WWE Sunday Night Heat review
August 24, 2003
Live in Phoenix, Ariz.
Aired on Spike TV
Report by Dusty Giebink, Torch Team Contributor

Welcome everyone to a very special edition of Sunday Night Heat. Why is it special, you may ask? Is it because Jeremy Maes is on vacation and I am taking his place? Nah. Ultimately, it is special because I am "special." That's what my mom tells me anyway. On to the show, on to the show. Come on baby, no no no. Oh my my my, my my my.

The opening montage airs, and Jonathan Coachman and Al Snow welcome us to tonight's pre-PPV edition of Sunday Night Heat. Maybe that's why tonight's show is so special. It is confirmed that is really hot outside, but even hotter inside where all the action is about to take place.

On tonight's PPV, Triple H will defend his title in the Elimination Chamber match against Goldberg, Kevin Nash, Chris Jericho, Randy Orton and Shawn Michaels. Snow and Coachman go over the rules of the Chamber match. Shane McMahon will take on Eric Bischoff. Kurt Angle will defend the WWE title against Brock Lesnar. Rob Van Dam will take on Kane. Come see the televised burial of Van Dam continue right before your very eyes.

A highlight package airs of the Kane vs. RVD feud. Kane is a monster. All you people, can't you see, can't you see? How Kane is affecting our reality? RVD insists Kane doesn't need the mask, but Kane believes the people are laughing at him. He doesn't like when people laugh at him. He's a monster. House arrest apparently doesn't mean Kane can't be prevented from earning his living. He still doesn't like when people make fun of him. He doesn't like Linda McMahon. So much so that he gives her a tombstone that shows a lot of light. That'll teach her. Kane doesn't like Shane McMahon. (Join the club.) Kane won't chokeslam Eric Bischoff because the people want to see it. He's sick of doing what other people want. He does what he wants from now on. RVD has enough and now is willing to fight his former friend. Kane would set RVD on fire, if only the darn matches would light, uh, I mean but the fans want to see that. Sure they do, Kane.

Snow polls the live crowd from outside the arena and the majority actually think Kane is going to win. Either that, or else they thought Snow just announced he was giving away free beer. Whatever. Rey Mysterio will defend the Cruiserweight Title against Shannon Moore later on Heat, because we wouldn't want to put that on the PPV and take valuable air time away from Undertaker and A Train.

[Commercial Break]

Shane McMahon will go one-on-one with Eric Bischoff later tonight. Last week on Raw, Eric Bischoff barged in on Linda McMahon in her home. Apparently, she leaves the door unlocked. If so, why did Bischoff have to knock? Bischoff prevents Linda from calling security, he's not there to hurt her. He's there to please her. Yep. Bischoff will, however, hurt Shane because of him taking over WCW, which was his company. If Bischoff had cared about WCW when he was actually running it, instead of just lining his own pockets, the pockets of his closest friends, and rubbing elbows with celebrities, WCW would still be in business and we would never have had to sit through this uncomfortable skit which I'm trying my best to ignore as its happening on my TV screen, mere inches away. Bischoff calls Linda a "big breasted beauty." He wants to see the bedroom, and forces a kiss on her. Snow calls Bischoff "despicable" and that's a shoot, brother.

A few moments ago, Shane McIntensity arrived at the arena. Lillian Garcia attempts to get a word with him, but he's so intense that he blows right by her.

[Commercial Break]

Undertaker will take on A Train later tonight. This past week, Undertaker appeared on Jimmy Kimmel Live. I do not like Jimmy Kimmel. Kimmel and Taker discuss The Train. He's very hairy. Taker is challenged to a pillow fight and seems to do okay, but is given a cheap shot by the dude he beat.

Camera goes to Tazz and Michael Cole, who are drinking margaritas or something inside the building. Snow takes a shot at Tazz and Cole, and Snow rules. Brock Lesnar will challenge for the WWE Title later tonight against Kurt Angle. They were friends, but now they are not friends. At Vengeance last month, Kurt Angle overcame all the odds, which should have been mentioned before the fact and not after, and pinned Lesnar to win the title. Angle thanks Lesnar for becoming a genuine friend during Angle's time of need. They were SuperFriends. Lesnar hints at the heel turn, saying how much the title means to him. They tease a rematch, but McMahon won't give it to them until "Lesnar earns it." Lesnar challenges McMahon to a match, and if Lesnar wins, he gets the title shot. It's inside a cage and Angle is the referee. In the match, Lesnar turns on Angle and allies himself with Mr. McMahon. Angle is left a bloody mess. Lesnar has been on a rampage the last two weeks, destroying Spanky and Zach Gowen. We'll see highlights of that stuff later on tonight. Plus, Mysterio vs. Moore.

[Commercial Break]

The Dudley Boyz challenge for the Raw tag team belts against La Resistance later tonight. Snow reminds us that Resistance has buried the Dudleyz under the American flag twice in recent weeks. The Dudleyz are with Terri for an interview. Bubba's got the flag. Tonight, the Dudleyz are going to get their revenge. They came here tonight, for only one reason: to get those belts back.

The great highlight package/"St. Anger" video airs for the PPV. Matches: The Elimination Chamber, Zach Gowen vs. Matt Hardy, Eric Bischoff vs. Shane McIntensity, Eddie Guerrero vs. Tajiri vs. Chris Benoit vs. Rhyno for the U.S. Title, Rob Van Dam vs. Kane, Undertaker vs. A Train, Dudley Boyz vs. La Resistance, and Brock Lesnar vs. Kurt Angle for the WWE Title. Plus, a whole lot of madly anger.

[Commercial Break]

Back to Cole and Tazz in the arena. What Lesnar did to Zach Gowen was disgusting. Highlights air of the brutal beating from last Thursday's Smackdown. I can't say enough about how much I enjoyed this. It served great purpose. If someone were to say, "So what if Lesnar beat up Gowen? How does that build anything for his match against Angle?" I would say that it simply shows to what lengths Lesnar would go to in order to get "his" belt back. He could have easily hit the F-5 and won the match. But, he destroyed the kid, in front of his mother, to really make a point. The announcing of Michael Cole, selling that it was totally unnecessary to go to such lengths, was also tremendous. It was Lesnar sending Angle a message. It definitely served it's purpose. Great acting (I hope it was acting) by Gowen's mother. Great selling by Gowen. Everything was terrific.

Matt Hardy comes to the ring for his "match" against Gowen.

Matt Facts: "Matt's opponents often no-show because of fear" and "Matt has the memory of an elephant." What a coincidence...

(1) Matt Hardy defeated Zach Gowen by forfeit. Matt: "Zach attack - where are ya?" He claims the injuries Gowen sustained on Smackdown were minimal. Hardy, in fact, suffered similar injuries on Smackdown, but he's still there. Gowen still has two perfectly good arms. Between the two men's injuries, they could still have a good match. However, what Matt has been saying lately is proving to be true. Zach doesn't belong in WWE. Real wrestlers perform when their hurt. The "novelty act" can't hold his own. Matt hates winning by forfeit, but if he must, he will. Hardy is great. Hardy celebrates the "win" after the "match." Hey, a win is a win. Still to come, Mysterio vs. Moore. A lot of Mattitude on Heat tonight, baby!

[Commercial Break]

Eddie Guerrero will defend his U.S. Title against Chris Benoit, Tajiri and Rhyno later tonight. The first man to get the victory gets the belt. I like elimination matches better.

(2) Rey Mysterio defeated Shannon Moore. Mysterio hits a nice headscissors. Moore hip tosses Mysterio into the turnbuckles in a nice spot. Fan sign: La Parka = Ratings. Vince, listen to your fans. Mysterio hits a springboard senton. Moore hits a corkscrew moonsault for two. Moore has a tantrum. Tazz is reminded of his four year old kid. Moore his tripped up and Mysterio dials up the 6-1-9. Mysterio hits what appeared to be a botched West Coast Pop for the victory. "Done a little different," Tazz puts it. Great match nonetheless.

Cole and Tazz throw it over to Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler. Ross puts over the Elimination Chamber as an "evil structure." It may be Triple H's last night as champion. The champion is the underdog, as there are five guys gunning for him. It is the structure where careers go to die. The structure has no heart, no soul. It's a steel version of Bischoff.

We go to a clip from Raw, where Bischoff puts over the Chamber. Clips are shown of the last Chamber match. Austin was the one who announced the match would be taking place. It was originally going to be H vs. Goldberg, but Austin added to it, which apparently isn't "changing" the match. Triple H remembers the last Chamber match. He spent some time in the hospital. He lost the belt. This year is going to be different. Evolution is going to make sure he retains the belt. Ric Flair will be at ringside. Orton will actively be trying to help H in the match, rather than trying to win the match himself. That, my friends, is teamwork. Everyone is gunning for everyone else, because they all want to be the one who walks out with the title. They're all madly in anger of each other.

Moments ago, Evolution arrives at the arena. Triple H is styling in a Hawaiian looking t-shirt. Some kids ask for their autographs. The show fades to black. There's a PPV coming up!

End of the Line: I know I didn't do any "Talking points," but hey, I'm not used to this. Overall, this did a great job of setting the table for tonight's PPV. Every match was made to look like something special. WWE always does a great job with highlight packages, even if they do a terrible job of finding theme songs. Plus, Matt Hardy was great, and so was the Mysterio vs. Moore match. A thumbs up for this show.

Fear not, Jeremy will be back in the Lounge on Wednesday, and back doing Heat reviews next Sunday. I will also be in the Lounge on Wednesday, so be sure to check us both out. We may, even by accident, say something intelligent. Well, Jeremy probably will, but I won't. Until then, have fun!

Dusty Giebink thinks the Jets should try to trade for Donovan McNabb. He welcomes any questions, answers, comments, or concerns, and can be contacted at dustygiebink@yahoo.com.

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