TV REPORTS WILKENFELD'S TNA IMPACT REPORT 11/26: Ongoing "virtual time" coverage of Spike TV broadcast
Nov 26, 2009 - 8:10:15 PM
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By: Daniel Wilkenfeld, PWTorch Contributor
I'm going tonight with very limited DVR accessibility.
Where We've Been: Last week, Hulk Hogan, after weeks of build up, wasn't there. Sting, after a single week of buildup, wasn't there either. The show was still pretty decent though, furthering the AJ-Daniels feud and having Kurt Angle subtly picking a fight with AJ while continuing his issues with Desmond Wolfe. That was about it. Tonight's show features an odd tournament between Abyss, Lashley, Wolfe, Suicide, Angle, D'Angelo Dinero, Homicide, and Robert Roode. The winner will get a title shot in "his division" (what division is Dinero in? Shouldn't he get to pick?), and, sadly, no one will have to wear a turkey suit. That's a shame, cause I was really looking forward to Steiner donning the feathers and gullet. (New TNA fans should go back to reviews of Thanksgivings past to catch up on the downright bizarre tradition that was the TNA annual Turkey Bowl). On an unrelated note, I'm a bit behind on WWE TV, but seriously—Sheamus? Is that the same guy whose debut I saw on ECW a while back and whose matches I've skipped ever since? I was just checking.
The Show: Is Mick the Turkey?
We start off with the opening match of the tournament. They show the brackets, and if you go back to the list in the last paragraph it turns out that I listed the competitors by their place in the brackets.
(1) ABYSS vs. LASHLEY (w/CRISTAL)
Lashley tries to charge Abyss , but bounces off. Lashley's able to get Abyss into the corner, where he lays in with strikes. The ref pulls him off, and Abyss explodes out of the corner with a clothesline. Apparently Dinero and Roode are both going for heavyweight shots, which seems especially odd in Roode's case. Abyss chokes Lashley against the corner. Lashley gets up firing, but Abyss no sells them and locks in a Neck Vise. Abyss works the Bear Hug, which Lashley sells the hell out of. Lashley escapes with some short head butts and trips Abyss neck-first onto the ropes. He follows up with a series of clotheslines. Abyss creates some distance with a back elbow but then runs right into the Spine Buster. Lashley clotheslines Abyss out of the ring. When he follows him out and Abyss goes to punch him, he catches Cristal on the back stroke. He rolls Lashley into the ring, then realizes what he's done. He freaks out, which gives Lashley the opportunity to take him down with a Spear and finish him off with a Dragon Sleeper. Cristal gets up, and I'm not sure whether she's selling the ankle or just has difficulty jumping in high heels—I'm pretty sure it's the latter.
JB is in Mick's office, trying to convince him that he shouldn't be worried about Hogan coming. Mick's not happy about the secretive signing of Hogan—JB's not sure whether he's talking about the press conference in Madison Square Garden or the radio appearances. Mick points out that even Bubba the Love Sponge listeners knew before he did. He knows the dirty underside of this business, and this doesn't feel right. If there's one person who does know the dark side of the business it's Kurt Angle, so that who Mick's going to talk to.
(2) DESMOND WOLFE vs. SUICIDE
Wolfe starts off with a bit of chain wrestling as the crowd reminds him that he tapped out. He hits a cool single-underhook Suplex, but when he tries to follow up with the wrist lock Suicide flips out. Wolfe knocks him down to the mat, sets him up in the corner, and hits a downright brutal running back elbow for two. Wolfe locks in something that resembles a Tazmission. Suicide starts to slip out, so Wolfe yanks him back into a shoulder block, then locks it in again. Suicide powers out and connects with a clothesline a dropkick. He hits an Oklahoma Roll, and smoothly goes to the apron to come back with a Slingshot Leg Drop for two. Wolfe goes to the corner, where he dodges a charge and whacks Suicide in the back of the head. He sets up for the Tower of London, but Suicide slips out. Wolfe looks for his running back elbow again, but gets cut off by a Thrusting Dropkick. Suicide gets whipped into the corner, but dodges a charge himself. He goes to the top rope, but gets caught by a really sloppy Tower of London for the kill.
WINNER: Desmond Wolfe. That could have been better, but was certainly watchable.
We're zooming through these matches, as we're ready for the next one.
(3) D'ANGELO ("THE POPE") DINERO vs. KURT ANGLE
Wow—somebody drew the short straw. Kurt starts with a side headlock, but Dinero is able to take him over with an Arm Drag. Angles charges into another, which Dinero transitions ino an arm bar. Angle reverses into a wrist lock, but Dinero slips out and comes off the ropes with a high octane shoulder block. Dinero comes off the ropes again, but this time right into a Belly-to-Belley Suplex. A Vertical Suplex from Angle gets two. Angle works the chin lock; the Pope powers out, so Angle shoots him into the corner. The Pope comes back firing with strikes, but Angle somehow slips beside him and straight into a pair of German Suplexes. Before he can hit the trifeecta Dinero goes behind and nails one of his own. Dinero looks for a second. Angle slips out, but gets taken down with an STO for a long two count. Dinero continues the beat down, taking Angle to the ropes and leaping through them (putting his weight on Angle's neck). Angle rolls into the corner, where Dinero hits his delayed Elbow Drop. He looks for the DDE, but Kurt rolls out of the way and picks an ankle. Dinero kicks him off, but then gets up right into an Olympic Slam.
WINNER: Kurt Angle. That was almost a star-making performance for Dinero as he hung in with Angle. Angle agrees, as he shakes Dinero's hand after the match. Since when does an Olympic Slam keep down anyone?
Mick goes into what was the Main Event Mafia's locker room, and seems confused that Booker and Sting aren’t there. Kurt tells Mick that Hogan is coming to make the company better, and that Mick needs to embrace that. Dixie Carter was fairly clear on that point. Mick hopes that whomever Hogan's bringing with him is as cool. Angle doesn't know what Mick's talking about. When Mick reminds him about Kevin's comments last week, Kurt says that Mick's mistake was ever believing Kevin Nash.
(4) HOMICIDE vs. ROBERT ROODE
Roode is, contra what Tenay said earlier, wrestling for the tag division. Homicide ambushes Roode from behind. Roode briefly creates some distance, so Homicide rolls to the outside and yanks Roode out with him. He rakes Roode's back and kicks his head. He rolls Roode back in and kicks him in the side of the head. He charges Roode in the corner and works some quick strikes. Roode suddenly comes back with a series of chops out of nowhere, so Homicide whips him into the corner. Homicide stomps on him, and locks in the oddly dull Asiatic Spike. Roode gets away but bounces back into a Spinning Elbow. Roode reverses an Irish Whip, but lowers his head too soon and gets nailed with a kick. Homicide tries to finish him off with a Gringo Cutter but gets tossed off. Roode gets him with a Decapitator Clothesline and a huge Tilt-a-Whirl Back Breaker for two. Homicide gets a questionably low blow and goes for a Gringo Killer. Its reversed into a Payoff attempt, which is re-reversed into a Cutter attempt, which Roode fights off. Homicide bounces back into a Spine Buster by Roode for the kill.
WINNER: Robert Roode. All of these matches have been great examples of lightning fast action.
After the match, Homicide spits at the assistant producer and starts hurling chairs around.
JB is in the back with Kurt Angle, who's happy to face Robert Roode. He's one of the people who changed his opinion of this company. Kurt never expected to be handed anything, but he's looking forward to winning his way back to the World Heavyweight Championship. He'll beat Robert Roode, and then he'll beat the winner of Lashley vs. Wolfe. He hopes its Wolfe though, since he's licking his chops at the prospect of beating him again.
(5) TRACI BROOKS vs. HAMADA vs. ALISSA FLASH vs. VELVET SKY vs. LACEY VON ERICH vs. MADISON RAYNE vs. SARITA vs. TAYLOR WILDE vs. TARA vs. DAFFNEY Battle Royal, with special guest enforcer ODB for the #1 contendership
Taz makes an inappropriate reference to Von Erich's "ugly stick". Hamada takes Daffney out and over right to start. Flash tries to take out Traci, but Traci lands on the apron. Flash tries to fight her off, but Wilde and Sarita sneak up behind her and toss her over; Flash lands on the apron as well. She continues to fight Traci, until both are simultaneously dropkicked to the floor by Wilde and Sarita. They continue at each other's throats from the ground.
[Commercial Break—we see Tara eliminating Von Erich during their cutaway to the show.]
The Beautiful People are working over Sarita, and flip her over the rope. Hamada shoots Wilde off into the corner. Wilde catches her with a Leg Scissors and takes her over, but accidentally falls out herself. The Beautiful People are beating Tara around the ring, but when Rayne charges Tara Back Body Drops her over the top. Rayne lands on the apron, but when Sky charges Tara steps aside and knocks Rayne off. Sky briefly holds her own, and even tries to hurl Tara out. Tara reverses and tosses Velvet Sky to the apron. Sky connects with a shoulder thrust, but when she tries to come back in with a Spingboard-something Tara meets her with a Superkick to take her out.
WINNER: Tara. ODB raises her hand, but when Tara looks to share a swig of ODB's flask, ODB doesn't seem all that impressed by Tara.
JB is in the back with Eric Young and Kevin Nash. JB asks Nash why Young's belt is not potentially on the line against any of the participants in tonight's tournament. Nash accuses JB of having a big man fetish, and suggests he ask the champ. EY says that that sort of discrimination is what he faces every day in this country. But JB is right—he defends his title only when he says so.
Hulk Hogan says that where he goes the fans go, and the talent isn't far behind.
Mick Foley is in the back trying to get Dixie Carter on the phone. He has to give up when he hears Steiner yelling at one of the prop ladies for not making more MEM jackets. Mick asks Steiner about Hogan, but Steiner said that he didn’t date the man. He asks Mick to think of the smartest guy he knows—they bleep out Mick's answer, but Steiner says that Hogan is like that times ten. Mick asks who Hogan is coming in with. Steiner asks where he heard that Hogan wouldn't be alone. When he says that he got it from Nash, Steiner admits that it has to be true, since Nash never lies. Mick figured as much and leaves, while Steiner goes back to yelling at the prop lady for questioning his design for a MEM jacket just because it spelled "mafia" with two "f"s.
Foley finds Kevin backstage. Nash sees Foley's brown paper bag and thinks that it's his money, but it's really only Mick's lunch. Nash makes more than Mick thought he did, and with all his money tied up in TNA shares and his charity work in Africa, he can't give Nash the money. Nash agrees to give him one name—Virgil. Mick asks if Hulk's really bringing Virgil in, but of course he isn't. Nash runs a couple other fakes by Mick. Mick asks explicitly about Scott Hall, who Nash acknowledges would make sense, but that he hadn't thought of that. He then just tells Mick that when Hogan drops him more info he'll pass it along. After Mick leaves he rolls his eyes.
(6) BOBBY LASHLEY (w/CRISTAL) vs. DESMOND WOLFE
Taz and Tenay argue over Wolfe-Angle was obviously the match of the year. Lashley locks in a Full Nelson, which I guess he picked up from his experience with the Master Lock Challenge. Wolfe just walks over to the ropes and gets the break. Wolfe tries for a wrist lock, but it's immediately reversed into one by Lashley. Wolfe tries to flip out, but Lashley hangs on. He tries to roll into some sort of choke, but Lashley still holds on, and knocks Wolfe off. An attempt to transition into a side headlock doesn't work well either. Wolfe backs Lashley into the ropes, but as the ref breaks it up Wolfe connects with a cheap shot elbow to the face. He locks in that Tazmission-y thing, but Lashley powers out quickly. They trade hammerlocks, but when Lashley ends up near the ropes Wolfe kicks them up into Lashley's throat. He goes for another running back elbow, but Lashley dodges and connects with a Spear. Lashley connects with an Inverted Shock Treatment and a Full Nelson Slam, but Wolfe kicks out after a long two count. Lashley picks Wolfe up and is about to get a Dragon Sleeper when Wolfe wrenches Lashley's arm and brings him to the mat. Wolfe goes for the Tower of London, but Lashley drops to his feet and right into the Dragon Sleeper. Wolfe gets over to the ropes, and when Lashley breaks his hold Wolfe locks in one of his own, wrapping Lashley's arm around the ring rope. Wolfe taunts into the camera, but in so doing loses track of the five count and gets himself disqualified.
WINNER: Bobby Lashley by DQ—lame.
Lauren is in the back with Lashley and Cristal. Cristal says that whether it's MMA or TNA, no one can stomp Bobby, and then he'll write his own future. She's not great on the mic, but she's a huge step up from him.
(7) KURT ANGLE vs. ROBERT ROODE
Angle starts things off with a shoulder block on Roode, but Roode bounces right up. Angle backs Roode up into the corner and starts hitting straight right hands. Roode blocks one and comes back with a few of his own. He shoots Angle off into the ropes, misses the Back Body Drop but connects with the Reverse Neck Breaker for two. A Body Slam and a Leg Drop get two more. Roode Snapmares Angle down and floats over into another Neck Breaker. Before he can capitalize Angle flings him out of the ring. Kurt follows Roode out and bangs his head into the steel steps. He rolls him back in for a cover that barely gets two. A Suplex gets two more, so Angle locks into a reverse gut-wrench. Roode powers out but gets taken back down with the Belly-to-Belly Suplex for two. Angle Snapmares Roode back down and locks in a Body Scissors. Roode gets out, but Kurt transitions into a chin lock. Roode fights out of that two. Angle shoots him into the corner, but he gets his boot up and gets his float over Neck Breaker off the middle rope. Both men are down for seven, then fight to their knees, and eventually their feet. Roode gets the advantage, connecting with a big flying forearm for two. Angle suddenly picks an ankle, but Roode kicks him off. Kurt bounces back off the ropes and into a Spine Buster, but this time it only gets two. He looks for a Payoff, but Kurt slips out and connects with a German Suplex. Angle stalks Roode for an Olympic Slam, but it's reversed into an Arm Drag. Angle dodges a charge and connects right away with another Olympic Slam, but this one only gets two. Desmond Wolfe comes down to ringside and spits in Kurt's face. Angle goes to beat him up, and does so for about nine seconds before realizing that he should charge back to the ring. He makes it by 11, but that doesn't count.
WINNER: Robert Roode by count out. That BS ending made more sense, though it did make the other one retroactively less silly.
Here's AJ Styles, mic in hand. He hits the ring. The crowd is glad to see him. He's here to talk about one thing, but before he does he wants to ask Stinger to give him a call—no one's heard from him in a while and he's a concerned friend. Daniels's music hits, and he joins AJ in the ring. He's thrilled that AJ and Sting are such good friends, but isn't sure that Sting knows that AJ's friendship costs more than it's worth. No one knows that better than Daniels. With all the support Daniels's given AJ, AJ became World Champion. But what did AJ's friendship ever get him? Where was AJ when he was out of this company for 16 months? AJ points out that he called every day, but Daniels doesn't want to hear it. He says that with all AJ's stroke he could have made one phone call to bring him back. AJ starts to say that he did, but Daniels cuts him off. It doesn't matter now, since he's back. He finally got his shot at the World Heavyweight Championship, and he had Joe beat with the BME. Then AJ went and stole the cover. The crowd tells Daniels to shut the hell up, but he thinks that they're just upset to hear the truth. He understands why AJ did it though—they both know that Daniels is the better wrestler. That's why AJ became his best friend—so that he wouldn't be his worst enemy. Well now they are enemies, and AJ's friendship won't shackle Daniels anymore. He wants AJ and tell his kids that Uncle Chris is sorry, but someone had to put daddy in his place. AJ says that he's not going to do that, cause someday they'll grow up and understand what Uncle Chris was all about. At Final Resolution though, Chris will be finding out what AJ Styles is all about. Both leave the ring peaceably.
Lauren is in the back with Beer Money. Roode says that he respects Lashley, but as the only representative of the tag division this is his one chance to get back at The British Invasion. He suggests that Lashley bring his best, since it pays to be Roode.
We recap Hogan's signing. Hulk Hogan signed with TNA. Next week Dixie Carter will update us on the direction of TNA and the role of Hulk Hogan.
(8) ROBERT ROODE vs. BOBBY LASHLEY (w/CHRISTAL) #1 Contender's Match for the Tag Team and/or World Heavyweight Championship
Lashley backs Roode into a corner, but grants the clean break. He connects with a sudden gut wrench and tries to turn it into the Dragon Sleeper, but Roode is right by the ropes. Roode gets a side headlock. Lashley shoots him off into the ropes; they trade leapfrogs, with Lashley eventually connecting for the advantage. He connects with a Body Slam and an Elbow Drop. He shoots Roode off into the corner; Roode tries to float over, but gets caught in position for a Power Slam. He slips out and shoves Lashley into the ring post. He yanks Lashley down to the mat.
Lashley is fighting off his knees when we get back. The crowd seems moderately excited by what they've been seeing. Roode takes Lashley into the corner and connects with some chops. He continues work on the left arm, taking Lashley down with a weak looking Fujiwara Arm Bar. Lashley is able to reach out his leg to the rope to break the hold. Lashley tries to punch his way back into it, but Roode takes him back down. He suddenly ducks clothesline and connects with a Full Nelson Slam. He hits a few clotheslines of his own. He takes Roode up for a Back Breaker, but Roode slips out and takes Lashley down with an Arm Bar Takedown for two. Roode looks for a Payoff, but Lashley hoists him up with a standing Back Body Drop. Lashley charges Roode in the corner, but Roode dodges. Roode connects with the Pay Off, but it only gets two. Lashley charges at him; he gets a boot up, but when Roode tries for the float over Neck Breaker Lashley dodges and connects with the Spear for the 1-2-3.
WINNER: Bobby Lashley.
Where We're Going: Lashley, really? Bleh. Thankfully they didn't say when that title shot would happen. Come to think of it, there's no way they let him win it yet, so this might be for the best if the bookers can get a Lashley title shot out of their system early. In the meanwhile, I'll look forward to Styles-Daniels and Angle-Wolfe II.
Star of the Night: D'Angelo Dinero. Angle gave him a decent rub before crushing him.
Overall:I've always liked theme shows, and particularly tournaments. None of the matches were great, but I didn't think any were bad. I can't remember the last time they did a show with only one promo segment; if they were only going to have one then AJ-Daniels was a pretty darned good choice. I'm not thrilled about Lashley winning, but other than that this was a fun enough show. B+
Daniel is a graduate instructor at The Ohio State University. The winner of the last trivia challenge operates under the name "Drunkess Kayfabian", and suggests that Bam Bam Bigelow's manager was called a handler. Suggestions for future trivia challenges can be sent to firstname.lastname@example.org
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