TNA Impact Report on Spike TV
November 5, 2009
Taped Nov. 2 in Orlando, Fla.
Report by James Caldwell, Torch assistant editor

The show opened with a video package of Hulk Hogan joining TNA last week, including Hulk Hogan's appearance on Larry King Live with a quick soundbyte on TNA. Mike Tenay with the usual histrionics that it's TNA's biggest announcement ever. Show title: "A New Beginning."

Impact Zone: The show went to the Impact Zone where Mike Tenay talked about "documenting" TNA's partnership between Hulk Hogan and Dixie Carter. He introduced a "behind-the-scenes" video from earlier today.

"Earlier today": They showed Dixie Carter addressing the entire TNA locker room in an empty Impact Zone. She said she's heard from so many people trying to tell her how to run the wrestling company for the past six years. Carter assured the talent there will be "drastic changes." Carter said she knows some people might have different opinions on her decision-making, but people need to stand behind her. She said she made the choice to put her finances and reputation behind each wrestler. They showed the wrestlers, Knockouts, and agents sitting in the Impact Zone out of character. Carter said the wrestlers can support her decisions or find somewhere else to work. They showed A.J. Styles in the arena sitting next to Tara. Carter said she sees wrestlers who have made her proud, but they all need to step it up in every way possible. "If you don't believe it, you're hurting the person sitting next to you." Carter said if they believe it, then show people what they're all about.

Impact Zone: Back to the show, A.J. Styles came to the ring as Mike Tenay and Taz talked ringside about Carter's speech. In the ring, Styles said there have been a lot of changes here in TNA. He said he's A.J. Styles and he's TNA World Hvt. champion. Styles said he's been part of a lot of changes in TNA. "Who would have thought Hulk Hogan would be part of the TNA family?" Styles asked, prompting a Hogan name chant. Styles said it's a whole new playing field on a whole new level. He said he's been dreaming of being at this level the past seven years he's been here. But, where there's positives, there's also negatives. Styles said when he won the World Title, he made it clear he's a fighting champion. Styles said someone has been hiding in the shadows jumping him every time he has his back turned. He told the mystery assailant to MAN UP and show up.

Daniels came out and the announcers instantly assumed Daniels was the mystery assailant. Daniels said Styles is assuming he jumped him because Samoa Joe told him. "Are you really that gullible? Or, are you really that stupid?" Daniels asked. Daniels told Styles he is so arrogant with the title belt on his shoulder. Vince Russo apparently scripted this promo. Daniels said along the way, Styles has been pampered, coddled, and a little bit spoiled. Check the video of Dixie Carter rubbing Styles's arm after his title victory two months ago. Daniels said he's been here just as long as Styles, but he's never been given the same breaks. He claimed to be every bit the wrestler as Styles is. "You know it!" No woo woo. Daniels said the only difference between them is that every time Styles was down, the company pushed him up. Daniels said every time he was up, they pushed him down.

Daniels said Dixie Carter vowed to make changes in TNA, but maybe today is his lucky day to make changes or else it's going to be another seven years in hell for him. Styles asked Daniels if he really thinks that because he's never opened up to him like that. Suddenly, Samoa Joe's music hit. And we continue to talk. Joe stood on the entrance ramp and told Daniels he's a bald...faced liar. Joe told Styles that Daniels has been lying to him their entire friendship. He accused Daniels of always being jealous of Styles. Joe said him and Styles aren't friends because Styles has something he wants. He said to be the best in the world, you have to be the TNA World champion. Joe said he can say that face-to-face to Styles and he doesn't need to attack him from behind like a shameful, cowardly punk.

Daniels answered Joe emphatically that he's not the assailant. He said he can beat Styles right here in the ring face-to-face, man-to-man, and no doubt about it. Styles turned Daniels around and asked him if he really thinks he's the best. "How bad do you want to find out?" Styles asked. He said all Daniels needed to do was ask. He suggested they settle this right here tonight. Styles said they can put their friendship aside and do things the right way: a winner and a loser. Well, that's a foreign concept in TNA. Daniels shook Styles's hand, then Joe smiled from the entrance ramp after pitting his two PPV opponents against each other. Good opening segment, but they missed the PPV hype in two weeks. Someone tuning in to this for the first time would have no idea there's a three-way title match on PPV with potential for awesomeness in ten days.

[Q2]

[Commercial Break]

Impact Zone: World Elite's music hit, bringing out Global champion Eric Young and Rob Terry. They're in tag action with a ten minute time limit. Do we get the FSN Fox Box? Beer Money came out second to glorify alcoholism. They cut to a shot from last week when Beer Money attacked World Elite to set up this match.

1 -- BEER MONEY (ROBERT ROODE & JAMES STORM) vs. WORLD ELITE (Global champion ERIC YOUNG & ROB TERRY)

Rob locked up with Storm to start things off, but Rob shoved him away. Tenay talked up TNA and Hulk Hogan being in the news - CNN, Jimmy Fallon, Howard Stern. Meanwhile, Terry flexed and nearly popped a pec. Tenay was handed a note: Styles vs. Daniels signed for tonight...and with special guest ref will be Samoa Joe. Back to the action where Roode launched Storm over the top rope onto Terry on the floor. Storm then rolled Terry back into the ring and Beer Money wanted the DWI, but Terry slipped out and dropped Roode face-first on the mat. Young then tried to KO Roode with the title belt, but Roode ducked and Terry ate the belt. Roode then made the cover for the win.

WINNERS: Beer Money in 5:00. Match was just there to fill TV time before the "intricate TNA booking details" were fleshed out in the post-match. (*)

Post-match: British Invasion stormed the ring in their little white track pants. The worst looking, most uncoordinated security in the world finally hit the ring to separate people. If Hulk Hogan is watching, that has to be the first thing to go. The lame-looking security just turns this show into a laughable program every time they're on TV. Beer Money recovered in the ring while British Invasion gave Terry a tongue-lashing for screwing up. Chris Sabin and Alex Shelley then jumped BI on the entrance ramp and...yes, another brawl broke out that security eventually broke up.

Backstage: The Beautiful People were suddenly on the TV screen walking down the hallway with their arms linked together complaining about A.J. Styles being given TV time over them. Harumph.

[Commercial Break]

[Q3]

Backstage: The Beautiful People barged into Knockout champion ODB's locker room. Had to check to make sure I didn't accidentally switch to Cinemax, as the Beautiful People were shown wearing close to nothing. Anyways, ODB was sitting in an office chair feeling pretty confident about herself, but the BPs beat her down and gave her a typical BP hazing before leaving the room.

Backstage: Lauren brought in Jay Lethal for his thoughts on Hulk Hogan joining TNA. Lethal, channeling Randy Savage, said the mere mention of his name brings back history of them fighting side-by-side and being against each other. Machismo said he wants to be the first to welcome Hogan to TNA. He wanted to make an announcement of his own, though. Lethal said in the New Home of the MegaPowers, next week will be the start of the Black Machismo Invitational. Anyone who wants to bring it and see if they can still got it, then show up. Lethal started naming names before landing on Ric Flair.

Mick Foley Office: More talking with Jeremy Borash going into Foley's office to know why he's no-selling his personal contacts via electronic communications. Foley said, as an executive shareholder, he wasn't made aware of the big changes coming to TNA. He said when they were interrogating suspects on the Tweak 'n Tweet picture destruction, Borash seemed a bit nervous about security footage he might not want the world to know about. Borash said he just wants to talk about Abyss. Foley said he has a surprise for him too.

[Commercial Break. Mid-break, they cut back to a shot of Desmond Wolfe (Nigel McGuinness) warming up in the Impact Zone. Mike Tenay talked him up for his program with Kurt Angle before they went back to break.]

Impact Zone: Desmond Wolfe came to the ring as a moon and howling music played. Apparently he's half-man, half-wolf. Get it? He's a wolf, haha. Anyways, Cody Deaner was in the ring as Tenay and Taz talked to Kurt Angle on the phone.

2 -- DESMOND WOLFE vs. CODY DEANER

Bell rang, Nigel landed the Lariat, and Wolfe scored the pin. Angle said Wolfe damaged his larynx and he basically has a pinched nerve running down his arm. Angle said this guy "got his attention," but he doesn't have his respect yet. Angle gave a slight cough to sell the attack. (This became comical over time.) Angle said he wasn't really ready for anything like what Wolfe gave him. Wolfe took the mic as refs checked on Deaner. He told everyone to take a good look at that Muppet in the ring. Angle chimed in that he was in Deaner's position last week. He sounded as if he was on a 1960s NASA phone line communicating from the moon. Wolfe picked up his promo that Angle should be called Mr. Mangled now. "Keep talking, Desmond *cough*," Angle interjected via the phone line. Angle's commentary was interjected over Wolfe's promo. "I'm glad to have it, Desmond, *cough*," Angle said. Wolfe said he's hungry for Angle's blood, like a wolf. He took his shades off for good measure, then put them back on. "Well, he said his piece *cough*," Angle said. Tenay announced Angle vs. Wolfe at the PPV.

WINNER: Wolfe in 0:10. Good squash for Wolfe and a great promo. Unfortunately, TNA interjected an unintentionally comedic phone call from Angle. Angle didn't do anything wrong other than sounding progressively silly his cough to go with the horrible production. Sounded like one of my podcasts from 2005 using a $20 mic from Circuit City. (n/a)

Backstage: Lauren brought in Suicide for a promo. Is it time to reveal to the world who he is? Suicide did the deep modulated voice that he wore the mask to conceal himself and he's not ready to share with anyone who he is. Suicide addressed Homicide - "We will strike down upon you." ... Plug: Daniels vs. Styles up next with Samoa Joe in zebra stripes.

[Commercial Break]

[Q4]

Backstage: Lauren brought in IWGP tag champions Team 3D. Brother Ray didn't want to talk about their match against Hernandez and Matt Morgan later. Ray said he never thought he would say the words "Hulk Hogan in TNA." That wasn't complementary or negative. One of those open-ended statements that could go either way. Ray added that Dixie Carter has a set of grapefruits. Rhino then walked into the promo and told 3D to wake up. Ray said he's crazy and delusional. Devon said Morgan and Hernandez are phenomenal young talent and they're looking forward to the match. Why "young?" Why not just "good talent" instead of talking down to the wrestlers TNA is trying to build up. Ray then closed the promo with a Ric Flair reference, as the not-so-subtle plugs for Flair continue.

Impact Zone: Samoa Joe came to the ring wearing referee stripes for Styles vs. Daniels. Daniels then came to the ring first to face Styles. They cut backstage where Borash talked to A.J. Styles about facing one of his best friends ever, Daniels. Suddenly, the mystery man in a black hoodie and black pants jumped Styles. The person walked off, leaving Styles out cold on the floor. "Hey, somebody get the doc!" a random man shouted. They cut back to the ring where Daniels was about to run to the back to check on Styles, but Joe kicked him in the groin and nailed the Musclebuster. Joe left Daniels out cold in the ring, then left the ring with a big smirk on his face. Joe's master plan unfolds as TNA continues to build him up as an intelligent assassin. Good stuff for Joe.

[Commercial Break. Mid-commercial: they showed Tara walking down the hallway with her tarantula. She's in action next.]

Impact Zone: Tara came to the ring as Tenay said they are attempting to get an update on Styles and Daniels. Good follow-up instead of just moving along to the next segment. Hamada then came to the ring to face Tara in a singles match.

3 -- TARA vs. HAMADA

Nice back-and-forth match to start with. Hamada really could be marketed as a unique women's wrestler worth building the Knockouts Division brand around. Tara, as well, with her name-brand value from WWE. At the end of the match, Hamada went for a top rope moonsault, but Tara moved out of the way. Tara then hit the Widow's Peak on Hamada for the pin and the win.

Post-match: Awesome Kong came stomping out to the ring, but the comical Security stood in her way. Tara then landed a plancha on the floor and another fight broke out ringside, this time between Tara and Kong. Looks like we have a PPV match set for Turning Point. The cameras cut back and forth between Kong and Tara to show their anger with each other to conclude the segment.

WINNER: Tara in 4:00. Good Knockouts match with a clean finish. Tara-Kong could be a show-stealing match on the undercard of the Turning Point PPV. (*1/2)

[Q5]

[Commercial Break. They cut to a break right at the top of the hour, which TNA was better about in recent weeks. Now, channel-flippers looking for new programming at the top of the hour will see a commercial instead of something that could get them hooked for the second hour of the show.]

Backstage: Lauren caught up with Tara, who said Kong has been running loose like an animal and she's tired of it. Tara said she didn't come to TNA to deal with this crap. She plugged their cage match at the PPV and warned Kong that she will be locked in there with her, not the other way around.

Impact Zone: Mick Foley came to the ring with a framed picture in hand, but it was covered up so we couldn't see what it was. Foley then asked Abyss to come on out to the ring. Cue up Abyss's music and out came the Urban Outfitters spokesman. Flannel, hoodie, leather pants, and a sweatshirt. Foley tried to talk nice to Abyss and he put down the little "giftaroonie" so it's not used as a weapon here. Foley said the only time he's ever felt guilty about anything he's said to a wrestler was on the occasion he told Abyss he's a cheap, rip-off because he really didn't believe what he was saying. So, in other words, Foley told the fans he's a con artist for trying to get fans to buy into his promo to get them to spend money on a PPV match between them at Bound for Glory. Foley told "Chris" that he's even better and tougher than he originally thought. Foley said all someone has left to show from their time in the wrestling business is from their legacy. He said he wanted to be a cross between Bruiser Brody and Dynamite Kid. Foley said he blended them together to be a good wrestler. Dynamite Kid? Um...he would probably be the last person I would see Foley borrowing from. Foley continued to talk up Abyss before bringing out the giftaroonie. Foley gave Abyss the framed picture with a new Tweak 'n Tweet Connection featuring Foley and Abyss instead of Foley and Borash. Foley left the ring and Abyss did his Eugene hand clap.

Foley's music hit to conclude the segment, but then Foley asked them to cut the music. He said he put Abyss through a great test at BFG, but he wants to give him another test. Foley booked Abyss vs. Dr. Stevie. And if Abyss pins Stevie, he is gone from TNA. Abyss shouted and smiled and did a big, over-exaggerated facial reaction before staring at the photo.

Backstage: Borash was with Scott Steiner to find out his thoughts on Hulk Hogan joining TNA. Steiner said they were For Life in the NWO back in the day. He said if he knows Hogan like he thinks he does, then he thinks Hogan will put all those "young punks" in place before joining him in the Main Event Mafia. Steiner turned his attention to Bobby Lashley and suggested Krystal isn't getting satisfaction. He said he'll provide her with the satisfaction she desires.

[Commercial Break]

[Q6]

Impact Zone: Homicide was in the ring to face Bobby Lashley, who came to the ring with Krystal. Ref Earl Hebner booted Krystal from ringside, which upset Lashley. Homicide took advantage by attacking Lashley before the bell.

4 -- HOMICIDE vs. BOBBY LASHLEY

Tenay had something in his ear. "That's going to be tonight?" he asked the mystery man in his ear. Tenay said Styles vs. Daniels is a go for tonight. Lashley finished off Homicide with a lift-up chokeslam for the pin and the win. Post-match: Homicide jumped Lashley from behind and tried to use a boot as a weapon, but Lashley put him in the air for a press slam. Steiner then appeared on the video screen trying to corner Krystal. After sexually harassing Krystal, Steiner chased down Krystal, who was saved by Lashley. A fight broke out backstage with Lashley beating down Steiner until the Guns, Lethal (out of character), and Simon Diamond tried to separate Lashley and Steiner.

WINNER: Lashley in 2:00. Fine little enhancement match for Lashley, who still doesn't exude any wrestling personality. Steiner has plenty of personality, which is apparently why they paired them up for Lashley to get a little rub from Steiner's character. Lashley vs. Steiner at the PPV ought to be a doozy.

[Commercial Break]

Impact Zone: Back in the Impact Zone, Homicide shoved down Earl Hebner. Amazing Red then ran into the ring and dropped Homicide with...a move. And another move. Red then went up top and Homicide waited for Red to nail him with a splash. Homicide bailed to the floor as Red pretended to be trying to go after him. And they'll see each other at the PPV.

Announcers: Tenay and Taz broke down the Turning Point PPV line-up: All Knockouts Titles on the line - KO champ ODB & KO tag champs Sarita & Taylor Wilde vs. Beautiful People, Amazing Red vs. Homicide for the X Division Title, Kong vs. Tara in a steel cage, British Invasion vs. Machineguns for the tag titles, Scott Steiner vs. Bobby Lashley, Kurt Angle vs. Desmond Wolfe, and Styles vs. Joe vs. Daniels for the TNA World Title.

Impact Zone: Madison Rayne came out alone and pretended she was a poledancer. I must have flipped it back to Cinemax. TNA's sexual objectification of women and the women going along with it is really quite sad. TNA's version of Mickie James, Taylor Wilde, then came out to face Rayne.

[Q7]

5 -- MADISON RAYNE vs. TAYLOR WILDE

Rayne, wearing fishnets and a revealing top, mounted Wilde early on, apparently channeling her inner Jenna Morasca. Taylor then finished her off moments later for a very short match victory. Post-match: the rest of the Beautiful People ran to the ring and jumped Taylor. Sarita made the save for Taylor, but the BPs held them down after a brief skirmish. Eventually, ODB ran to the ring and made the save for the tag champs. BPs bailed to the outside to yell at the trio they'll face at the PPV to close the segment.

WINNER: Taylor Wilde in 2:00. Match was inconsequential and was merely a vehicle to set up the post-match to promote the PPV six-Knockout tag match. (n/a)

[Commercial Break. Mid-break: They showed A.J. Styles lacing up his boots real tight to prepare for the match against Daniels with Joe still the special ref.]

TNA Live Events video: Don West let us know what's coming up on the TNA house show circuit, including a fundraiser in Nashville with the Houston Oilers next Monday.

Backstage: Matt Morgan and Hernandez were with Lauren for a promo. Hernandez said something, then Morgan said he's tired of these conspiracy theories from Rhino. Morgan quietly said Team 3D is history. He said the two of them are the future of TNA. Lauren sold shock and pretended to be beside herself hearing this statement. Hernandez finished in Spanish and Morgan said, "What he said."

Impact Zone: They suddenly cut back to the ring where Daniels was stomping around wanting a piece of Joe. Joe backed out of the ring, though, and Styles came to the ring to face Daniels in a singles match. Quick bell and they're off.

6 -- TNA World Hvt. champion A.J. STYLES vs. DANIELS -- Samoa Joe special referee -- non-title match

TNA didn't give the audience enough time to really prepare for the match after the false start in the first hour. Too much happened before this, so the first few minutes were just there before Daniels settled into a rear chinlock. Joe, of note, is wearing purple latext gloves that were apparently found in the household items aisle at the grocery store before the show. I get that Joe is trying to be like an MMA ref wearing latex gloves, but no other ref in TNA wears them, so it seems silly like Slick Johnson wearing soccer referee socks. At 4:00, Daniels started arguing with Joe, who told Daniels to focus on the match. Styles then made a full comeback and wanted a springboard fist smash, but Daniels blocked mid-air and both men collapsed to the mat. Of note, girls in the Impact Zone screaming as if Evan Bourne is wrestling. Styles has that John Cena/Evan Bourne factor going for him. Styles then finished off Daniels with the Styles Clash and pinned him clean in the ring.

Post-match: Joe presented Styles with the title belt and sold respect for Styles. Styles wasn't sold on Joe trying to act trustworthy. Joe then handed over the belt and raised Styles's arm. He left the ring with everything seeming to be cool, but then Joe snuck back into the ring and slapped on the rear naked choke to choke the life out of Styles. Joe grabbed the title belt and stood over Styles and Daniels to close the segment.

WINNER: Styles in 6:00. Fine singles match between Styles and Daniels, but, again, the match was a vehicle to lead to the post-match. TNA is finally presenting Joe's character accurately as a strong heel assassin with him clearly a strong threat to Styles's title. Good deck-stacking against Styles, although Styles needs to look strong and not gullible at some point as the champ. (*1/2)

[Q8]

[Commercial Break]

Video package: Hernandez was shown talking up Hulk Hogan coming to TNA. Hernandez said he's cool with it, but he's concerned how it will affect the youth movement in TNA.

Backstage: Lauren mocked Dr. Stevie as Daffney stood by. Stevie said he will not be played by Mick Foley like a pawn on a chessboard. Daffney interjected that Stevie was nuts for trusting Foley. Stevie laughed it off and said he's giving "Chris" his final warning that he doesn't want to know what they have in store for him next week. Stevie laughed it up. Would have been a good cap on the segment if he suggested he's going to pull out the old 1997 blue jean cut-off shorts to drop a good hint for next week.

Impact Zone: Team 3D quickly came to the ring for the main event. Hernandez and Matt Morgan then came to the ring to face them. For some reason, Morgan is still wearing his sorcerer's robe to the ring.

7 -- TEAM 3D (BROTHER RAY & BROTHER DEVON) vs. MATT MORGAN & HERNANDEZ

Bell sounded as Tenay and Taz talked up Hulk Hogan coming to TNA. Tenay said they don't know what it means for the "youth" on the roster, which they hope to clear up once Hogan's role is more defined. Tenay plugged next week: a wrestling legend will answer Lethal's challenge, Dr. Stevie vs. Abyss, and Super Dave Osborne on the show. Based on those Spike previews for Super Dave's return to TV, he appears to be on life support. Spike trying to get one last run out of the glorified stuntman. The four big men did some stuff in the ring as Taz cracked himself up with a stream of jokes and one-liners. At 3:00, Devon sold a knee injury after attempting a double axehandle on Hernandez. Hern took advantage by going to work on the knee with mat holds.

Rhino then came to ringside and started talking to Ray, who was on the apron. Morgan slipped into the ring and dropkicked Devon while Ray told Rhino to get lost. Rhino and Ray continued to argue as Rhino told Ray to take a chair. "Take tha pen! I insist, take tha pen!" Subtle Seinfeld reference there. Ray eventually ran Rhino off, but Devon continued to take a beating. The chair loomed in the corner after Rhino left it ringside, however. Morgan then came into the ring and Ray suddenly snapped when he grabbed the chair and smashed Morgan across the back to cause a DQ. Ray then landed a chair shot to Hernandez's forehead. Of course, a chair shot to the head on Hernandez delivered by Ray. Rhino entered the ring and hugged Ray, who sold disgust with Rhino taking advantage of his conflicted state of mind. Rhino then Gored Hernandez and Morgan to finish them off. Rhino then took Ray and Devon by the hands and raised their arms in Rhino's version of victory. TNA closed with a shot of Ray leaning on the top rope selling confliction. "What have we just seen here?" Tenay asked.

WINNERS: Morgan & Hernandez via DQ in 6:00 long minutes. Again, match was a vehicle to the post-match activity that was the "real story" of the interaction here. I don't even know why TNA has matches on TV because they don't mean anything. Coincidentally, TNA weekly waters down the exact wrestling product they want people to spend $30 on when they have monthly PPVs. It's just hilarious. Then again, when you have a less-than-interesting main event with four big men dragging themselves around the ring, perhaps it's best to distract the audience from the wrestling occurring in the ring. (1/2*)

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