By Jason Powell, Torch assistant editor

WWE Raw virtual time ongoing review
Aired May 5, 2003
Live from Halifax, N.S.
Broadcast live on TNN

Ongoing ''Virtual Time'' Review of Raw

This is an ongoing ''virtual time'' report on tonight's Raw. I will update this report with results and commentary every 10 or 15 minutes throughout the show. You may have to hit refresh in order to see our latest update.

5th Quarter Hour

Jericho introduced Nash, who walked to the ring with a scowl on his face. Nash tried to act mean and talk tough, but it didn't click. In fact, I've heard independent wrestler rookies cut better promos. The crowd booed Nash, but of course, that's because they're Canadian. Just ask Nash, he'll tell you. Jericho introduced Triple H as his next guest. As Nash focussed on Triple H, Jericho low-blowed Nash from behind. Triple H entered the ring and attacked the fallen Nash. Triple H tried to Pedigree Nash onto a chair, but Nash fought him off, which was booed by the live crowd.

Nash and Triple H continued their attack, but the live crowd stopped booing and instead sat in silence while "the two biggest Raw stars" brawled at ringside. Eventually, the live crowd woke up long enough to chant "Diesel sucks" at Nash. Seriously, this brawl went on forever, and the live crowd continued to shit all over it. Nash hit Triple H with the ringsteps, which led to a major Triple H blade job. I fell asleep for a while and when I woke up, Triple H had regained control of the brawl and hit Nash with several weapons. Hunter and Nash finally brawled their ways backstage, but they weren't done. Oh no, the cameras followed them backstage and the brawl continued until Michael Hayes, Fit Finlay, and some of the other agents pulled them apart. Triple H stumbled outside the building and into the street, where he fell down in front of a truck. The driver of the truck climbed out of the cab and complained that Triple H was blocking him. Hunter stood up and threw the driver to the ground, then stole his truck and drove away. After Triple H left, Nash beat up the road agents...

(Commentary: Hands down, the most embarrassing segment of the year. And no, I'm not forgetting the Scott Steiner vs. Triple H debacles. Of course, the excuse for the live crowd's reaction will be that the show was held in front of those crazy Canadian fans.)

[Commercial break]

6th Quarter Hour

Poor Ross and Lawler had to recap the previous angle. Even worse, Ross had to say that the crowd was still in a frenzy following the wild brawl...

Outside the building, Austin stood next to Jericho, who was admiring what his interview segment with Nash led to. Austin booked Jericho vs. Nash as the main event of next week's show...

(Commentary: Isn't it funny that Kevin Nash worked up Goldberg in WCW by telling him that Chris Jericho was too small for him to work with, yet Big Sexy apparently has no qualms with little Jericho bumping all over the ring while making his lazy ass look good?)

The announcers continued to recap the show and preview the pay-per-view...

(3) Booker T beat Lance Storm at 2:34. Early in the match, Storm locked Booker in the Sharp Shooter, which drew some applause from the Canadian crowd. For whatever reason, WWE officials apparently were convinced that Storm would be cheered as the babyface, because after Booker performed the Spinaroonie, Storm stepped in and drilled him with a super kick. Booker came back moments later and scored the pin, which was met with some cheers...

Backstage, La Resistance approached Stacy Keibler and told her not to be afraid. "We're just here to talk," Rene Dupree told Stacy. The French duo asked Stacy to talk the time to watch their match...

[Commercial break]

Ring introductions took place for the following match. Scratch that, Spike Dudley and Tommy Dreamer aren't important enough to receive ring entrances anymore...

7th Quarter Hour

(4) La Resistance beat Spike Dudley & Tommy Dreamer at 3:11. Rene Dupree and Sylvain Greneir walked to the ring wearing berets on their heads and red, white, and blue ribbons around their waists. After some back and forth action, La Resistance hit the flapjack on Spike for the win. Afterward, the heels tried to rough up the babyfaces with Dreamer's kendo stick, but Scott Steiner ran out for the save. Test also ran out and helped Steiner clear the heels from the ring...

(Commentary: Not a bad debut, but I was hoping to see more chickenshit heel antics from the Frenchmen.)

An ad for Saturday's Confidential hyped details on the death of Elizabeth and her relationship with Lex Luger...

Backstage, Eric Bischoff spoke to Linda McMahon via telephone and complained about having to work with Steve Austin. Bischoff sold the storyline that Linda told him to resign if he didn't like his new work partner. Bischoff wrapped up the conversation by saying he meant what he said last week about wanting a mature woman. Linda hung up on Bischoff, who assumed his cell service had cut out...

Backstage, Terri interviewed Christian, who claimed he is the new People's Champion...

A shot aired of Trish Stratus warming up backstage for her match with Jazz...

[Commercial break]

8th Quarter Hour

(5) Jazz (w/Teddy Long, Rodney Mack) beat Trish Stratus to retain the WWE Women's Title in 2:00. Early in the match, Teddy Long removed his shoe while standing on the ring apron and fell flat on his face. Seconds later, Jazz Trish with the title belt and score the pin...

(Commentary: The live crowd has been dead ever since the Nash vs. Triple H segment.)

[Commercial break]

(6) Bill Goldberg vs. Christian was interrupted by Rico, Rosey, and Jamal. A camera followed Goldberg from his locker room through the entrance set. Goldberg debuted a pair of black and white trunks that look terrible on him, but the live crowd woke up long enough to chant Goldberg's name. Before the match, Rico walked onto the stage with Rosey & Jamal. Rico said he and his team hadn't forgotten what happened last week. Rico cut a really lousy promo and told Christian to clear the ring so that he and his team could destroy the myth of Goldberg. The heels took control momentarily, but Goldberg came back with a clothesline that took out Rosey and Jamal at the same time. Goldberg gave Rico the Jackhammer and the ref counted to three as if they had just fought a real match. Afterward, Christian snuck back in the ring and hit Goldberg with a chairshot. Goldberg sold the chairshot for about two seconds before standing up and calling out to Christian over the house mic.

Steve Austin's music played and he walked to the ring and stood face to face with Goldberg for the first time on camera. Austin said he came to the ring to drink beer and asked Goldberg if he has a problem with that. "Hell yeah, I have a problem with that," Goldberg said. The live crowd booed. Austin asked Goldberg if he'd like to wrestle Christian next week. "That ain't good enough," Goldberg responded. Austin offered to raise the stakes by booking Goldberg vs. Christian in a cage match next week. "That dog will hunt," Goldberg responded. Wade Keller informs me that Goldberg's line is a popular saying in the South. I guess I'll have to take his word on that one. Austin started to celebrate with a beer party, but Goldberg continued to glare at him until Austin gave him two cans of beer. Austin and Goldberg toasted one another and then knocked back a few beers in celebration. Austin called for the beer bash to begin. Several women carrying beer trays walked to ringside and were followed by a group of what appeared to be WWE fans who joined the party at ringside...

(Commentary: Clearly, that segment was designed for Austin to pass the torch to Goldberg, but the segment really didn't click. Perhaps that's because Goldberg looked like a goof wearing those shorts, but it's even more likely that it didn't click because the beer bash didn't seem like something Goldberg's character would be involved in. By having him take part in Austin's celebration, Goldberg came off looking second-rate to Austin.)

This concludes tonight's Raw coverage. Check the Torch Feedback section momentarily for reader reviews of tonight's show. If you would like to contribute, see below for details.

***

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