"Lucha Libre USA Masked Warriors" TV report
August 13, 2010
Aired in MTV
Report by Larry Zarcoff, PWTorch contributor

This week on "Lucha Libre USA Masked Warriors," we follow up on last week's confrontation between the Puerto Rican Powers and Tinieblas Jr., El Oriental, and Neutronic. Can these talented technicos and their rudo rivals bury the hatchet? And not do it in each other's skulls? Plus, a mystery…what's in the envelope? Also on tap is a Lucha Trios match, Solid refuses to bend despite Marco's machinations, a Lucha USA Heavyweight Championship Tournament bracket battle, and Amazing Kong makes her official debut!

It's 10:00 p.m. Friday night on MTV2, and I've been exhorted by our VJ to get ready for "Balls out Friday."

Glossary of terms: "Doing The Puppet" - When someone is hit and almost knocked out, they stagger around like a puppet from "Thunderbirds," usually in a circle and almost always with their eyes rolled up in their head. It's a kung fu thing...

Teaser Time: The MTV2 VJ sets up the action. Tinieblas Jr., El Oriental, and Neutronic are going to try and make "peace" with the Puerto Rican Powers. Yeah, and I'm a Hottentot. In a bad edit, we see a fight beginning between the teams just as they cut away. Lazy editing. Then we see that Marco Corelone and his worthless associate, Solid, are having some disagreements.

Now we get a recap of the angles. Marco and Solid's issues are featured first, with both vowing to protect each other but both victimized by the rudos. Next, we follow up on the angle with Tigressa Caliente attacking Mini Park backstage, and a subsequent beat down of in the ring by Tigressa and her "exotico" associate Chi-Chi. Amazing Kong (formerly Awesome Kong in TNA) emerged from under the ring and makes the save by powerslaming Chi-Chi.

Now we're into show content. We're at the Thomas and Mack Center in Las Vegas. We see a POV shot of an envelope with what looks like a cute Sydistico logo being carried to Lizmark, Jr.'s dressing room. There is a cheaply printed sign on the door that reads, "Treachery." That's the name of Lizmark, Jr.'s faction. Lizmark reads the letter and laughs.

We're treated to a montage of Vegas exteriors and a shots of the hot crowd. Nigel and Lalo introduce the show. We're going to see a Heavyweight Title Tournament elimination match, a mixed tag with Mini Park and Amazing Kong taking on Tigressa and Chi-Chi. We then get a full screen tease of BIG NEWS!

We have the six-sided ring tonight.

We go to the ring entrance of Neutronic entering with tag partners Medianoche and Paqueno Halloween for a trios match (three on three). Last week, we had a similar three-man heel group, with Saber Claw instead of Medianoche. Again, there is no angle here to speak of...just a rudo team making mayhem for the good guys on a hot night in Vegas. Facing them are technicos Marco Corleone, Super Nova, and Octagoncito. It's interesting that they include a mini like Octagoncito in an otherwise heavyweight trio match. Such are the wiles of Lucha.

1 -- NEUTRONIC & MEDIANOCHE & PEQUENO HALLOWEEN vs. MARCO CORLEONE & SUPER NOVA & OCTAGONCITO

We are treated to much pointing and snarling between the teams, some huddling, and then the bell. Marco and Paqueno Halloween to start, and Paqueno jumps on Marco's back attempting a headlock. Poor Marco looks like a lost hunchback for a moment, and then he throws Paqueno off like a bad habit. Marco plays to the crowd and gets triple teamed by the rudos. Marco up to the top turnbuckle and executes a "triple plancha" onto the rudos, who scatter like a spilled platter of chubs.

Everyone's in the ring now, with the technicos clearing on the rudos. Octagoncito and Supernova execute a sweet double flip out of the ring onto Paequeno Halloween and Medianocche. Marco is in the ring directing the technicos and being the alpha male of the team. Marco and Neutronic face off in the ring, with Neutronic nailing a dropkick "out of nowhere." Moves should rarely come "out of nowhere," in my opinion, because that's when things look like spots and not fights. Marco is down and out on the Vegas floor and Neutronic joins the rudos in the ring against Super Nova and Octagoncito. A couple of drop kicks and the rudos are in charge. Triple team on Super Nova, and as the rudos preen, flex and strut, Marco climbs back in the ring.

Marco employs some left hands to clear Neutronic and Medianoche, who are hit and do "The Puppet." Pacqueno Halloween jumps off the turnbuckle; Marco catches him like medicine ball, but get's cut down at the knees by the rudos. Triple team on Marco and the rudos are ruling. A nice hop off the second rope into a dropkick by Neutronic sends Marco onto the floor. Now Neutronic is in the ring with Super Nova. A trade of chops and Super Nova sends Neutronic outside, and then does some gymnastics in the ring. I don't know why technicos showboat - it seems heelish.

Octagoncito heads to the top turnbuckle, but blows the spot and trips, thankfully landing on his feet in the ring. Paqueno Halloween meets him with some chops. Nigel, to his credit, acknowledges the botched spots and says that happens when you try high-risk moves. I like it when the announcers don't insult the intelligence of the viewers.

Everyone's in the ring, and it looks like they're waiting for a cue. Super Nova comes off the top rope onto Neutronic and Medianoche, Some nice spots by the technicos send the rudos to the floor. Marco is in the ring, and now are three heroes are standing tall and exchanging high-fives. Marco slingshots off the ropes and then heads over the top onto the rudos at ringside. Very graceful move, and you may notice that Marco lands on his knees and hands, protecting Neutronic and Medianoche. Well done and safe.

Paqueno Halloween is working with Octagoncito in the ring, and gets hit with a sequence of hurricanranas. I still can't get over how they are integrating a mini on the team with no acknowledgement of the size difference. Pretty cool and different. Octagoncito with a pin attempt and only gets one. Pacqeno back on offense, and a backdrop on Octagoncito, called the "Trick or Treat," for the pin. Now the commentators explain that in "trios rules," it's a best two out of three. That's the first I heard of this - they really should have done a better job of explaining the rules. So, we're in a best 2 out of 3 falls match now.

The action continues. Super Nova with a top rope splash on Pacqueno, who is dragged out by Neutronic, and then Medianoche is in the ring. Back and forth rollup combinations with two pin attempts. Super Nova with a hurricanrana and quick three count. So the match is tied at 1-1. Why do I think Marco is going to get the pin for the win?

Neutronic elbows Super Nova out of the ring and Marco is in. They both play to the crowd, then Marco clocks Neutronic with a left-handed pack of fives. Marco slingshots Neutronic into the ropes and leans over, sticks his chin out, and gets kicked by Neutronic. Bad telegraph there. I know its lucha, but please suspend my disbelief a little and at least look angry. Neutronic runs the ropes, but Marco intercepts him and hits his finishing move, the "Mark of Excellence," for the pin and the win. The "Mark of Excellence" is a modified running body slam.

WINNERS: Team Corleone. I felt that this was a really flat match with some flashes of nice spots. With no storylines or real heat between the teams, it's all pretty meaningless. There wasn't much cheating or evil-doing from the rudos, and the technicos did just as much strutting and showing off. Blech.

[Commercial Break #1]

We're back with a recap of the just-concluded trios match.

Rebecca Reyes is backstage with Octagoncito, who allegedly knows what was in the "Lizmark Letter." When Rebecca asks Octagoncito for an explanation, he shrugs and leaves. I think that's a lot better than subtitles. Paqueno Halloween, showing no ill effects or attitude after just losing his hard fought match, enters and flirts with Rebecca, continuing the angle from last week.

Rebecca towers of Pacqueno. What begins with body language goes into a subtitled argument, including things like "Step off!" Call me crazy, but I could tell they were fighting in Spanish - I didn't need to read it. Pacqueno exits and then Rebecca rolls her eyes with the "men are such pigs" expression. Rebecca gets a cell phone call from a girlfriend and then becomes "Morris the Explainer." Or you may know this character as "Basil Exposition." This means she tells the caller, "This guy Halloween just won't leave me alone! It's non-stop! I totally need a drink!!"

While they make plans, we hear some goofy music, and Pacqueno lurks around a corner of what looks like a restroom entrance, and is eavesdropping on Rebecca's conversation. He taps his chin thoughtfully. Clearly he went to the "Elmer Fudd School of Acting." Rebecca makes her plan and Pacqueno celebrates, clearly knowing where she's going.

Now Nigel is finally giving us the brackets for the Heavyweight Championship tournament. They are...Wait? These are brackets?

Marco Corleone vs. ?
Charly Malice Vs. ?

"?" is one popular dude. He was also the last onscreen credit in "The Blob."

Marco and Solid are arguing backstage about a meeting Solid had with the commissioner. He's requested a Heavyweight Title tournament match with Lizmark, Jr. Marco sputters and spits in disbelief and tells Solid what a crazy idea that is. Remember loyal viewers, Marco and Lizmark, Jr. have been battling for four years. Sounds like a setup to me. Marco tells Solid he's going to get slaughtered, and then throws his towel in disgust. He should have thrown it in the hamper...

So the match is on. Solid vs. Lizmark, Jr. in a Heavyweight Championship tournament match-up, next!

[Commercial Break #2]

We're back with shots of the partying crowd. This match is part of the Heavyweight Title Tournament. Lizmark Jr. is out first. Lalo and Nigel sell for Lizmark, saying what a dangerous and sick individual he is. Lizmark scowls at the crowd and looks like he's experiencing some bad vibes. Out next is Solid, smiling and slapping high fives with the crowd. At least we have some distinction between Rudo and Technico here. Solid hasn't spent much time in the tanning beds - he looks like a flounder I saw Morimoto hacking into on Iron Chef a couple of weeks ago. Marco is watching from a backstage monitor, concerned for his friend.

2 -- SOLID vs. LIZMARK, JR. -- Hvt. Title tournament match

The commentators are really pushing Solid as a huge underdog. The bell sounds, and Solid bum rushes Lizmark with some shoulder blocks in the corner. Lizmark fights back with some chops. Ouch, that flounder skin is looking like it spent too much time under the broiler. Marco is watching and suffering as Solid is getting crushed in the ring. Lizmark is all offense. More chops and now Solid's chest looks like an ad for Solarcaine.

Marco's had enough, and is dashing to the ring. Meanwhile, Solid is fighting back, but it's no use. Lizmark, Jr. hits the DDT for the win. Lizmark continues to work over Solid, as Marco tries to make the save. Unfortunately, Marco is jumped on stage by four of the roster rudos, Tinieblas Jr., Neutronic, Pacqueno Halloween, and Relic. They hold Marco and force him to watch Solid get schooled by Lizmark, Jr. Super

Nova is in for the save on Marco, doing the "Pool Break" and scattering the rudos into all four pockets. Now some other Technicos are assisting Super Nova in a schmoz bit, as Marco races to the ring to help Solid. Neutronic tries to hold Marco back, but Marco and the Technicos make it to the ring to check on Solid. Lizmark is back on the ramp with his Rudos running buddies pointing and scowling.

WINNER: Lizmark to advance. They're obviously moving toward a confrontation between Marco and Lizmark Jr.

[Commercial Break #3]

We're back on a replay of the beat down on Solid by Lizmark, Jr. Then we cut to Solid being stretchered out of the arena accompanied by Marco.

The commentators tell us that Charly Malice and Relic are "still brawling" somewhere in the arena. Wait, did I miss something? They were brawling before? I guess it happened during the schmoz when the rudos jumped Marco in the previous match, but they should have called attention to it. Hopefully as the promotion gets its sea legs, they'll become more attentive to details.

We see Relic laying out Charly Malice backstage, and Malice fighting back. Relic taunts Malice as they're fighting by growling "Chaaarlyyyy..." over and over again. Interesting. I'm not familiar with Relic, but clearly he's a man of few words. Pretty even prop brawl with garbage cans, chairs, and spots on the floor.

Interestingly, they blocked the camera's view of the chair shots with a lighting trunk. This hearkens back to last week when a barrier covered up some dangerous looking spots. While it looks awkward, it clearly means they aren't concussing each other, rather, letting the sound effects carry the action. I think skilled camera angles can do a better job but I'm fine not seeing someone's head batted like a melon for the sake of "reality." It's a good thing that they're protecting the talent. Relic leaves Charly Malice laid out and wiggling like a paramecium on a slide.

Rebecca catches up to Marco Corleone outside the arena, with the ambulance sirens fading in the distance. Marco is feeling guilty about Solid getting beaten up, and gives us the back-story, explaining how he and Lizmark have been warring for four years. He then manages two cliches in one sentence, "You crossed the line and in my world what goes around comes around!" It's put up or shut up time for Lizmark! Well, it was an old-school promo from Marco on Lizmark playing to the camera. It wasn't great, but I miss those sorts of things sometimes...

The commentators come back to clarify the Heavyweight Title tournament brackets. Boy, this is really sloppy. There are two brackets shown, with...

Marco Corleone vs. ? on top and
Charly Malice vs. Lizmark Jr. on bottom.

However, Nigel talks about the bottom match-up first, saying "Lizmark Jr. will face off with Charly Malice." The graphics were the reverse of the voice over. They try to explain the "?" with some spiel about the office not wanting to reveal the final competitor because their safety might be compromised. Huh?

Now we're into some more subtitled acting, as Tinieblas, Jr.'s rudos team confronts the PR Flyers, heckling them about wanting to become tag team champions. Remember the teaser open? The rudos finally admit that they want to be "homies," and extend their hands in friendship, only to attack the PR Flyers. Yep, that was a bad edit in the open, as we already knew the attack was coming.

[Commercial Break #4]

We're back with a recap of the Tigressa Caliente-Mini Park feud. What began with jealousy resulted in violence. A plot as old as the Bible, only here we're including the cross-dressing exotica, Chi-Chi, as Tigressa's partner in crime. When they teamed up against Mini Park and a "mystery partner" two weeks ago Amazing Kong emerged to save Mini Park and slam Chi-Chi. For music they're using "Mars the War God" by Holst. Great cut and in public domain. I used that in a Gargoyles presentation for Disney about 10 years ago. Good call here by the production team.

Now we're treated to the entrances for our main event, with the rudos, Tigressa Caliente (Rhaka Khan in TNA ) and Chi-Chi, coming in first. It's interesting that the announce team refer to Chi-Chi as a lady. I'm going to call him a "he." Mini Park is out next, and dances for the crowd. Next come Amazing Kong. I never saw her in TNA, so I'm looking forward to her work here. So far, she looks really mean though she's a technico here. The combatants stare down, and it's...

[Commercial Break #5]

3 -- TIGRESSA CALIENTE & CHI-CHI vs. MINI PARK & AMAZING KONG

We're beginning our main event, and Chi Chi is in for the rudos and Mini Park for the technicos. Chi Chi is on offense with a hip toss and a quick pin attempt, to no avail. Mini Park kicks out and does a hip toss of his own. Chi Chi's pink wig falls off and the crowd pops for it. Mini Park picks up the wig, shrugs, and flips it away. Some quick back and forth with some quick pin attempts. Tigressa comes in the ring to double team and slaps a full nelson on Mini Park who kicks Chi Chi and takes an elbow to the head. More double-teaming that Mini Park deals with, and then he hits a huracanrana on Chi Chi and has cleared the ring.

Tigressa is in the ring and Mini Park tags in Amazing Kong. The crowd pops. Stare down between the two, and then Tigressa tries to take Kong off her feet with some shoulder blocks. Kong then shoulder blocks Tigress off the apron and on to the floor. Chi chi is in and administers a flurry of punches to Kong, who whips Chi Chi into the ropes, pounds her chest and lets him run into her. He bounces off and onto the canvas. Kong heaves some kicks and hits a big splash for a two count. Mini Park tags in with a missile drop kick from the top rope. Some back and forth action, and Tigressa interferes and pulls Mini Park to the outside. After beating him down, Tigressa rolls Mini Park back into the ring, where Chi Chi goes on offense administering the "Glitter Buster," basically a face down body slam. Pin attempt broken up at two.

There's a double team on Mini Park, who is selling like he's close to death. Actually, his skull outfit makes him look like he's well past that point. Vertical suplexes by Chi Chi, but he can't get the pin. A scary looking Northern Lights Suplex doesn't do the trick either. This has been a very one-sided battle so far, with Tigressa and Chi Chi dominating the action. Then, Chi Chi moves in for "The Kiss," which I gather is something he does on male wrestlers for effect. However, Mini Park reverses and Chi Chi plants a kiss on Tigressa Caliente. Tigressa isn't attracted to Chi Chi, however, and slaps him. Catfight!

Mini Park is back in and goes on offense against Chi Chi with Tigressa to the outside. Mini Park performs a tornado DDT and Chi Chi is doing "The Puppet." Amazing Kong tags in and clotheslines an interfering Tigressa Caliente. Then, she clotheslines Chi Chi. Kong is about to finish Tigressa, but Chi Chi breaks it up, and the rudos go on double team duty. They try to whip Kong into the ropes, but Kong breaks through their offense and hits a double clothesline. Chi Chi is up and trying to get in some offense, but Amazing Kong hits an "Implant Buster," rolls Chi Chi over, and sets him up for Mini Park. We see a Moonsault from Mini Park onto Chi Chi for the 1-2-3 and the win.

WINNERS: Mini Park & Kong.

Outside the ring, Tigressa and Kong are going at it. Kong points the "Finger of Doom" at Tigressa and stalks off. Tigressa heads into the ring and upbraids Chi Chi for a bad performance.

Next week, the Lucha Libre USA Tag Team Title tournament continues, and we fade to black.

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