KELLER'S TNA IMPACT REPORT
MARCH 8, 2010
LIVE FROM ORLANDO, FLA.

[Q1]

-The new TNA Impact opening aired. It was a harder rock song featuring Hulk Hogan, Jeff Jarett, A.J. Styles, and Ric Flair early in the montage. Mr. Anderson, Rob Terry, Eric Bischoff, Daniels, Mick Foley, Rhino, Kurt Angle, and more Hogan were among those featured in it.

-They cut to the live pyro opening the program. Mike Tenay introduced the show, hyping that for the first time in nearly a decade, Hulk Hogan and Ric Flair will face off against each other inside a ring. They showed the crowd going crazy, and also Dixie Carter smiling and applauding. Taz said the match is going to happen "sooner than you think."

-Hulk Hogan and Abyss walked out together. For trivia buffs, Abyss was actually ahead of Hogan and the first wrestler to appear live on camera on the first Monday Impact in the permanent timeslot. Hogan talked about it being time to get serious. He paused to listen to very loud "TNA, TNA" chants. It switched to a chant of "Hogan, Hogan," Hogan said he came to TNA to run the company and take it to a new level. He said Ric Flair and A.J. Styles have forced him out of retirement. He said it's TNA's reckoning day. They showed Brooke Hogan jumping up and down and applauding at ringside. He called Flair and Styles to the ring. "It's time to put an end to all of this crap," he said. "Get your asses out here. Let's get this over with." Taz said the rumors are true and this match is going to happen now. They showed Dixie smiling and nodding at ringside.

1 -- A.J. STYLES & RIC FLAIR vs. HULK HOGAN & ABYSS

Abyss overpowered Styles in the opening minute. Styles then tagged in Flair, making his first nationally televised official in-ring appearance since retiring (for good) at WrestleMania 24 against Shawn Michaels. He has wrestled overseas, though. Abyss beat up Flair, too, with a barrage of chest chops. He also gave Flair a high backdrop that seemed to almost go awry. At ringside Styles threw his robe over Abyss's head and punched him. Hogan entered the ring and went after Flair. He stood on Flair's throat. Styles hit Hogan with a Pele kick. Hogan, still wearing a t-shirt, dropped to the mat. Styles stomped away at Hogan. The lights went dark and Sting's music played at 3:00. Seconds later the lights came on and Sting stood mid-ring between Hogan and Abyss. He attacked them both with his baseball bat, turning heel. At least Taz didn't say, "Which side is Sting really on?" as he stood there. Taz and Tenay were flabbergasted. Styles gave Abyss an unprotected chairshot to the skull. Styles handed Flair the chair, and Flair hit Hogan with an unprotected chairshot to the skull. Hogan bled. Taz said he's speechless because Sting just shocked the world.

WINNERS: No contest in 3:00.

-Sting walked to the back as Flair punched away at Hogan's forehead. Styles, meanwhile, punched at Abyss. Brooke looked concerned at ringside as security entered the ring to try to break up the brawl. Taz asked what the deal was with the match. Just then Hogan sat up with the mic and said this isn't over and they'll settle it before the night is over. Hogan called for a rematch later in the show, no-DQ style. It's a two-for-one situation, with TNA utilizing Hogan and Flair to try to draw ratings up front, but also let that same presumed high viewership know a rematch is coming later. Hogan did virtually nothing in that first "match." It's a good thing that wasn't all he was going to do or it would have hurt his drawing power since people would assume basically "bait and switch" since he did so little. [c]

-They showed Dixie Carter run up to Sting backstage. He shoved her and said he doesn't owe her anything. She seemed distraught. The crowd "ohhed" when he shoved her.

[Q2]

-Jeremy Borash interviewed Flair and Styles regarding the match being redone later. Styles said if they want a do-over, they'll beat Hogan up all over again. Flair said, "Sting has finally come to his senses, thank God! And on the right night." Flair held up his fists and showed off the blood of Hogan and Abyss on it. He said if he's coming out of retirement, he's making a statement. He said they're going to finish what they started. He promised they'd leave the arena in an ambulance.

-They showed Abyss freaking out backstage, crying out "Why Sting?! Why!?" [c]

-They showed Brooke saying that her dad isn't okay. She said he'll pretend he's not in pain, but he is and she hates seeing him do this to himself. Are they leading up to a fake collapse or heart attack angle later?

-Kazarian stood mid-ring and said nearly two years ago he chose to walk away from TNA. He said he had doubt about himself at that time. He said he is back to "reignite the flame of the X Division. The crowd chanted "X Division! X Division!" He said, channeling Coach from Survivor: "Let the Warriors of the X Division lead us into battle." Daniels walked out and said he wanted to make one thing clear to him. He said if anyone is going to lead the X Division into battle, it's him. He said he has told Eric Bischoff and the world that he will carry the X Division to the highest of heights "because I am X!" What does it mean exactly to lead the X Division somewhere? I mean, shouldn't a wrestler care about winning the X Title, not taking the division as a whole somewhere? They need to stop talking about and marketing the X Division like it's a tag team or faction. It's a weight division, basically.

Doug Williams (that guy who got squashed by rookie Rob Terry a few days back on national TV) walked out with X Title around his waist. He said the X Division is alive and well. He said he can say that with confidence because he is the X Division Champion. Kazarian said he is currently the champion, but where was he seven years ago when they were pioneering the X Division? Daniels got in Kaz's face and said he hasn't done anything in the division he cares about. Kaz said maybe the reason he doesn't care about anything he's done is because maybe he's a selfish prick.

Eric Bischoff walked out to his music with a mic in hand. Bischoff said when Hogan asked him to help turn TNA around, he was excited in great part because of the X Division. He said the division isn't the heart of TNA, it's the adrenaline of TNA. "If I have anything to do about it, I'm going to make it run bigger, faster, and stronger." He said for every one of the fans watching around the world, he has news for all three wrestlers in the ring. He booked a three-way match for the X Division, "and the future starts right now, dammit!" the bell range.

[Q3]

2 -- DOUG WILLIAMS vs. DANIELS vs. KAZARIAN -- X Division Title Match

Daniels rolled up Kaz right away for a near fall. The pace was fast early. Taz talked about the winner of this match moving on to the Destination X pay-per-view. Kaz did a flip dive onto Daniels and Williams at ringside. They showed Dixie paciing backstage. Tenay said she'd have a major announcement later regarding Sting. Daniels controlled a few minutes against Kaz with Williams KO'd at ringside. Kaz made a comeback at 5:00. Daniels had Kaz down and went for the Best Moonsault Ever, but Kaz moved. Williams then gave Daniels the Chaos Theory rolling back suplex into a bridge for the win.

WINNER: Williams in 7:00 to retain the X Division Title.

STAR RATING: **1/4 -- Good athleticism, pacing, and energy. I wish they had done more in recent weeks to establish Kaz's personality so they could have held the audience a little more with an admirable, known babyface with a done with fans.

-Afterward, Shannon Moore charged to the ring. Tenay said they hadn't seen him since the big Jan. 4 Monday show. He cleared the ring of Williams. Bischoff stepped out and said Moore would be his challenger at Destination X. "Surprise!" Bischoff said in that smarmy way of his.

-Borash interviewed Dixie backstage. He asked her what is going through her mind right now after what Sting did to her. She said she's glad he's signed with TNA. She said he's signed to a match later. Borash asked against whom. She said he'd find out when everyone else does. She looked upset. [c]

3 -- TAYLOR WILDE & SARITA vs. VELVET SKY & MADISON RAYNE (w/Lacey Von Erich) vs. TARA & ANGELINA LOVE -- TNA Knockouts Tag Team Title Match

Tenay said Awesome Kong & Hamada failed to defend the TNA Knockouts Tag Team Titles in 30 days, so management stripped them of their titles and put them on the line against two top tag team contenders. Tenay plugged the new Spike TV original comedy "The Players" coming up right after Impact. "Lacey Von Erich using her head there. That's rare," said Taz. As Tara set up a Widow's Peak, Daffney hit her in the head with a belt.

WINNERS: The Beautiful People in 2:00 to capture the TNA Knockouts Tag Team Titles.

ANALYSIS: Why so short?

[Q4]

-Christy Hemme plugged the post-Impact show on TNA's website. Then she interviewed "The Pope" D'Angelo Dinero. Before he could get through his second sentence, Desmond Wolfe attacked him. He had a chain in hand, which made that horrible sound chains make on TV through the mics that makes you want to switch the channel. It's really unbearable. Wolfe attacked Pope's ankle with a chain.

-They showed Sting heading down the steps from the rafters. [c]

-Borash interviewed the celebrating Beautiful People backstage. Lacey asked if she's a champion, too. Rayne said she is. Sky said it's time to celebrate BP style. Borash said it's time to bring in the bubbly to celebrate. Everyone drank champaign except Borash, who felt left out. Sky popped a cork and poured the champaign over Borash, ruining his nice suit.

-Tenay and Taz were shown on camera. Tenay's smile shifted to being more serious as they discussed Sting. Taz said what Sting did to Dixie was wrong and "not cool." Taz wondered who Sting had to face later. Tenay said Dixie vowed she'd never get involved in match-making, but she's made an exception to the rule.

4 -- STING vs. ROB VAN DAM

New music played and the initials on the screen said "RVD." The crowd popped. He surprised Sting from behind, gave him a flip splash, and scored a surprise quick pin. RVD turned his back to celebrate, but Sting then nailed him in the gut with a baseball bat. It made RVD look a little dumb to turn his back like that for that long. The crowd chanted "RVD! RVD!" RVD favored his left leg as Sting threw him into the ropes, selling the baseball bat shot to his leg. Sting clotheslined him across the throat with the bat, then left the ring. Sting shoved a referee down on the aisle and then returned to the ring to administer more damage. Not sure why, they kept muting a crowd chant that sounded like nothing more than "RVD! RVD!" After a few more baseball shots, Sting left. The crowd chanted, "You suck! You suck!" Sting beat up two more referees on the rampway. RVD struggled to try to get to his feet. Sting turned and walked back to the ring. Sting hit RVD across his back with the baseball bat.

WINNER: RVD in 0:08.

[Q5]

-Hogan's music played and he walked out, with his forehead taped up. He pointed at Sting. Bubba the Love Sponge stepped in front of Hogan and tried to stop him. Security and referees also stepped in front of him. As Hogan yelled at Sting from a distance, Sting got in a few more shots on RVD with his bat. Hogan broke past security and made it to the ring. Taz said they should let him go. Sting again hit RVD as security continued to hold back Hogan. Sting took a cheap shot at Hogan with the bad as security held him back. Hogan sold an arm injury. Sting walked up the ramp and attacked Hogan with the bat, then walked to the back. They showed Hogan writing on the stage.

-They went back to Taz and Tenay. Taz wondered if Hogan has internal damage. Tenay got upset and said Sting has really disappointed him and he wanted to know the reason for his actions. Kevin Nash's music played, interrupting Taz and Tenay.

-Nash and Eric Young walked out to address their issues with "Syxx-Pac" Sean Waltma and Scott Hall. Nash said that for the last month, no matter what he's done, Hall and Waltman have found their way into the arena. He said he has in his hands a contract for a one-time exception allowing Hall & Waltman to wrestle at Destination X against he and Young. He called the PPV "Designation X," I think. Nash called them to the ring. Tenay asked if they would respond as they cut to a break. They seemed to be stretching the segment and improvising in order to possibly match-up against WWE Raw commercial breaks. [c]

-Nash and Young continued to wait in the ring. The crowd had a battle of chants for a while and finally Syxx and Hall entered through a side aisle. Security entered the ring and surrounded Nash and Young. Syxx and Hall entered the ring. Hall said, "Hey yo!" right in Nash's face. That got a pop. He asked if he's got it right that two-thirds of the legendary Wolf Pac are in the building. He called Nash a "Big Sellout" instead of "Big Sexy." He asked him if he's a stooge for Hogan. Hall said after what Sting did to Hogan, Hogan ain't running the "shiz-ow." Hall said he and Syxx want in on TNA because it's starting to get cool. He said he's not the smartest guy in the world, and he runs with a guy who isn't that smart, but they have lawyers. He said when they beat them, they want some "fat money contracts" so they get their share. Nash said Hogan said he can have the match. Hall asked Easy E if he wants in on this.

[Q6]

They cut to Bischoff who told Syxx & Hall that if they beat Nash & Young, he'll make sure they get a fat contract. He said he can make that happen. He said if they lose, though, they have to ride off into the sunset and do whatever they do outside of TNA. Syxx said, "Deal!" Hall agreed. Nash said he'd see them at the PPV. Hall said, "I'll be the one that looks like Elvis." Nash and Hall shook hands. Nash asked, "Alive or dead." Syxx slapped Young, Young attacked Syxx. Security broke them up quickly. Bischoff said he's sick of paying overtime for security to keep Hall and Waltman out of the arena. He ordered Nash and Hall away from ringside. He told Young he has license to kill and "slap that punk upside his bitch ass." The crowd cheered. Tenay said, "That's how we're doing it, tonight on Impact."

5 -- SEAN "SYXX-PAC" WALTMAN vs. ERIC YOUNG

Tenay said it's a fight, not a match. Both men were dressed in black t-shirts and jeans. The bell did ring to start the match seconds into their brawl. Syxx cut off Young's attack with a spin hook kick. He went for a Bronco Buster, but Young moved. Young then gave Syxx a piledriver for the pin.

WINNER: Young in 1:30.

ANALYSIS: Not sure if there's ever a reason to give someone with a surgically repaired neck to be taking a piledriver. But then again, wrestlers are replaceable if they get paralyzed, right? Another too-short match, in the sense that it diminished the whole concept of rivals fighting. If it was the only short match on the show, the circumstances could justify it, but it's just one after another after another on this show. [c]

-Kurt Angle walked out with soldiers accompanying him at ringside. He lectured Mr. Anderson on the sacrifices the troops make for what America stands for. He said they put their lives on the line, and sometimes die, defending those principles. He said Mr. Anderson spit on them. He said winning an Olympic Gold Medal is nothing compared to what the soldiers do for the United States. He said as a proud American, it is his duty to protect and serve the soldiers "when bitches like you degrade them." He said Mr. Anderson should learn that you don't mess with a U.S. soldier and he'll learn a lesson at Destination X when he kicks his ass all over the Impact Zone.

Mr. Anderson appeared on the big screen and asked him to stop his incessant grandstanding. He said their issue is between the two of them, not the soldiers, and his "International Object," pointing to the soldier's I.D. medal that Anderson stole from him. Angle found Anderson and jumped him from the side. He threw him into the ring. Anderson, though, dropped Angle with the "Warrior Medal." Anderson tried to back out of the ring, but bumped into soldiers. He trash-talked in their faces. Angle got up and yanked Anderson back into the ring, then threw him to ringside where U.S. soldiers bashed him briefly at ringside and then threw him into the ring. Angle threw him to the other side of the ring where other soldiers beat on him. Angle beat Anderson down spit on him, and then stood o his back with an American flag held high. The soldiers entered the ring and lifted Angle into the air. Patriotism personified.

[Q7] [c]

-They went backstage to a battered Hogan sitting on a couch. Bubba the Love Sponge counseled him. Hogan said this is the biggest night in TNA. He said he didn't want to, but events forced his hand. Earl Hebner walked in and asked for a second chance. Hogan said he couldn't think about him right now. Bubba insisted Hogan give Earl a second chance because everyone deserves a second chance. Hogan said he can give Earl a second chance. He asked Earl to stop the match if it gets out of control and he's down and out. He said his daughter is watching at ringside and his son is in California worried while watching this show.

-They went to Tenay and Taz at ringside. Tenay said Hebner is going to referee that main event and get a second chance. Tenay and Taz then hyped the line-up for Destination X on PPV in 13 days.

-They showed Jeff Jarrett and Mick Foley chatting backstage. Jarrett asked James Storm if Bischoff forced them to wrestle each other. Storm said he wasn't forced, he volunteered. Jarrett was upset. He said when he founded TNA, he hand-picked him for the TNA roster. He said he put he and Robert Roode together as a team. He said he trained in his old man's backyard before he was a pro. Storm said it's about what he can do for him now. "Sorry about your damn luck!" he said. Jarrett jumped him. Roode jumped Jarrett. Mick Foley ordered them to take it into the ring. Storm laughed and he and Roode headed to the ring. [c]

-An ad aired for So Cal Val and Jeremy Borash's live show on TNA's website. The narrator said, "If it's happening in TNA Wrestling, it's happening here first."

6 -- BEER MONEY INC. vs. JEFF JARRETT with Mick Foley as special referee

Beer Money dragged Jarrett to the ring during the break and was beating on him when they were back live. At 2:00 Jarrett ducked as Storm blew a mouth full of beer at him, so the beer sprayed Roode in the face. Jarrett clotheslined Roode to the floor, then backdropped a charging Storm to the floor seconds later. Jarrett pursued them at ringside. He banged their heads together, a move you haven't seen too often since the early 1980s when it a regular happening. Beer Money eventually took over again. Foley pulled the barbed wire baseball bat out from under the ring. Tenay said Foley sympathizes with Jarrett because both have been at war with Bischoff. Jarrett brought the bat into the ring,m but as he was about to use it against Roode, referee Slick Johnson yanked the bat away. Roode and Storm gave Jarrett their finisher to end the match.

WINNER: Beer Money Inc. in 4:00.

ANALYSIS: I suppose this qualifies as a heel turn for Beer Money going at Jarrett like that, assuming they were officially babyfaces before.

[Q8]

-Backstage, Abyss told Hogan that he owes Styles & Flair big-time for what they did to him. Brooke walked in crying. Hogan assured her that he's okay. He told her with Abyss with him, he'll be okay. She sat and held his hands and told him how tough it was to watch him go out there like that because to everyone else, he's the Hulkster, but to her he's her dad. Hogan said this is second chance. He said the fans called him. He said she should know what that means. He said Abyss has his back. He said Abyss is big and strong and his no. 1 Hulkamaniac. Brooke asked him to promise her one thing. She asked him to make it his final time "because we've lost so much and I don't want to lose you, too." Hogan said his family has been to hell and back in the last two years, but he's got her, Nick, and Jennifer (his new girlfriend), and then he stood and hugged her and promised her this was the last one. [c]

-During the commercial, they cut backstage to Flair giving Styles a pep talk.

-They aired the ring intros for Styles & Flair and Hogan & Abyss. Tenay said they were cutting to the final commercial break of the show and they'd return for the main event. These two commercial breaks close to together will hurt the Q8 rating, although they're gearing up for a hopeful monster overrun rating. To have the extra commercial earlier might have cost them viewers they'd never get back. [c]

7 -- RIC FLAIR & A.J. STYLES vs. HULK HOGAN & ABYSS

The bell rang with two minutes to go in the second hour. Hogan and Flair started the match. Flair chopped and punched Hogan. Hogan reversed Flair into the ropes and then backdropped him. Hogan gingerly dropped to ringside and shoved his head scarf into Flair's mouth in front of Brooke. He choked him with it next, and Flair was already bleeding again. Hogan bit Flair's bloody head. Hogan poked Flair in the eyes and continued to beat on him. They showed Brooke breaking into a smile and jumping up and down excitedly at the sight of her father doing well.

[Q9]

Abyss then tagged in and went after Flair on the ramp. Hogan threatened Styles with his weight lifting belt. Styles jumped to the floor. Abyss threw Flair into the ring where Hogan whipped him with it. Flair collapsed into the corner and Hogan stomped on him and then stood on his throat. The blood on Flair was really flowing. Flair gave Hogan a low-blow. Styles tagged in and went after Hogan's legs to set up a figure-four.
At 6:00 Abyss chokeslammed Styles. Abyss then chokeslammed Flair. Flair rolled to the floor where Hogan met him. Abyss held up his Hall of Fame Ring. Styles punched Abyss and knocked him into the corner. Abyss somehow went from 100 percent to drooping in the corner listless from a few Styles punches. That was awkward. Styles springboard clotheslined Abyss for a two count. Raw ended at this point. Hogan began no-selling Flair's chops, which looked weak. Abyss came back against Styles, also. Hogan went after Styles and whipped him into an Abyss Black Hole Slam for the finish.

WINNERS: Hogan & Abyss in 8:00.

STAR RATING: *1/4 -- A lot of smoke and mirrors to make Hogan and Flair look passable, but it was passable in most ways that matter.

-Afterward, Wolfe hit Abyss with a chair across his back. Hogan blocked a follow-up chairshot. Flair clipped Hogan's leg. They beat him down. The Pope came out for the save. Tenay said they had to cancel their scheduled match, apparently due to time constraints. When Pope was taken down by Styles, Jeff Hardy's music played. The crowd popped and Hardy ran to the ring, He attacked all three heels as the crowd went nuts. He gave a big DDT to Wolfe. "What an incredible night! What a monumental night! Thanks for being a part of history!" Taz said, "I told you Monday nights would never be the same." As Hardy climbed to the top rope, they cut to Spike TV's new comedy series, "The Player."

KELLER'S VIP LIVE BLOG: VIP members, for my random additional thoughts on this show updated throughout the program, click here. I'll be adding thoughts during commercial breaks regarding the content of the show and anything else that comes to mind that wouldn't necessarily fit in this TV report. I will also be monitoring the reader comments area under my blog and responding to any comments VIP members have during the show.

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