By B.J. Bethel, Torch Team Contributor

WWE Smackdown review
May 29, 2003
From Pensacola, Fla.

Best wishes to my brother, who had to make an "unfortunate" trip to the hospital this week.

They replayed the at the end of last week, featuring Hogan being counted out while Gowen was arrested.

1st Quarter Hour

(1) Nidia (w/Jamie Noble) pinned Torrie Wilson. (Interference from Noble) Sable decided she wanted to be the ring announcer for the match. Torrie was from "Loser-ville" USA (Oh boy, I wonder how long it took the writers to come up with that?) and weighs too much. They showed Zach Gowen standing in the crowd near ringside before the match started. Torrie took control to start, getting a quick roll up for a two count and knocking Noble off the apron at the same time. Nidia fired back with some chops and a suplex. Nidia then went after Torrie's knee, using her head to wrench it back as Sable looked on with approval. Nidia then wrapped her leg around the bottom rope before the ref forced her to break it. Torrie finally had enough and decided to give her a wet one, getting the ref wrapped up in the process. He raised his arms to the crowd on the middle rope. Nidia managed to roll up Torrie after the make out session. Taz then attacked Noble for no reason at ringside as Torrie pulled off Nidia's daisy dukes. Sable dumped a pitcher of water on Tazz as Torrie went after her up the ramp, limping, brandishing a water bottle. "All hell is breaking loose," exclaimed Michael Cole. "You're all on f***ing drugs," stated B.J. Bethel.

Vince showed up via limo, making the driver leave it in a handicap parking space. Make sure you tune in later, when Vince steals candy from a baby.

2nd Quarter Hour

They tested the lie detector on Stephanie McMahon. She got her name right, but balked when the guy asking the questions asked if she had ever cheated on her taxes.

They showed Team Angle backstage. Shelton said he didn't want to let Kurt down, especially since he's coming back next week.

Backstage, Eddie and Tajiri are hanging out. Eddie said Tajiri feels more and more like family everyday. He's wearing a Cheat 2 Win shirt and a bandana. Eddie wanted to walk to the ring, but apparently Tajiri stole some car keys so they have a ride. Eddie begins to tear up, "They grow up so fast!" At least they didn't have him saying "what‚s happening!!"

(2) Tajiri & Eddie Guerrero defeated Team Angle by DQ. Tajiri and Guerrero came to the ring in a low rider pick-up truck. Does Cadillac make a pick-up? Eddie worked the air bags as Tajiri hung on for dear life. Team Angle jumped the faces fast, beating both men down and sending Tajiri to the floor. Eddie regained control when the ref sent Benjamin out, letting him hit Haas with a back elbow. Haas came back with a back drop before tossing Eddie to the floor. After crawling back in, Benjamin tagged in and locked on a front face lock. Eddie managed to work out and tag in Tajiri, who worked over Benjamin with a kick and a 'rana. Tajiri managed to get a two count with a sunset flip, and then did rolled Benjamin around the ring by his legs. Tajiri went to a side headlock. Benjamin tried to counter with a back suplex, but Tajiri flipped out and both men knocked each other out when they both tried a kick.

3rd Quarter Hour

Back from the break, and Tajiri was getting worked over by both members of Team Angle. Haas caught Tajiri's leg, setting up an Enzuigiri, when Benjamin came in from behind and gave a stiff kick to the standing knee. Ouch. Lots of heat from the crowd on that one, as Tajiri writhed and screamed in pain as Haas worked over the leg. Ankle breaker by Haas, set Benjamin up for the tag and the double axe-handle on the knee coming in. Team Angle continued to work the knee of Tajiri over as Tajiri teased a tag to Eddie before getting cut off by Haas. Benjamin went for a side slam, which Tajiri reversed into a head-scissors takeover, and made the tag to Eddie. Eddie hit Benjamin with a monkey flip, sending him into Haas, and followed with clotheslines on both men. Haas tried suplexing Guerrero, but Guerrero countered out of it and hit his own rolling set of suplexes, setting up for the Frog Splash to a huge pop. He kicked Benjamin off and nailed the Splash, but Benjamin managed to make the save. Double-team spine buster/superkick by Team Angle on Eddie was broken up by Tajiri at 2. Eddie fought both guys off again as Tajiri went back to the corner. Double flapjack reversed to a double DDT on Team Angle by Eddie Guerrero, as the crowd chanted for Eddie. Tajiri tagged in and nailed Haas with several punches and a kick. Haas went back to the leg, but Tajiri countered with an enzuigiri. Tajiri went for a Tornado DDT, but Charlie Haas reversed into a Northern Lights suplex. Eddie made the save and got tossed as Tajiri nailed Haas with a superkick. Eddie went up top and nailed Benjamin with a monster plancha on the outside. Haven't seen that from Eddie in a while. Tajiri tried for his kick, but Haas ducked and locked on the Haas of Pain. The bell rings, Tajiri didn't tap, and Haas tried to get Hebner to raise his hand. Eddie had the belt, and got into a fight with Haas with it as the ref had his back turned to address the bell situation. Eddie let go, letting Haas fall with it, and then dropped down on his back. You can guess the rest. The finish was really over with the crowd. Tajiri and Guerrero hopped back into their low rider with the tag belts. Great match, even with the non-traditional ending.

Matthews interviewed Gowen in the crowd. Gowen said the charges against him were dropped. He stated concern over Mr. America's lie detector test. Hey, all we need is Arsenio Hall.

4th Quarter Hour

Vince came to the ring, where the table with the lie detector was set up. There were two plain-clothes police officers standing there to perform the test. Vince promised this would be the last night Mr. America is in the company. Vince went into his usual Al-Gorian type rant where he explains every single happening in the angle like he needs to spoon-feed everyone. Vince then pointed out Gowen in the crowd. Vince said after the lie detector test, he'll have a lot in common with Hogan; "you both won't have a leg to stand on." Alrighty.

Mr. America then came down. Hogan got in the ring and looked concern. Vince told Hogan he shouldn't feel picked on, because he makes all his corporate employees take the same test because "he can't stand a liar." They asked him if he was Mr. America; Hogan answered yes and got it right. They asked him if he was in a wrestling ring in Florida, he answered yes. Vince was losing patience and demanded he asked him "the" question. The cop asked if he was "Hulk Hogan," as a USA chant erupted. Hogan asked for a drink of water to stall. Vince then asked the question, Hogan answered no, and the machine registered correct. Vince went livid. They asked again, Hogan gave the same answer, and the machine liked what it... read. Mr. Officer said he passed the test as Zach looked on in amazement. Hogan celebrated as Vince looked on in shock. By the way, both cops are carrying some sweet Glocks. Vince wanted to see if it worked, and wanted it tested on himself. Vince then stated that there are reasons the tests are used in court. They asked him if he was Vince McMahon and if he was chairman of WWE. Vince got that right. Hogan then wanted to ask some questions. Hogan asked if he was the "biggest asshole on god's green earth." Vince answered no, and he failed. Hogan asked if he was a sick, perverted, power-hungry freak, and got it wrong again. Vince said he was a well respected businessman, the world over, got it wrong. Vince kept blowing questions. Vince said he was no pervert, and got that wrong. Hogan asked if Vince pleasured himself to Torrie's Playboy spread, Vince said it was a while ago, this morning, and finally got it right when he said he did in the limo on the way over. Vince said at least he hasn't fantasized about Mae Young, and got that wrong. Vince finally got mad and tried to leave. Hogan said that "Mr. America is telling the truth, and you're nothing but a liar." Vince tried to get in a punch, but Hogan laid him out.

5th Quarter Hour

Vince is in Stephanie's office and was irate. Vince told her to shut up and blamed her since she hired the detectives to do the Test and hired Mr. America in the first place. Vince told her that things would be changing next week, "for the better!"

(3) Sean O'Haire (w/Roddy Piper) pinned Chris Benoit. (Interference from Roddy Piper). Sean O'Haire is now hailing from Parts Unknown. Piper went over to the area Gowen was but couldn't find him. O'Haire got the quick jump on Benoit and worked him over with some blows, but Benoit caught him with a dragon screw leg whip and nailed him with some chops. A "muai thai" kick by O'Haire got a two count. O'Haire applied a head vice on Benoit and took him down onto the mat. Face breaker by O'Haire, but he missed a follow-up roundhouse kick and Benoit DDTed him. Both men were down on the mat as Piper began beating on the apron. O'Haire got up first, but Benoit caught him with some chops. Clothesline by O'Haire missed, and Benoit hit him with a German suplex for a two count. Neck breaker by Benoit for another two count. Benoit hit O'Haire with a running back elbow as Piper tried to get involved. Piper got into the ring and Benoit locked him in the CCF. O'Haire nailed Benoit in the back of the head with a running kick and grabbed the tights to get the three count. Really good while it lasted, except for the cheesy finish.

6th Quarter Hour

Rey cut a promo backstage. He talked about wrestling in California, his home state, but was interrupted by Matt Hardy. Rey gave him a shove and Matt snuck in a cheap low-blow to the groinular region. Tazz mentioned Rey's groin injury, so they are using at as a storyline now.

Highlight package featuring Kurt Angle and his recovery from neck surgery, all set to Coldplay. Footage of him in the hospital with his daughter are shown, as well as a lot of black and white footage of him sitting in a wrestling ring, mixed with some scenes from his matches. There is no way they can air a package like this and expect him to come back heel. If they do the double-turn with him, they might as well forget ever using him as a babyface again.

7th Quarter Hour

Highlight package featuring Ultimo Dragon is shown.

(4) Danny & Doug Basham pinned Rikishi & Spanky. (Usual heel tag work from the Bashams). They hail the Bashams as from Columbus, Ohio. Doug Basham is the nephew of OVW trainer Danny Davis. Danny wrestled as Damaja in OVW. Rikishi and Doug started off, with Rikishi taking Doug off his feet with a shoulder block before tossing him out. Danny tried to run in but got taken down. Spanky tagged in and hit Doug with a flying elbow and Danny with a spinning heel kick. Danny tripped Spanky up from the apron, letting Doug drop a leg drop on him. Danny in and he hit a body slam and an elbow. Doug tagged in and used a body slam to score a two count. Standing head vice applied by Doug, and Spanky arm dragged out of it and followed with another spinning heel kick. Rikishi came in off the hot tag and splashed both men in the corner and gave them a double stink face. Rikishi tagged Spanky, who went for a monkey flip, but Danny held onto Doug and Doug used the ropes to get the three count in an upset.

Vince went to his limo as it was getting towed. Vince got in anyway, and Zach knocked on the window to let him know it was against the law to park in a handicap zone.

Nunzio came out with the mic as Brock Lesnar and the Undertaker awaited the FBI in the ring. He said he wasn't going to be in the handicap match. They showed footage of 'Taker tossing him to the floor last week. His replacement was Big Show, who pushed the FBI to the side as he came down the aisle. They then went to a break.

At the end of one quarter, S.A. and Dallas are tied at 22.

(5) Big Show & Chuck Palumbo & Johnny Stamboli defeated Brock Lesnar & Undertaker. (Usual heel tag interference, as well as interference from Nunzio on the outside.) 'Taker and Palumbo started off, with 'Taker working him over before Palumbo blocked a corner charge with an elbow. Palumbo them stomped 'Taker down in the corner, but had his Irish whip reversed, allowing 'Taker to hit a flying clothesline. Lesnar tagged in, but interference from the FBI kept him from getting in much offense. Stamboli came into the ring and whipped Lesnar to the corner, but Lesnar fired out with a shoulder tackle. Suplex by Lesnar, and Brock stomped Bull in the corner before tagging back out. 'Taker called an obvious spot, then hit a Mafia kick and dropped an elbow for a two count. Body slam by 'Taker, who then went for another elbow but missed. Stamboli went for a body drop, but 'Taker countered with a DDT for two as Palumbo ran in to make the save. Show finally tagged in. Show then signaled to Brock, who was hopping back and forth on the apron. Show tried to push him off into the corner, but Lesnar came firing right out. Lesnar caught him in the corner with some shoulder blows, but Show came back with a clothesline to take him off his feet. Show tried dropping a leg, but Lesnar managed to get out of the way. Lesnar tried three clotheslines to take Show down, but ended up using a flying forearm to do it. Big pop as Lesnar went for the F 5 on Show, but the FBI ran in to break it up. Lesnar tossed most of the heels, but Show caught him with the choke slam. 'Taker broke up the pinfall attempt. Lesnar ended up outside as the FBI worked him over. 'Taker tried to intervene, but was cut off by the ref. Brock Lesnar playing the babyface in peril!? I would have never imagined. Stamboli and Palumbo work in a double team and toss him to Show on the outside, who rammed him into the ring post. Undertaker tried coming after them with the ring steps, but the ref cut him off again. Nothing fancy, but a pretty high-paced match considering those involved. Make-a-wish by Stamboli and Palumbo on Lesnar, but Lesnar came back with a clothesline on Stamboli after the double team. Hot tags made to Show and Undertaker, and 'Taker made running clotheslines on both Palumbo and Show on opposite corners. He cut Bull off on a clothesline and gave him the snake-eyes in the corner. Undertaker tossed Palumbo and Stamboli, but Show was there to greet him with a clothesline. Show saw his slam reversed into a dragon sleeper, and that was broken up by Nunzio with a chair shot. 'Taker gave him a choke slam, but he got attacked by Stamboli. Lesnar managed to make the tag in there, and he gave F 5's to both Stamboli and Palumbo. Show came back in and nailed Lesnar with a choke slam to get the three count. Slickly booked match, but having 'Taker take the pinfall in his first match back would be a nice surprise instead of letting you champ take it.

Notes: Outside of the cruisers, Eddie, and Benoit; this show is Raw. That's the only way to explain it. The Hogan/Vince/Piper angle has the show by the throat, and its hard for anything else around it to really shine when they dedicate twenty-plus minutes to a stupid lie detector test... I haven't seen O'Haire since his WCW days, so I was fairly impressed with how he looked. Of course, if you can't look good against Benoit, you have to be a corpse or Billy Gunn... It looks like they are planning on keeping Eddie and Tajiri together for the long haul. That's good news for the tag division, but bad news for anyone that was hoping the Chavo injury would lead to him getting a singles push... The crowd was into most of everything tonight and really bit hard into the finish of the tag title match, so you can bet we'll be seeing more of that from here on out.)

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