"Lucha Libre USA Masked Warriors" TV report
August 20, 2010
Aired in MTV
Report by Larry Zarcoff, PWTorch contributor

Tonight, R.J. Brewer faces a surprise opponent, the Lucha USA Tag Team Title Tournament continues with Magno and Mascara Pupara vs. The Puerto Rican Powers in a technicos match, and Charly Malice tackles Rellik in a Hardcore match.

We're in the six-sided ring again tonight. R.J. Brewer is out reading down the crowd and calling out Magno with his anti-immigration schpiel, braying that he's going to give him a one-way ticket back to Mexico.

Magno comes out with a mic and says that he's already beaten R.J. enough times, and he is busy tonight anyway - booked in another match. R.J. takes issue with Magno, calling him a coward, "just like that judge in Arizona who wouldn't execute my mother's bill!" Then, R.J. issues a challenge to anyone of Magno's "people," and out from the back comes Mascarita Dorada.

1 - R.J. Brewer vs. Macarita Dorada

As Mascarita runs around the ring slapping low-fives, R.J. looks like he has a raspberry seed in his teeth. Dorada enters and faces Brewer, who is now laughing. Not only is he racist but bi-polar to boot. The bell sounds, and there's some stalling and playing to the crowd. Brewer drops to his knees mocking the height difference and heels to the crowd. R.J. remains on his knees as the two lock up. Slow paced match so far, as Brewer knee-staggers around the ring like Family Guy's Seamus looking for Daggermouth...

Dorado gets in a little offense (no pun intended) that drives R.J. to his feet. Dorada evades Brewer and takes him down with some roundhouse kicks. Then the old schoolyard trick; Dorada points up, gets R.J. to look up, and then Mascarita nails him with a chop. It's a trick so nice he applies it twice. Dorada tries some pin attempts and is finally caught and flicked off like a Mascarita mosquito. Brewer remains in control, and holds Dorada up by his foot. He looks like a bass fisherman holding up his catch...

Dorada reverses and impressively gets Brewer up in a fireman's carry. Dorada plants him down and hits some stomps and dropkicks. When Dorada tries a flying cross body Brewer catches him and tosses him over the top rope like a medicine ball. Brewer takes some time to heel on the fans, giving Dorada and opening to climb the turnbuckle and hit a huracanrana. Dorada goes on offense and does a three-revolution twist to a head scissors. Then, Dorada dropkicks Brewer through the ropes and onto the floor.

Mascarita Dorada hits a top-rope plancha onto Brewer, who bonks his head on the guardrail. Dorada plays to the crowd as Brewer does the puppet. Dorada manages to hoist Brewer into the ring, and then climbs up onto the top rope for a finishing move. But wait! A cute blond comes out of the audience, pushes Dorada off the top rope, and Brewer rolls him up for the three count. R.J. Brewer's has a new mystery accomplice.

WINNER: R.J. Brewer by three count. I really liked the way the promotion portrayed Dorada as fair competition for Brewer.

[COMMERCIAL BREAK #1]

We fade up on the announce table, where Nigel wonders about the identity of R.J.'s mystery woman. Lalo, clearly speaking for the coveted 18 to 24 male demo, replies, "Who cares? She's hot."

We now review the brackets for the Lucha USA Tag Team Title tournament. We see Lizmark, Jr. and Sydistico have advanced to face our every popular "?." Tinieblas, Jr. and El Oriental have also advanced to face "?" though most likely at different "?."

In some confusing announcing, Nigel informs us that the winner of tonight's Tag Title tournament match-up will face Lizmark, Jr. and Sydistico. Didn't we just see an "?" five seconds ago?

We cut to a backstage segment with Rebecca Reyes and Octagoncito, but Rebecca is MIA, leaving Octagoncito holding the mic like Dairy Queen cone and shrugging. Where is Rebecca? I bet we find out later...

They cut to footage of Marco Corleone doing a media interview for a Spanish radio station called La Buena 101.9. Lizmark, Jr. "unexpectedly" calls in and guilt-trips Marco about not being at Solid's bedside after last week's beat down. Marco calls Lizmark a coward for calling him on a radio show and not facing him personally. Marco looks like he's reading his lines off cue cards, passionate as a doorknob. When Lizmark talks, however, they cut to a really campy onscreen graphic. I thought it was pretty funny. Basic "Oh yeah?" "Yeah!" Three Stooges argument between Marco and Lizmark. The announcer gets off the best line at the end, saying, "Lizmark! Do me a favor...go to the hell!" "The" hell. Funny stuff.

We're backstage again, this time on R.J. Brewer and the blond mystery babe. It is revealed that they planned the interference. Really? They discussed how "daddy" would be proud of them, so I gather this R.J.'s storyline sister. They engage in some more racist heeling, and then do the 23 skidoo out of the arena and back to Arizona.

[COMMERCIAL BREAK #2]

Were back on ring introductions for our Lucha Libre Tag Team Title tournament match. First out is Magno, and then Mascara Pupara. After some posing, the Puerto Rican Powers run out and play to the crowd. It's nice to see that PR Flyer has recovered from the bad bump he took a couple of weeks ago. Both teams are technicos, so there's no heat between them other than the honor and competition of sports. Before the match can begin, however, the threesome that beat down the Puerto Rican Powers the last couple of weeks, Tinieblas, Jr., Neutronic, and El Oriental, slink their way down the ramp, taking seats at ringside to "watch."

2 - Magno & Mascara Purpura vs. The Puerto Rican Powers -- Lucha USA Tag Title tournament match (with Rudos at ringside)

Magno and PR Flyer to start, and they execute some quick hip tosses and snap mares. So far it's an even matchup, with neither man dominating. Nice execution of high-flying moves and counters, and PR tags in the San Juan Kid. The Puerto Rican Powers double team Magno with some side-driving kicks, picking up scattered boos from the crowd. San Juan Kid is working with Mascara Pupara now, and again we have an even matchup until Kid does a standing moonsault that looked pretty cool. He gets a two count.

The rudos at ringside look nonplussed.

Pupara takes over on offense, and tags in Magno, who chops down San Juan Kid in their corner. Magno dominates and executes a good powerslam/dropkick combination. He only gets a two count.

The rudos at ringside are scratching their chins.

Magno whips San Juan Kid into the ropes, and kid reverses and sends Magno to the canvas. Kid is on offense now and hits a quick dropkick. Tag to PR Flyer. PR with a head scissors takedown, but Magno is up with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Magno tags to Purpura. Purpura hits some kicks and then executes a butterfly headlock into a modified backbreaker. Purpura covers and gets two.

Then they cut to something unintentionally funny. The shot, about three seconds long, catches Neutronic signing an autograph. Not to nitpick, but I don't think that showing a heel signing an autograph is too "on message..."

Purpura plays to the crowd and then misses a splash. PR Flyer tags to San Juan Kid, who jumps in from the top turnbuckle with a plancha. Kid climbs back up and hits a dropkick off the ropes. Now all four men are in the ring, Magno is working on PR Flyer, and tosses him to the outside. Magno then slingshots off the ropes into a sloppy corkscrew plancha onto Flyer on floor. Both men are down rattling their heads like maracas. Pupara is working with San Juan Kid, and hits some chops in the corner.

The rudos at ringside nod in approval. Either that or they're falling asleep, like the audience.

All four men in the ring now, as Magno and PR Flyer knock each other out with a double clothesline. San Juan Kid heads to the top rope and executes a corkscrew 450 onto Magno, for a 1-2-3 and the pin. The rudos at ringside are back to looking surly, as the Puerto Rican Powers play to the crowd.

WINNERS: The Puerto Rican Powers to advance in the Tag Team Title Tournament.

[COMMERCIAL BREAK #3]

As we return to action, the Puerto Rican Powers are still in the ring taking their bows. The rudos at ringside have decided, "enough with the sitting at ringside stuff, we're getting some action!"

The rudos grab chairs and circle the ring.

PR Flyer gets on the mic, however, and upbraids the rudos for last week's beat down. Then he issues a challenge for next week: The rudos, Tinieblas, Jr., Neutronic, and El Oriental will square off against the Puerto Rican Powers and...

CARLITO!

Yes, we have our first Carlito mention in Lucha USA, though PR called him "Carlito-s." So maybe they added the "s" for some legal reason, or it was just a mistake. So next week it's on! Nigel calls him "Carlito," while Lalo calls him "Carlito-s." Tomayto – tomahto – Carlito – Carlito-s... That's cool.

The rudos stand around in the ring holding their chairs, deflated.

We cut to a recap of the USA Tag Team Tournament brackets as they stand: Lizmark, Jr. and Sydistico will face the Puerto Rican Powers, and Tinieblas Jr. & El Oriental face that pesky "?." The announcers mystifyingly explain that we won't know the identity of the opponents for Tinieblas, Jr. and El Oriental for a couple of weeks because of the commissioner's "crackdown of violence." That makes no sense at all, but whatever. I'll bet Ric Flair's sons David and Reid will be inserted into the tournament here.

We cut to a backstage bit where Rebecca Reyes (we've found her!) wakes up in bed alone wearing Pacqueno Halloween's face paint. She gets up groggily and heads to the bathroom, looks in the mirror, and screams like she's turning into the Wolfman. Pacqueno enters the room grinning like the cat that ate the canary; Rebecca sees him and screams again. They've been building this storyline for a few weeks now. This little scene got a laugh out of me. Good example of how to tell as story without relying on subtitles for the luchadores.

[COMMERCIAL BREAK #4]

We're back with a video package telling the back-story of Rellick and Charly Malice. They don't get along too well. Now we're into the ring introductions, and first out is our fan favorite, Charly Malice. They depict him as a survivor, someone who's been down and has come back time and time again. He hi-fives the crowd and takes some bows. He seems to connect as well with the crowd as anyone tonight, which isn't saying much.

Next, from the "gates of hell," Rellik stomps to the ring. Rellik wears two masks, and gently places his outer facemask in the corner and enjoys a "moment" with it, hearkening back to the Undertaker's urn and Al Snow's "head."

[COMMERCIAL BREAK #5]

3 - Charly Malice vs. Rellik - Hardcore Rules match

The bell sounds and Rellik spits red mist in the air. He kicks Charly Malice in the guts and then for good measure, spits the mist again. Rellik beats down Malice center ring with punches and chops. It's a one-sided battle so far, with Malice in the corner, suffering.

Rellik whips Malice off the ropes, but Malice fakes and Rellik winds up on the floor questioning the wisdom of that move. Malice hits a suicide dive through the ropes, and the two brawl on the outside. Malice gets reversed into the barricade and flipped over into the audience. Rellik stalks him through an empty patch of seats...

An aside - this section of arena looks vacant. I'm not sure if they intentionally roped off this area for the two workers or not, but the tone-deaf announcers are extolling fan interaction and the wrestlers getting too close to the crowd while we're seeing shots of empty seats. Yikes. Post production, guys.

Rellik atomic drops Malice onto a chair. Malice recovers and whips Rellik into that section of empty seats, which domino down row after row in a nice visual. Well, that explains the lack of bodies, but they still should have re-tracked the voice over, in my opinion. Rellik is down now, as Malice bats him repeatedly with a chair and plays to the crowd. Malice throws Rellik back over the barricade and tosses him into the ring.

Malice reaches under the ring and pulls out chairs, a brand-spanking new garbage can, and what looks like some brand-new brooms. Nigel points out, "Why would you put stuff like that under the ring?" Lalo retorts, "Why not?" I'd just like to know why the trash cans in these matches always look like they just came from Home Depot? I mean, logic dictates that these guys are so cross with each other that they grab whatever is in sight and use it, Jackie Chan style. Now, am I supposed to believe they head off to Lowes in advance to buy brand new stuff retail to brain one another with?

All the gimmicks are in the ring now, where Rellik nails Malice with a really scary looking DDT off the top rope. Rellik is dominating, but misses a spear and slams shoulder first into the turnbuckle. He sells it like he's dead. The crowd certainly is...

Malice puts a chair sideways against Rellik's crotch, and then swings another chair into it, croquette mallet-style. That gets barely a stir from the audience. Malice then places a chair on top Rellik and bats it repeatedly with a broom handle. Malice signals his finishing move, goes to the second rope and jumps, but Rellik throws the chair up and hits Malice in the face. Each good turn deserves another, so Rellik duplicates the croquette mallet spot, and we follow the bouncing balls...

Malice is flopping around on the mat like a marlin, as Rellik grabs him by the hair. Back and forth punches in the ring, and finally Malice goes down again. Rellik grabs the shiny trashcan, bonks Malice, and climbs to the top rope. Malice is up with the trashcan, however, and throws it at Rellik. Both men exchange punches on the top turnbuckle, and finally Rellik goes down. Malice stands on the top turnbuckle and either blows the spot or simply hops down to the canvas. He grabs a chair and nails Rellik with two stiff chair shots to the head.

Rellik doesn't sell them, and when Malice tries a third shot Rellik hits a side-driving kick and plants the chair in Charly's head. Rellik is roaring in the ring, and then sets a chair up between the top and middle rope. In a klutzy spot, Rellik places Malice in front of the chair, runs the ropes, but Malice dodges like a bullfighter and Rellik runs into the chair, and is down. Maybe it was clumsy because they both have concussions, hum? Malice locks in the "Malicious Intent," a kind of sharpshooter on the canvas, and Rellik taps out.

WINNER: Charly Malice via submission.

Wow - this crowd is totally dead. Malice plays to them as the announcers tell us "This feud is FAR from over..."

We now turn our attention to the future, as Nigel tells us that next week the Puerto Rican Powers team with Carlito-s (yes, with an "s" this time) to face the team of Tinieblas, Jr., El Oriental, and Neutronic in a trios match. Also, we'll see the last quarterfinal matchup in the Lucha USA Heavyweight Championship tournament. No participants announced.

[Torch art credit Joe Borzotta (c) PWTorch.com]

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