WWE Sunday Night Heat review
July 27, 2003
Live in Denver, CO
Aired on TNN
Report by Dusty Giebink, Torch Team Contributor

Hello everyone, normal people and fellow Velocity-ites alike. So yeah, super sensational, sizzling Heat review guy Jeremy Maes and I had been trading correspondence, figuring we would simply be switching nights for a week. Then, WWE, in all their infinite wisdom, decides to air Velocity on Saturday night, same as ever, and gives little notice of it at that. Jeremy and I just decided to switch nights anyway, considering that's what we had planned to do, and besides, deep down, in places he doesn't like to talk about at parties, he knows he likes Velocity more. You have read Jeremy's Velocity review haven't you?

He does a great job with whatever show is thrown in front of him. He certainly has a high tolerance for pain. On to the show!

Mr. McMahon welcomes us to a very special edition of Sunday Night Heat. What with the Smackdown brand Vengance PPV coming up in mere minutes, the superstars of Smackdown have executed a hostile takeover of tonight's show.

The opening montage airs, and Michael Cole~! and Tazz welcome us to the show. They rundown some of the PPV matches, including Brock Lesnar vs. Kurt Angle vs. Big Show for the WWE Title, Mr. McMahon vs. Zach Gowen, Stephanie McMahon vs. Sable, and John Cena vs. Undertaker.

A vignette airs previewing the John Cena vs. Undertaker match. Highlights include the promo where Cena pisses on a grave, Undertaker riding around on his motorcycle, and Cena tossing the 1,366 pound ring steps. This match will go a long way toward demonstrating how serious they are about pushing Cena. Moments ago~! Undertaker is shown arriving at the arena on his motorcycle.

Coming up: Ultimo Dragon vs. Kanyon, plus highlights of the Confidential feature on Zach Gowen.

Commercial Break: I assume you have all read Burgan's Smackdown Express where Derek accused yours truly of partaking in some whacky weed. I am shocked, shocked at these allegations. Besides, he doesn't have to watch Velocity every week. Just saying. Seriously, Derek is currently scouring Florida for potential contributors for Torch Beat, so keep your eyes glued as to who he picks to replace him for next Thursday's Smackdown review.

Confidential highlights: Cole and Tazz lead us into a re-airing of the Zach Gowen feature. Tazz describes Zach as remarkable, amazing, breath taking, and amazing, in that order. Clips are shown of the match where Gowen beat Big Show with a one-legged moonsault to earn a contract, with help from Kurt Angle and Brock Lesnar. Zach's mom tells us that Zach was always very involved in wrestling, and Zach shares that he used to wrestle the cushions from the couch, which admittedly I used to do when I was young and stupid, as opposed to the older and stupid version you get today. Zach's dad abused drugs and alcohol, and was also abusive to Zach's mom.

Zach knew he was going to live, but if we had to use his one wish, he "really, really wanted to meet Hulk Hogan." He now has about an eight inch stump where his leg used to be. Walking is difficult for him because of his stump, and he has to think about every step he has to take. I can't even imagine.

Commercial Break: Since I have no shame, I am going to extend another cheap plug during this portion of the review. I was reading Ellen's Feud-O-Meter as I do every week, and she was wondering if I knew where Tajiri was. Sadly, this one has me scratching my head as well. Since when do the wrestlers have to extensively sell their injuries? Besides, it's all fake, right? (Shakes head in disgust.) Anyhoo, Ellen does a good job paying attention to details that WWE doesn't even follow closely. How she does it, I'll never know.

Extreme Blast of the Night: Highlights from last Thursday's Smackdown where Noble chases after Torrie, allowing for Billy Gunn to get the victory. After, Torrie makes the indecent proposal: If Noble beats Gunn at Vengeance, Torrie will sleep with the trailer park dweller.

At Vengeance: Billy Gunn will take on Jamie Noble, and if Noble wins Torrie will sleep with him. So, what's in it for Billy?

Tazz is shown downing a Miller Lite with several others laid out in front of him. He's my new hero. This beer drinking naughtiness is to preview the APA Invitational. The APA segment of them in the "Middle East" from last Thursday's Smackdown where they invite Hussein and anyone else on the infamous deck of cards to participate in the Invitational. Funny bit as the guy asks them if they have any water and they answer that they sure do, along with some Gatorade as well.

Funaki, Smackdown's current, reigning and defending Number One Announcah, is shown live at the scene of the barroom where the APA Invitational will take place. Funaki: This will be one fight as only APA can give you. Tazz accuses Funaki of hitting the brewskis a little early.

Chris Benoit will take on Eddie Guerrero in the finals of the US Title Tournament at Vengeance, and highlights are shown from their interview segment on last Thursday's segment. Guerrero ends the segment by spraying the wax whatever in Benoit's eyes.

Coming up: Ultimo Dragon vs. Kanyon.

Commercial Break: I have nothing to say to you.

A nice feature aired, previewing certain matches coming up at the PPV with clips shown of all of the combatants. Matches: Sable vs. Stephanie McMahon, Billy Gunn vs. Jamie Noble, APA Invitational, Eddie Guerrero vs. Chris Benoit, Vince McMahon vs. Zach Gowen, Billy Seinfeld & Rey Mysterio vs. The World's Greatest Tag Team, Undertaker vs. John Cena, Kurt Angle vs. Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar.

Sable will take on Stephanie McMahon at Vengeance, in case you didn't know, and Josh Matthews (who I missed more than anything this past week) interviews Sable. Sable looks like an actual wrestling figure.

Commercial Break: Maybe there might be a PPV coming up...

Cena is shown on a motorcycle. He goes all Thuganomics on us, and promises that Undertaker will be like Zach, left with no leg to stand on.

Matthews informs us that Zach Gowen will take on Mr. McMahon at Vengeance tonight, as if we didn't know, and more clips are aired from the Confidential special. It was always his dream to be a wrestler. He always knew he was going to live. Stuff from past Smackdowns are shown setting the table for tonight's match. Irony of the night: McMahon calls Zach a freak, while looking like no man should look at his age.

Zach and Rey Rey are shown talking strategy.

Coming up: Ultimo Dragon vs. Kanyon.

Commercial Break: If there is a PPV, I think they'd let us know.

Billy Seinfeld & Rey Mysterio will take on Charlie Haas & Shelton Benjamin at the PPV, if there is indeed a PPV coming up that is.

(1) Ultimo Dragon beat Kanyon in 3:26 Dragon gets some stiff kicks in and gets a kick to the sternum for a two count. A Kanyon back breaker gets two. Kanyon hits a bodyslam and asks, "Who's betta now?!" Tazz picks Big Show to win the WWE Title tonight. Kanyon catches a Dragon bodypress and hits a fall away suplex for a two count. Dragon hits a powerbomb from blocking something by Kanyon off the ropes. Dragon hits another kick to the sternum and hits his finisher, described by Cole as "What impact!!!" for the three count in the fake time of 3:26.

Brock Lesnar will take on Kurt Angle and Big Show in a three way match for the WWE Title at the PPV. Highlights are shown of a bunch of stuff, including the WrestleMania XIX match between Angle and Lesnar and the show fades to black.

Dusty Giebink welcomes any questions, answers, comments, and concerns and can be contacted at trainwreck_under_the_ocean@yahoo.com. He is looking forward to a decent PPV.

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