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WILKENFELD'S TNA IMPACT REPORT 11/12: Ongoing "virtual time" coverage of Spike TV broadcast

Nov 12, 2009 - 8:06:15 PM
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By: Daniel Wilkenfeld, PWTorch Contributor

Where We've Been: I missed last week due to computer issues. That's a shame, since it struck me as a pretty good show. The Hogan stuff was kept to a minimum, with the emphasis almost entirely on AJ-Joe-Daniels and Rhino-The World. Why the latter got the main event spot is beyond me, but I suppose they wanted to end on a note of mystery. They added a wrinkle to AJ's mystery attacker, eliminating the two obvious picks of his opponents Sunday. It would be insanely sweet if it were Hogan, but it isn't. I don't follow talent relations, so I don't know if anyone's set to debut, but I have a few ideas otherwise (given TNA's proclivity for quick turns, Kurt Angle is seeming awfully chill about not being in the Turning Point Main Event). Elsewhere in the show, they seem to be building up to a heel turn by…Dixie Carter? Okay.

The Show: Three's a Crowd

Super Dave is in Mick's office to plug his show. Mick takes the opportunity to plug his book. I guess Super Dave has been offered semi-guest GM status, in that he can book one match, as long as it's non-title and, if it's knockout based, that they be dressed appropriately. That's a not so subtle jab. Mick leaves, and Jay Lethal comes in looking for Hogan, and recognizes Super Dave from Curb Your Enthusiasm. He leaves, and JB and Super Dave argue about the relative merits of talking and twittering.

[Opening Credits]

Mick Foley comes down to the broadcast booth. Taz asks about Mick's not being informed about the Hogan signing, but Mick walks that back and says that there was an email sent around. I don't know what that's about. Tenay asks about Mick's absence from Dixie Carter's big meeting last week, but he dodges the question.

(1) ABYSS vs. DR. STEVIE (w/DAFFNEY)

If Abyss pins Dr. Stevie, Dr. Stevie is gone from TNA. Abyss hits a Big Boot for a two count, then a quick roll-up for another two. He takes Dr. Stevie up for a Shock Treatment, but Dr. Stevie slips out and clips his legs. Dr. Stevie starts working Abyss's knee, hits a Leg Drop, then follows up with an Elbow Drop that barely gets two. A Superkick gets a more respectable two count. Dr. Stevie pounds on Abyss, but takes too long trash talking and gets goozled. He slips out and comes off the ropes, right into a Black Hole Slam for 1…2…lights out? The lights are out for a few seconds, and when they come back on Abyss is laying. Dr. Stevie rolls into the cover for the win.

WINNER: Dr. Stevie in 3 minutes.

After the match, Dr. Stevie has Daffney give him a steel chair. He's looking to Pilmanize Abyss's neck, but Mick comes in to make the save. Mick beats up Dr. Stevie, takes the chair, and the lights go out. Holy shit, I bet it's Raven. We see someone toss a fireball at Mick, and sure enough, when the lights come back on again Raven's there. He hits the Raven Effect and gloats with Dr. Stevie.

Raven-Foley should be the best battle of promos since, I don't know, HBK-Jericho?

[Commercial Break]

JB is in the back with Team Stevie. Stevie says that he's not leaving TNA forever—he's here forever. Raven reminds Mick that the last time Mick got between Raven and one of his playmates, it ended up with Terry Funk burning. Tonight, Mick had to burn. Wow did I miss that allusion earlier. As for Abyss, it's great to be playing with him again. They're a lot alike. However, Abyss's abusive childhood combines with his low intelligence to make him either a convict or insane (actually in the current continuity he's both). Raven's issues and his high intelligence would normally make him a serial killer, but he's not a serial killer—no one's ever caught him, have they? Quoth the Raven, Nevermore.

Tenay announces that next week there will be an interview with Sting about Hogan.

(2) ALISSA FLASH vs. TRACI BROOKS

Traci shoves Flash to start, and they lock up. The crowd is behind Flash, who forces Traci into the corner and chokes her with her boot. Traci tries to create some distance, but Alissa hits her and connects with a couple of arm wrenches to what we're told is a handicapped right arm. A Shoulder Breaker to the right arm gets two. Flash hits a Flatliner, bangs the arm a bit, then locks in an arm bar that looks like a Crossface without the crossface, if that makes sense. Traci taps.

Winner: Alissa Flash in 2 minutes.

After the match, Traci attacks Flash from behind, swearing at her. The commentary makes it seem like we're supposed to be siding with Traci, but the crowd begs to differ.

Someone's coming up to accept Lethal's open invitational.

[Commercial Break]

Lethal comes out for his open invitational, and it's…Jim Neidhart? Really? Has anyone told him that his daughter works for the other company?

(3) JAY LETHAL vs. JIM "THE ANVIL" NEIDHART

Neidhart hits a big right hand, followed by a Back Body Drop. Lethal dodges a charge in the corner and comes back with a Double Sledge off the top rope. The crowd is going nuts for The Anvil. Neidhart gets up and Lethal works some jabs. When Lethal comes off the ropes he runs right into a clothesline. Somehow Lethal gets up first and leaps to the outside with for a Guillotine Choke. Lethal hits a running back elbow, but whiffs on a second and walks right into a Power Slam for the kill. That didn't take long.

WINNER: Jim Neidhart in 2 minutes. I'm not sure where they're going with this booking, but as long as it's anything other than an outright burying of Lethal, he could probably use some new material.

Lauren talked to Bobby Lashley earlier. I'm actually bored before she finishes the first question. That's amazing. Bobby left Cristal at home to insure her safety. Some random guy comes by and says that Lashley is needed in the production truck. Lashley follows him. Steiner cut a video message for him. He's not in the Impact Zone, cause Lashley's been too aggressive. Steiner's just being his friend, trying to let him know that his wife's in love with someone else, but all Lashley wants to do is punch him. So he's taking the day off to stay in the hotel. Unfortunately they didn't have a room for him, but they did tell him that his good friend Bobby Lashley already checked in to room 304. Steiner says that it sure was smart of Lashley to leave his wife behind. Lashley takes off in one of the production guy's cars, and is followed by a camera crew.

[Commercial Break]

JB is in Mick's office with Super Dave. We're told that Mick is on his way to the hospital. Super Dave suggests they follow him to the hospital, but JB says that "we are in charge now". Super Dave says that there is no "we". He says that since JB knows the wrestlers, he should get together the wildest, craziest match he can in honor of Mick Foley. JB immediately thinks of the X Division, and Super Dave tells him to go with it.

(4) THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE & AWESOME KONG vs. TAYLOR WILDE, SARITA, ODB, & TARA (w/POISON)

Tara and Rayne lock up to start. Tara shoves Rayne to the mat, hits a gut wrench, then cinches in a front face lock with a bridge. Wilde tags in and enters the ring with a Double Sledge off the top rope onto Rayne. She works some arm wrenches and then tags in Sarita. Wilde hits an Oklahoma Roll, then helps out Sarita with an Assisted Moonsault. Von Erich tags in. She hits a boot to Sarita's abdomen and then a big club to the back.

[Commercial break]

Sarita is still isolated in the ring. She creates some distance from Sky with a dropkick, and both Rayne and ODB tag in. ODB tosses Sky and Rayne into opposite corners, charges them both, hits the Bronco Buster on Sky and a Fall Away Slam on Rayne. Von Erich comes into the ring and clotheslines ODB, so Tara comes into the ring to take her out. Tara stupidly jumps over to Kong's corner, where she gets whacked. Kong tags in, as does Taylor Wilde on the other side of the ring. Wilde goes for a running shoulder block, but just bounces off. Kong attempts an Awesome Bomb, but Taylor slips out. Taylor tries to kick Kong's legs out, but gets caught with the Implant Buster for the loss. Taz says she doesn't qualify "in the implant category"—I don't know if that was intended as a compliment or an insult.

WINNER: The Beautiful People and Awesome Kong in 8 minutes. This might have been good—it's hard to tell with the gaping commercial in the middle. After the match, Rayne and Sky keep Von Erich from stupidly hugging Awesome Kong.

What looks like the entire X Division is gathered in Mick's office. Super Dave says that he wants them to go nuts and risk their lives in that ring. Bashir says something in Farsi.Dave has everyone put their hands in the middle, and even Bashir grudgingly does so. After everyone leaves, Super Dave says that believes Homicide stole some stuff.

Kurt Angle says that Dixie Carter and Hulk Hogan can create a monster to rival Vince McMahon's. Hogan knows wrestling. Kurt's been in the ring with him, and he always knew what he was doing. This is going to be the most exciting thing wrestling has seen since the late 90s.

[Commercial Break—Kurt Angle's getting ready for something]

Lashley goes into his hotel room to check on his wife. She isn't sure why he's so worried, but Steiner jumps out and attacks him fairly brutally with a lead pipe. He says that this isn't about Lashley, who should take a good look at his kid—he has Steiner's eyes. Now that I think of it, where are his kids? And if they're not there, why does Lashley's hotel room have two double beds? I'm probably thinking about this too hard.

Kurt Angle hits the ring. He says that this Sunday could be the most important match in his career. Over the last couple of months, AJ Styles and Matt Morgan have pushed him to the limit. These men—and he uses that word deliberately—are at their peak, and are almost as good as Kurt Angle. They come to the ring every week to compete, and he respects that. What he doesn't respect is some punk who comes in off the streets and tries to end his career. Desmond knew his weak point, and tried to take him out. But he's back, and on Sunday he'll be sure to end Desmond's career instead. Wolf appears on the screen in some random hotel-type bar with some random hotel-type woman. He knew "Mangle" would be all worked up, which is why he's not in the Impact Zone. He's not here to beat Kurt Angle—he'll leave that to the Matt Morgans of the world—he's here to take Kurt out and take his place. In other words, he's not here to play. In the ring, Wolf has snuck up behind Angle. Kurt turns around, but is quick enough to duck the killer clothesline. Wolf's video is on a repeat loop, which gives the rest of the segment an eerie feel. Kurt throws Wolf to the outside, and beats him into the barricade and all around the ring. He takes too long getting a chair, and Wolf's able to dodge. Wolf hits an Evenflow DDT against the ringside mat, then picks up the chair. He blasts Kurt's head with a (protected) chair shot. He says that the third time's the charm. This was an incredibly effective segment.

[Commercial Break]

Super Dave is at the commentary booth for his X Division match.

(5) THE MOTOR CITY MACHINE GUNS & AMAZING RED (w/DON WEST) vs. WORLD ELITE (KIYOSHI, BASHIR, & HERNANDEZ)

Homicide brings something wrapped in a flag to the commentary table, which he claims is a bouquet for his girlfriend. The heels jump the bell to start. Shelley forces back Homicide with a kick, but eats a spinning back elbow. Bashir tags in and chokes Shelley in the corner. A Neck Breaker gets two. Kiyoshi tags in and trades open-handed chops with Shelley. Shelley gains the advantage, so Kiyoshi takes him down with a throat thrust. Kiyoshi gets Shelley with a sitting dropkick, but Sabin quickly breaks up the cover. Shelley goes to the wrong corner, but is able to pop Bashir and Homicide. Homicide takes the opportunity to retrieve his object from the commentary booth, which turns out to be the barbed wire wrapped baseball bat he apparently stole from Foley's office earlier. Security guards stop him on his way back to the ring. Bashir tags into the match. He shoots Kiyoshi off towards Shelley in the corner, but Shelley Back Body Drops him out to the apron, kicks him off, then Flatliners Bashir into the middle turnbuckle. Kiyoshi tries to cut off the tag, but Shelley kicks him off and connects with Red. Red comes into the ring with a Double Dropkick off the top rope onto both opponents. He takes both men down with Spinning Wheel Kicks, rolls over the back of Kiyoshi with a kick onto Bashir, then floors Kiyoshi with some type of crazy Tilt-a-Whirl Tornado DDT. Sabin tags himself in, so Red goes to the outside to take out Bashir with a Corkscrew Tope. In the ring, Sabin and Shelley squish Bashir, then Shelley tags in for a double team Neck Breaker/Top Rope Splash for three.

WINNERS: Amazing Red & The Motor City Machine Guns. He is, in fact, amazing.

Lauren is in the back with Desmond Wolf. She says that she's never seen any competitor have Kurt Angle's number like he does. He says that it's not about having Kurt Angle's number, but about being Kurt Angle. Desmond has followed every step of Kurt's career, and taken every breath with him. He's not here to take out Kurt Angle, though he might very well end up doing that—he's here to replace Kurt Angle. He's a younger, better looking, more determined, and dare he say—and here he pauses to crane his neck a few times—healthier version of Kurt Angle. He came this close to ending Kurt's career, but he left him just enough energy to come to Turning Point so that he can finish the job there. Then he'll take his place in wrestling history, and we'll all have to bow down to him. He makes eyes at Lauren, then leaves.


[Commercial Break]

We recap Dixie's speech from the start of last week's show.

Team 3D hit the ring with Rhino. Brother Ray says that Dixie emphasized that life is about change and choice. He and Devon have decided that they're on board with some of the new change. As far as choices go, last week Ray had a choice, and he chose to wrap a chair around Morgan's head and Super-Mex's head. He wasn't proud of it at the time, but, upon further reflection, he's glad he made it. For a while, Rhino's been trying to tell him that the younger talent were trying to systematically take out the veterans. Now he just wants to say to Rhino that he's sorry. Rhino was right, and they (the fans?) were wrong. To the younger talent, who want to take them out, he says that they're not going to let it happen. They're going to take them out first, hold them down, and keep them from getting close. They call down Morgan & Hernandez. Here they are. Morgan says that Ray can't call them down anymore—if he has something to say—he should drag his ass to his back and say it to his face. Ray tells Morgan that he's shed more DNA in TNA then Morgan's had shower time in the back, and Hernandez is just an uneducated Mexican who doesn't have a green card. Hernandez says that he wants to set the record straight—everything they got in this company, they took. Comprende? Ray says that he doesn't, cause they're in the USA. He, Devon, and Rhino challenged Matt Morgan, Hernandez, and a partner to a six-man street fight at Turning Point. Did they find a partner, or are they waiting for TNA Management to hand them one? Morgan says that they should take a look at him and Hernandez, cause they don't need a partner. They're happy to do this alone. Devon says that they better not be the future of TNA, because after Sunday he promises they'll be no more. Here to reply is…D'Angelo "The Pope" Dinero? I did not foresee that. If they're looking for the third man, then they should look no further. They're talking about the future? Matt Morgan is the future. Hernandez is the future. And everyone knows that The Pope is pimp'n. He tells the Man Beast to chill out cause he has a pimp slap for him. He asks Devon to go testify, because The Pope has spoken.

[Commercial Break]

Matt Morgan tells us that one can overcome ADHD. That's good.

Lauren is in the back with World Elite. TNA Management has lifted the suspension of The British Invasion to wrestle Beer Money this week. If Beer Money win, they'll be added to the tag match on Sunday. Magnus says that this has gone beyond pathetic, it's just unfair. They were suspended, and shouldn't be wrestling till Sunday. Williams says that as Brits, they're no strangers to overcoming adversity. EY claims that this is everything that’s wrong with this company and this country—there's no authority to stick by what's said. This will be Beer Money's last chance. Also, EY would like to clarify something—World Elite has no beef with Hulk Hogan. In fact, Young was a big fan—when he was 3. As long as Hogan recognizes that World Elite earned their spots, everything will be fine.

We run down the card for Turning Point. On paper, it's easily the best card TNA has put together since, I don't know, BFG III?

[Commercial Break]

We see Hogan, flanked by copies of his book, say that TNA is the place to be. He wants to be right there when the wrestling world gets turned on its head.

Don West tries to sell some house shows—including one in Amherst, MA! That screams for a road trip if anything does.

JB is in the locker room with AJ Styles. He asks about AJ's relationship with Daniels. AJ says that he has to apologize to Daniels, since obviously he wasn't the one attacking AJ. But he won't apologize for being World Heavyweight Champion, and he won't apologize for being the best.
He's heard people saying that he only took the match with Daniels last week cause Joe had injured Daniels beforehand, but reminds us that he'd been ambushed 3 weeks in a row himself. No, he and Daniels aren't on the same page, because they let Joe stir the pot. Or maybe that's not it—maybe Daniels just wants the title AJ's earned. Well, Sunday is his chance. As for Joe, he's been playing his games, and AJ will be happy to take them to the ring. But Joe's games won't work there, since they both know that AJ is the best at what he does.

(6) THE BRITISH INVASION vs. BEER MONEY, INC.

Roode takes Williams down with a shoulder block to start, then a Flying Clothesline. He knocks Williams out of the ring, and Storm comes in to take out an interfering Magnus. Williams starts to walk away, but Magnus points out that they actually have to win this match. Rob Terry comes down with a chair, but Magnus points out that a DQ doesn't do them any more good. He goes to the ring and trips Roode from ringside. Williams takes advantage with a back elbow, then tags in Magnus. He stomps Roode and chokes him a bit. Williams tags in, and they hit their double team Union Jack and patented handshake. A cover barely gets two. Williams drives his knee into Roode's back. Roode powers to his feet, but Williams yanks him down by the hair. Magnus tags in, but when he shoots Williams off into Roode Roode gets his boots up. He stalls Magnus with an elbow, then comes off the top rope with a double float-over Neck Breaker. He makes the leaping tag to Storm, who comes in with right hands. He gets a Triple H-like Facebuster on Magnus, then gets an interfering Williams with a Bulldog. He lifts Magnus out to the apron and catches him on his way back with a Lifting DDT. Williams tries to break up the ensuing cover with a Knee Drop, but Storm dodges. Roode comes in to help with a Beer Money Suplex on Williams. Magnus gets up into an Inverted Atomic Drop from Roode and a double team clothesline/Back Stabber for a long two count. Roode gets a chair and puts it in the ring. Magnus grabs it and is about to swing, when Doug Williams talks him down. While they argue, Beer Money shove them together. They crack heads, and Beer Money polish off Magnus with the DWI.

WINNERS: Beer Money Inc. in five minutes.

After the match, Lauren catches up with Beer Money. Roode says that what's fair is fair and what's right is right, and on Sunday they're going to prove again why they're the best tag team in the world. Storm apologizes for their damned luck.

[Commercial Break]

JB is in the locker room with Matt Morgan, Hernandez, and Dinero. Hernandez says that they're not trusting anyone who wears sun-glasses all the time. The Pope says that he wears these because his future, like theirs, is bright. Morgan wants to know why he should trust a street pimp. Dinero points out that the correct term is "pope", and that they have a code on the street, and his word is airtight. When Team 3D says they're going to keep "them" down, it includes Dinero. So on Sunday, they'll all be pimping.

Lauren is in the back with Daniels. She wants to know if this is more than just a title match now. Daniels asks whether she's alluding to the fact that his best friend accused him attacking him from behind, or the fact that last week AJ wanted to wrestle after Joe dropped him on his neck. It doesn't matter—he and AJ are friends—they'll always be friends. But this is the wrestling business, and there is no family or friendship in business. He and AJ both started from the bottom. If Daniels had gotten the same support as AJ then he could be World Heavyweight Champion, since he's every bit the wrestler AJ is. AJ knows it—maybe that's why he agreed to the match last week after Daniels was hurt, and maybe that's why it's a Triple Threat match Sunday instead of one-on-one. He knows about the wolf in sheep's clothing, but he's too smart for that.

(7) AJ STYLES vs. SAMOA JOE

We're starting at 10:56. Joe gives AJ the run-around, weaving in and out of the ring. He tries to catch AJ on his way in, but AJ leap frogs him and connects with the high dropkick. Joe grabs his tights and yanks him into the bottom turnbuckle. He stomps AJ a bit then goes for the Face Wash—I'm not sure he's done that for years. Joe connects with a Power Bomb, and when AJ tries to kick out Joe transitions into an STF. He then transitions into a Cross Face, but AJ makes it to the ropes. Joe waits for AJ to get up, then works some punches. AJ suddenly ducks one and comes back with punches and chops of his own. He looks for his leap-over Inverted DDT, but Joe dodges and connects with a Decapitator Clothesline for two. Joe goes for another Power Bomb, but AJ slips out and hits a Spinning Heel Kick. He wants the Styles Clash, but Joe tosses him off. Joe goes for another clothesline, but AJ ducks and connects with a Pele. AJ goes to the top rope, when Daniels runs down and jumps up onto the apron. AJ slips off the top rope and asks Daniels what he's doing. Daniels says he's here to watch AJ's back, but AJ tells him to leave. They argue, as Joe smirks in the background. AJ slugs Daniels off the apron, but by now Joe is behind him and locks in the Kokido Clutch. AJ passes out, and the ref calls for the bell. Daniels has a slight grin as he walks out.

WINNER: Samoa Joe in five minutes.

Where We're Going: They're actually playing this Hogan business far smarter than I thought they would. Rather than emphasizing his capacity as a wrestler, they're entirely emphasizing his potential as a promoter. That might actually work. In the meanwhile, Sunday should be one hell of a show.

Star of the Night: Desmond Wolf. He's being pushed like a mega-star, and so far he's not letting anyone down. And any regular readers I might have know how much it pains me not to give this to Raven his first night back.

Overall: For the first time in a while, TNA feels like it's consistently on the right track. I might have been a bit trigger happy in criticizing the Hogan signing two weeks ago. The emphasis on AJ, Joe, Daniels, and Wolf this week was excellent. The women performed well in the little time allotted to them. I'm a bit annoyed by the MCMG's title shot being watered down, but Beer Money are still consistently fun to watch. Daniels's faint grin at the end really brought a point to the main event, and builds nicely to Sunday. Even the Cristal plotline, while incredibly stupid, was handled as well as could be by making all the actual interaction take place between Steiner and Lashley. Oh, and also—Raven!A-

Daniel is a graduate instructor at The Ohio State University. He would like to announce that, from a pool of really high quality submissions, the winner of this week's shout-out is Lucas Breckenridge for suggesting that TNA's weekly pull-apart brawls be sponsored by "Goldstein and Schwartz Divorce Solicitors. Keeping hate filled folks from killing each other since 1907." Complaints from other contestants can be sent to dawilk316@gmail.com


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