. Maven climbs to the top rope and waits for Static to get in position. Well, he never does get in the right place so Maven jumps on him anyway in a scary looking move. What was supposed to be a DDT or a Bulldog ends up Maven just jumping onto Static and scoring the three count.
Talking Points: Maven obviously has been working out in the right pharm... er... gymnasium. His physique has improved greatly since the last time he appeared on Raw. Static put in a good performance save the end maneuver but his look is just horrible. What was supposed to come off as a gothic, macabre or bizarre look resembled more of a drunken out of work clown who needs a drink. Not that a clown needs to be out of work to be an alcoholic. I mean just being a clown is enough for someone to want to hit the bottle consistently.
(2) Team Bland (Mr. Garrison Cade & Mark Jindrak) defeated Ebony & Ivory (Alan Steele & Rude) This match was the typical throw away tag match that everyone should expect from Team Bland. Once again, neither Al Snow nor Coachman distinguished the jobbers from one another. Sorry but I am not familiar with either of them so I have nicknamed them in keeping with the bland and non-descript theme of the match, #1 & #2. Cade stats off with #1 as they tussle in the Sunday Night HEAT exclusive maneuver, the collar and elbow. Cade hits #1 with a dropkick and #1 quickly retreats. #2, who resembles a younger, slimmer and less scarred version of Abdullah the Butcher, steps in the ring and Cade tags in Jindrak. He does his usual impressive maneuvers of jumping off the ropes and punching his opponent before tagging Cade. They double suplex #1 and Jindrak steps out. Mr. Garrison whips #1 into the ropes for another dropkick but #2, being sneaky, grabs his partner's waist causing Cade to fall to the mat with a thud. The heels work him over for a bit before Cade fights back and makes the hot tag. Jindrak cleans house and clears the ring of #2. Cade grabs #1 for a powerbomb and Jindrak dropkicks him from a legitimate 6 feet or higher in the air for the devastating powerbomb finisher.
Talking Points: There was not one point during the match that either heel wrestler was distinguished from the other, which has become customary in tag matches. Jindrak and Cade continued their streak of solid, forgettable matches. What ever happened to giving up and coming teams who do not have mic skills a mouthpiece or a manager. These two young kids need one. Wait a minute, they have never been given mic time on the first place, maybe they do not even need a manager to begin with. I guess we'll never know.
Immediately after the match a slickly produced video highlighting the RVD-Kane cage match from Raw is aired. The video was faster paced and told a better story than the match itself. Included in the video were scenes from the commercial break that was not pointed out of course which was a mistake. Making mention of off camera happenings can only benefit the WWE who is now in direct competition with Monday Night Football.
After the commercial we are treated to the entire Evolution beatdown of Bill Goldberg. I liked this segment on Raw and I liked seeing it again. For the second time Triple H gets over on Goldberg, which may not make everyone happy but it does make Triple H a more credible threat than the cowering, nervous Nellie he has portrayed every time someone mentions Bill Goldberg as of late.
Before the commercial, Terri Runnels interviews Val about his upcoming title shot. Val says there is nothing he wants more than to have that Intercontinental Championship belt around his waist for the third time. "Christian will end up like all of my co-stars, flat on his back. Yes, he said "flat on his back," so it is confirmed that Val Venis is now a gay porn star. I guess we were all wrong in assuming his gimmick was the same as before. How progressive on the WWE's part.
(3) Christian defeated Val Venis. The match introductions ended at 7:47 virtually guaranteeing there would have to be a commercial break somewhere during the match-up. Christian is introduced first, as all champions should be and then Val makes his way down the ramp. The two meet in the center of the ring and Christian unhooks his belt, kisses it and hands it to Referee Jack Doan who then holds it high in the air for the crowd to see. Nice touch, this actually makes the title seem less worthless. The two lock up with the aforementioned Sunday Night Heat exclusive maneuver, the collar & elbow. Venis uses his upper body strength, forcing Christian back in to the corner. Val gives him a clean break and steps away. The two exchange maneuvers when Christian kicks him in the gut and applies an arm-lock. Val kips up and sweeps Christian's legs out from under him. Christian gets to his feet and he sweeps them again but this time he covers Christian for a two count. Both men get to their feet and Val elbows the champ and quickly jumps to the second rope and then on to Christian with a cross body block scoring another near fall. As they rise to their feet once again the crowd breaks out in a loud "Christian sucks" chant that is hard to tell whether or not it is the live crowd or the audio sweetener. Certain sections of the crowd seem to be chanting so I am giving it the stamp of legitimate Heat approval. Val grabs Christian and locks in reverse standing arm lock. Christian elbows out of the hold staggering the challenger. Val misses an elbow but has enough wit to sidestep an on rushing Christian who flails out of the ring. Christian no-sells the fall and jumps right back in to the ring. He slaps the smiling Val. Val goes crazy and attacks Christian, ramming the back of his head in to the mat as if this was some sort of cat-fight. Val grabs Christian, drags him to his feet and does his running knee to the gut maneuver. Christian falls to the mat and Val covers him for another two count. Before Val can capitalize, Christian smartly rolls out on the ring apron. Val charges after him and is met with a thumb to the eye. Christian pounces on the staggered challenger. He pulls the prone Venis' neck backwards over the top rope nearly giving him whiplash in the process. Christian scoots back in the ring and rests Val's neck over the second rope in a blatant chokehold. Val falls back on his back and instead of going for the cover, Christian stands over his fallen opponent and mimics Val's hip grind. But Val has enough sense left and grabs Christian's tights for a two count. Christian goes back on the offensive choking Val over the second rope again. He tries leaping on the exposed neck of Val but misses and gets caught up in the ropes. As I predicted, cue the commercial break.
Melodie (The girlfriend): They went to commercial during the match? That's stupid." I agree.
Back from commercial we are told both men took a great amount of punishment. Val is punching away at Christian and follows with some chops. He grabs the champ and lands a full nelson slam and a two count. Val then grabs Christian in a small package garnering another two count. Val then completes the sequence with a spine buster and a final two count. Val mounts; well he is a gay porn star for god's sake, Christian and punches away at him. Val plays to the crowd and climbs the top rope. Christian gets to his feet and punches Val causing him to lose his balance and crotch himself on the top rope. Christian ascends the second rope and attempts a superplex which Val blocks. Val pushes him off the ropes and Christian lands in perfect position for the "Money Shot." He leaps off the top rope but the still groggy champion has enough wit left for him to raise his knees. Val crashes into Christian's up raised knees and rolls on the mat in pain. Christian covers Val but only gains a two count. Shades of the old Christian emerge as he throws a near tantrum. He quickly goes back on the attack and wrestles Val into a corner. Jack Doan gets too close to the action however and takes an elbow to the eye. He does not go down but does stagger around the ring blinded. In the meantime, Val plants Christian with a sit down powerbomb. As the crowd counts three Jack Doan staggers around the ring but eventually sees a pin attempt-taking place. By the time he reaches the men he only counts two. Both men get to their feet and exchange punches. Christian is able to sneak in a quick hit. Taking advantage of this opportunity, Christian puts Val in the Unprettier and scores the deciding three count.
Talking Points: Now this is what a match for the Inter-Continental Championship should be like. They gave it a small build up before the contest and both men came through with a solid, well-worked match. It was far from a 5 or even 4 star match but it was much better than any championship match that has taken place on Raw or even Pay-Per-View, wait, my mistake, there was no championship match at SummerSlam. Christian is slowly getting the crowd to hate him as a solid heel; should but no one really seems to care about Val which is too bad. He has been a favorite, not always in a positive way, for many years.
End points: Overall this was a weaker edition of Heat than last week. There were only three matches this week and scores of recaps. The championship match was a nice treat but the tag match continues to plague this production. I may sound like a broken record but it does not take much effort to distinguish between the two jobbers. Everyone knows who is going to win the contest but there is no excuse for this constant over-sight. Coachman and Snow continued their feud with JR and Jerry Lawler and often bragged about how this could be their last HEAT since they will beat the Raw announcers at Unforgiven. Of course the casual fan does not care but it does help build up what will probably be the weakest and hopefully shortest match on the PPV.
I welcome any comments, oversights and opinions you have to share. Drop me a line at email@example.com or if you are a VIP Member, as you should be by now, I can be reached at Jmaes through the messenger service! Also, my Lounge articles are posted sometime every Wednesday. I may be a Lounge newbie, but I am giving it my all-so make sure and check it out. Until this Wednesday, have fun! Oh and anyone from the WWE reading, sign Jimmy yang to a contract already. No that's not a typo, just do it already!
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