By Sean Radican, Torch Team Phenomenon

WWE Smackdown Review
August 28, 2003
Taped 8/26 in El Paso, Tex.
Aired on UPN

The only review strong enough to beat the Sobig virus!

Will Smackdown achieve the standard set for by the Torch Team Phenomenon?

The Big Picture: Summerslam was an excellent PPV, but it didn't give me much of a clue as to who would be feuding this week. Eddie Guerrero beat three other men to retain his US Title, Taker took care of A-Train easily, and Kurt Angle defeated Brock "manster" Lesnar via submission to his anklelock. The only feud that has any steam coming out of Summerslam is the one between Steph and Sablicious (go figure). I look for Smackdown to turn over a new leaf this week and develop some fresh feuds in preparation for the October PPV.

On to my weekly picks…

Book of the Week: Stupid White Men by Michael Moore.

Game of the Week: Splinter Cell on X-Box. This is a great game that is very much like Metal Gear Solid.

DVD pick of the week: Bowling for Columbine . We have a Michael Moore theme working this week. This is a great film, which takes a look at America's violent society and tries to come up with some answers about why our country has a much higher rate of gun-related deaths than other countries. Moore does a great job of showing how our country is no different than other countries, but has a much higher rate of gun-related deaths. If anyone has seen this movie and has an opinion about it feel free to shoot me an email.

***I'm going to be attending the 9/6/03 Ring of Honor Show in Wakefield, MA (no Derek, I'm not taking the ROH bus there). I'm looking forward to this show, but I'm not sure what to think about these fans that chant, "Go get well" to Jeff Hardy and think they are clever. If you've ever been to the Ring of Honor live, send me an email and let me know what you thought.

…And now, on to Smackdown!

1st Quarter Hour

Eddie Guerrero, who is from El Paso, arrives to a huge pop in a sweet looking car outside the arena. Guerrero actually comes in the front door and slaps some skin with a fan in the lobby. Is the Guerrero push finally coming? Guerrero gives Cole one of those huge Mexican hats. This is an awesome entrance as the crowd is marking out like it's Hogan. The crowd chants, "Eddie, Eddie!" in unison as Guerrero plays it up to them. Guerrero says a bunch of things I can't understand and the crowd goes nuts. Guerrero says this is where it all started. The place where the first lie, cheat, and steal started. Eddie gives us some Guerrero history about the first Guerrero lie, when his grandmother told some honkey police officer that she came to a free US citizen. Eddie says that his (grandmother?) couldn't understand the citizenship test, so she beat up another woman taking the test, copying it, and became a US citizen. Eddie goes on to say that his grandmother had to steal a low-rider.

Word Life! John Cena comes out to break up this little love-fest. The crowd boos the Doc of Thuganomics heavily. Cena points to a man in the crowd and says Eddie started out by having dinner with him and ending up watching a cockfight! The bottom of the screen is blurred out because so many fans are giving Cena the finger. Cena says that Guerrero has the US Title and he isn't even a citizen. Guerrero says Cena is crazy to talk about him like that in front of his fans and family. Guerrero asks Cena if he thinks he's more American than he is. Cena tells Guerrero to chill, but he isn't dropping fists until the title is on the line. Guerrero says yes. Cena tells Guerrero that after he takes his title, he will take his sister. Guerrero says since Cena is taking everything tonight, he's going to take this and punches him. Guerrero and Cena battle it out in the ring as the crowd goes nuts. Eventually, Guerrero knocks Cena over the top rope. Guerrero takes Cena's throwback and puts it on and imitates Cena's white boy ways. Cena runs in to attack Guerrero, but is thrown over the top rope. The crowd goes nuts again. Guerrero grabs the Mic and drops some freestyle, saying that no one can stand his Latino Heat!

Grade: 3(One of the best opening segments I've seen in awhile).

(Commercial Break)

2nd Quarter Hour

(1) Rey Mysterio w/o Billy Kidman defeated Nunzio w/ the FBI when he dropped the dime from the top rope.
The ref sends the FBI to the back. This would be a great ECW PPV match. Let's see how this compares. Match begins with some nice exchanges as Nunzio takes control, but runs right into a huracanrana from Rey Mysterio. Rey nails an awesome corkscrew over the top rope onto Nunzio. Nunzio is set up for the 619, but he's playing possum and Rey misses. Nunzio throws him on the guardrail and then places him in the ring. Nunzio gets a two count and locks in a submission. Rey reverses a suplex attempt into a bulldog. Mysterio bounces off the ropes, right into a cross body for a near fall. Nunzio gains the advantage and hits a dropkick on Mysterio for a two count. Mysterio hits the stroke on the middle rope and then connects with the 619. Nunzio reverses the West-Coast Pop into a powerbomb, which was an awesome counter. Nunzio goes for another powerbomb and Mysterio reverses it into a pinfall, which Nunzio counters into another pinfall. Nunzio puts Mysterio on the top rope and attempts a belly to back suplex, but Mysterio elbows him off and drops the dime from the top rope.

Grade: 3(Met the standard). Where do I start? This was off the charts for a short match. It had several incredible spots. I wish they could give these two twenty minutes (only in your own drafted federation, Sean).

(Commercial Break) Hunter spent more time in the ring in his commercial than he did during his title defense in the elimination chamber.

***Moment of Zen: What a way to begin Smackdown! Is this the same company that makes RAW?

3rd Quarter Hour

(2) Chris Benoit defeated A-Train w/ Sablelicious via the Crossface.
Cole announces that VKM isn't here tonight! Is he scooping Kane's ashes out of the dumpster hoping to resurrect Kane Jason X style? A-Train takes control early with a huge shoulder block. A-Train puts Benoit on the top rope and then kicks him in the chest, sending him to the mat. A-Train seems to be getting his heat back in this one. A-Train sends Benoit back into the ring as the camera catches the lovely Sable. A-Train lands a nice power move where he holds Benoit up and then vertically and drops him over his knee. A-Train removes the turnbuckle (the thought in my head right now is will Sable become hairy after riding the A-Train). Benoit takes control and hits a HUGE German suplex, which is followed up with the diving head butt, but A-Train kicks out. A-Train eventually hits the Baldo-Bomb, but Benoit kicks out. A-Train charges the corner and hits the exposed turnbuckle. Benoit ducks a clothesline and applies the crossface for the victory.

Grade: 2(Nearing the standard). Short, but good match.

Eddie is backstage and is told someone has vandalized his car!

(Commercial Break)

A-Train and Rhyno attack Chris Benoit backstage!

Guerrero sees his car and flips out. The APA, Funaki, Orlando Jones, and the FBI are all staring at Eddie's damaged low-rider. Eddie wonders who did it and he tells Funaki that he doesn't care if he only speaks Japanese, that he has to tell him who did this. Eddie asks the FBI if they saw anything and attacks them when they laugh at him. The APA break up the fight as Tazz tells us someone is going to pay big time tonight!

Bonus: 1 point, funny stuff.

(Commercial Break)


4th Quarter Hour
Here comes the manster! I can see another great T-shirt from the Shopzone! Brock looks pissed about his loss at Summerslam. Brock tells the fans to shut up because he's got something to say. Brock says that everywhere he goes he hears people telling him, "You tapped out." The crowd chants, "You tapped out." Brock says that what happened at Summerslam was a fluke, no it was miracle because the manster has never tapped out in his life. He sounds like Owen Hart who said, "I am not a nugget" when he says, "I'm not a quitter damn it." Brock reminds the crowd that he is special. He says we might think him and Angle are through, but we're wrong. Brock demands a title rematch and calls Kurt out. Kurt is on the Tron and makes crying noises at Brock and asks him if he needs his diapers changed. Kurt says Brock is a fearsome athlete, but he sounds more like a baby. Kurt says he was once like Brock. He would go into the ring when he lost and sound like a whiny, little bitch. Kurt says the fans aren't impressed with bitching, but with action, like when he beat Brock at Summerslam. Kurt says he will come out to the ring right now, give Brock a couple of Angle slams, and slap on the anklelock. Kurt follows his statement up with a Flairesque whoooooooooooo! Brock says bring it on, but…

It's the American Badass! Taker says Brock had his chance for the title and tapped out. Taker says that the rule of the yard is that Lesnar stood at the front of the line, but now Brock goes to the back of the line. Taker says it's a long time since someone jobbed to him for the title. Taker tells Brock that he's trespassing. Taker says this is his yard and if Brock has a problem leaving, Taker will help him.

The Big Show makes his way down to the ring and we have ourselves a quarrel here. Show says enough talking about the next number one contender. Show tells Brock and Taker his measurements and says he has inflicted more suffering on Taker, Lesnar, and Angle than anyone else in the history of the WWE has. Angle's music plays and he comes out to the ring.

5th Quarter Hour

Angle gets in the ring and says he doesn't care who he faces. The crowd chants at Lesnar again. Angle tells Taker it would be a privilege to face him in the ring and make him tap in his own yard. Kurt tells Show he has caused him pain and suffering from his body odor alone as Show sniffs himself. Damn! It's Steph Mcboobs. She says she will make up everyone's mind, since she's calling the shots. Man her voice is annoying. Steph says the winner of a match between Show, Lesnar, and Taker will be the number one contender as my eardrum shatters.

Grade: 2 (I was going to take something away for Steph, but she was only on camera for a minute so I'll live).

(Commercial Break)

The kid from Home Alone asks John Cena if he had anything to do with Guerrero's car. Cena says he knows better than to touch Eddie's car.

Cena comes out with Eddie's tire! Cena says he isn't the only one who can lie, cheat, and steal.


(3) Eddie Guerrero defeated John Cena via DQ.
Guerrero attacks Cena from behind and throws him in the ring. Cena comes up bleeding after taking several kicks in the corner from Guerrero. Guerrero hits a senton over the top rope on Cena, who is lying on the mat. Eddie gives Cena ten punches in the corner. He picks Cena up, but Cena slams Eddie in the center of the ring. Cena chokes Eddie on the mat. Cena takes his belt off, but the ref stops him, which allows Guerrero to take control with a dropkick. Cena gains control with a huge clothesline. The action spills outside and Guerrero takes control. Guerrero throws Cena headfirst into the announce table and throws him back into the ring. Guerrero throws the tire from his low-rider into the ring, which distracts the ref as Eddie nails Cena with a steel chair. Cole says the ref, who was about a foot away from Guerrero when he hit Cena, couldn't hear the chairshot (right). The crowd goes nuts and Guerrero goes for the frogsplash, but misses. Cena sends Guerrero out of the ring as we go to break.

(Commercial Break)

6th Quarter Hour

Cena is in control in the ring as we are shown a highlight from action during the commercial break, nice touch. Cena hits a powerbomb on Guerrero, who kicks out. Cena puts the boots to Guerrero and gives him a nice delayed vertical suplex. Guerrero kicks out again. Cole says Cena is moment away from becoming the new US Champ, which means that Cena won't win. Cena locks in a bearhug. The ref checks Guerrero's arm, which of course comes up at three (80's style, nice touch). Eddie Guerrero powers out and nails Cena with a clothesline. Guerrero hits a nice belly to back suplex, but Cena kicks out. Cena gives Guerrero a huge back body drop, but Guerrero reverses it into a clothesline. Guerrero snaps Cena's neck off the ropes and connects with the frogsplash, but Cena kicks out! I thought it was over, that's the second time in a couple months that Smackdown has created so many believable near-falls. Guerrero goes for a third vertical suplex, but Cena hits him in the junk for the DQ.

After the match, Cena nails Guerrero in the head with his steel chain. Guerrero comes up bleeding. Cena chokes Guerrero with his chain as Guerrero's mother cries at ringside. Cena gets the tire and gives Guerrero an F-U onto the steel wheel. The crowd heat for Cena is off the charts as he holds up the US Title.

Grade: 4(Above the standard). This was a great match; something that Smackdown has become known for over the past year as it has shaped its own identity. The energy from the crowd and the wrestlers involved in the match was incredible.

The triple threat match is next!

(Commercial Break)

7th Quarter Hour

*** Questions for the next half-hour:
1) Will Taker politic his way into another Title run?
2) Will Lesnar wear his new manster shirt to the ring?
3) Can Smackdown be the best wrestling show of the week?

Highlights air of Brock's attack on Zach Gowen last week.

The Wrestler's make their separate entrances to the ring. Tazz and Cole speculate over who might win. Taker, Under for the victory anyone?

Angle makes his way down to the ring. Cole says that Angle will defend his title against the winner of this match on Smackdown. Kurt joins Cole and Tazz on commentary.

(Commercial Break)

(4) Undertaker defeated Brock Lesnar and the Big Show when he pinned Brock Lesnar.
Lesnar and Show work over Taker to begin the match. Brock throws Taker into a clothesline from Show. Nice to see those two kids play nice together. Show and Lesnar take turns putting the boots to the Taker. Angle calls Lesnar the king of tap. Brock tries to get a pin, which angers Show. Show clotheslines Taker out of the ring and Brock attacks him from behind, but Show gains control with a clothesline. Show chops Lesnar in the corner and a massive amount of sweat came off of Brock's chest. Brock hits an awesome belly to belly suplex on Show, but Taker breaks it up.

8th Quarter Hour

Taker puts the boots to Lesnar and then connects with a clothesline on Show. Taker hits snake eyes on Lesnar, but Show takes over. Show slams Taker and Lesnar. Show signals for the chokeslam, but Taker reverses it into his MMA arm bar. Lesnar breaks up the submission as Show looked to be tapping out. Lesnar and Taker exchange punches and Taker clotheslines Brock out of the ring, but gets his arm caught in the ropes. Lesnar goes to work on Taker's arm. Lesnar tries to F-5 taker into the post, but Taker powers out only to take a chairshot from Show. Show tries to nail Lesnar, but misses and hits the steel post (this move is stupid because no idiot would swing at a guy through a steel post). Lesnar tries to hit Show with the chair, but Taker punches it into his face.

(Commercial break)

Show is pounding on Taker when we come back from the break. During the break we see that Show hit Brock with a monster chairshot. Taker takes a boot from Show. Show knocks Lesnar off the apron and nails Taker with the leg drop. Taker locks in another one of those MMA submissions, but Lesnar breaks it up. Kurt says he's fired up for next week's match. Taker connects with a chokeslam, but Show pulls the ref out of the ring. Taker and Show fight on the outside, but go back into the ring and Show plays possum and connects with the chokeslam, but Lesnar breaks up the pin. Show goes to work on Lesnar in the corner. Show charges Lesnar, who ducks out of the way and hits a vertical suplex on Show! That was an awesome move. Taker goes to work on Lesnar who tries to cover up from his punches. Taker goes for the last ride on Lesnar, but Show charges him. Taker sends Show out of the ring, but is greeted with an F-5. Show breaks up the pin and connects with a chokeslam, but Lesnar kicks out. Show is pissed and Tazz says the ref is going to be eaten for dinner by Show. Show puts Lesnar in the corner. Show is going for the chokeslam off the top rope, which Angle calls on commentary. Taker breaks it up from behind and throws Lesnar into the opposite corner. Lesnar reverses an Irish whip attempt by Taker and reverses him right into Show. Lesnar goes to the top rope, but Taker catches him with the Last Ride for the win.

Kurt says he will be ready next week. Angle enters the ring and goes face to face with Taker. He holds up the title and tells Taker that it belongs to him.

Grade: 4 (Above standard). I thought this match was way better than it deserved to be. The action was non-stop and all three men put in a great effort involved. I didn't think Kurt added too much on commentary, but the match might have distracted me.

Radican's reaction:I was looking for fresh feuds to come out of tonight's Smackdown and I got that and more. The opening with Guerrero coming into the arena in his hometown was fantastic. The action began with Mysterio and Nunzio and never really slowed down. All of the backstage stuff was done really well and tied in with the action. I liked the introduction of the wheel from Guerrero's low-rider into the match between Guerrero and Cena. The main event was surprising to me as well. I didn't expect a great match from those three, but they far exceeded my expectations. I think two above standard matches is a first for me since I started reviewing the show. Guerrero and Cena was great and perhaps I should have rated it lower, but I was really into the match, which was given proper time to develop. I didn't enjoy the matches between Taker and Angle last time they feuded, but I find myself looking forward to their match next week because of the main event.

Drum roll please…

There were seven matches for a total of 16 available points to be had for Smackdown this week. Smackdown scored a 19, giving it an A+. Really good transition show coming out of Summerslam.

The Torch bachelor, Sean Radican is looking forward to the weekend. He reviews Smackdown each and every week. He would like to remind you to always be honest with yourself and others. He encourages you to send feedback to his correct email address, sradican@pwtorch.com.

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