KELLER'S WWE RAW REPORT
MARCH 29, 2010
PHOENIX, ARIZ. AT U.S. AIRWAYS CENTER
LIVE ON USA NETWORK

[Q1]

-The show opened with a highlight package of Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels from last night featuring cinematic Celtic music. It was just 30 seconds or so but featured a tearful Michaels kissing the crowd good bye and the crowd chanting "HBK! HBK!"

-The Raw opening then aired. Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler introduced the show. They hyped that Michaels would be saying farewell to the fans.

-Batista then walked out. He said he could complain and moan and groan about last night, but he won't give the fans the satisfaction. He called last night a blip on the radar, a fluke. He said next month no one will remember. The crowd loudly chanted, "You tapped out!" Lawler said, "He certainly did." He said he's going to reclaim his championship. "I don't care what happened at WrestleMania, John Cena can't beat me." Cena's music then played.

Cena gloated. He said Batista wanted to take his spot and become the face of the company, but last night the face of the company must've looked like this. He made a grimacing face and said that's how Batista looked before tapping out. Cena said no one will forget that moment because WrestleMania moments live forever. He said he can make history tonight. He said tonight will be a night everyone in the WWE Universe remembers. He said tonight Batista can write a chapter in his legacy with a rematch "on quite possibly the most historic broadcast of Monday Night Raw. Shawn Michaels's farewell and Batista vs. John Cena for the WWE Championship."

Cena said he's been down this road before and this is usually when the other guy says, "Nah, I don't think so. Not tonight." Cena said Batista should give the WWE Universe what they want. He said, "Step up and let's do this tonight. Say yes and let's have the rematch!" Batista took the mic and said the fans might like to see the rematch, but "not tonight." He dropped the mic and the crowd booed. He threw a punch. Cena countered and knocked Batista out of the ring.

Jack Swagger attacked Cena from behind with the Money in the Bank briefcase. He then called for the ref to come out now. He said he's cashing it in right now. Swagger the entered the ring and waited for the ref. Cena countered Swagger with an STF attempt. Swagger waved his arms to wave off the match. He grabbed his briefcase back. The ref asked and Swagger said not now. Cole said the match never officially began. Cole said Swagger still has that guaranteed contract opportunity for sometime down the road. The Raw theme music played rather than Cena's, which was strange.

[Q2]

-They went to Cole and Lawler at ringside. They talked more about the Michaels-Undertaker match. Cole threw to a video package on Michaels's career, the first in a series that would run during the show. This showed early WWF Rocker footage. [c]

-Ted DiBiase Sr. led Nick Bockwinkel, Arn Anderson, I.R.S., and Pat Patterson to the ring. (When I was ten years old, I saw my first live wrestling match at the St. Paul Civic Center - the Verne Gagne retirement match against Bockwinkel. Bockwinkel looked the same age to me then that he does today. Funny how that works.) Roddy Piper got his own ring introduction. He then led Sgt. Slaughter, Tony Garea, and Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat to the ring. Lawler then said, "Another legend belongs at ringside." He got up and joined them. Cole asked, "What is this?" Justin Roberts then introduced Rod Corddry and Clark Duke from "Hot Tub Time Machine." They stepped onto the stage and got a cool reception. Clark announced Batista & Jack Swagger vs. Cena & a partner of his choosing, plus a special Hot Tub match with them and the Divas. They said tonight's first match should be a special tribute to the 1980s since in their movie they travel back to the 1980s, so it's a 1980s Lumberjack Match. Ring intros took place for Christian and Ted DiBiase. [c]

1 -- CHRISTIAN vs. TED DIBIASE

The lumberjacks threw DiBiase back into the ring in the opening seconds after Christian threw him to the floor. DiBiase then went on offense. He scored a near fall after a kick to the head. Cole said Craig Robinson was also scheduled to join them as a guest cohost, but he has no idea where he is. Christian made a comeback with a flying dropkick.

[Q3]

Talk about pressure, performing in front of all of those stars of the past. It'd be like a band playing in front of the Beatles, Rolling Stones, U2, and Led Zeppelin were in the front two rows. When Christian and DiBiase fell to ringside, the lumberjacks got into a scuffle and had a fight at ringside. Stemaboat and DiBiase shoved each other. Garea sort of hit I.R.S. Slaughter put Patterson in the cobra clutch in a flashback to a great feud. Steamboat hit Anderson (Steamboat & Steve Austin had some great tag matches against Anderson & Tully Blanchard). Christian, meanwhile, hit the Kill Switch on the distracted DiBiase Jr. for the win.

WINNER: Christian in 6:00.

-Afterward, DiBiase Jr. shoved DiBiase Sr. for, in his eyes, costing him his win.

-Another HBK Career Moment aired from Jan. 11, 1992, the Michaels turn on Jannetty, throwing him through the plate glass window of the Barber Shop.

-They showed Triple H heading toward the entrance tunnel. [c]

-Clark and Rob jumped into a hot tub with the WWE Divas. They produced glasses of sparkling wine.

-Triple H said it feels like a surreal night. He said he never thought it'd end like this for Michaels. He said he knew he could beat Undertaker, but it didn't happen. He said it doesn't feel like 16 years ago that he first walked into the WWE locker room and saw Michaels standing there across the room. He joked about his jeans tucked into his boots and overalls with no shirt and gold nugget jewelry and his bad mullet haircut, "but we took on the world, didn't we, bud?" He said sometimes all they had was each other, but they took on the world and fought side-by-side, back-to-back, and sometimes face-to-face. He said they've always fought for each other and with each other.

He got emotional and held up the Wolf Pac symbol. He said then when that was gone, it was just he and Shawn. He choked up and paused. The crowd chanted "HBK! HBK!" He said, "There's something I've always wanted to say to Shawn, but I've never said it, and I want to say it now in front of the whole world." Sheamus attacked Triple H with a lead pipe from behind in a sudden attack. Hunter went down and didn't get up. The crowd chanted, "Sheamus sucks! Sheamus sucks!" Lawler said he couldn't imagine anything worse than that.

[Q4] [c]

2 -- GAIL KIM & BETH PHOENIX & EVE TORRES & KELLY KELLY & MICKIE JAMES vs. VICKIE GUERRERO & ALICIA FOX & MICHELLE MCCOOL & MARYSE & LAYLA

Maryse showboated at the opening bell. Eve schoolgirled her for the surprise quick win.

WINNERS: Eve's team in 0:03. If promoters could find a way for a women's match to take up negative time, it seems they'd jump on that chance given the inventive ways they try to present shorter and shorter matches.

-A video package aired on Shawn Michaels vs. Razor Ramon in the ladder match at WrestleMania X. Lawler again hyped Michaels's farewell later on the show. Cole plugged the main event tag match.

-They showed Bret Hart backstage. Is he still hitting poor Vince McMahon with excessive chairshots with unnecessary pauses in between? Lawler said he's scheduled to address the WWE Universe next. [c]

-WWE Fact: Photos of last night's Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels match have already been viewed over 10 million times on WWE.com.

-A video package aired on the 1996 Iron Man Match between Shawn Michaels and Bret Hart.

[Q5]

-Bret Hart walked out to his intro song. He first congratulated Michaels on "an absolutely incredible epic storybook career." He said nobody knows better than he does that Michaels is one of the greatest wrestlers he stepped into the ring with, but one of the greatest wrestlers of all time. He wished him the best in the future. He said Michaels told him if he returned to WWE good things would happen. He said he found the closure he was looking for. He said it took longer than he expected, but he enjoyed beating the holy hell out of Vince McMahon. He said not only did he beat up Vince, but the entire Hart family beat up Vince. He said he can feel his mom, his dad, his brother Owen, and Davey Boy Smith giving each other high-fives. The crowd chanted, "Owen! Owen!" Bret opened up his jacket and showed off a t-shirt of he and Owen playfully wrestling. He said he's leaving WWE with a sense of joy and satisfaction. He said it's been a great ride and thanked everyone.

The Miz and Big Show interrupted the ovation for Bret. Miz mocked Bret for beating Vince in a "25-on-1 handicapped match." He said he's a thief. He said Bret's time on Raw has robbed him of time he deserved. He said he's the most glorified champion in WWE. Miz said he's 1-0 and just 17 wins away from tying Undertaker. "Don't laugh. I am awesome!" Miz said. He told Bret he's overrated. He said his entire family, including his dad, is overrated. "You are the most overrated there is, was, or ever will be," Miz said. "Now why don't you get out of my ring before my fist gives your face closure?" Bret told him to make him. The Hart Dynasty walked out. Miz & Show left the ring. Bret gets his wish of the Hart Dynasty getting a rub from his return. I thought that ship had sailed, but this could work, especially with Miz's strong mic work. Bret challenged Miz & Show into defending the tag titles. Miz got angry and wanted to, but Show told him he's not thinking with is head. Show, though, eventually agreed. [c]

3 -- THE MIZ & THE BIG SHOW vs. THE HART DYNASTY (David Hart Smith & Tyson Kidd) -- Unified Tag Team Title Match

Smith gave Miz a sustained delayed vertical suplex. Kidd dove onto Miz at ringside seconds later. Show tagged in and worked over Kidd. Miz tagged back in and Show whipped him hard into the corner against Kidd. Kidd made a comeback at 3:00.

[Q6]

Smith tried to show some emotions as he rallied against Miz. They showed Bret smiling at ringside. The Hart Dynasty delivered a Hart Attack clothesline. Kidd then applied a Sharpshooter. Show at ringside yanked Miz out of the ring. Show told Miz he should learn to listen to him. He said this match was a stupid idea. The ref counted out the heel duo as they walked to the back.

WINNERS: Miz & Show in an est. 6:00.

-A video package aired on DX.

-Craig Robinson, the third cohost, appeared on a TV screen above the hot tub. He said someone switched up his tickets, but just because he's not there doesn't mean he's not cohost. He booked Bri and Nikki for a match. They got out of the hot tub. Robinson said he's adding Mark Henry to the hot tub match. Rob tried to leave, but Henry held him in place. Henry insisted on sitting between them. Hornswoggle then showed up and put his arm around Rob. He was snorkling. Rob nervously made small talk.

-Lawler thanked Audioslave for the WrestleMania theme, "Be Yourself."

-Cole threw to a replay of Sheamus attacking Triple H with a lead pipe earlier. Lawler called it cowardly and gutless.

-Jack Swagger walked out with his briefcase in hand. From center-ring he smiled and took a deep sniff. "You smell that?" he asked. "That smells like Money in the Bank!" He said he told everyone last week that he was going to win MITB and he did what he said. He said when he wants something, he's the odds-on-favorite to get it. He said earlier he was just toying with Cena. He said when he really cashes it in, the All-American American American is the odds-on-favorite to walk away with the WWE Championship.

[Q7] [c]

4 -- JACK SWAGGER & BATISTA vs. JOHN CENA & RANDY ORTON

When Batista stands next to Swagger, it really puts Swagger's deceptive size into perspective. He's quite a bit taller than Batista, maybe a full couple inches. Cena announced that his partner is familiar to him. Randy Orton came out. Batista was going to start the match, but he chose to tag out to Swagger. Lawler observed how deceptively tall Swagger is. Orton beat up Swagger early and played to the crowd. He even changed his viper routine where he punches the mat to be more babyface-like. Lawler and Cole reacted differently to it than in the past. Swagger rolled to ringside and they cut to a break. [c]

Batista clotheslined Cena when he was distracted by Swagger during the break, which gave Swagger the advantage. Swagger had Cena in a rear bear hug after the break. Lawler raved about the size of last night's crowd and also Phoenix's reception for WWE. Cole said the stadium last night might have been the greatest facility he's ever been part of. Batista got in sustained offense against Cena. Cena, though, backdropped out of a Batista Bomb attempt and then hot-tagged Orton. Orton went to work on Batista and Swagger. Batista broke up a near fall on Swagger. Orton gave Batista an RKO. He then gave an RKO to Swagger to scored the pin. Cole said: "Ever since the implosion of Legacy, this new energy, this new excitement, this new just amazing Randy Orton here tonight on Monday Night Raw."

WINNERS: Orton & Cena in 7:00.

STAR RATING: * -- Nice tag match - at least what aired. Half didn't air because they were at commercial, though. Good to see Swagger elevated into this mix. He's got a huge upside. Orton has the crowd on his side, but I'd still like to see something that indicates why this horrible, horrible person is worthy of cheering? Just because Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase got irritated by him? I mean, Orton should actually turn and give fans a reason to justify their cheers for him other than he's a cool tough dude and lesser of the evils. I'm sensing we're not going to get that, though, other than Cena sort of endorsing him by making him his partner.

-A video clip aired of Michaels vs. Undertaker at last year's WrestleMania. [c]

-Shawn Michaels came out to his full ring entrance. The crowd applauded and chanted "HBK!" Cole and Lawler stood and applauded. Undertaker's music played. He stepped onto the stage and literally tipped his hat to Taker. Michaels said he's not sure what he's going to say. The crowd chanted, "Please don't go!" He said he was 19 years old when he started doing this, and at 23 he started "coming into their homes each and every week." He said now that he's 44, not coming into their homes on that TV set every week is going to be tough to get used to. The crowd chanted, "Thank you, Shawn!" When you think of the drug abuse he went through in the 1990s, it's truly amazing he's still around for this moment. Michaels said he needs to thank the fans.

[Q9]

He said for the longest time, the ring and the fans was the only thing he had in life. "It was the only time I felt good about me," he said. He said night in and night out the fans were the only thing that made him like himself. He said he has so many people to thank, and he fears doing it because he'll leave someone off the list. He did specify Hunter. "I gotta thank Hunter for being my friend when absolutely nobody else in the world wanted to touch me," he said. "There are a lot of people who didn't like me many many years ago. I was not an easy person to be around. And Hunter, buddy, you never once left my side." He said in this line of work, it's a tough line of work, and everyone talks about how tough it is to have friendships. He thanked him for his real friendship that he's been able to share with him for 16 years.

He thanked the guys in the truck, plus Cole, Lawler, and "the greatest wrestling announcer that ever was," Jim Ross. He said they made him look better than he was. He said there's a crazy red-headed kid in Stamford named Adam who puts together a lot of the video fans see. He thanked him for making him look like a superstar. Tears were flowing by this point. The crowd began a chant of "One more match! One more match!" He said he knows how a lot of people feel about career-ending matches. He said he knows there are a lot of people who are going to be skeptical of his decision, and he understands it, but he doesn't want to go back on his word to the fans or the Undertaker. He said for twenty-plus years he's done his best to be a pretty open book in front of the fans. He said he doesn't hide a lot because it's easier for him to be who he is. He said he appreciates the chant of "One more match! ." But, he said, "I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure that doesn't happen." (So, as Jim Carrey once said, there's a chance!)

He said he has one more person to thank - Bret Hart. "I cannot tell you how much back in the '90s I drove that poor guy crazy," he said. "And everything he's ever said about me he had every right to say. I want to thank him for forgiving me, for understanding, accepting, and believing that I knew that I made mistakes, I was changed, and I would forever honor his friendship if he'd ever take the chance and give it back to me. And I thank him for giving me that opportunity."

He then shifted to "Vincent Kennedy McMahon." He said he's not sure if he'll get in trouble for saying his name, but it's his farewell speech, so he'll do what he wants. He said he can't imagine working for anyone else. He said Vince is a crazy son of a bitch and he could never do a "regular gig" again after working for him. He said the only person he drove more crazy than Bret Hart was Vince. He said he knows he gave him the opportunity to do what he did. He thanked him for preventing him from making even bigger mistakes. He said if "that guy had not kept me on course," he wouldn't be here today. "So Vince, thanks for putting up with me, man."

He then shifted back to the fans. They chanted "Thank you, Shawn! Thank you, Shawn!" He said he got to travel all over the world and meet millions of people and listen to each and every one of the fans for the majority of his life. He said he's spent more times with the fans during his adult life than he has his own family. "And I tell you, I don't say that with regrets." (How does his family feel about that?!) He said he thanks them for the honor and privilege of letting him show off every night of his life. Another loud chant of "HBK! HBK!" began.

He concluded: "And to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, I thank you my King for saving me." He then told his wife and kids, "Daddy's coming home. This is how we started and this is how we're going to end." He said: "Ladies and gentleman, the Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels has left the building." He blew kisses to the crowd. They stood and applauded. This went until more than 10 minutes past the top of the hour. He slapped hands on his way to the back. They zoomed in on some emotional fans crying in the crowd. Michaels stood on the stage and waved to the fans. Triple H came out and hugged him from behind. Michaels kissed him on the cheek. They embraced. Hunter seemed to be praising his speech. He held up the glow sticks, then set them in an X on the ground in front of Michaels. He walked off stage and left Michaels to wave goodbye one final time.

That was one fantastic farewell speech.

Brock Lesnar Speaks! New story tonight on what Lesnar had to say about his next opponent, Shane Carwin, destroying Frank Mir on Saturday night's UFC 111 PPV. CLICK HERE

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