By Wade Keller, PWTorch editor

KELLER'S WWE SMACKDOWN REPORT
NOVEMBER 27, 2009
TAPED IN BRIDGEPORT, CONN.
AIRED ON MY NETWORK TV

[Q1]

-They opened with a video package on Survivor Series. Then the Smackdown opening montage aired.

-Todd Grisham introduced the show as the camera panned the crowd and immediately transitioned into hyping the TLC pay-per-view. He also plugged Batista vs. Kane as the PPV main event.

-Chris Jericho made his full ring intro, carrying a title belt on each shoulder. He used some big words to insult fans, with some Thanksgiving dinner hangover references (confusing fans in the arena who were 48 hours away from Thanksgiving dinner). He criticized them for cheering DX. He said Dec. 13 isn't going to be the beginning of the DX championship reign, but instead is the countdown to the end of him having to deal with DX. He managed to take a very long time to explain that DX had never been in a TLC match, DX had never held the tag titles, and he is the best at what he does. He said G.M. Teddy Long "pro-verbally" slaps him time after time when he books World Title matches without him in it time after time. He said he is the Face of Smackdown and he deserves to be the no. 1 contender more than anyone else. That brought Long out onto the stage.

Jericho told Long that he should give him whatever he wants. "Is that right?" asked Long, who then said he'd give Jericho what he wants. "Finally, Mr. Long, you have made a smart decision," Jericho said, assuming he would be inserted into the World Title match. Long said he has it wrong, as instead he'll go one-on-one with the World Champion, the Undertaker, in a non-title match. Matt Striker said Jericho must do what he's never done before, and that is defeat the Undertaker. Jericho complained as they cut to a break. [c]

[Q2]

1 -- CRYME TYME vs. THE HART DYNASTY (w/Natalya)

Grisham said D.H. Smith claims to be the best technical wrestler in WWE. That's code for "boring." Striker was obsessed with CT's "controversial footwear," a throwback of sorts to when every territory had a wrestler with a "loaded boot." Shad hit a second rope flying shoulder at 4:00 for a near fall, broken up by Tyson. Shad clotheslined Tyson out of the ring, but Smith then gave Shad his finishing "Saito Bomb" suplex for the win.

WINNER: Hart Dynasty at 5:00.

STAR RATING: 3/4* -- Eh. Pretty forgettable.

-Backstage Long met with John Morrison, congratulating him with his performance at Survivor Series. Morrison said he'd love a shot at Miz, Sheamus, or Drew McIntyre one-on-one. Vickie Guerrero interrupted and said since Vince McMahon appointed her the official consultant for Smackdown - meaning she must be consulted before title contenders are picked - she'd like to official nominate her man, Eric Escobar. Long said her man doesn't deserve a title opportunity. Vickie said he's "young, vibrant, sexy." Morrison said her standards just keep getting lower and lower. Vickie threatened to call Vince McMahon. Long got worried, since he's on probation, and said he'd give her what she wanted, but he won't bend the rules for her boyfriend. Vickie and Escobar kissed. Morrison smiled and said, "This is going to be fun."

-They showed C.M. Punk headed to the entrance tunnel. [c]

-WWE Fact: WWE television programming is translated into 30 languages worldwide.

-Punk walked to the ring with a brown paper bag and "a mystery guest." They inserted a clip of R-Truth pouring a garbage can of beer and pills and cigarette butts on him. That's just mean no matter how pretentious Punk is. Punk said last week he extended a hand to the WWE Universe "in a much-needed intervention." He said medical science has proven that pills are harmful. He said these products are harmful, and even the Surgeon General says so. He said he is on a crusade as long as there are people who need help and change in their lives.

[Q3]

Punk said one person in particular needed his help. He introduced Luke Gallos. Punk revealed that he is the former "Festus." He said that was a lifetime ago, "and a lifetime he'd just as soon forget." He said it was a life of torturous drug abuse and neglect. He said it started like it always does, with one pain killer to take the edge off. One turns to two, two turns to four, four turns to eight. He said his family enabled him, and he was rotting from the inside out. He said then he helped him just as he could help all of the fans. "Trust me, this is just a start," he said. He held up a brown bag and said on Dec. 1, a very dangerous addictive new drug hits the streets. He said it scares him because it's a socially acceptable over-the-counter drug available widely all over the world. He said it's more dangerous than alcohol, unfiltered cigarettes, or any prescription pills. He pulled it out - Jeff Hardy's DVD. The crowd cheered. So much for WWE taking a relatively low-key approach to pushing this. He called the DVD "garbage" and told fans, as difficult as it might be to deprogram their brains, "just say no" to buying the DVD. Finally Matt Hardy interrupted.

Hardy said Punk preaches to the fans like he's some sort of cult leader. He said what he didn't get about Jeff is that he's a free spirit. He said, "Sure, he has flaws, but we all do, even you." He said he only demonized him because Jeff wouldn't follow his "rhetoric and nonsense." Matt said he doesn't really know anything about Jeff. Punk said he knows Jeff would be better off if he didn't "live for the moment" and listened to what he preached. This is still such an odd gimmick, because everything Punk says is right yet fans are encouraged to boo him and cheer people destroying their health and their lives. They try to sell it as Punk being "overly preachy and self-righteous," and that's true to a point, but at some point a babyface needs to acknowledge that Punk message is right and people shouldn't smoke or abuse drugs, but they're objection is to how he goes about delivering his message. Otherwise, it comes across as being a gimmick meant to turn fans against those who take a stand in favor of drug testing and against drug abuse. The whole thing is just strange. The bell rang to start the Punk-Hardy match as they cut to a break. [c]

2 -- C.M PUNK (w/Luke Gallos) vs. MATT HARDY

At 5:00, with Hardy on a roll, Gallos interfered for the DQ. He snapped Hardy's neck into the second rope with a catapult, and then pummeled him with punches. He also held him up so Punk could give him a reverse sidekick to the gut. Punk gave Hardy a running knee into the corner, then elbowed him on the mat a few times. Gallos then applied a full nelson from the front and then slammed Hardy hard to the mat.

WINNER: Hardy via DQ at 5:00.

STAR RATING: 1/2* -- Only a couple minutes aired, so tough to really get a full fledged match in. Festus always showed potential, so the new version minus the drug induced stupor might take better advantage of his overall skills, look, and presence.

[Q4] [c]

-Striker hyped that Morrison would defend the IC Title against Escobar later on the show. They showed Grisham and Striker at ringside. They threw to Michelle McCool's take on "Old McDonald" calling Mickie a pig because, you know, she's "sooooo fat" by WWE's strip-club picture of what all women on TV should look like. At least, unlike with Vickie, it's a heel picking on the "fat girl" instead of the other way around, which was just horrible since they were encouraging kids to "laugh at the fat lady."

-Josh Matthews interviewed Mickie, who said she belongs in WWE and worked very hard to get there, and "I'm not leaving Smackdown."

-A video package aired on Jeff Hardy "pushing the limits" including testimonials by WWE wrestlers such as Matt and Morrison. [c]

3 -- BATISTA vs. KANE -- No. 1 Contender to World Title match

A brief video package aired before the match on the Raw angle that set up this unfortunate rematch. They had a staredown after the bell rang. Kane grabbed Batista's throat. Batista knocked his arm away and bailed out to ringside. He yanked Kane to the floor and bashed him into the edge of the ring barrier.

[Q5]

Back in the ring Kane made a comeback at 2:00. Batista stopped him with an eye rake. A heavily breathing Batista settled into a chinlock at 3:00. They cut to a break at 5:00. [c] Batista was working over Kane's leg after the break, wrapping it around the ringpost and then applying a leg hold mid-ring. Kane made a comeback at 11:00 and hit Batista with a big boot to the face for a near fall. Striker said Kane needed to win right there because his leg is so weakened. Kane leaped off the top rope, but Batista ducked. Kane came up lame. Batista speared Kane for a two count. Kane came back and again climbed the top rope. This time he hit the clothesline. He stood and set up a chokeslam. Batista finally stood, but he dropped Kane over the top turnbuckle. Then he stomped the mat and signaled for the Batista Bomb. Kane punched out of it and chokeslammed Kane. Batista draped his leg over the bottom rope to stop the count. At 13:00 the action spilled to the floor. Batista hit Kane in the leg with a chair and then beat the count in the ring. Kane was counted out.

WINNER: Batista in 14:00 via countout.

STAR RATING: * -- With all of the short matches in the WWE Universe, they pick Kane and Batista to go 14 minutes? Is that a cruel joke? They put in a strong effort, but you'd have to watch at 2X speed to not have grown impatient with the lumbering pace of everything. They're just a bad fit for one another as they don't mask each other's weaknesses at all, yet also don't play into their strengths. They're both better working against wrestlers who create more movement and can take big bumps.

-Grisham plugged Undertaker vs. Jericho.

[Q6] [c]

-Vickie Guerrero stepped onto the stage and exclaimed, "Excuse me! Excuse me!" She then introduced her man "with great excitement," calling him the future Intercontinental Champion.

4 -- JOHN MORRISON vs. ERIC ESCOBAR (w/Vickie Guerrero) -- Intercontinental Title match

Vickie interfered early, yanking Morrison off the ring apron, opening up Escobar to getting some cheap shots in on him. At 2:00 Morrison made a comeback and quickly hit Starship Pain for the clean win.

WINNER: Morrison in 2:00.

STAR RATING: 1/2* -- It's hard to take Escobar seriously when he loses a title match in two minutes, but it's not like he's shown enough in the ring where it's a crime to not feature him in a ten minute match at this point without risking losing a lot of viewers.

-Afterward, Vickie didn't look happy. She freaked out at Escobar, screeching her disgust with him. "Don't you know who I am!?" she asked. She slapped Escobar, said she was done with him, and walked away. Striker wondered what this meant for Escobar and Vickie's future together. [c]

[Q7]

-Escobar walked up behind Vickie backstage. She told him to get out of his sight and said he makes her sick. Escobar said he'll get out of her sight because she makes him sick. He said every time he holds her he has to go wash his hands. He said every time he hugs her, it makes him want to peel the skin off of his body. "Every time I kiss, you I gotta wash my mouth with disinfectant," he said. "In other words, Vickie, it's not worth it. We are done." Vickie huffed and puffed and fumed.

-Grisham and Striker threw to a video package of Raw highlights featuring Jesse Ventura. Batista walked out to join Grisham and Striker at ringside for the main event. [c]

-Ring intros took place for the main event. Grisham congratulated Batista on his win earlier. Batista completely ignored him.

[Q8]

5 -- CHRIS JERICHO vs. UNDERTAKER

Further attempts to get "guest commentator" Batista to comment were unsuccessful. At 1:00 Undertaker walked the top rope and came off with a forearm. Taker knocked Jericho to the floor where he rolled into the announce table. Taker eyed Batista as they cut to a break. [c] Taker was in control after the break, beating on Jericho while also glancing toward Batista repeatedly. Taker gave Jericho a guillotine legdrop off the ring apron. Batista stood, so Taker walked up to him. Batista slowly sat back down with a smirk. Jericho came back and hit a second rope dropkick for a two count at 8:00. He settled into a super-loose chinlock that allowed Taker to obviously move his chin around with space between Jericho's arm and his throat. The faces Taker made didn't hide how sloppy it looked. Batista looked perturbed when Striker talked about Batista's likely reaction to what he was watching. Grisham told Striker to be careful. Jericho hit a dropkick that came up a foot short, which Grisham then called "perfectly timed." Talk about overcompensating. Jericho went back to that harmless looking, loosely-applied mat hold, then shifted into a more traditional and tightly-applied sleeper. Much better. Taker stood and slipped out and then back suplexed Jericho. Taker hit Jericho with punches and a corner splash, then dropped him face-first over the top rope. He followed with a legdrop for a two count. He signaled for a chokeslam and the crowd cheered, but Jericho elbowed out. Jericho followed up with a bulldog and then hit a Lionsault. He was slow to make the cover, so Taker sat up and grabbed Jericho by the throat. After a chokeslam, Taker sliced his throat with his thumb and lifted Jericho for a Tombstone. Batista interfered, prompting a DQ.

WINNER: Undertaker via DQ at 12:00.

STAR RATING: ** -- Just okay. Not a great style match here, either.

-Afterward Batista bashed Undertaker's back repeatedly with a chair. When Taker stood, Batista bashed him with a hand-protected chairshot to the skull. Striker hyped that in two weeks Batista would face Undertaker and could become the World Champion once again.

QUOTEBOOK

C.M. Punk on Jeff Hardy's "My Life, My Rules" DVD: "What an appropriate title for a loser who destroyed his life and his career living by his rules."

C.M. Punk: "What I know about Jeff is if he listened to me and searched and found the Straight Edge in himself instead of living for the moment, he'd have more of a future crawl out of a bottle."

Matt Striker: "Why is everyone against C.M. Punk. Punk is just giving an admirable service free of charge telling people how to live their lives."

Todd Grisham: "How do you beat John Morrison? So few Superstars have figured out how to do that."

Matt Striker in response: "Pinfall. Submission."

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